5 Ways to Fall Out of Love After Infidelity

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When it comes to romantic relationships, one of the most painful things people can experience is getting cheated on by their partners. Some might try to pick up the broken pieces of the relationship and attempt to make it work. While others might part ways with their partner, who cheated, and moved on with their lives.

In this article, you will learn more about falling out of love after infidelity and how to survive the tough emotions that come with experiencing infidelity in relationships.  

Why do relationships fail after infidelity?

Dionne Eleanor highlights, 

Trust is a fragile thing. Once broken, it often takes more than a couple words to mend it, even when those words are ‘I’m sorry’.”

One of the reasons why relationships may fail after infidelity is when the partner who was cheated on cannot get over the pain and emotional trauma caused by the cheating. Some of them might find it hard to trust their partner again, especially if they have done it in the past.

When infidelity occurs in the relationship, there could be conflicts between both partners, which might be hard to resolve. Hence, both partners might have to go their separate ways.

How long do couples last after infidelity?

There is no specific timeline on how long couples last after infidelity. Some of them might end up leaving each other, and on the other hand, some people might try to make it work.

If the partner who cheated promises to turn a new leaf and help their partner heal, they can still make their relationship work and last in the long term. Both parties may need to sit down and be genuine with themselves if they still want the relationship to continue or not.

How to survive grief and depression after infidelity

When people get cheated on by their partners, one of the things they struggle with is getting over it. It might take some time for them to recover, causing prolonged grief and depression. Here are some ways on how to get over infidelity.

1. Avoid making crucial decisions at the beginning

When the realization begins to set in that your partner cheated on you, it might be difficult for you to imagine staying with your partner any longer. Hence, you may want to make some decisions that could pull your relationship apart.

It is important to step down the urge that might propel you to revenge or leave the relationship because you may not be comfortable with the decision later. 

You need to process the pain and trauma of the situation because it is part of the stages of recovery. With time, you may realize that making some decisions might not have turned out well for you and your partner.

Related Reading: Ways to Make a Strong Decision Together

2. Communicate openly with your partner

You might feel like you are falling out of love after infidelity, which is quite normal. However, you should be ready to discuss with your partner to find out what really went wrong. 

You can encourage your partner to be open and honest with you, as there is no need to keep anything from you. They should tell you what made them unfaithful and the part you played if there was any.

Communication is significant for you to survive grief or depression after cheating, and it is important you know what went wrong. Additionally, open and honest communication is important to know where mistakes were made and to put measures in place to improve things next time.

3. Get in touch with your family and friends

When we experience painful situations, the first set of people we are likely to reach out to are our family and friends. Hence, reach out to your family and friends when your partner cheats on you, and you feel like you’re falling out of love after infidelity. Your loved ones are in the best position to comfort you and provide a shoulder for you to lean on.

They will also give you advice that will give you a broader perspective on handling the infidelity issue. Staying in touch with your loved ones during such trying moments helps to reduce the feelings of grief and depression, and it helps you heal faster from the situation.

Watch this video on how to manage expectations with friends, family, and relationships: 

4. Focus more on your hobbies and interests

When it looks like you’re falling out of love after infidelity, one of the ways to help yourself recover from the negative emotions is to explore your hobbies and interests. If you’ve not had time to participate in some of the activities that keep you happy, this is the best time to get started.

Focusing on these interests will be a healthy distraction, so you won’t keep thinking about your partner’s infidelity. Additionally, you can consider picking up new hobbies that will allow you to learn new things so that your mind will be occupied.

Related Reading: Bonding Hobbies for Couples

5. Meet new people

If you are still struggling with grief and depression after your partner cheated, one of the ways to help yourself is to try meeting new people. Some people who try to get over their partner’s infidelity might be confined to their shells, which could affect their mental and emotional health.

However, meeting new people helps to get you out of your shell and comfort zone. You will also get to explore different things you’ve not done before. Often, meeting new people helps to improve your mindset and gives you a broader perspective on life.

Infidelity can affect mental health in some ways, and Kira Sly tries to explain it in their book titled The Mental Health Impact of Infidelity in Marriage. After going through this literature review, you will learn how cheating can put your mental health in a deplorable state. 

When to walk away after infidelity

Cheating is one of the most difficult situations couples can face in a relationship. Sometimes, it might be difficult for some people to know when to walk away after infidelity, particularly if they cannot cope anymore.

Here are some signs to look out for that tell you it is the best time to walk away after infidelity

1. Your partner doesn’t apologize

One of the ways to know the right time to walk away is when your partner does not apologize to you. If they don’t show remorse for their actions, they might be subtly telling you that they are no longer interested in the relationship.

Dionne Eleanor points out, 

An apology is more than just words; it’s a sign of accountability and respect for the relationship.

Related Reading: 10 Ways to Cope When Your Spouse Refuses to Apologize

2. Your partner is not willing to go to counseling

To save your relationship after your partner has cheated, going for couples therapy or counseling is one of the ways to go. It might be that they are not open to finding a lasting solution to the problem in the relationship. 

When they don’t see any reason to seek professional help, they might be unwilling to go further with you. Hence, the marriage might never be the same after infidelity.

3. Your partner is not interested in making things work

If your partner does not put effort into making your relationship work again, it is enough to make you consider falling out of love after infidelity. 

After you and your partner have communicated on how to set your relationship on the right track, and they don’t play their part, they might not want to be with you again.

Dionne Eleanor says, 

A relationship requires two people committed to its survival. Without mutual effort, love becomes one-sided and fades.

4. Your partner still communicates with the person they cheated with

If someone is sincere about not cheating again, they may likely cut all ties with the person they cheated with. After the affair ends, a partner who is committed to the relationship will not want to hurt their spouse, so they will avoid maintaining contact with the third party.

5. Your partner blames other factors for their cheating habits

When your partner prefers to blame circumstances or other situations for their inactions instead of taking responsibility, it might be time for you to walk away. 

They might not be ready to leave their cheating habit yet. If they keep talking about how people or events made them cheat on you, then they may repeat it.

Related Reading: 30 Signs of a Cheating Husband

5 ways to fall out of love after infidelity if you still love your spouse?

If you are still in love with your spouse, but you feel that you may not be able to continue the relationship, it is fine to feel uncertain. Remember that some aspects of your life may be on hold because you’re trying to deal with the infidelity issue. Hence, falling out of love might be one of your considerations.

1. Accept how you feel

When it comes to falling out of love after infidelity, you can begin by accepting how you feel instead of denying it. You need to realize that if you don’t make the right decisions, the odds will be stacked against you. 

Accepting how you feel allows you to be aware of your emotions and accept that they exist instead of suppressing them.

Dionne Eleanor points out, 

Acceptance is the doorway to healing. Only when we embrace our truth can we move forward.

Related Reading: How to Share Your Feelings With Your Spouse

2. Don’t allow your partner to blame you

If you accept blame from your partner for their cheating habit, you might live in guilt for a long time. One of the common habits of cheats is to fault their partners for their inactions instead of taking responsibility. 

If you notice that your partner keeps doing it, then you might consider falling out of love after infidelity by not allowing them to guilt-trip you.

Related Reading: How to Deal With Someone Who Blames You for Everything

3. Take out time for self-care

Another tip that helps you facilitate falling out of love after infidelity is to spare some time for self-care. You can consider taking a break from work, people around you, etc. 

Dionne Eleanor highlights, 

In times of emotional turmoil, self-care is not just a luxury; it’s an act of self-respect and resilience.

When you go on a break, you might be able to put your thoughts in order and create a structure for your life moving forward. Taking time out for self-care allows you to start your life afresh.

4. Forgive and cut ties with your cheating partner

Someone falling out of love after infidelity might also need to sever ties with their cheating partner so that they won’t be reminded of their actions.

Dionne Eleanor states, 

Your future is not defined by what has happened to you. It’s defined by what you choose to create moving forward.

Before you cut ties with them, ensure that you forgive them from your heart. This would help you to think less of what they did to you. Forgiving your cheating partner helps you to heal from the trauma and move on with your life.

5. See a therapist

Seeing a therapist also helps with falling out of love after infidelity. A professional therapist helps you process the whole cheating event to get a hold of your emotions. They will also help you make good decisions that will not jeopardize your future.

After infidelity has occurred in your relationship, learning how to handle situations the right way is key. In this book by Butch Losey titled Managing the Aftermath of Infidelity, you will learn how to tackle the challenges that come with infidelity. 

FAQs

Let’s have a look at the most asked questions related to love after infidelity.

• How does a woman feel after infidelity?

The way a woman feels after infidelity is not conventional for all ladies. Some of them might feel regret, shame, and embarrassment. 

In contrast, some may not feel anything, particularly if they did it for a specific purpose. For some women, falling out of love with their husband after they cheated might be a way for them to move on with their lives.

• When should you walk away after infidelity?

One of the reasons to consider might be when your partner does not apologize after the infidelity. It might mean that they are not willing to change. Another reason could be when your partner still maintains contact with the person she cheated with.

• Is falling out of love after infidelity normal?

Not everyone falls out of love after infidelity, and this is why some ask why do I still love him after he cheated. While some people may fall out of love because they find it hard to trust their partner.

• Is it worth staying together after infidelity?

It can be worth remaining together after infidelity if both partners are willing to put in the work. The partner who cheated should be willing to put in extra effort to assuage their spouse.

• Does the pain of infidelity ever go away?

The pain of infidelity can subside over time, depending on how both partners put in the effort to make the relationship work again.

• What are the stages after infidelity?

When it comes to the stages of recovery after infidelity, it depends on the therapist you’re working with. Some of them believe there are 4 stages, namely: The discovery stage, the grief stage, the acceptance stage, and the reconnection stage. 

Other schools of thought opine that the stages are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance, and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Takeaway

Not everyone has the will to remain in a relationship after their partner cheats on them. With the points listed in this piece, you can choose to consider falling out of love after infidelity, especially if you do not see positive signs from your partner even after their actions.

Dionne Eleanor concludes, 

You are not defined by the betrayal. You are defined by your ability to heal and rise again.

Consider seeing a therapist or a relationship counselor to know how to protect your mental and emotional health after infidelity.

To understand more about how people fall out of romantic love, check out this study by Joanni Sailor. This study is titled A Phenomenological Study of Falling Out of Romantic Love. You will learn from the spouses who were interviewed after they had fallen out of romantic love in their relationships.