20 Toxic Phrases That Can Ruin Your Relationship

Words are powerful, especially when it comes to hurtful words. When you are in the heights of emotion, it may be easy to use toxic phrases, but these negative words should be avoided at all costs. They not only hurt others, but they could also break a relationship even if you did not intend for them to. 

It’s important to learn what toxic partners say to check if you are guilty of the act. If you are, it is never too late to choose to become a better person.

According to Dionne Eleanor, a transformational coach:

The language you use shapes the reality you create; its wise to try your best to choose words that empower growth, foster understanding, and build lasting connections in your relationships.

There are certain things you shouldn’t say to someone you love, no matter how open you are with one another. More than anything else, you should not use toxic phrases out of respect for the other individual. Your relationship cannot thrive and may even end quickly if you continue to use toxic phrases.

What are some signs that you are in an unhealthy relationship? Watch this video to know more.

What are toxic phrases?

Before learning about things toxic people say or toxic things to say, it’s crucial to understand what it means to be toxic. Toxic pertains to something bad, harmful, and poisonous. For example, taking a toxic substance can take your life, or being bitten by a toxic animal could kill you.

A toxic substance can hurt you. Likewise, toxic phrases can harm a relationship.  You have to be aware of the toxic things to not say in a relationship so you can avoid hurting your partner. If toxic exchanges continue, they could easily rob you of something precious. 

You can’t go on saying hurtful things to someone you love just because you are hurt at the moment and you want to get back at your partner. Using toxic sayings to get your revenge at the moment almost always follows with regret later on. 

A toxic relationship will pull down the individuals involved. This is not good for your mental health or the person you are saying these things to. Both men and women should be aware that there are things you shouldn’t say to your girlfriend and things to never say to a guy.

What are toxic things to say in a relationship?

Common toxic phrases are also manipulative phrases in a relationship. It’s like pushing your partner inside a cage while making them feel like if something happens to you it’s their fault.

Dionne Eleanor further explains:

Whilst its not black and white, and some things are based on perspective, a toxic phrase is usually a set of words, a short sentance that diminishes trust, erodes respect, of yourself or others you are in a relationship with.

Words can kill, and toxic phrases can end even the most beautiful relationships. No matter how in love or committed you are to your partner, you never know when you might have toxic things to say in a relationship that you can’t keep to yourself.

What are the words to describe a toxic relationship? A toxic relationship is when you reach the point when you no longer grow, or if you do, you may realize that you’ve grown apart. 

The relationship becomes toxic when you decide to stay because the toxic environment has become a norm. Despite being unhappy, you keep your commitment even though you keep on hearing toxic phrases. You pursue the relationship only because you are both afraid of starting life over again with someone else.

If you fear your relationship has turned toxic, you may want to start making things right. Find reasons to be happy, to bring back the love and laughter. If you feel you can’t do this, it may be better to part ways before your partner finds more toxic things to say, or before you continue to include toxic phrases in your communication no matter what the conversation is about.

This may lead the two of you to stop talking. Live without love. Exist without caring. And this is more hurtful than saying or hearing toxic phrases.

When you reach the point in your relationship when you no longer care what your partner thinks or what is going on in their life,it is no longer a relationship. It is only living life together with animosity and toxicity.

Related Reading:  10 Toxic Communication Patterns That Hurt Relationships

20 toxic phrases that can ruin your relationship

Here’s a look at the 20 toxic phrases that can ruin the chances of a beautiful and blossoming relationship. There are more you can add to the list of the things toxic partners say as you realize how the simplest of words can sometimes have the biggest impact when taken out of context:

1. “But…”

It’s not a bad word per se; it’s commonly used to prove a point. However, it becomes part of toxic things to say in a relationship when you use it to outdo your partner.

You may be having a casual conversation with your partner who is telling you about something they are passionate about. You listen but not with an open mind. You process the words in your mind as you hear them so you can come up with a rebuttal.

For example, your partner says they want to go back to school. Your instant reply is – but you are too old for that. They will counter that, proving how badly they want to return to school. 

No matter what they say, you will always have a “but” statement to put out their fire. You won’t stop until they agree with you, which boils down to constant confrontation.

Do you see why this could be a toxic word? If you are using “but” a lot when your partner shares something with you, you are preventing your partner from pursuing their dream by constantly infusing their statements with negativity and contention. You may think you have done the right thing, but consider how you would feel if you were in your partner’s shoes.

2. “It’s not a big deal.”

These are things toxic partners say to make their partners stop arguing. They will say that something is not a big deal even though it is.

If you keep saying something you don’t mean, the “not so big deal” things will pile up and may even become bigger problems.

Talk about whatever it is, and both of you have to decide whether it is a big deal or not. You have to agree on whether you will let it pass because it is not that much or confront the problem because it is significant and may cause a misunderstanding in the future if not dealt with right away.

Just as Dionne Eleanor highlights:

Using the statement ‘its not a big deal’ when it feels like it is, is inauthentic, and inauthenticity rarely leads to lasting intimacy.

Related Reading: 10 Common Causes of Misunderstanding and How to Solve Them

3. “Let it go.”

One of the most toxic phrases you will hear from your partner, especially when your emotions are high, is the advice to let it go. It sounds uncaring.

For example, you come home one day all fired up because someone at work infuriated you. Before hearing you out, your partner says “let it go” without showing any interest in learning what happened.

In this situation, you only want to vent. You are not necessarily asking your partner to go after the infuriating co-worker. They must understand that you feel strongly about the matter and saying such things like “Let it go” doesn’t make you feel better.

Related Reading:  How to let go of someone you love: 15 Ways

4. “Relax.”

This is one of the things you shouldn’t say to your girlfriend or boyfriend, especially when they are invested in what they are saying. They are not asking for your participation, they simply want to be heard. Try to listen and refrain from saying “relax”.

5. “Calm down.”

Among the most irritating and toxic things to say to your partner is the phrase “calm down”, especially if it is said at the peak of their anger. It would be better to let them rant while you listen. Keep yourself from saying toxic sayings that demand an action that isn’t helpful. You will have calm once your partner has vented and feels better.

Related Reading:  25 Things You Should Never Do in a Relationship

6. “I know.”

You may be the most intelligent person on earth, but you don’t have to be too obvious. Insinuating you know exactly how the other person feels is part of the list of toxic phrases for good reason, especially when you say it often to your partner, loved ones, and friends.

7. “I told you so.”

This is among the most toxic things to say in a relationship, especially when your partner is going through something difficult. They are already feeling bad. Why make them feel worse by reminding them that you told them before this would happen?

8. “Wait.”

How can this simple word become part of the toxic things to say in a relationship? It is the manner and frequency of saying it. You may not realize you are too involved with other aspects of your life to dismiss anything your partner says by telling them to wait.

9. “I don’t like it.”

You are not forced to like something you don’t like. But when you are in a relationship, you have to learn how to voice your displeasure in a way that won’t make your partner feel like their efforts are wasted.

10. “You are nothing without me.”

This toxic phrase is damaging because it insinuates you are worth more than your partner. Wait until you’ve completely lost your partner, and say that to your reflection in the mirror when you have nothing left but yourself.

Related Reading:  25 Things You Should Never Tolerate in a Relationship

11. “I can’t eat this.”

Do you know the recipe for an ideal relationship? It is to be appreciative of what your partner does for you. If they make you food, you could try eating it as a way to appreciate their effort, even if it is something you are not necessarily fond of.

Dionne Eleanor shares her idea:

If someone cooks/ prepares something for you and you genuinely cannot eat it for a medical reason, lean into showing them love and gratitude first. Thank them for their effort. 

Then lean into self-love by declining and perhaps give some supportive guidance of what is okay for you to receive in future. 

Sometimes we can’t receive what people want to give us in that moment, but we can help them to understand why, and what may be better in future.

12. “You’re an idiot.”

No one has the right to say this phrase. Saying hurtful things to someone you love won’t make them love you more. It may even lead in the opposite direction.

13. “Do you know how much this costs?”

This is among the toxic things to say in a relationship that can ruin all the hard work you’ve put into the relationship. Even though you are the breadwinner, you do not have to make your partner feel small, especially regarding finances.

14. “I don’t like you right now.”

Does this mean you like them at certain times and stop liking them when you don’t feel like it? Make up your mind.

15. “If you continue doing that, I’m going to…”

Going to what? One of the most manipulative phrases in a relationship is throwing out an empty threat simply because you aren’t getting your way or disagree with something your partner is saying or doing..

Related Reading:  How to Stop Being Toxic in a Relationship

16. “Stop pestering me.”

What if their intent is not to pester? What if they are only seeking your attention because they feel deprived of it?

17. “Shut up.”

When you think about the words describing a toxic relationship, these two sum it up. Shut up gives no room for disagreement or the other person’s point of view, which ultimately creates a toxic relationship.

Dionne Eleanor concludes that:

When we use the phrase “shut up”, it can only be met with a pained heart. You close the door on the person in front of you, and to yourself. Many more healthy phrases can be used to create some temporary silence and space in conflict.

18. “I don’t care about your opinion.”

Why would you say such toxic phrases to someone when all they truly want is what’s best for you? You may not like what they are saying, but you can keep it to yourself to prevent yourself from saying something hurtful.

Related Reading: The Psychology of Toxic Relationships

19. “You are the problem.”

Why is this among the toxic phrases people say in a relationship? Most of the time, the person saying the phrase is the source of the problem but they are not willing to see it or admit it.

20. “I got this.”

It’s toxic when you refuse to ask for help, even when you need it. No doubt your partner wants to lend a hand, so let them. There is nothing wrong with admitting you need help, and ultimately letting your partner assist you will make you both feel more connected.

The bottom line

Instead of hurting your partner by saying toxic phrases you don’t mean, it’s best to take time to analyze your thoughts before speaking. If you find you can’t help but say these things often, you can consider going to a counselor with your partner. 

This may be the only way to save what’s left of your love and give the relationship a chance to grow.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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