25 Bad Marriage Advice That You Should Not Follow

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When it comes to navigating the ups and downs of marriage, everyone from your quirky Aunt Edna to pop culture icons seems eager to offer their two cents. 

For example, Aunt Edna always says, “Never go to bed angry,” while your favorite rom-com insists that a grand gesture solves everything. However, such bits of bad marriage advice often miss the mark, creating confusion and unrealistic expectations. 

Not all guidance is beneficial; discerning which advice to ignore is crucial for maintaining a genuine and healthy relationship. In this article, we’ll uncover some common pieces of bad marriage advice that you should steer clear of to foster a more understanding and resilient partnership.

25 bad marriage advice you shouldn’t follow

Marriage is a journey filled with learning and growth, yet it’s often clouded by well-meaning but ultimately unhelpful suggestions. Understanding which pieces of advice to ignore can help navigate this complex relationship better. 

Here’s a deeper look into why certain common pieces of bad marriage advice might do more harm than good.

1. Never go to bed angry

The common advice “never go to bed angry” suggests that couples should resolve every argument before they sleep, but this isn’t always practical or beneficial. Some conflicts require time to think over and cool down. 

Sleeping on it can provide new perspectives and lead to healthier, more constructive discussions in the morning. This often-repeated bad marriage advice ignores individual needs for space and processing time.

• Why not follow it: Forcing a resolution when tired or emotional can lead to rushed or insincere agreements. It might escalate conflicts instead of allowing time for cooling off and rational thinking.
• What to do instead: Allow for cooling-off periods if needed. It’s okay to sleep on an issue and discuss it when both partners are calmer and more collected.

2. Your spouse should be your everything

Expecting your spouse to fulfill every role of best friend, confidante, lover, and therapist can place an enormous strain on the relationship. 

It’s healthier for both partners to maintain a network of relationships and interests outside the marriage. This diversity supports personal growth and brings more to the marital relationship. Relying solely on one person can lead to some of the worst marriage problems.

• Why not follow it: This expectation can create excessive pressure and unrealistic demands on your partner, potentially leading to disappointment and burnout in the relationship.

• What to do instead: Cultivate a balanced life with interests, friendships, and support outside of your marriage. This diversity enriches your individual growth and adds depth to the relationship.

3. Avoid arguments to keep peace

While constant arguing is unhealthy, avoiding conflict altogether isn’t the solution. Constructive disagreements can forge better understanding and respect. 

It’s important to address issues as they arise rather than letting resentments build up, which can lead to bigger problems down the road. This terrible marriage advice can prevent genuine resolution and understanding.

• Why not follow it: Regularly avoiding conflict can lead to unresolved issues simmering beneath the surface, causing resentment and a lack of genuine intimacy or understanding.

• What to do instead: Approach conflicts as opportunities for growth. Communicate openly and constructively to address disagreements, seeking to understand your partner’s perspective.

4. Marriage should always be easy if you’re with the right person

This advice sets an unrealistic expectation that love alone will smooth over any challenge. In reality, all marriages go through ups and downs, and working through difficulties together strengthens a relationship. Effort and commitment are required, no matter how compatible a couple is. Believing that everything should be easy can set you up for disappointment and dissatisfaction.

• Why not follow it: This belief may make couples ill-prepared for inevitable challenges, and they may question their relationship’s validity when difficulties arise.

• What to do instead: Acknowledge that all relationships encounter challenges. Commit to working through difficulties together, using them as chances to strengthen the bond.

5. Keep your problems between yourselves

While it’s important to respect the privacy of your relationship, isolating yourselves and not seeking help when needed can be detrimental. 

Trusted individuals, be they friends, family, or professionals, can offer support and advice that is invaluable in navigating through tough times. This form of bad marriage advice can exacerbate issues rather than resolve them.

• Why not follow it: Without outside perspectives or support, couples may struggle to find effective solutions or feel isolated in their problems, potentially worsening the situation.

• What to do instead: Recognize when external help is beneficial. Don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals for advice and perspective.

6. You should have a baby to strengthen your marriage

Bringing a child into the world with the expectation of fixing marital issues is unfair to both the child and the relationship. 

Children can add stress and are a lifelong commitment. Couples should work on strengthening their relationship independently of deciding to expand their family. This misguided notion is perhaps some of the most harmful advice given to couples.

• Why not follow it: This can place undue stress on the marriage and the child, as unresolved marital issues may worsen, affecting the entire family’s dynamics.

• What to do instead: Focus on resolving marital issues directly with your partner. Consider expanding your family only when both partners feel stable and supportive in the relationship.

7. Always be 100% honest

Absolute honesty without tact can be hurtful and damaging. It’s important to be truthful but also considerate of your partner’s feelings. Sometimes, timing and phrasing can make a significant difference in how messages are received and processed. Adhering rigidly to this advice can inadvertently create more problems than it solves.

• Why not follow it: Overly harsh or ill-timed honesty can hurt feelings unnecessarily. It can lead to bitterness or decreased trust if not managed with care and empathy.

• What to do instead: Practice thoughtful honesty. Communicate your feelings and thoughts respectfully and at appropriate times, considering your partner’s feelings and the impact of your words.

8. The kids always come first

While children’s needs often need immediate attention, consistently putting your marital relationship on the back burner can lead to long-term dissatisfaction and disconnection. Balancing parenting and maintaining a healthy marriage is crucial for the well-being of the entire family. This often-touted advice can diminish the vital connection between spouses.

• Why not follow it: Consistently prioritizing children over the marital relationship can lead to a lack of emotional connection and support between spouses, possibly resulting in marital dissatisfaction and estrangement.

• What to do instead: Strive for a balance where both your children’s needs and your marital health are priorities. Ensure you spend quality time as a couple regularly.

9. You should change for the person you love

Healthy relationships involve growth and adaptation, but they should not require losing your core self or changing your essential characteristics to suit your partner. 

A supportive partner will love you for who you are and not who they want you to be. This is a key piece of bad marriage advice to disregard if you value personal authenticity.

• Why not follow it: This might result in losing one’s identity or conforming to an image that is not true to oneself, which can lead to unhappiness and resentment in the long run.

• What to do instead: Support each other’s growth and personal goals, but remain true to your core selves. Changes should be self-motivated and beneficial to both the individual and the couple.

10. Your sex life will fade anyway

Accepting that intimacy will diminish sets couples up for a self-fulfilling prophecy. A satisfying sex life requires effort and communication, especially as relationships evolve over time. 

Keeping intimacy alive is entirely possible and beneficial for a long-lasting bond. Believing otherwise can lead to neglect in one of the most important aspects of a marriage.

• Why not follow it: Accepting this as inevitable can lead couples to neglect their sexual relationship, which is important for intimacy and connection, potentially leading to dissatisfaction and disconnection.

• What to do instead: Actively work to maintain and enhance intimacy. Communicate about your desires, make time for each other, and keep the romantic and physical connection alive through mutual effort and creativity.

11. Don’t talk about past relationships

Discussing past relationships isn’t just about dwelling on old flames, but understanding each other’s history, which can provide valuable context for current behaviors and emotional triggers. This openness fosters trust and can help prevent misunderstandings, offering insights into how you both can better support each other. 

• Why not follow it: By not discussing past relationships, couples might miss the chance to understand and address deep-seated emotional triggers or relationship patterns. This lack of historical context can lead to misunderstandings and repeated conflicts.

• What to do instead: Encourage open dialogue about past experiences, which can foster understanding and compassion. This allows both partners to learn from each other’s past and work together to create a stronger foundation for their current relationship.

12. A successful marriage doesn’t need maintenance

Just like a beautiful garden, a good marriage requires regular attention. It thrives on mutual efforts in communication, understanding, and affection. Ignoring the need for ongoing nurturing can lead to emotional distance and disconnect, making this one of the worst marriage advice to follow.

• Why not follow it: Believing that marriage doesn’t require effort can lead to complacency, where important emotional, physical, and communicative needs are neglected. This often results in a slow deterioration of relationship quality over time.

• What to do instead: Actively invest in the relationship through regular communication, date nights, mutual support, and shared activities. Treat the marriage like a living entity that needs care and attention to grow and flourish.

13. You shouldn’t need time apart

Spending time apart to pursue personal interests or simply to recharge is healthy for both individuals and the relationship. It promotes independence and growth, which each partner can then bring back into the relationship to enrich shared experiences. 

• Why not follow it: Without individual time, partners can feel stifled and lose their sense of self, which can lead to resentment. Over-dependence on one another can also strain the relationship, as each partner may feel overwhelmed by the constant closeness.

• What to do instead: Support each other in pursuing individual hobbies, spending time with friends, or simply having some alone time. This independence can enrich each partner’s personal growth, which they can bring back into the relationship.

14. Marriage is only about love

While love is a key ingredient, successful marriages also rely on respect, trust, and commitment. These elements are crucial for building a strong foundation that can support partners through life’s challenges and changes. Suggesting otherwise is bad marriage advice because it overlooks the multidimensional nature of a lasting relationship.

• Why not follow it: Overemphasizing love while ignoring other critical components like respect, trust, and mutual support can create a fragile relationship foundation that might crack under the pressure of real-life challenges.

• What to do instead: Build a relationship on multiple pillars such as trust, respect, friendship, and mutual goals. Recognize that love is vital, but it is the combination of many elements that sustain a long-term partnership.

15. Couples therapy means your marriage is failing

Seeking couples therapy is actually a proactive step towards strengthening a relationship, not a sign of failure. It can improve communication, resolve conflicts, and renew emotional connections, often preventing more serious issues from developing. Considering this as terrible marriage advice discourages couples from seeking beneficial support.

• Why not follow it: This stigma can prevent couples from seeking timely help, allowing smaller issues to escalate into more significant problems that are much harder to resolve.

• What to do instead: View couples therapy as a tool for strengthening and enriching the relationship, not as a last resort. Proactively seek counseling to enhance communication, resolve conflicts, and deepen understanding before issues become critical.

16. Sacrifice is the sign of true love

While compromise is necessary, constant sacrifice can lead to resentment and loss of self-identity. True partnership should enhance your life, not require you to give up essential aspects of who you are. Following this misguided notion is bad marriage advice, as it promotes an unbalanced relationship dynamic.

• Why not follow it: Constantly sacrificing personal happiness and goals can lead to unfulfilled life and marital dissatisfaction. It can create an imbalance where one partner’s needs are always prioritized over the other’s, leading to bitterness and regret.

• What to do instead: Aim for balance and reciprocity in the relationship. Discuss expectations and boundaries openly, and strive for compromises that respect both partners’ needs and aspirations.

17. Keep score to make things fair

Keeping score on who does what in a marriage can lead to competition rather than cooperation. A healthier approach is to strive for balance and appreciate each other’s contributions, understanding that at times, one may give more than the other. Promoting scorekeeping is thus bad marriage advice.

• Why not follow it: Scorekeeping can turn the relationship into a competitive rather than cooperative partnership, leading to resentment and a lack of genuine kindness and generosity between partners.

• What to do instead: Foster an environment of teamwork where both partners contribute to the relationship according to their abilities and circumstances, without keeping score. Appreciate each other’s efforts and work towards common goals together.

18. Your spouse should know what you need without you saying

Expecting your spouse to read your mind sets both of you up for frustration. Clear and honest communication about needs and expectations fosters understanding and intimacy. This makes the idea that your partner should always intuit your needs without communication bad wedding advice.

• Why not follow it: This expectation sets up both partners for failure, leading to disappointment and frustrations when needs are not magically met. It undermines the importance of open and honest communication in a healthy relationship.

• What to do instead: Practice clear and compassionate communication about your needs, desires, and feelings. Create a safe space where both partners feel comfortable expressing themselves without judgment.

19. Opposites attract and live happily ever after

While differences can complement each other, core values and life goals should align for long-term compatibility. Shared perspectives on important aspects like family, finances, and personal growth often form the basis for enduring relationships. Propagating the myth that stark opposites make the best partners is bad marriage advice.

• Why not follow it: Relying solely on the excitement of differences can overlook the importance of shared values and goals, which are crucial for long-term relationship stability and satisfaction.

• What to do instead: Acknowledge and celebrate differences while ensuring you share key values and life goals. Work on understanding how your contrasting traits can complement each other in positive ways.

20. Avoid talking about money to keep peace

Money is a common source of conflict in marriages, so it’s important to have open and honest discussions about financial situations and goals. This prevents misunderstandings and helps both partners work together toward common financial objectives. Advising couples to avoid these discussions is bad marriage advice.

• Why not follow it: Avoiding financial discussions can lead to financial mismanagement, unexpected debts, or disagreements about spending and saving, which are some of the leading causes of stress and divorce in marriages.

• What to do instead: Regularly engage in open discussions about finances, including budgeting, saving, and spending. Plan together for financial goals and challenges to ensure both partners are equally informed and involved.

21. Only one person should handle the finances

Involvement in financial decisions should be mutual to ensure that both partners are informed and responsible for the economic health of the family. This also fosters trust and equality in the relationship. Therefore, suggesting that only one partner should manage the finances is bad marriage advice.

• Why not follow it: This can create a power imbalance and leave the other partner vulnerable and uninformed about their financial situation, which can lead to significant problems, especially if the managing partner becomes incapacitated or the relationship ends.

• What to do instead: Share the responsibility of managing finances. This can involve joint decision-making, regular financial reviews, and ensuring that both partners have an understanding of their overall financial picture.

22. You must share all hobbies and interests

While sharing some interests can strengthen bonds, having individual hobbies is equally important. It allows personal growth and brings new insights and energies into the relationship, enriching it. Declaring that couples must share all hobbies is bad marriage advice because it limits personal development.

• Why not follow it: Forcing interests that aren’t shared can lead to resentment and a lack of genuine enjoyment and personal fulfillment. It can also stifle individual growth, which is vital for bringing new energy and perspectives into the relationship.

• What to do instead: Respect and support each other’s individual interests while finding common activities that both enjoy. This balance can enhance personal satisfaction and bring fresh energy into the relationship.

23. There’s a perfect moment for major decisions like children or buying a home

Waiting indefinitely for the “right time” can result in missed life opportunities. While thoughtful planning is important, flexibility and willingness to adapt to circumstances are essential for making significant life decisions together. Thus, this idea represents bad marriage advice.

• Why not follow it: Waiting for the perfect moment can lead to perpetual procrastination, which might cause couples to miss out on important life experiences or lead to regrets about not taking action sooner.

• What to do instead: Discuss major life decisions openly and make plans based on current circumstances and mutual readiness, rather than waiting for an ideal time. Adapt and be flexible as life changes.

24. If it’s meant to be, it will work out naturally

A lasting and fulfilling relationship requires effort and active engagement from both partners. Relying solely on destiny without putting in the work can lead to neglect and dissatisfaction in the marriage. This notion is bad marriage advice, as it undermines the active role couples must play in their relationship’s success.

• Why not follow it: This passive approach can lead to neglect in addressing necessary relationship issues, fostering a false sense of security and leading to potential crises that could have been prevented with proactive effort.

• What to do instead: Take an active role in nurturing and strengthening the relationship. Recognize that effort and commitment are required to overcome challenges and ensure the relationship thrives.

25. A grand wedding sets the tone for a successful marriage

A wedding is a celebration of love, but it’s just the beginning of what can be a complex journey. The strength of a marriage lies in the daily efforts and choices made long after the festivities have ended.

Believing that a lavish wedding predicts marital success is bad wedding advice, focusing too much on the event rather than the marriage itself.

• Why not follow it: Focusing too much on the wedding day can lead to excessive spending and planning stress, potentially starting the marriage with financial strain and unmet expectations about the reality of daily married life.

• What to do instead: Focus on the importance of the marriage beyond just the wedding day. Plan a celebration that reflects the couple’s values and situation, and prioritize building a strong foundation for the marriage that lasts far beyond the festivities.

How can bad marriage advice affect marriages?

Bad marriage advice can subtly undermine relationships, leading couples into patterns that may not align with their true needs or circumstances. These misguided pieces of wisdom can distort expectations and foster unhealthy behaviors, ultimately affecting the overall health of the marriage.

• Increases misunderstandings: Misguided advice often leads to miscommunication and confusion between partners.
• Creates unrealistic expectations: Couples might expect perfection or effortless harmony, which is rarely attainable.
• Causes unnecessary stress: Striving to follow flawed advice can cause stress and frustration.
• Leads to resentment: One or both partners may feel resentment if they believe they are living up to unrealistic standards.
• Diminishes individual growth: Overemphasis on certain marital ideals might stifle personal development.
• Prevents true intimacy: Surface-level advice can keep couples from addressing deeper issues, hindering genuine connection.
• Encourages dependency: Overreliance on a partner for all needs, as often advised, can lead to unhealthy dependency dynamics.

Apart from this marriage advice, there are some good ones that come from experts. Check out this video to learn proven ways to build and maintain intimacy between couples, as per LMFT Steph Anya:

In a nutshell

Your love story is a masterpiece, unique and irreplaceable. Dismiss the generic advice that can overshadow the brilliance of your relationship. 

Every couple’s journey is distinct, requiring a personalized approach to nurture and grow. 

Don’t let cookie-cutter solutions dictate the course of your love life. Instead, focus on building a strong, enduring bond rooted in open communication, mutual respect, and shared values. 

Your marriage is a precious treasure; treat it with the care and attention it deserves. By carefully considering the advice you receive, you’re investing in a future filled with love, happiness, and growth.

Remember, the most beautiful relationships are cultivated, not merely maintained. Let your love story be an inspiration, not a replica.