17 Tips on How to Get an Emotionally Unavailable Man to Chase You

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One of the most important pieces of information you can get if you are looking to find out how to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you is this article. Emotionally unavailable men are somewhat difficult to be in a relationship with.

Knowing how to connect with an emotionally unavailable man will save you a lot of stress and can even earn you brownie points in their books. 

Also, when you know what to say to an emotionally unavailable man, in the heat of anger or when they are deep in their heads, you stand the chance of having a stronger relationship with them over time. 

This article will show you how to get an emotionally damaged man to open up. You will also get an answer to this question; “Does no contact work on an emotionally unavailable man?” 

What does an emotionally unavailable man want?

This is arguably one of the most challenging questions anyone can be asked in today’s world. This is because being with an emotionally unavailable man is stressful. 

On one end, you feel that he would love you to commit to the relationship and make something good out of it. On the other hand, he is so detached that you almost cannot tell what he expects of you. 

First off, an emotionally unavailable man finds it extremely difficult to establish a deep bond with their partner in a relationship. This could be due to past trauma, societal conditioning, parental upbringing, or other reasons. 

Their emotional state makes it difficult for them to build long-lasting relationships with their partners because they are primarily afraid of commitments, no matter how small or large they are. 

An emotionally unavailable man may want many things. They could be in the relationship for sex, validation, the comfort of having someone on speed dial, or just because every other person in their world is getting into a relationship. 

The emotionally unavailable man wants to keep things simple and casual. He doesn’t want any long-term commitments and may freak out if he thinks you are about to rope him into any serious relationship. 

Can an emotionally unavailable man miss you?

You may wonder, “Do emotionally unavailable man miss you?”

The emotionally unavailable man can miss you against what you might think to be the obvious answer. An emotionally unavailable man may miss you when you take a break from the relationship, are away from his immediate reach, or feel detached from you. 

Research has shown that although emotionally unavailable, the emotionally unavailable man is not without feelings. The emotionally unavailable man cannot show his feelings and commit to a strong relationship with his partner. 

When you ignore an emotionally unavailable man, or when it is impossible to be close to him, he may miss you – just like every other normal person should miss their significant other. 

Does no contact phase work on emotionally unavailable men?

Just like every other relationship in your life, romantic relationships play a major role in satisfying your need for intimacy, sex, and deep social connections with others. 

The no contact phase is when both parties decide to break from the relationship. During this time, there’d be no form of communication and connection. 

The no contact phase aims to allow both parties to detox, get a grip on their emotions, and decide the exact next steps for the relationship. Under normal circumstances, the no contact phase is supposed to make both partners yearn for themselves more. 

However, when dealing with an emotionally unavailable man, you may not want to bank on that. The no-contact thing may not work on him. You may want to keep this in mind if you would like to propose no contact as a solution to his emotional unavailability. 

How do you connect with an emotionally unavailable man?

Knowing how to win an emotionally unavailable man doesn’t come cheap. This is because emotionally unavailable men are difficult to connect with. However, bonding with an emotionally unavailable man is possible only if you know what to do and how. 

To connect with an emotionally unavailable man, show patience, empathy, and understanding. Listen actively, respect their boundaries, and encourage open communication when they’re ready. Building trust takes time.

Licensed Mental Health Counselor Kristen K. Scarlett sheds some light on the situation when she states,

Set your boundaries but don’t play games. If you want to pursue the relationship, it must be built on trust and many emotionally unavailable men have become unavailable because their trust has been broken once or numerous times.

The next section of this article let us explore how to deal with someone emotionally unavailable using various ways. 

17 ways to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you

Here’s how to make an emotionally unavailable man fall in love and chase you in 12 systematic steps. 

1. Patience is a virtue 

The chances are that the reasons for which he hides his feelings and keeps things under wraps stem way back to his childhood. It could be because of traumatizing experiences from his past, how he was raised, or an offshoot of his personality type. 

In this case, rest assured that there’s almost nothing you can do that’ll change him in 1 weekend. Give him time. Do emotionally unavailable men change? Well, they can. However, it may take longer for you to notice any reasonable change. 

2. Get a life that is independent of him 

One thing an emotionally unavailable man wants is to know that the entirety of his life revolves around him. However, sitting around and waiting for him to throw crumbs of affection your way is not how to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you. 

If you want to make him give you attention, you must show him that you’ve got your own life going for you. Exerting a healthy amount of independence is key.

Here’s a video on how to stay independent in your relationship:

3. Make him know that you can be trusted 

One of the major challenges that emotionally unavailable men have is trust issues. These issues are often traceable to past experiences they may have had and trauma.   

If you want an emotionally unavailable man to chase you, you must make him see and believe that he can trust you. 

So, as far as trust is concerned, it goes beyond making sure an emotionally unavailable man comes back and chooses a relationship with you. It is the bedrock for every strong relationship.  

4. Let him define the pace of the relationship 

Since you decided to sign up for the gig, you may want to step back and allow him to define the pace of the relationship. 

The easiest way to make an emotionally unavailable man run away from you is to make him feel like you are pressuring him into taking any step, any step at all. 

5. Stay away from labeling the relationship 

As we have already pointed out, one of the biggest nightmares of the emotionally unavailable man is being in a committed relationship. Because of this fear of commitment, he may not appreciate it if you try to place labels on the relationship. 

The desire to make things official is valid. Yes, you want to bring him home to your family and tell the whole world that both of you are now a thing. 

However, resist this temptation. As an emotionally unavailable man, the mention of labels can send him scurrying for the hills. Literally.

6. No conversations about the future

Thinking about the future can make you question, “Am I needy or is he emotionally unavailable?” but you need to calm down and show him your desire to be there for him.

Another tendency can set the emotionally unavailable man running for the hills. When you speak of plans, it gives him the vibe you will be around for a long time. It also takes the liberty of assuming that he has plans of settling down with you. 

And you remember what we have pointed out about the emotionally unavailable man and commitments, right? As much as you may have fantastical ideas about your future, please do your best to stay away from talking with him about them. 

Just let him take the relationship in his stride. 

7. Open up to him 

While it is only wise to protect your heart, you want to lead by example. If you want an emotionally unavailable man to chase you, you may have to open up and let him in. 

This may be challenging, but it will go a long way in helping him understand that he can do the same with you and not be afraid that you will toy with his feelings. 

8. You may have to be comfortable with starting things 

It is a societal norm for the man to be the one who initiates things in the relationship. However, when you are with an emotionally unavailable man, you may have to realize that you may be initiating stuff in the relationship. 

You may be the one to take him out first, invite him to hang out and do the little things that matter in a relationship. While doing these, however, ensure that you don’t make him feel spooked. 

Also, ensure that you never give him the feeling that you are looking for something long-term. 

9. Consider working as a team 

Constant fighting and nagging are not how to get an emotionally unavailable man back. Instead, approaching the relationship from a “me against him” perspective will only sever the relationship and lead you to the rocks faster than you have ever imagined. 

One way to get him to open up and chase you is by letting him know that you are not a team. When you approach the relationship from a ‘team’ perspective, you make him feel at ease. 

This will help him let go of his fears and commit to something stronger with you.

10. Approach texting with wisdom 

Knowing what to text an emotionally unavailable man is vital. Text bombing isn’t how to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you. If you want him to chase you and be invested in the relationship, give him space – even over text. 

Don’t be that partner who shoots off a series of text messages without waiting for their partner to respond. This reeks of desperation and desperate vibes is one thing you don’t want to give off. 

11. Let him have things to remember you with 

Walking through the mall? Pick up something small you can give to him as a no-strings-attached gift. This could be anything; a little chain for his neck (if he is into those things or a cute shirt that would fit him. 

When handing the gift over to him, do well to let him know that he isn’t under duress to return the gesture. If he feels like he should, then he can have it. 

However, don’t make it feel like you are trying to rope him into a long-term relationship that he isn’t prepared for. 

This aims to give him tiny things that would remind him of you, even when you aren’t close to him. This way, you can stay on top of his mind and increase the chances that he would commit to a stronger relationship with you. 

12. Bear in mind 

There are no guarantees that an emotionally unavailable man will commit to a longer and stronger relationship with you no matter how hard you try. Bear this in mind so that you would know the best time to cut your losses and move on with your life. 

13. Respect his past

Understanding and respecting someone’s past means acknowledging that they’ve had experiences, both good and bad, that have shaped who they are today. It’s important to approach this with empathy and sensitivity. 

Avoid prying into their personal history or making them feel pressured to share details they’re not comfortable with. Instead, let them open up at their own pace, and when they do, listen attentively without judgment. By respecting their past, you show that you care about their feelings and boundaries.

14. Show interest in his life

How to deal with someone who is emotionally unavailable? Show genuine interest.

Demonstrating interest in someone means actively engaging with them and valuing what they have to say. You can do this by asking questions about their life, experiences, and interests. 

Listening attentively and showing that you genuinely care about their thoughts and feelings can make them feel important and appreciated. When you show interest in getting to know them better, it helps build a stronger emotional connection over time.

15. Have patience

Patience is a crucial element in building any meaningful relationship, especially with someone who might be emotionally guarded. Recognize that trust and emotional intimacy take time to develop. Avoid pressuring them to open up or expecting instant results. 

Instead, give them the space and time they need to feel comfortable around you. Be understanding and supportive as they gradually let their guard down and share more of themselves with you.

16. Give him space when needed

Respecting their need for personal space is essential in any relationship. People sometimes require time alone or moments of solitude to recharge or reflect. It’s not a reflection of your worth or their feelings for you. When they express the need for space, respect it without taking it personally. 

This shows that you value their well-being and independence and helps maintain a healthy balance in the relationship.

17. Maintain friendship

Building a strong foundation of friendship is often the first step toward deeper emotional connection. Treat them like a friend by being supportive, trustworthy, and caring. Engage in activities you both enjoy and create opportunities for shared experiences. 

Friendship allows you to get to know each other on a deeper level and can lead to a more meaningful and lasting connection. Building a genuine friendship is a valuable and empathetic way to approach any relationship.

Commonly asked questions

Dealing with an emotionally unavailable man can be challenging as well as mentally draining. Here are answers to common questions based on how to connect with emotionally unavailable man:

• What happens when you ignore an emotionally unavailable man?

Ignoring them won’t magically change their emotional availability. It may lead to frustration or distance but won’t make them more open. Instead, communicate your needs and consider your own well-being.

• Should I wait for an emotionally unavailable man?

Waiting indefinitely isn’t advisable. It’s vital to prioritize your own happiness and needs. While people can change, it’s healthier to seek a balanced relationship where both parties are emotionally available.

• Does being emotionally unavailable mean they don’t want you?

Not necessarily. Emotional unavailability often stems from past experiences or personal issues. They may care about you but struggle to express it emotionally.

• Can a man love you and be emotionally unavailable?

Yes, it’s possible. Love can exist alongside emotional unavailability. However, a fulfilling relationship often requires emotional openness and vulnerability from both partners.

• How do emotionally unavailable men behave?

They may struggle with intimacy, avoid deep conversations, or prioritize their independence. Understanding their behavior is key to fostering a healthier connection by practicing patience and empathy.

Helping him open up to you

“Am I needy, or is he emotionally unavailable?” 

If you have found yourself asking this question, it could be because you have been in a situation with an emotionally unavailable man. 

If, after careful assessment, you have come to realize that he is the challenge (he is an emotionally unavailable man, you must start the journey by asking yourself if you have what it takes to commit to a relationship with a man like him. 

Emotionally unavailable men may not be the easiest to date. 

However, if you decide to go in for the long run, you can also do a couple of things to get him to commit over time. 

Fighting, bickering, and coercion aren’t how to get an emotionally unavailable man to chase you. Use the 12 strategies covered in this article to turn the tables in your favor. 

Then again, bear in mind that there are no guarantees in life. He may come around after an appreciable amount of time. Or he may not!