27 Best Relationship Tips From Marriage Experts

We all must have heard the words “marriage takes work.” This holds for every marriage, whether for newlywed couples or old couples. 

The honeymoon period for couples does not last long, and after it ends, the partners become thoroughly acquainted with what a married life feels like.

It is not always rainbows and butterflies; it can also be a compromise that helps them move ahead with a successful relationship.

So, how to have a healthy marriage? And, how to make marriages work? Here are some expert relationship tips you must know about.

What does a healthy relationship look like?

Everyone may have their definition of a healthy relationship. However, certain aspects of a relationship make it healthy. Healthy relationships involve feelings and emotions such as trust, honesty, respect, and open communication in a relationship among partners. 

They take effort and compromise for both partners. Healthy relationships do not have an imbalance of power. Both partners feel heard, valued, and make shared decisions. 

To know more about finding happiness in relationships, watch this video.

27 best relationship tips from marriage therapists

“How to maintain a healthy marriage?” is a question that almost every married person probably asks. Everybody, at some point or the other, asks themselves and others, “How to have a happy relationship?”

Marriage.com talked to Marriage and Family Therapists, Mental Health Counselors. Following are mentioned the best and strong relationship tips for women and men.

With the help of these healthy marriage tips and tips on having a healthy relationship, couples will be able to keep their marriage ever-green and everlasting.

Have an open and honest communication

Every partner perceives a particular situation differently, which can cause hurt and lead to resentment.

Without proper communication, couples may be irked without knowing how, why, and when it all started. Open and honest communication in marriage can set logical expectations and greater sensitivity towards each other’s feelings.

Here’s what the experts have to say about “what’s the best relationship tip for a healthy marriage?”

Jennifer Van Allen (LMHC) says:

1. Take time each day for the two of you alone

Ten minutes face to face; you discuss your day, feelings, goals, and thoughts. 

2. Learn to resolve a conflict

Learn how to resolve a conflict by recognizing each other’s strengths and making it a team approach. Avoid trying to prove your way is best, but listen to your partner for a different perspective.

Emy Tafelski (LMFT) says, 

3. Listen to understand your partner

Often in relationships, people listen to answer or defend, which is different from listening to understand. When you listen to understand, you listen with more than your ears.

4. Listen with your heart

You listen with your empathy open. You listen with an attitude of curiosity and compassion.

From listening to understanding, you create deeper intimacy with your partner and yourself than you do when you are listening to combat an argument or respond. This is where true connection and intimacy live.

5. Speak from your heart

The more in touch you can be with your own emotional experience, the more clearly you can communicate that experience. Try to talk using “I” statements (I feel hurt; sad; alone; unimportant) to your partner; the deeper your intimacy can and will be.

Speaking from the heart speaks to a different part of the brain than “you” statements or accusations. Speaking from your emotional pain gives your partner a chance to respond to it rather than defend their position.

Appreciate, and honor each other’s strengths and weaknesses

How to have a happy marriage?

One of the best happy marriage tips is appreciation. Just a little appreciation will go a long way toward maintaining a healthy marriage.

For years, married couples are bound to get comfortable with each other to such an extent that they lose the true essence of love. In this case, how to make marriage better?

To keep the spirit of love alive, couples must engage in healthy communication. They must acknowledge and express gratitude for all the little and big sacrifices the other half makes every day.

Be it the small task of tucking the children to bed on nights or making you breakfast in bed; be sure to vocalize your thankful gesture for building a healthy marriage.

Here’s some expert advice on appreciating your partner’s weak and strong sides:

Jamie Molnar (LMHC, RYT, QS) says, 

6. Create a shared vision together

So often come into a relationship with a clear vision of what we want, but we don’t always communicate that effectively with our partner. This can lead to a lot of arguing.

Remember, we are two separate individuals joining into one shared journey together, so we need to create a strong foundation from which to build. 

We need to get clear on exactly what we want and where we are headed together to identify the shared vision for a life that you are creating together.

7. Identify and honor each other’s strengths/weaknesses

I believe marriage is successful when we can work as a unified team. We can’t expect our partner to be ALL of the things.

And we should certainly never try to change our partners or expect them to become someone else. Instead, we need to name our strengths and weaknesses and look at where we can fill the gaps for each other.

I recommend writing this out together – naming how we each function best, our strengths and weaknesses, and then defining how we can support your partner and each other as we create our shared vision for life together.

Harville Hendrix, a Psychologist, says: 

8. Honor boundaries

Always ask your partner if they can listen before you start talking. Otherwise, you will violate their boundaries and risk conflict. 

9. Commit to zero negativity

Negativity is any interaction that in any way devalues your partner, i. e. is a “put down.”

That will always trigger a negative emotion called anxiety, and anxiety will trigger a defense of counter-attack or avoidance, and either way, the connection is ruptured.

Helen LaKelly Hunt adds up further to this set of valuable tips.

Related Reading: The Reality of Emotional Boundaries in a Relationship

10. Become curious when your partner does something that puzzles you or triggers your negative feelings

They may be just being themselves, and you may be responding to what you made up and attributing it to them. 

11. Practice daily affirmations

Replace all devaluations or put-downs with affirmations. These include appreciation, gratitude for a caring behavior, that you are together, etc.

Related Reading: 10 Ways to Show Gratitude to Your Spouse

Develop a genuine interest in your partner’s life

Know what is going on in your partner’s life. Sure, life is busy and gets even tougher if you raise children, but make an effort, and it will not get unnoticed.

For example, what are your partner’s plans today? Are they going out for dinner with their parents? Does your partner have an important meeting today? Know all this and ask them how it went.

It will make your partner feel important and cared for.

Ellyn Bader (LMFT) says,

12. Be curious instead of furious

This is such an important guiding principle. It leads spouses to ask each other unexpected questions like

What is something you wish I would apologize for, but you have been hesitant to ask? 

And what would that apology sound like? 

What are the words you’d like to hear?

How would you like me to communicate more effectively that I love, value, respect, and appreciate you?

And asking these questions demonstrates the capacity to handle honest responses.

Couples inevitably disagree with each other. It is not the size of the disagreement that matters. It is how the couple approaches the disagreement that makes all the difference. 

It is common for partners to pit themselves against each other and then compete for who wins and loses.  Here is a better alternative to start a negotiation…

Find a mutually agreeable time to negotiate. Then use this sequence

• We seem to disagree about X (Get a mutually agreed-upon definition of the problem with each stating the disagreement until they agree on what they are discussing
• Each partner names 2-3 emotions that are driving their position
• Each partner proposes a solution in this format. I suggest we try X that I believe can work for you, and here is how it would also work for me. Embellish how the proposed solution will work for your partner.

This sequence will get your problem-solving off to a much more collaborative start.

• Each partner proposes a solution in this format. I suggest we try X that I believe can work for you, and here is how it would also work for me. Embellish how the proposed solution will work for your partner.

This sequence will get your problem-solving off to a much more collaborative start.

Stop dreaming, set realistic expectations instead

Watching romantic comedies, reading fairy tales growing up, and happily ever after all their lives, people get caught up in a make-believe world where they expect their married life to be just like the fairy tales.

You must stop fantasizing and realize that happily ever after is just in the movies. The reality is much more different.

You must keep realistic expectations from your spouse and not fantasize him to be Prince Charming. 

Instead, focus on maintaining a positive perspective and nurturing a strong friendship.

Kate Campbell (LMFT) says:

As a relationship expert founder of Bayview Therapy, I’ve had the honor of working with thousands of couples. 

Over the years, I’ve noticed similar patterns in couples who have a happy and healthy marriage. 

Couples who report more marital satisfaction have a vibrant and robust friendship; maintain a positive perspective, and appreciate one another. 

Here are my best relationship tips: 

13. Prioritize your friendship

Strong friendships are the foundation for trust, intimacy, and sexual satisfaction in relationships.

To deepen your friendship, spend quality time together, ask open-ended questions, share meaningful stories, and have fun creating new memories!

Each time you offer support, kindness, affection, or engage in a meaningful conversation, you’re building up a reserve.  This emotional savings account represents trust and security, which helps you stay connected and weather the storm when conflict arises.

14. Maintain a positive perspective 

Your outlook directly influences how you perceive your partner and experience your marriage. 

When life gets hard or during times of stress, it’s easy to slip into the habit of minimizing or ignoring the positive things that happen (no matter how small or big they are). 

This lack of acknowledgment can build frustration and resentment over time.  Shift your focus toward the things your partner is doing versus what they aren’t. 

Let your spouse know at least one specific quality, attribute, or action you appreciate each day.  A little appreciation can go a long way!

Develop a proper perspective

If you ask what makes a good marriage or a healthy marriage, here’s another answer – A proper perspective!

One of the best relationship tips is not holding onto any bias and developing a proper perspective instead. When you firmly hold on to the hurtful past experiences, you subconsciously develop prejudices against your partner.

Even if your partner has good intentions, there are high chances for you to follow their noble intentions inadvertently. And this is because you lack the proper perspective.

Here are some healthy relationship tips for couples by experts:

Victoria DiStefano ( LMHC) says:

15. Not everyone thinks the same

Try to see the situation from your partner’s perspective, based on who they are and their experiences. 

16. Remember, you’re a team

Avoid “You statements,” replacing them with “We” and “I” statements. Go, team!

 Developing emotional intelligence is important

Both partners must have a good amount of emotional intelligence to build a strong marriage.

So, how to have a great marriage?

Happy couples around the globe make use of emotional intelligence while communicating with each other. This is how their positive interactions take precedence over their negative interactions.

Have a look at what the experts say.

Robert Ross (Ph.D., LMFT) says:

17. Pay attention to yourself.

18. Identify how you help/promote/affect your partner in the way you don’t like him/her.

Keep your romantic connection strong

A little PDA (public display affection) hurts nobody. Holding the arms around the shoulders is a little way to show affection towards your spouse.

It shouldn’t matter if you are an old couple. The heart is still young. Plan a dinner date every month and enjoy a candlelit dinner with your loved one.

Stephen Snyder MD (CST-Certified Sex Therapist), says: 

Here are my best relationship tips for a healthy relationship and marriage:

19. When you disagree, as you often will, learn how to argue well

—Don’t try to convince your partner how much happier they’d be if they just did things your way. That invalidates their feelings, which ordinarily just makes people dig in their heels.

—Don’t assume there’s something wrong with your partner just because they disagree with you. Yes, your partner might be anxious, obsessive-compulsive, and stuck in their ways. But they also have a valid right to their opinions. 

—Don’t assume that if only your partner loved you more, they’d give you what you want. In the best relationships, both partners learn to stand their ground even though they love each other, mainly because they love each other.

Always search for ways to get enough of what you need and want. Make sure you each bring meaningful input to all significant decisions. You never know exactly how a decision will turn out, so make sure it has both your names on it. 

20. Keep your erotic connection strong, even when you’re not having sex

The average American couple these days has sex less than once a week. That’s not so surprising, given that the first thing most of us do in the morning is, turn immediately to our smartphones. 

But sex once a week isn’t enough to keep your erotic connection strong.  It is important to cultivate the erotic connection the rest of the time. 

—Don’t just kiss your partner goodnight. Instead, hold them close, feel their body against yours, inhale the scent of their hair, and savor the moment.

Go to sleep feeling mildly excited. The next time you have sex, you’ll be primed to enjoy it more. 

—When you leave for work in the morning, don’t just kiss your partner goodbye

Instead, simmer them goodbye: Hold them passionately, breathe together, give them a real wet kiss, then look deeply into their eyes and tell them you’ll miss them. The payoff is good lovemaking. Later on, it can be substantial. 

Dr. Katie Schubert (Certified Sex Therapist), says:

Here is Katie’s take on improving a relationship to keep a marriage healthy and happy:

21. Touch your partner regularly- Hugs, kisses, massages…the works. And sex. Touching increases intimacy and reduces anxiety and tension.

Beth Lewis (LPCC), says: 

Keys to shifting our ways of loving and being loved are found within the art of ‘active listening’ to truly hear from within our hearts until we’re understood.

Marriage is the most challenging yet rewarding relationship any of us can traverse.

Below are a few ideas summarized for you to read through and hopefully bring new ideas and perspectives for married couples looking for tips to consider when moving forward. Best of luck to you all!

22. Make room for love to grow

Listen to the one you love with your whole heart while fully present until you “hear” something new. Lean in with an intention to seek to know each other re-learn each other repeatedly over time.

Allow, accept, and learn who you each are daily. Allowing each other to be who they are, means we don’t aim to fix or suggest ways to change.

Hearts that are genuinely heard are hearts that are deeply understood. Understood hearts are hearts better suited to allow love in, to love out, and take healthy risks on love.

Commit to hearing, understanding each other with presence until you hear and understand, and make your marriage a work of the heart!

23. Watch for inflexible expectations and beliefs

Marriage is challenging, stressful, and fraught with conflict. Conflict offers us opportunities to grow closer and wiser or grow apart and in frustration.

The common denominator underlying most conflicts couples face the need to be ‘right’ from feeling misunderstood.

Choosing to improve conflict resolution skills through active listening and willingness to increase flexibility instead of being right are highly effective solutions for couples seeking to grow closer over time and master conflict resolution.

Applying skills and concepts surrounding acceptance is also well known to assist couples’ progression beyond non-dialectical problem-solving skills and toward increased intimacy, authenticity, and courageous vulnerability.

Remaining inflexible while maintaining the need to be ‘right’ can jeopardize the overall health of the marriage in the long term while increasing tension as well.

Give acceptance and conflict solution skills a chance. Your marriage is worth it! As are you.

Lori Kret (LCSW), and Jeffrey Cole (LP), says

We’ve selected the two tips below because learning how to grow in these specific ways has been transformational for many of the couples we work with:

The healthiest marriages are those in which each partner is willing to grow, continuously learn more about themselves, and evolve as a couple.

We’ve selected the two tips below because learning how to grow in these specific ways has been transformational for many of the couples we work with: 

24. In marriage, there is rarely one objective truth.

Partners get stuck arguing over details, trying to validate their truth by proving their spouse wrong.

Successful relationships create the opportunity for two truths to exist in the same space. They allow both partners’ feelings, perspectives and needs to be validated even when they are different. 

25. Stay curious

The minute you assume you know your partner’s thoughts, feelings, or behaviors, is the moment you’ve become complacent.

Instead, remind yourself to stay curious about your partner and yourself, and always look for where you can learn more.

KathyDan Moore (LMFT) says:

As a Marriage and Family Therapist, the number one reason I see couples coming in for therapy is that they have ignored the warning signs for too long. Here are two tips to keep your marriage healthy, happy, and flourishing.

26. Commit to communicate

Commit to open communication no matter how uncomfortable and awkward you may feel.

It is vital to develop the time and space to spend with your spouse regularly, so you have the opportunity to communicate about each other’s wishes, goals, fears, frustrations, and needs.

Acknowledge that you see scenarios through your lens and be proactive in creating fluid, ongoing dialogue to understand the other’s perspective better.

Related Reading: 20 Ways to Improve Communication in a Relationship

27. Have your own life

This may sound contradictory; however, it is essential to maintain your hobbies and pursuits while also creating common interests.

Resentment boils over when you give up things you love. Plus, having diverse experiences allows you to have more interesting things to share with your partner.

At the same time, finding activities and experiences you enjoy doing together creates a commonality and bond in your marriage.

Related Reading: 6 Hobbies That Will Strengthen Your Relationship

Keep the spark alive

This was our expert round-up on some of the most vital tips for a happy and healthy marriage. All in all, the message is that a marriage doesn’t need to be devoid of the spark and excitement, irrespective of the years that have gone by!

So keep your marriage fresh and exciting with these tips, and enjoy enhanced marital bliss.