10 Tips to Improve Father-Daughter Relationship After Divorce

Listen to this article

The father and daughter relationship is a very meaningful one. The way a father treats his daughter has a life-long impact on her. But dynamics within familial relationships after divorce can change. 

But what makes father and daughter relationships something that needs special attention?

Research shows that many daughters see their fathers as ideal men. And throughout her life, even after marriage, she tries to find her father’s qualities in her husband; someone who treats her like a princess, makes her feel special and protects her.

An estranged father daughter relationship after divorce can create an unhealthy example for the daughter. Studies show that it can lead to unhealthy dynamics with unhealthy dynamics with the daughters feeling their psychological needs aren’t met.

However, this father-daughter relationship after divorce changes whether it’s the father that has been divorced or the daughter. Let us see what disruption a divorce causes in this relationship, how it affects girls with divorced parents and dads dealing with divorce.

How does divorce impact father daughter relationships 

A father-daughter relationship after divorce is different from a mother-daughter relationship after divorce. Look at changes that might occur to the relationship between dads and daughters after divorce.

1. Ill feelings towards the father

There are chances that the daughter hates her father after divorce for leaving her mother and turning a happy family into a broken family. She might hate him for saying terrible things about her mom or abusing her.

2. The daughter gets closer to the mother

As a result, the father-daughter relationship after divorce results in daughters getting closer to their mothers and spending quality time with them. And they are less happy in their dad’s company after divorce.

3. Disconnect between the father and daughter

Divorced dads may need help understanding their daughter’s interests, needs, and joys they had dreamed of. So a gap can increase between them.

They might not be able to connect with their daughter, as they lack an understanding of their interests and 

4. Developing trust issues 

The effects of bad father daughter relationship after divorce can be the development of trust issues for the child.

The daughters might face trust issues when they enter into a relationship with their loved ones; because the most trustworthy man in a girl’s life is meant to be her father, and if he breaks her trust, she loses faith in every man.

5. Lack of acceptance for a new partner

An unhealthy father-daughter relationship after divorce can lead to a lack of acceptance towards the father’s subsequent romantic partners. They might react with hatred or hostility towards their father, considering a second marriage.

Thus, these are a few points that show the impact on the father-daughter relationship after divorce. 

On the other hand, there are solutions for learning how to improve father daughter relationship after divorce. Know some advice for dads going through a divorce on how to reconnect with their child after divorce.

10 tips for dads to improve the father-daughter relationship after divorce

There are many ways to learn how to be the best dad after the divorce, which would offer you a chance to deepen your bond with your daughter and give her a healthy environment to grow up in.

1. No bad-mouthing the other parent 

Keep in mind not to abuse your ex-wife, that is the mother of your daughter. She might get hurt because her mom likely means a lot to her.

Also, you might lose her respect and regard if she hears you bad-mouth her mother. So, if you are trying to learn how to be a good father,  it’s essential to avoid bad-mouthing your ex-wife.

Dr. Jenni Schulz, PhD in Psychology, says

You may have ill feelings toward your ex-wife, but your daughter shouldn’t be pulled into the conflict.

2. Use social media

Sometimes keeping in touch can become difficult as your daughter may have other priorities and you might need to be used to talking to her directly. You can utilize technology to your advantage and keep in touch with your daughter through social media. 

Text her, remind her of you, and show that you still care for her. You can use her social media updates to see what she is doing and what she is interested in.

Related Reading: The Harsh Truth About Social Media and Relationships’ Codependency

3. Encourage family time

Even though you and your ex-wife may have chosen to go your separate way, try to spend time together with your child. It will allow your daughter to feel a sense of normalcy, belonging and security. 

Quality family time will also reassure her that things are amicable between her parents. 

4. Be supportive

Motivate her to achieve her goals and stand by her in times of trouble. Children usually look to their parents for support and guidance, so you should continue giving them these. 

5. Give her space

No matter how close your relationship is with someone, giving them space is crucial. Research highlights that relationships can become suffocating and exhausting if one does not get space in them. 

Don’t place too many restrictions on her in your desire to keep her safe from getting emotionally or physically hurt. Give her space and freedom to grow and live freely. Trust her!

Related Reading: 15 Tips on How to Create Space in Your Relationship

6. Express your love

It is important to express your love to your daughter. Various studies point out that parental love is a major foundation for a child’s life, as it shapes their perception of love, relationships and themselves. 

Show her how much you care for her. Give her hugs so that she feels your existence in her life.

7. Don’t put her in the middle

Do not discuss the issues between your wife and yourself with your daughter. Children get easily affected by such things and might begin taking sides. So, take care of her mental health by keeping her out of your issues.

Dr. Schulz adds,

Children deserve to have a relationship with both parents, and it shouldn’t be tainted by conflict.

8. Not an informant

Please don’t ask her about your ex-wife. If your daughter meets her mother or comes to meet you, don’t try to bring out personal details.

9. Get involved

Be involved in your child’s activities. Whether it is sports or any craft activity, show your interest in whatever she does, and encourage your child. It will let them know that you love and care for them deeply.

10. Focus on the child

Repairing the father daughter relationship can be achieved if you give her your attention. Make sure parenting is your focus when you are spending time with her. Keep your distractions away.

Related Reading: Child Development: The Do’s and Don’ts of Motivating Kids

10 tips for daughters to improve the father-daughter relationship after divorce

There are certain steps that the daughter can take to deepen her bond with her father, after they’ve been through a divorce. Here are some of the things that she can consider doing:

1. Don’t hate him

Try to keep your negative feelings towards your father in check. Remember, no matter what happens between your mother and father; he will always be your father. The dissolution of the marriage does not reflect his lack of love for you. 

Related Reading: Love-Hate Relationship: Symptoms, Causes, and Solutions

2. Practice honesty 

Be true and honest with your father. Please share your feelings, as this is the only way for him to understand your perspective. 

If you are not honest with your father about how you feel, he may misunderstand how you feel or feel disconnected from you. 

3. Express your needs

Yes, sometimes you might expect your parents to understand how you feel. But sometimes, it makes things easier if you go ahead and tell him about your needs. He needs to know if you need his time.

Related Reading: How to Communicate Your Needs in a Relationship?

4. Re-establish the bond

The divorce might seem like a betrayal to you, and it may harm the bond that you both share. You can take steps to re-establish this bond by bridging the gap that may have come in because of the divorce. 

5. Don’t make assumptions

Never presume anything about your parent’s relationship. Accept that it is their relationship and that you would not be able to various aspects of it.

You accept that your assumptions about their relationship will be laced in your perception of things, not the truth. Furthermore, your misplaced bias might implicate one of your parents for what has gone wrong. 

Related Reading: How to Stop Assuming Things in a Relationship

6. Try to remain unbiased

You may feel caught between your parents and have to pick a side. But this is not the case! 

You don’t have to pick a side as this can make you prejudiced towards one parent. No matter why your parents break apart, show love and respect to each of them.

7. Be grateful

Be thankful to your parents if you can see that they are making active efforts to let you get affected by their problems. 

Also, remember that being in a house with two unhappy parents can be difficult. Divorce can give both your parents a chance to be happy again. 

8. Try not to be the mediator 

Trying to solve the problems between your parents might be tempting, but this can often further complicate the issue. 

It is for them to determine the terms and future of their relationship. By getting involved in it, you might get caught up in complicated dynamics and cause yourself further anxiety. 

9. It’s okay to be sad

Divorce can be painful for children that get caught in it. Denying how painful things are for you can create further problems. 

If you are hurting, accept it and allow yourself to feel it. Research shows that not acknowledging your feelings can further harm your mental health and relationships. 

Watch this video to learn how accepting your unhappiness can be the key to being happy:

10. Don’t lash out

Even though you might be going through a complicated and painful time, try to keep your temper under check. Try to express your feelings in healthy ways that don’t lead to chaos, misunderstandings or hurt sentiments. 

Some commonly asked questions

Here are the answers to some pressing questions that can clear out your doubts about father-daughter relationships after divorce:

• What is the divorced dad syndrome?

The phrase divorced dad syndrome refers to a behavioral pattern that divorced men tend to follow right after their divorce. They might be feeling immense guilt for allowing their marriage to fall apart.

• How can I be a good father to my daughter after divorce?

You can be a good father after divorce if you take the time to talk to your daughter openly and give her all your attention. This can let your daughter know that they are the main priority for you and that you care about them immensely. 

Final thoughts

The relationship between a father and daughter can have various long-term effects on a person’s life. A divorce can alter this dynamic and hurt the bond that the two share.

With some practical help, you can avoid or repair any damage post-divorce. Although father-daughter relationships can be tough to mend, we can still do this. These are the blood relations that we live for. So we should always try to maintain them and keep them healthy.