Cutting People Off: Why, When and How to to Do It

Listen to this article

Sometimes, the hardest thing you’ll ever do is cut someone you love out of your life, especially when it’s a partner, friend, or family member. 

But when their toxic traits—manipulation, emotional abuse, or constant negativity—start taking a toll on your well-being, cutting people off might be the only way to protect your mental health. Relationships should build you up, not break you down.

But when do you know it’s time to cut off people who hurt you? 

Have you ever found yourself asking, “Is this person really worth the pain?” 

If you’ve been questioning this, it’s time to seriously consider your boundaries. 

So, knowing how to cut people off gracefully, yet firmly, is essential for your emotional well-being.

Ready to make the tough decision and reclaim your peace? This article will guide you through the why, when, and how of cutting people off in the healthiest way possible.

What is the psychology of cutting someone off from your life?

The psychology behind cutting people off stems from the need to protect your mental and emotional health. 

When someone consistently brings negativity, manipulation, or emotional abuse into your life, your brain recognizes the relationship as harmful. This triggers a self-preservation response, pushing you to create boundaries. 

Knowing how to cut someone off is about reclaiming control and prioritizing your peace over the chaos of toxic relationships. 

Why is it important to cut toxic people out of your life?

In recent years, the importance of mental health has come to light, and we are being enlightened by the reality that most people have battles to win.

Mental health is important.

Toxic people of all and varied types can cause a person’s mental as well as physical health to deteriorate. 

We don’t want and need this now. These people, who may be close to us and those we love, can affect us negatively by influencing our thoughts and emotions in worst ways possible.

They often bring with them twisted judgments and poor decisions that infect us, and slowly, we are left exhausted and unproductive.

What happens if you don’t cut off from people with toxic traits?

When you don’t cut off people with toxic traits, their negativity seeps into your life and affects your emotional well-being. Toxic relationships can drain you mentally and physically. Learning how to cut someone off nicely can prevent these outcomes

But first, here’s what happens if you don’t take action:

• Emotional exhaustion: Constant manipulation and negativity can leave you mentally drained.
• Increased anxiety and stress: Being around toxic people can trigger heightened stress levels, leading to anxiety over time.
• Erosion of self-esteem: Toxic people often chip away at your confidence, making you doubt your own value.
• Stunted personal growth: You may struggle to focus on your own goals while managing their chaos.

When should you cut someone out of your life?

Cutting people out of your life is not a simple decision. It would be painful to think of letting go of someone you’ve known your whole life, a best friend, or an ex-partner, but you have to do it.

A licensed psychologist and certified coach Silvana Mici says

Before cutting someone off, assess whether the relationship can be salvaged through open communication and boundary-setting. If efforts to improve the relationship are unsuccessful, it may be time to let go.

When do you decide that it’s time to start cutting toxic people out of your life?

1. When you don’t feel safe or emotionally settled around them

You’ve been thinking about this for a while, haven’t you?

Cutting off family or a best friend since you were kids is heart-wrenching, but you don’t feel happy when you’re with them.

Instead of bringing happiness to your life, they are the ones who bring you down and put you in situations that you would never want to be in.

Your instincts tell you to start cutting people off because when you’re with them, you don’t feel safe or comfortable anymore.

2. When they are surrounded by negativity

Whenever they message you, all they do is complain. They create this heavy atmosphere that is surrounded by negativity. These people always hate, complain, get envious, and curse, and they think you would feel happy listening and seeing them like this.

This is one of the signs you should cut off your family or friend, and don’t feel guilty about it.

3. When they try to take everything they can

Relationships are all about give and take. This applies to family, friends, and even your partner, but what if they only take what they can and refuse to give?

For example, cutting off a friend you have feelings for because they only know you when it’s convenient for them is the right choice.

Letting toxic people become manipulative and use you for their own good is never a good sign. Remember that any type of relationship should not feel like an obligation or a burden.

4. When trust is broken…again and again

How to know when to cut someone off? It’s when they have broken your trust repeatedly. When someone’s trust is broken, it would be so hard to bring it back, and sometimes you can’t.

If you know you can no longer trust someone, what’s stopping you from cutting people off?

5. When you feel like they want to drag you down

Slowly cutting people off is the best course of action when it’s clear that they only have bad intentions for you.

What if your friend always asks you to try drugs? What if a family member wants you to reconcile with an abusive partner and won’t listen to you?

If you feel threatened by these actions, it’s better to move on and learn how to cut someone off. 

Are there any downsides to cutting people out of your life?

Cutting people out of your life can feel empowering, but it’s not without downsides. You might experience feelings of guilt, loneliness, or doubt, especially when you seek how to cut contact with someone you love. 

The emotional aftermath can be heavy, even if you know it’s for the best. You may also worry about the long-term impact on mutual relationships or face backlash from others.

Here’s a quick self-assessment table to help you decide if you’re ready to accept the downsides of cutting someone off:

If most of your answers are “Yes,” you may be ready to take the steps to cut off communication with someone you love for the sake of your well-being.

5 types of people you need to cut out of your life

Cutting people off is a step that will improve your life. Here are the people who you should let go for your mental health and happiness.

1. The one who sucks your energy

This is the person who can drain you of your happiness and energy, even when you’re just talking on the phone or texting. They are always there to suck the energy out of you. 

Just listening to their constant whining, their negative opinion of others, and just how they share hate can leave you exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally.

2. The one who’s selfish

We all know someone who can make themselves the center of attention. If one friend suffers from anxiety, suddenly, this person does too. If another friend gets promoted, this toxic person talks about their work achievements, too. Steer clear from this type of people who feed on attention.

3. The one who loves to rain on your parade

We value a family or friend who would be there for us and let us know when we’re making bad choices, but what if it becomes too much?

This person will always drag you back to earth and will let you know you should keep it real.

Like when you started a small business, this person, instead of supporting you, will tell you not to expect too much because you’re not that good.

4. The one who’s always the victim

Some people just don’t want to be happy. Other people will always look on the bright side of things, but this person would do the exact opposite.

They are addicted to sadness, drama, and negativity. Why, you may ask?

It’s because this allows people to pity them. This drama will make them the victim. Trying to fix their problem or even give solutions won’t work. They will sulk and act depressed and will drain you of your energy.

5. The know-it-all

Whenever you have a topic, this person will feel excited and will share their input to educate you. They are the experts in everything and will allow no one else to be better.

They believe they’re wise and will question every decision you make. These people want you to listen to them but won’t do it when they need to.

Patrick Teahan LICSW, a childhood trauma therapist, talks about the 7 types of toxic family systems:

How do you cut off someone you love?

You may find yourself overthinking all aspects before cutting off a person. How do guys feel when you cut them off? What if I decide to cut off a family member? Is it possible to cut someone out of your life forever but won’t hurt them?

We understand the hesitation. Cutting someone off without warning can cause these people to get angry or stir issues within your family. Of course, we’re concerned about that too.

Remember this:

There is only one way to start cutting people off, and that is to walk away. Remove yourself from the endless drama and negativity.

It’s true that cutting someone off nicely can sometimes work, but it can backfire, and the toxic person can twist the situation.

So the best course of cutting someone off without explanation is to completely ignore them. If you decide to cut him off completely from your life, make sure there is no turning back.

Here are some tips on how to cut off communication with someone you love or care about.

1. Cutting people off is a process

Deciding to let go of a person who has been a part of your life for many years is difficult, and it won’t happen overnight.

You may struggle and try giving them another chance, but in the end, you realize that it’s time to let go.

Once you do, expect them to come back. They can promise to be better or they can get angry. You might need to distance yourself from them many times before they give up.

2. Don’t try to explain yourself

It’s normal for toxic people to confront you about this and, in some situations, can even throw the blame on you.

They would ask for an explanation and twist it or get angry. This can cause issues, so it’s better to keep it short, or better yet, don’t explain yourself when you know this person will just twist the story.

3. Do it in a public place, or when others are around

It happens, some toxic people carry so much hate and anger that when they realize you’re cutting them off, they can get violent and uncontrollable.

If you need to talk about it, do it in a public place.

4. Block all communication

“What does it mean to cut someone off? Should I just stop seeing this person? Or block all communication?”

Social media and all our technology offer us so many ways to contact each other. That’s why learning how to cut contact with someone can be a challenge.

One can simply create a new account and call you. Still, try your best not to give them access to come after you and bully you. Enough of all the toxic attitudes, and it’s time to choose yourself.

Block them on all social media channels, and when someone tries to send you a message, don’t open it.

5. Don’t let them use this as an issue

Toxic people will try to intimidate you and start arguing. They love drama, and this is an opportunity for them. In case they return, try your best not to feed their hunger for trouble.

There is no reason to have a debate. You want to leave this toxic relationship, and that’s what you are doing. Don’t explain and make them understand because they won’t.

Arguing will only make it worse.

6. A letter is much better

“Should I cut him off without explaining?”

If you feel bad about cutting people off, then instead of talking to them and explaining the situation or the reason you’re cutting them off from your life, why not write a letter?

It could be the best way to explain the situation without giving them the chance to start a debate or get enraged. This would also be your last form of communication with them.

Tip:

Don’t just focus on what you don’t like about them or their toxic attitude. You can thank them for the years they were okay, the memories you shared, and so much more.

7. Choose distance instead of separation

What if you have a best friend who suddenly changed? This person started being negative and refused to change. They’re not toxic, just negative.

You can opt to try distancing yourself from them. Instead of always being there, try to be busy with other things. Instead of allowing them to rant all day about how negative life is, try to give them short advice and go on with your day.

Soon, you’ll see how you can distance yourself from this person.

The courage to let go

Deciding to cut someone out of your life isn’t easy, but it’s a courageous step toward protecting your peace. While it can feel emotionally heavy at first, the freedom and clarity that follow are often worth it. 

By making space for positivity and healthier connections, you allow yourself the chance to grow. Remember, you don’t have to do it alone—there’s no shame in seeking guidance or support through this process.

At last, Silvana Mici adds

Cutting someone off should be a thoughtful decision made with your well-being in mind. It’s important to prioritize your mental and emotional health and surround yourself with positive, supportive relationships. Seek help from a professional if needed.

Ready to take that first step? It’s time to reflect, listen to your instincts, and trust that you’re making the best decision for your future well-being.