10 Ways to heal mother-daughter relationships

The importance and impact of a father or fatherly figure in a woman’s life are often discussed and widely speculated, but what about dysfunctional mother-daughter relationships?

What you perceive to be normal behavior might actually be an indicator of a toxic relationship.

There are some signs of a bad mother-daughter relationship, which, if experienced, means your relationship is in dire need of repair.

However, if you catch these problems in time, you might be able to save the precious mother-daughter relationship.

What is a toxic mother-daughter relationship?

A toxic mother-daughter relationship can be defined as an emotional and/or physical connection between two people where one person consistently puts the other in an uncomfortable or harmful situation. 

This relationship is often referred to as an “emotionally abusive” or “abusive” relationship because one or both people are treated very poorly by the other person, and the relationship does not serve either person’s best interests.

Dionne Eleanor, Relationship & Empowerment Mentor, says 

When there is a blur between love and control, the relationship is likely dysfunctional.

5 types of toxic mother-daughter relationships

There are several different forms of bad or abusive mother-daughter relationships.

While there’s no way to define the characteristics specifically, these relationships can still be divided into categories to help you better understand the types.

Here are a few examples of unhealthy mother-daughter relationships and how each one affects your lifestyle and future.

1. The controlling relationship

A common form of parenting in most mother-daughter relationships, this is usually considered a normal way of parenting for mothers who have experienced the same behavior from their own parents.

Controlling mothers pay very little attention to their daughter’s needs and emotions and project a certain set of needs onto their daughters, saying that it’s in their child’s best interest.

The daughter has no choice but to comply as she believes she’ll never be good enough to take on things on her own.

A poor mother-daughter relationship like this one negatively affects your daughter’s performance in school and work, consequently keeping her from achieving higher goals in life.

2. The critical relationship

A mother-daughter conflict can also be caused if mothers nit-pick and criticize everything their daughter says or does.

While it’s fine to be critical of some things, being overly critical can result in many mother-daughter relationship issues.

In these relationships, mothers pressure their daughters to do more, be more, and look better. As a result, it becomes extremely difficult for the daughter to love herself properly.

Dionne Eleanor comments,

Criticism, when constant, is the slow poison that erodes self-worth, negatively impacts mental & physical health, and ruins relationship dynamics.

3. The big joke

Some mothers make their relationship seem like one big joke, which results in a bad mother-daughter relationship. In many families, both fathers and mothers enjoy making fun of their children.

While occasional joking is acceptable, constantly joking or making fun of your daughter can lead to psychological damage. After hearing the same jokes time and again, the child starts believing them as facts and perceives them as insults the mother actually wants to make.

Children are smart and are capable of reading between the lines.

Mothers often enjoy cracking jokes about their daughters without realizing that their words are able to make or break their child’s confidence and self-esteem.

Related Reading: 100 Funny Sex Memes That Will Make You Laugh

4. The dismissive relationship

One of the most hurtful and unhealthy mother-daughter relationships is the dismissive type.

This type of relationship makes the daughter feel as if she doesn’t matter or doesn’t exist. The mother always has more important things to do, and no matter how hard the daughter tries to get her attention, the mother fails to see the effort.

Constant competitiveness and low self-esteem are just some of the strained mother-daughter relationships effects caused by a dismissive relationship.

5. No boundaries

A bad relationship with a mother can also be caused because of the absence of boundaries. Opposite to the dismissive relationship, mothers in this type of relationship snoop around and invade the privacy of their children.

However, it’s actually healthy to set certain boundaries between a mother and daughter. It’s a fine line, so along with making sure your children are safe, you should also give them room to be themselves.

Related Reading: 15 Ways of Setting Boundaries in a New Relationship

10 ways to heal mother-daughter relationships

If you have an unhealthy relationship with your mom, you often find yourself looking for answers to, “How to heal mother-daughter relationship?” Here are some tips on how to deal with a bad mother-daughter relationship:

1. Have an honest conversation

One of the most effective ways of healing mother-daughter relationships is to seek professional help or counseling of some kind. 

Mother-daughter relationship therapy helps establish simple, authentic communication and allows both parties to recognize their true feelings.

It’s essential that you prepare your talking points before the conversation so the session remains productive and peaceful. While it’s important that a daughter understands her mother is only human and tries to do her very best, it’s also crucial that the mother acknowledges the hurt her child is feeling.

2. Own your part

Looking into your own behavior and determining why and how you feel or react to something is another crucial part of mother-daughter conflict resolution.

While unhealthy mother-daughter relationships might not entirely be the daughter’s fault, it’s essential that both parties take responsibility for their actions and behaviors as adults.

Take a look at your side of the fence and try to determine what causes you to respond negatively to your mother.

3. Accept the unfixable

While necessary steps should be taken to repair unhealthy mother-daughter relationships, it’s important to remember that not every bond can be fixed.

In cases where emotional or physical abuse has left permanent scars, the best thing you can do is cut ties and put a firm distance between you and your mother.

4. Maintaining a good relationship

There’s no denying that mother-daughter relationships are notoriously difficult, but it’s still important to remember that everyone messes up. Forgiveness is the first step towards the healing process, so make sure you’re quick to forgive, slow to anger, and always remember to ask for forgiveness.

5. Accept the uniqueness of the relationship

Recognize that each mother-daughter relationship is unique and needs its own individualized approach. 

This means that there is no “one size fits all” solution to fixing your relationship. Instead, you should focus on finding your own individual solution to the problems you face in your relationship with your mother.

Dionne Eleanor adds,

Every relationship has its unique blueprint for healing as we deal with unique individuals with different experiences and perspectives.

6. Get to know your daughter

Have a deep conversation with your daughter and try to learn more about her. Understand her feelings, motivations, and goals. Show your support to her and let her know you are always by her side. No matter the toxicity in the relationship, this will be a huge step forward.

7. Spend time together doing things you both enjoy

Spending time together may include taking walks together, eating meals together, or engaging in other fun activities that bring you closer together.

Related Reading: 11 Ways to Spend Some Quality Time With Your Partner

8. Communicate with each other

Encourage open and honest communication between you and your daughter. Let her know that you care about her feelings and that you know she is trying to do the right thing.

9. Express your love for your daughter in words and actions

Show her that you are proud of the woman she is becoming. Be open to discussing difficult issues with her and listen to her when she talks.

10. Show support

Remember that the most important thing you can do for your daughter is to be there for her during difficult times. Be a good listener and encourage her to express herself freely whenever she needs to.

Related Reading: How to Ask for Support From Your Partner When You Need It

What to do when you realize you’re in a toxic relationship?

When you find yourself in a toxic relationship, it can be hard to know what to do. Here are five steps to take:

1. Recognise the signs of a toxic relationship

There are certain signs to look out for that can indicate that your relationship is unhealthy. 

If your partner is constantly putting you down or making you feel inadequate, that is a sign that something is wrong. It is also important to watch out for signs that suggest that your partner is being unfaithful to you.

2. Decide what you want to get out of this relationship

Before you make any decisions about what to do, you should have an idea of what you want out of the relationship. Do you want to end it? Do you want to try and save it? You should give yourself time to think about this before you take any action.

3. Think about how ending the relationship will impact your life

There are a lot of things that you need to consider before you estrange yourself from your mother -daughter relationship. Do you rely on support for childcare? Are you in school with limited independance? Is your career or your loved ones health affected by your decision? 

These things will all have a big impact on your emotions and therefore your life, so you need to think carefully about if you go down the route of ending the relationship

4. Talk to your partner about your relationship problems

It can be difficult to bring up problems in your relationship by yourself, so it is best to talk to your partner about it first. Try to have a calm conversation with them so that you can work together to find a solution to the issues you are facing.

Dionne Eleanor suggests,

Professional guidance can also provide clarity when emotions cloud judgment and regression behavioral patterns occur in family dynamics.

5. Be prepared for a negative response from your partner

They might react badly to your decisions about changing the relationship dynamics, so be prepared. You may need to remind yourself that you do not have to take their behavior personally and that you have your own reasons for wanting to end the relationship with them.

Check out this video to know more about how to heal from such a relationship:

Takeaway

Dealing with an unhealthy mother-daughter relationship can be a challenging and emotionally draining experience. It’s important to identify the type of relationship you have and its root cause in order to address it effectively. Relationship counseling can be a great way to start moving in the right direction.

Whether you choose to set boundaries, seek therapy, or cut ties altogether, it’s crucial to prioritize your own well-being and mental health. Remember that you are not alone and that healing and growth are possible. 

With patience, understanding, and a willingness to communicate, you can find a path toward a healthier and happier relationship with your mother or with yourself.