17 Possible Causes of Infidelity in Relationships & How to Cope

Would you remain loyal to your partner, no matter what? For many of us, it is hard to even think about cheating on our significant other.

You might be wondering, “How do even people think of cheating their partners?” Nonetheless, infidelity is one of the main causes of divorce! 

So, what are the things that drive people to do what they do? Before we begin discussing the various causes of infidelity, let us first understand what exactly is infidelity.

What is infidelity?

The meaning of infidelity can be best explained as any action that violates an implicit or explicit agreement between two people, thus harming a relationship. 

What might begin as friendship or compassionate connection increases over a while and becomes an intimate relationship. 

Often, platonic friendships evolve into emotional affairs, and the line between these two types of relationships runs very thin. Platonic friendship turns into an affair when it becomes emotionally intimate and involves some level of secrecy.

Now, most of you would section infidelity into a physical realm, one that only includes sexual contact with someone other than the person they’re committed to or married to.

The truth is that an affair can be physical, emotional, or both.

Putting it into a box labeled “sex” makes it easy for someone to say, “I didn’t cheat on you; we’re just really close friends. I’ve never touched him/ her!”

And this can be dangerous and irresponsible. Cheating can be a purely sexual act or even purely at an emotional level. In either case, the one participating in an affair is giving something away that they vowed to reserve only for their partner or spouse.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, says

It is important to talk about what defines cheating for both you and your partner to prevent misunderstandings early on in the relationship.

How common is infidelity in relationships?

Before we discuss the glaring causes of infidelity in relationships, let us look at how common infidelity is in committed relationships.

Sexual infidelity is undoubtedly a massive threat to the stability of a committed relationship and is indeed one of the hardest ones to overcome. 

As we know, the concept of infidelity is not just restricted to the realms of physical intimacy; people engage in emotional affairs. So, we can only imagine the numbers!

By referring to these statistics, we can infer that infidelity is way more common than we perceive it to be. 

The implications of infidelity on relationships are severe. So, it is better to be aware of the various causes of infidelity to avert the problems well in advance. 

How long does it take to get over infidelity?

The time it takes to heal from infidelity varies greatly among individuals. Factors like the depth of emotional connection, communication, personal resilience, and willingness to forgive influence the timeline. 

Recovery may span from several months to years, as trust needs to be rebuilt, emotions processed, and wounds mended. Seeking professional help, open communication, and a supportive environment can expedite the healing process. 

Ultimately, the journey to moving on depends on each person’s unique circumstances and emotional healing process.

This could be someone’s dealbreaker and if that is the case, the relationship will be over.

adds Maggie Martinez, LCSW

To learn more about the duration that it takes to get over infidelity, click here. 

17 causes of infidelity in relationships

‘Marriage and infidelity’ is an extremely distressing combination. But what causes infidelity in marriage?

According to experts, one of the most common causes of infidelity is a sense of emotional disconnection from your partner. 

The person who has committed adultery complains of feeling unappreciated, unloved, ignored, and overall sadness or feeling of insecurity, leading them to cheat on their partner. 

However, there have also been cases where only the thrill of doing something secretive and tasting the forbidden fruit led to infidelity. 

There are numerous causes of infidelity, and each case is different from the other. 

While some believe that it is the result of a loveless marriage, others believe that it results from a hasty decision that cannot be undone. Others believe that infidelity is nothing but a failure to work out relationship problems.

Having said that, let us have a look at some of the commonly observed causes of infidelity.

1. Lack of emotional fulfillment

When partners don’t feel emotionally connected, they may seek that connection elsewhere. 

For instance, if one partner is constantly busy with work and doesn’t engage in meaningful conversations, the other might feel lonely. 

Emotionally unfulfilled partners might then confide in someone outside the relationship, gradually forming an emotional bond. This connection fulfills their need for emotional support that’s missing within their relationship. 

Over time, this could lead to infidelity as the emotional intimacy with the outsider deepens, highlighting the importance of addressing emotional gaps in relationships.

2. Communication issues

Communication issues can create a breeding ground for infidelity. When partners struggle to express their needs and emotions, misunderstandings arise. 

For instance, if one partner desires more quality time together but fails to communicate this, the other might not realize the significance. This emotional gap could lead the neglected partner to seek companionship elsewhere, where they feel their emotions are valued. 

Clear and open communication is crucial to bridge such gaps and prevent situations where unmet needs push individuals toward seeking understanding and intimacy outside the relationship.

3. Inability to deal with problems

Running away from problems and the inability to deal with them is a major cause of infidelity. There are times when, instead of dealing with the problem at hand, husbands or wives end up making excuses and trying to find some other way that opens the door to infidelity. 

There have been many examples where a spouse reported that they found a coworker with whom they could share their problems and feel comfortable, which was the beginning of the affair.

It comes as no surprise that most infidelity cases occur in workplaces where sympathetic coworkers offer a shoulder to lean on.

4. Tempting opportunity

Opportunity refers to situations where individuals come into contact with potential partners due to shared environments, such as work or social settings. Proximity and frequent interactions can create a conducive environment for emotional or physical connections to develop outside of the committed relationship. 

For instance, a person regularly interacting with a coworker on business trips might find themselves forming an emotional bond due to shared experiences and increased time spent together, eventually leading to infidelity if proper boundaries aren’t maintained.

5. Alcohol or drug addiction

Alcohol or drug addiction is also one of the common causes of infidelity in relationships. Often, addiction makes a person get into detrimental habits like lying, stealing, and even cheating.

Overconsumption of alcohol or drugs causes people to lose their inhibitions and behave irrationally. In turn, people can easily give in to temporary feelings of infatuation and drift away from their partners. 

For example, someone battling alcoholism might make impulsive choices under the influence, leading to infidelity they later regret. Similarly, a person with a history of impulsive behavior might act on a sudden attraction without fully considering the consequences. 

Addiction and impulsivity can impair judgment and self-control, increasing the likelihood of engaging in behaviors that they might not engage in under more rational circumstances.

6. Boredom

You might not believe it, but boredom is one of the leading causes of infidelity. People fall into routines that take the excitement from their lives, including their bedroom lives. 

This often leads to cheating when one partner is no longer satisfied in the relationship and seeks something new and thrilling. 

Many people look for excitement to escape boredom and experiment with various things like adopting new hobbies or hanging out with different people. They may end up cheating their partners even without meaning to do so.  

7. Lack of healthy relations

Lack of normal or healthy relations is also one of the key reasons for infidelity. 

There are couples who have married for a certain reason, or they are staying together for certain motives like children or financial issues, but there is no love between them, and they cannot tolerate being with each other more than needed. 

There are also situations where people ignore their spouses. They don’t live like a normal couple, go out together, have a passionate relationship, and ultimately, one or both of them look outside their relationship for someone whom they want to be with.  

8. The feeling of being unwanted

Some people try to seek love out of their primary relationship because they feel that their partners no longer want them. 

This often results when one partner is living a very successful and busy life and does not have time for their spouse. 

When the other spouse starts feeling like their opinion and feelings don’t matter, they counteract the strong, undesired influence of cheating.

In their heads, this act will bring back their dignity and self-esteem. They want to show that they’re still there and they’re still worth it in somebody else’s eyes.

If you notice such a disbalance in your relationship, try to think of ways to grow towards each other as equals. Otherwise, you might end up in a mess that you both regret later on.

9. Living apart for a long time

Although distance doesn’t matter in true love, living apart for a long time is one of the most common causes of infidelity.

Often, couples are forced to stay apart from each other due to their job’s nature and work commitments.

When one partner is absent for a long time, the other partner is lonely, and to keep themselves busy, they find new activities that might involve interacting with other people where they get a little too involved with someone.

Couples also drift apart when they spend too much time away from each other, and they no longer feel as connected or attached as before. They either fall in love with someone else or simply resort to infidelity to make up for the emptiness.

10. Sweet revenge

What happens when one of the partners resorts to cheating in a relationship?

There are precisely two scenarios– either the relationship falls apart immediately, or the sin is forgiven, and the couple moves on. But you’ve got to be careful as this sounds too good to be true!

Often, one claims to have forgiven, but they’ll never forget cheating in a relationship.

The person who was initially hurt might have an affair only to reclaim their own sense of value. After all, romantic revenge does exist!

So, after the transgression, it is even possible that the partners call it even. A different matter is whether this relationship will last any longer!

11. When the partner behaves more like a child

Suppose one of the partners has to take care of everything in the household, make all the critical decisions, or provide the family budget. In that case, they might start feeling as if they’re a parent instead of a significant other. 

This is one of the primary reasons why spouses cheat.

As they cannot find the desired balance within their relationship, they subconsciously start looking for it somewhere else. And, as soon as they find somebody who appears to be their equal, they’ll be prone to cheating in a relationship.

12. Issues involving body image/ Aging

People stop chasing their partners after getting married or getting committed to a relationship. 

The ‘chasing’ or the ‘honeymoon’ period is pretty brief, and as time progresses, it becomes easy to take each other for granted.

Often, this lackadaisical approach leads you to neglect how you look and carry yourself. By no means do we endorse physical appearance as a parameter to be loved.

But, unfortunately, there are times when people start missing the younger, appealing version of their partners and look for easy replacements instead. 

13. Lack of respect and appreciation

Sometimes, partners feel that they are not respected and appreciated enough in the relationship, which ultimately fuels marital discord.

In turn, the disgruntled partners often try to fill the void by seeking solace in some other person’s company. And, in no time, they might crossover the boundaries of healthy friendship and resort to infidelity. 

So, never miss out on these two ingredients- respect and appreciation, if you wish to see your relationship going a long way. 

14. Unfulfilled sexual desires

Unfulfilled sexual desire is one of the glaring causes of infidelity. 

It implies that people who do not have a fulfilling sex life are three times as likely to cheat on their partners as compared to those with pleasurable intimacy levels. 

Also, there are people who claim that ‘My sex drive is too high to be handled by one person.’ Of course, by no means is this a legitimate reason for cheating your partner.

But, in the same study as mentioned above, 46% of men and 19% of women cited it as a reason for their affair.

So, if you find yourself grappling with issues in your sex life, it would be best if you could try considering sex therapy instead of opting for infidelity.

15. When a partner wants to sabotage a relationship

Cheating in a relationship also occurs when a partner is not just happy in a relationship but also wants to sabotage it before breaking up.

This could be a sheer case of vengeance when a partner, for some reason, wishes to inflict pain on the other before leaving.

At the same time, it’s also possible that the person resorting to cheating in a relationship wants to end it but wants the other person to initiate. In such cases, the cheating partner wants to get caught and expects the other partner to break up with them.

16. Falling out of love with your partner

You may call it falling out of love with your partner or falling in love with someone else.

Although you might find this reason to be insignificant to cause infidelity, this is one of the reasons why people cheat.

Often, you might not be able to fathom the real reason behind falling out of love. However, there have been instances wherein people happen to grow apart and fall out of love.

Watch this video to learn more about the signs that you’ve fallen out of love with your partner:

17. Cultural and societal norms

Cultural or social norms can influence infidelity. In some societies, norms might tolerate or even encourage extramarital affairs. 

For instance, in certain historical contexts, polygamous arrangements were socially accepted. In modern times, societies with more permissive attitudes towards casual relationships might inadvertently contribute to a higher incidence of infidelity. 

Such norms can shape individuals’ perceptions of fidelity and impact their behavior within relationships, even if their personal values differ from prevailing cultural attitudes.

What are the risk factors of infidelity in a relationship?

Risk factors for infidelity in relationships include lack of emotional satisfaction, poor communication, low commitment, opportunity (proximity to potential partners), sexual dissatisfaction, personal history of infidelity, and unrealistic expectations. 

Relationship dissatisfaction and a lack of intimacy can lead individuals to seek emotional or physical fulfillment elsewhere. Additionally, factors such as alcohol or substance abuse, personality traits like impulsivity, and cultural norms can contribute to the likelihood of infidelity.

To learn more about the risk factors of infidelity in a relationship, click here. 

How to survive grief and depression after infidelity

Surviving grief and depression after infidelity involves seeking professional help, such as therapy or counseling, to process emotions and develop coping strategies. 

At this point, Maggie Martinez states,

Likely, your ability to trust others will be shattered, and therapy will help you trust others again.

Building a support network of friends and family helps you feel less isolated. Engaging in self-care activities, like exercise and mindfulness, promotes emotional healing. 

Patience is key; healing takes time. Reflect on the relationship and make decisions that prioritize your well-being. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength, and with time, you can regain emotional stability and move forward.

To learn more about how to survive the grief that may come if you’ve experienced infidelity, click here. 

Commonly asked questions

Here are the answers to some pressing questions that can help clarify some of your doubts regarding infidelity causes and effects:

• Can infidelity lead to divorce?

Infidelity is certainly one of the major reasons that has led to the destruction of marriages. 

Infidelity is also one of the legal grounds for divorce, besides living separately for more than a year and subjecting your partner to cruelty (either mental or physical). 

Of course, there are people who forgive their spouses and continue living their marriage, maybe for the sake of children or their dependency on their partners.

But not everybody is able to get over the hurt caused by their cheating partner. 

There are many people who are unwilling to give a second chance to their partner. This situation inevitably leads to legal separation. 

• Can a man cheat and still love his wife?

It’s a complex issue. Cheating doesn’t necessarily negate love, as emotions are intricate. Sometimes, external factors lead to poor decisions. Open communication is vital to understanding underlying problems and rebuilding trust. 

Seeking therapy can help navigate this difficult situation, addressing both the infidelity and the underlying issues. Rebuilding trust takes time, effort, and mutual understanding.

• What is considered cheating on someone?

Cheating varies based on relationship boundaries. While physical intimacy with someone outside the relationship is commonly viewed as cheating, emotional affairs, and hidden connections also breach trust. 

Any breach of established boundaries, secrecy, or betrayal of emotional commitment can be considered cheating. It’s crucial to have clear conversations with your partner about what is acceptable behavior within your relationship, as this varies for each couple. 

Mutual understanding and respect are key to preventing misunderstandings about infidelity.

Summing up

Infidelity is one of the scariest things that could happen to a relationship or marriage, but know that it can be prevented.

In order to prevent it, you’re going to need to take a hard and honest look at the current state of your relationship. Look for the cracks that could widen over time and lead to emotional and physical disconnection, the two primary causes of infidelity in marriage. 

Once the voids grow large enough, infidelity will lurk in the shadows. Be more intentional with your connection to your partner. 

If you feel there’s no way you can stop your relationship from going downhill, seeking professional help from a counselor or a therapist can help you handle your issues in the best possible way.