10 Signs She Is Sabotaging the Relationship & Tips to Handle It

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The act of sabotaging a relationship is a behavior that can be detrimental to the success of a romantic union between partners. When it comes to sabotage, it can either be consciously or unintentionally done.

However, it can permanently break the relationship when it is not addressed. In this article, you will learn some of the common signs she is sabotaging the relationship and the possible solutions you can apply to save your union.

What causes sabotage in a relationship?

One of the reasons why partners may try to sabotage their relationship is when they experience fear. This might be the fear of getting rejected, hurt, or abandoned. More so, it could be the fear of failure or betrayal.

Dr. Jennifer Jacobsen, PhD in Psychology, states:

People may have attachment problems from childhood or past relationships, which lead them to fear becoming close to others. When they enter a relationship, they may sabotage by pushing the other person away, essentially leaving the other person before the other person can leave them.

Therefore, instead of communicating with their partners about these fears, some of them may prefer to engage in habits that might ruin the relationship.

Another cause of sabotage in a relationship is high standards. This happens when a partner has high expectations for their lover, and they often get disappointed when they don’t meet up to their standards.

Additionally, inexperience and immaturity could be another cause of sabotage in a relationship. They might make decisions that could sabotage the relationship in the long run.

Why would a girl sabotage a relationship?

One of the reasons why a girl could sabotage a relationship is when she has trust issues. This might stem from trauma related to her childhood, friendships, or ex-partner. 

Hence, when she notices some behaviors in her partner, she might take actions that could sabotage the relationship because she finds it hard to trust her spouse.

Another reason why a girl might sabotage her relationship is when she has an inferiority complex. She might feel that she would never be as good as her partner no matter how hard she tries. 

So, instead of letting her partner know how she feels, she would rather do different things that might sabotage the relationship.

Here’s an interesting piece on the view of psychologists on self-sabotage in romantic relationships. In this research study by Raquel Peel and other authors titled What do psychologists have to say about self-sabotage in romantic relationships, you will learn how people’s actions can negatively affect their unions. 

How can a woman sabotage a relationship?

When it comes to one of the signs she is sabotaging the relationship, you will observe it from how she talks about past relationships. She would compare you to her past partners to make you feel hurt. A woman can also sabotage a relationship by undervaluing her partner. 

She will regularly criticize his opinions, whether they are wrong or right. Also, she might keep taking her partner for granted, putting the relationship in an unstable state. 

Again, deciding not to spend enough time with your partner is another way that women sabotage their relationships. They may not put in enough effort to spend quality time and make memories with their spouse.

10 signs she is sabotaging the relationship

When a woman is sabotaging a relationship, it could imply that her actions, either intentionally or unintentionally, are affecting the relationship adversely. Here are some of the telltale signs she is sabotaging the relationship.

1. She holds grudges against you

One of the clear signs that a woman is sabotaging the relationship is when she refuses to let things go after a conflict. She might prefer to keep her anger, which will eventually affect how she communicates with you subsequently.

People who keep grudges in relationships are likely to keep a negative disposition when relating with their partner because they are still angry with them. If you notice that she outrightly refuses to express her displeasure but she prefers not to talk about it, then she may be sabotaging the relationship.

When partners have a disagreement in relationships, it is preferable to talk things out and find a soft landing spot that will allow both parties to move forward.

2. She criticizes you

Giving destructive criticisms to your partner is one of the signs of self-sabotaging relationships. 

In a healthy relationship, partners are meant to be there for each other despite the circumstances. Therefore, if one party does something that is not too pleasant, the other partner is supposed to correct them lovingly instead of saying things that will make them feel less of themselves.

Criticisms in healthy relationships should be made in a healthy pattern. Doing this will make both parties appreciate each other.

Dr. Jacobsen adds:

Constant criticism is one of the leading factors contributing to relationship breakdown, so this can be a surefire way to sabotage a relationship.

However, if she regularly prefers to make you feel bad with her comments or views, it is one of the signs she is sabotaging the relationship.

Related Reading: 10 Ways on How to Deal With Criticism in a Relationship

3. She doesn’t put effort and energy into the relationship

When she doesn’t apply intentionality in the relationship anymore and she keeps giving different reasons, it might be one of the signs she is sabotaging the relationship. Has she become too busy in the relationship that she barely has time to talk about salient issues facing the two of you?

If you observe that she deliberately tries to avoid having some conversations, then it is self sabotage behavior in relationship. In healthy relationships, partners make time for each other despite their busy schedules. They consider the relationship as important as other aspects of their lives.

4. She is not keen on having sex with you anymore

When a woman does not show interest in being intimate with you and exploring her sexual fantasies with you, it could be one of the signs she is sabotaging the relationship. If you are in love with someone, you may desire to get intimate with them. 

Therefore, you will attempt to initiate having sex with them from time to time.

However, if your woman barely puts in the effort to initiate having sex with you due to different reasons, it suggests that she is sabotaging the relationship. She might have lost interest in the relationship or not satisfied with the sex life. 

If she fails to communicate her genuine reasons, it is one of the signs someone is sabotaging you.

5. She does not keep her promises

If partners make promises to each other in the relationship, it is important to fulfill them because doing so makes the other person happy. However, when a woman continues to make promises and does not keep her word, it might indicate her trying to sabotage the relationship.

For instance, she might have promised to give you a romantic treat only to end up not doing it without any reason. 

It may get to the point where you get tired of raising your hopes because you are sure she will not live up to expectations. When this happens regularly, it is one of the signs she is sabotaging the relationship.

Related Reading: Breaking Promises in a Relationship – How to Deal With It

6. She doesn’t have realistic expectations

It is quite normal for partners to have expectations from each other. Having different expectations gives the impression that you can always count on your spouse. When your partner meets your expectation in a certain area, there is this happiness that wells up within you. 

The same applies if you meet your woman’s expectations because she may be more proud of you than she has ever been.

However, if you notice that your woman keeps setting unrealistic standards and expectations, she might be trying to sabotage the relationship. One of the ways to know is when you keep feeling less of yourself because you’re not meeting up to what she wants.

7. She tends to focus on your imperfections

No one is perfect; everyone has certain flaws and shortcomings that make them unique. In relationships, some people might be aware of their partner’s flaws but choose to keep loving them. In contrast, others might not be able to cope for long when they notice some of their partner’s flaws.

If your woman chooses to keep talking about your imperfections, then it is one of the signs she is sabotaging the relationship. When conflicts arise in the relationship, she might keep highlighting your flaws as the major cause instead of focusing on resolving the problem. 

You may keep arguing over the slightest issues because she keeps talking about your imperfections.

8. She does not have a healthy lifestyle

Sometimes, one of the reasons why people may have unhealthy lifestyles is because they are not happy with themselves or a certain situation. 

Therefore, they may indulge in habits that are detrimental to their health. If your woman uses the issues in the relationship as an excuse to engage in an unhealthy lifestyle, she might be trying to sabotage the union. 

She might stop taking care of herself or become addicted to drugs, alcohol, etc.

When you try to advise her, and she deliberately doesn’t listen to you, then she may not be interested in the relationship, and she might be looking for a way out.

9. She keeps suggesting that you will find someone better

When a woman regularly tells you that you’re free to leave the relationship because you will find someone better, it might be one of the signs she is sabotaging the relationship.

She might even talk down on herself and remind you of her shortcomings so that you will get discouraged and leave the relationship.

When she does this often, it is probably an attempt to push you away because she doesn’t want the relationship anymore. She may not be open to resolving conflicts in the relationship because she wants to part ways, but she doesn’t know how to tell you indirectly.

10. She picks fights over little things

It is normal to get offended when your partner does something that doesn’t sit well with you. However, some women might take it too far by getting offended by trivial issues. If you’re surprised why she keeps picking random fights, it might be that she is trying to sabotage the relationship.

She may attack you when you have not done anything to offend her. Overall, she might be looking for every opportunity to get you angry or frustrated so that you can keep your distance from her.

Related Reading: 10 Reasons Why Fighting Is Good in a Relationship

5 ways to handle if she is sabotaging the relationship

Now that you’ve confirmed that she’s trying to sabotage the relationship, the next step would be to find a solution. Here are some ways to prevent her from further sabotaging relationship.

1. Decide if the relationship is worth saving

Sometimes, it might be that her reasons for wanting to sabotage the relationship are genuine. 

Therefore, you need to consider this possibility by undergoing some introspection. You may have to find out if there is something wrong that you’re doing that is making her act that way. It is equally essential to decide if the relationship is worth keeping or not. 

You also need to ask yourself if you still love her or not. Doing this will give you the fortitude to either work consciously on resolving your issues or to leave the relationship.

2. Be honest with her about how you feel

If you are in a relationship with someone who sabotages, it is important to communicate with them, or they might keep putting in different efforts to keep you away. 

You need to discuss with your woman how her actions make you feel. Similarly, let her know how some of her habits or activities have affected the relationship.

When you are honest with her about your feelings, she might open up about some of the reasons why she has been trying to sabotage the relationship. You might be able to see genuine reasons for her actions which will allow the both of you to work things out as a couple.

3. Reassure her of your commitments

In a relationship, partners need to keep reassuring each other of their love, care, and commitment. When you observe that your woman has been trying to sabotage the relationship, it might be that she is no longer assured of what you feel for her.

She could be trying to indirectly communicate with you about how you make her feel, but you might not be getting her signals. Hence, ensure you keep reassuring her of how much she means to you and how you would love to continue with her in the relationship.

Related Reading: Seeking Reassurance in a Relationship? 12 Ways to Rest Assured

Watch this video on how to commit to a relationship the right way: 

4. Make a conscious effort to add spice to your relationship

Another way to handle the sabotaging situation in your relationship is to be more deliberate about your woman. If you are sure you still love her, you need to be more intentional by showing it. She might be trying to sabotage the relationship because she is probably bored, and you’re not helping matters.

It might be her way of informing you that you need to be more involved in the relationship. You can treat her to a romantic date or vacation, book a spa date, or simply go on activities that will make her happy with you again.

Related Reading: How Do You Spice up a Boring Relationship

5. Get some professional help

Your relationship might have gotten to the point where it is quite impossible to repair the damage done. This is where you can consider getting the help of an expert. You and your woman can enroll in relationship counseling with a therapist to help you solve this relationship issue.

During this counseling session, both of you will be free to air your minds about what you have against each other. Then, the therapist helps to find common ground and some solutions that will help the two of you resolve your problems and put the relationship on the right track.

To get more help on how to save your relationship from being sabotaged, check out this book by Sandra Michaelson titled Love Smart. This book contains tips on how to transform the emotional patterns that sabotage relationships. 

More questions on the signs she is sabotaging the relationship

Check out more questions on the signs she is sabotaging the relationship and ways to handle it:

• What are the three types of sabotages?

There are different types of sabotages that prevent people from achieving their relationship goals. Three of the common types of sabotages are The Overthinker, The Self-protector, and The Perfectionist. 

The overthinker transforms any small event into a myriad of thoughts, which creates self-doubt. The self-protector prefers to keep their guard up because they feel their partner might leave them unexpectedly, so they avoid getting emotionally attached.

The perfectionist has a high standard and expectations for the relationship, which might be difficult for their partner to live up to. Such people might find it hard to be stable in relationships because of their unrealistic standards.

• Did I self-sabotage my relationship? 

One of the ways to know if you self-sabotaged your relationship is when you are always looking for an exit. You try to avoid things that will make you more committed to your relationship. 

Another way to know is when you develop an interest in people other than your partner. You might begin to indulge in romantic activities that should be exclusive to your other half.

Takeaway

After reading this eye-opening piece, you can now recognize the signs she is sabotaging the relationship. 

More so, you now know some steps to take to help you salvage the situation. If you need more help on how to keep steering your relationship in the right direction despite your woman’s sabotaging efforts, consider booking an appointment with a relationship counselor.

To learn more about sabotage in relationships, check out this study by Johanna Sparrow titled Sabotage. This book teaches you how to stop killing your relationship because of commitment phobias.