20 Relationship Non-Negotiables You Should Know

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Romantic partnerships aren’t easy, especially when you’re not contributing enough to let it stay in good shape. Relationship non-negotiables are similar to relationship priorities you abide by for the rest of your life. These  ensure  a healthy and long-lasting union  with your partner.

Non-negotiables shouldn’t be left unnoticed for the sake of temporary urges or comforts for these can create bigger problems later on. They might look trivial at the moment, but if you keep overlooking the relationship non-negotiables, it can mean that you have no regard for them.

What are non-negotiables in relationships?

Relationship non-negotiables are the couple of things that you decide to follow religiously in the interest of your relationship, keeping the focus on the needs and preferences of you and your partner. As the name suggests, these boundaries cannot be negotiated under any circumstances.

What are non-negotiables in a relationship? It is all about following these little rules for the satisfaction and security of your partner, conveying your undying care and thoughtfulness towards your partner. 

If you have set certain non-negotiables and overstep on them time and again, it can create a lot of tension between you and your partner.

According to Dr. Jennifer Jacobsen, PhD in Psychology,

Relationship non-negotiables will be unique to each relationship. There are some common factors like loyalty that pertain to all relationships, but couples will vary in their personal non-negotiables.

The importance of non-negotiables in relationships

Every person has their right to privacy and it must be respected. Many times, in a relationship, partners take each other’s personal choices for granted which creates unnecessary pressure over the relationship. 

Non-negotiables in a relationship should be two-sided. Even if only one partner is following the decided order of negotiables and non-negotiables, it is unfair to them and will eventually add to problems in the relationship. 

Non-negotiables are similar to the core values one possesses in life for wholesome survival. These are the core values to live by in a relationship. Relationship non-negotiables ensure that both partners exercise their personal space, likes and dislikes without any obstruction or fear. 

Is it okay to have non-negotiables in a relationship?

A healthy relationship should consist of both negotiables and non-negotiables. Both depend on the quality of adjusting and how comfortable you can make it for your partner to survive and thrive in the relationship.

Relationship non-negotiables ensure that both you and your partner feel emotional and physical security within the relationship by communicating your needs and wants in a healthy way. Relationship non-negotiables shouldn’t be taken as ego constraints under any circumstances.

Applying non-negotiables shouldn’t be limited to your love life, and these principles can reap benefits in every aspect of life. Hence, it is perfectly okay and healthy to have these boundaries throughout your relationships.

20 relationship non-negotiables you should know

Wondering how to decide on the negotiables and non-negotiables of your relationship? Here’s a handy relationship checklist for you to consult. Reflecting upon the following points and discussing them with your partner can be helpful when seeking to clarify relationship non-negotiables.

Here’s a list of non-negotiables in relationship to consider while figuring out your personal preferences.

1. You engage in meaningful discussions regularly

Good communication is essential to keeping a relationship healthy.  Don’t let your relationship slide into routine, banal dialogue, such as a quick “how was your day?” before retiring to the couch or bedroom.

Sure, you want to discuss the children’s needs, your parents’ vacation plans, and other normal family topics, but make sure that you and your spouse have more-interesting discussions from time to time.

Did you read a great book? Sit down and tell your spouse what you found fantastic about it. Find something compelling in the evening’s news broadcast. Once the children are asleep, see what your spouse thought about it, and open the dialogue up to broader ethical or moral questions.  

In other words, be each other’s best teachers and best listeners.

2. You look forward to being intimate with your partner

It is normal that your sex life doesn’t remain as intense as it was in the early days of your relationship, but you should be enjoying sex frequently.  Happy couples cite “three times a week” as a good rhythm for lovemaking and staying intimately connected.

If you find yourself making excuses to avoid sex, or feeling like you are just “submitting” to keep your partner happy, you will want to examine what is behind this behavior. Sex is a barometer, reflecting the relationship as a whole, so pay attention to it.

Related Reading: 12 Ways to Have an Intimate Conversation With Your Partner

3. You feel loved, respected, and appreciated by your partner

You are authentically you in the relationship, and your partner loves that.  Sure, there are times that you dress up, and have your makeup and hair done.  You take pride in your physical appearance, but you also know that your partner loves you no matter what. 

Your opinions, ideas and how you see the world is appreciated by your partner, even if you and he don’t agree on every little thing. Always making your partner feel appreciated is among the examples of non-negotiables in a relationship.

4. You both have your own interests

You and your spouse love to spend time together, but you also love your time alone or apart, pursuing your own hobbies and passions.  In fact, you encourage each other to explore new things on your own.

You are excited about your partner when he meets a challenge, and he supports you with your own explorations.  There is no jealousy when you spend time with others.

Related Reading: How Important Are Common Interests in a Relationship?

5. You do nice things for each other

You love watching your partner’s face light up when he finds the funny little note you’ve left him.  He glows with happiness when you unwrap a present he found that he knew you would enjoy.  Acts of kindness are part of your relationship, reminding you of the precious bond that links you.

6. You have your own private language

Happy long-term couples have their own language, whether it is Pet Names for each other or invented words that only you and your children use within the family.  This language is inclusive and serves to remind you that you are “your own tribe.”

7. You both share responsibility for managing the household

There are no gender-defined roles in how you maintain your home, with one of you doing the “woman’s work” and one doing the “man’s work.” Both of you feel that you share tasks equally, and you don’t have to negotiate who does what or bargain with the other to get things done.

Dr. Jacobsen adds,

Division of labor is important in relationships, but how this looks will vary from one couple to another.

8. You admire your partner

You are proud of your spouse and respect their life choices. You feel lucky to have found them.  They make you want to be a better person in all that you do personally and professionally. You admire your better half both privately and publicly.

9. When something great happens to you, you first tell your partner

Similarly, when something not-so-great happens to you, you turn to your partner. You look forward to sharing the good and the bad with equal eagerness with your partner. They are the first person who comes to your mind when something significant happens.

10. You trust your partner

You are never suspicious of them. You don’t need an accounting of how they spend their time when you are apart. You trust that they will be there for you through thick and thin, illness, and other life challenges. You feel safe with them.

Related Reading: 15 Reasons for Lack of Trust in a Relationship

11. You genuinely like each other

There is no one you’d rather come home to, and you don’t look at other couples’ relationships and wish yours could resemble what they have. You know you’ve got the best of the best for you and your life, and you feel a warm contentment at the thought of growing old with this person.

12. When reflecting on how you first met, you smile and feel warm

When people ask you how you got together, you love to tell the story of how you first met. This memory is filled with happiness. You find yourself telling your listener how lucky you were to meet this incredible person who would become your life partner.

13. You loved your partner then, and you love them now

You love all the changes and transformations you’ve witnessed in your partner and in your relationship as you have grown together. You are different people now as compared to when you met, and you enjoy each other just as much if not more. Your relationship has grown richer.

14. You are passionate about each other

The thought of your partner excites you and makes you look forward to meeting them at the end of the day. You get thrilled on anniversaries and birthdays and are always ready to plan the best surprise for your partner.

15. You respect each other’s family

This one is quite essential. Everybody loves and prioritizes their family. Respecting your partner implies that you show respect to their parents and other family members too. Ignoring your in-laws can be an instant turn-off for your spouse and will make them stay mad for a long time.

Respect is certainly non-negotiable in dating and matrimony.

Related Reading: 20 Ways to Respect Your Husband

16. You discuss and decide on your finances

When you share a house with your partner, the responsibility of running your household lies on both of you. It’s mandatory that you both discuss your finances and make decisions that are mutually beneficial and agreed upon beforehand.

Watch behavioral scientist Wendy De La Rosa explain how to discuss finances with one’s partner in this video:

17. You take time to plan your future together

If you and your partner see a future together, it’s imperative that you plan for it together. Don’t make any big decisions without consulting your partner. In fact, it’s advisable that you take their opinions into account before finalizing anything crucial.

18. You support your partner in front of others

Non-negotiables for a successful relationship should include support. It’s natural to have differences and disagreements in a marriage or relationship; what matters is how well you handle those differences. It’s demeaning to have arguments in the presence of family or friends and can embarrass your partner to unimaginable levels.

Related Reading: 20 Steps to Becoming a Supportive Partner

19. You never show abusive behavior towards your partner

No form of abuse is tolerable in a relationship, be it emotional, financial, or physical. Those who love and value their partner should never engage in any type of violent or abusive behavior, no matter how bad the situation goes. There can be serious punishments for such activities too. 

20. You are your partner’s best friend

This is the ultimate relationship goal to aim for. The best of relationships are those where the partners maintain some level of friendship with each other. Even in the direst circumstances, you and your partner never cease to be each other’s best friend.

Do not negotiate on non-negotiables!

So now that you’ve read the great list of non-negotiables, you know some of the most important relationship non-negotiables to include in your relationship rituals. Of course, you can come up with your own book of dos and don’ts that suits your taste and preferences. 

Just sit down with your partner and have a worthy discussion about things that matter to you. If you feel that reaching the common ground is a challenge for you, try some relationship counseling for support.

If your relationship already includes most of what you see on this checklist, it’s a safe bet that you’ve got a good thing going. Just be mindful of never taking these points for granted and you’ll have a fulfilling, healthy and happy relationship in the years to come.