Obsessive Love Disorder: Symptoms, Causes & How to Treat

Listen to this article

Obsessive love disorder is not an alien concept anymore. A recent popular web series has started to get many people to know about and discuss obsessive love disorder in individuals and how destructive it can be.

While films and TV shows can be a slight exaggeration of how obsessive love disorder works, it is true that this is an unhealthy form of how attachment and relationships work. 

Read on to know more about this disorder and find out if your partner is showing signs of it or not.

Read on more about obsessive love disorder below and how to stop obsessing over someone in an unhealthy way.

What is obsessive love disorder?

Well, to explain obsessive love disorder simply, it is about completely focusing on one individual to such an extent that it consumes you entirely.

Being in love with another person is a healthy feeling and leads to positive things in the future. However, being obsessed with someone or something is not healthy at all.

Of course, you must know that something similar to obsessive love disorder is very common at the start of a relationship and can be a precursor to another thing.

Research highlight = Research conducted to understand what love addiction is and when it should be treated suggested that from a broad perspective, by contrast, everyone who loves is on a spectrum of addictive conditions. 

The research found that being addicted to another person is not an illness but simply the result of a fundamental human capacity that can sometimes be exercised to excess.

On the other hand, when considering a narrow perspective, the research suggests that love addiction is a neurobiological disorder with no place in a healthy or flourishing life.

It follows that we ought to offer love addicts some measure of treatment or support.

Difference between healthy and obsessive love

The distinction between healthy and obsessive love is that with Obsession, a person is inclined towards excessive fascination that eventually turns into a fixation. 

On the other hand, healthy love is more liberating and helps people get to know one another.

When two people healthily love each other, they do not let go of their characters and interests. They do not feel threatened when their partner invests energy in other aspects of life without including them. 

They are proud and pleased with their partner’s achievements and want them to be the best version of themselves. 

With Obsession, living without each other can prove to be very difficult. The obsessed individual feels an uncontrollable need to know precisely where their partner is and who they are with whenever they are not together. 

Negative sentiments, for example, envy and distrustfulness, start to crawl into the relationship. The obsessed individual speculates that their partner might be cheating or that all that they do or say is in some way or another an impression of how they feel about them.

What are the common symptoms of obsessive love disorder

As human beings, we generally feel a strong desire for loving and wanting to be loved and to understand signs of obsessive love; one must understand this basic human nature.

So how can you tell whether it is just a harmless love affair, or has it crossed its line and driven into Obsession?

Mentioned below are some love obsession disorder symptoms:

• Feeling a strong attraction
• Thinking obsessively about your partner to such an extent that you are unable to think or even focus on any other things
• The desire to spend all of your free time with the person you love 
• Compromising your relationship with family and friends to pay attention to your partner
• Neglecting your daily activities such as your hobbies and your work so that you can focus on your partner
• Going out of your way just to make some kind of contact with a loved one
• Feeling a strong and intense territorial desire to protect your loved one
• Manipulating your partner such as holding things like money and food to keep them attached to you
• Possessive thoughts and behavior
• Depending on your love object for low self-esteem
• Being addicted to your loved one
• Asking your loved one for constant reassurance and affirmation
• Close monitoring of your partner’s activities and whereabouts
• Delusional and extreme jealousy 
• Stalking your partner physically and on social media

If someone you know exhibits these symptoms, you should help them immediately.

What causes obsessive love disorder?

For many people, when a relationship starts, there is a time when both the partners are overwhelmed with each other; they want to be interested in everything that they are doing, thinking, saying, wanting, and more.

As the relationship starts to grow and develop, this kind of overwhelming Obsession starts to mature into friendship, respect, and commitment, and eventually subside.

The interest in your partner is still there, but the level of intensity tends to decrease. This is a healthy part of a relationship, but when this doesn’t occur, it can lead to an obsessional relationship or obsessive love disorder over time.

According to Grady Shumway, a licensed mental health counselor:

Obsessive love disorder often stems from an inability to transition from the intense initial phase of infatuation to a more balanced, mature relationship.

When the overwhelming focus on a partner doesn’t evolve into a healthy friendship and mutual respect, it can escalate into an obsessive preoccupation with the partner’s every thought, action, and desire.

This persistent intensity can prevent the relationship from developing into a stable, long-term commitment, leading to the distressing patterns associated with obsessive love disorder.

What are some other psychological disorders related to love

Apart from obsessive love disorder, here are 3 other psychological disorders associated with love:

1. Erotomania

A subtype of a delusional disorder, Erotomania, is an uncommon paranoid condition where an individual has a delusional belief that another person is in love with him or her despite clear evidence against it. This can manifest into an obsessed with relationships and romantic idea.

Mostly witnessed in shy, dependent, and sexually inexperienced females who are infatuated with men who are unattainable due to their social, financial, or marital status and at times, even disinterest.

2. Attachment disorder

Used to describe disorders of mood, behavior, and social relationships, attachment disorder happens when an individual is unable to receive normal socializing care and attention from their primary caregiver in early childhood. 

Such a disorder is usually associated with experiences of neglect, abuse, abrupt separation from caregivers in early ages (between three months and three years of age), frequent change or excessive numbers of caregivers, or lack of caregiver responsiveness to child communicative efforts resulting in a lack of basic trust.

As Grady Shumway further explains:

Attachment disorder arises when an individual fails to receive consistent and nurturing care from primary caregivers during critical early years. This can result from experiences of neglect, abuse, or frequent changes in caregivers, which disrupt the development of basic trust and healthy social relationships.

The lack of stable, responsive caregiving during infancy and early childhood impairs the ability to form secure attachments and can lead to difficulties in emotional regulation and interpersonal relationships later in life.

An adult suffering from attachment disorder can exhibit the following characteristics:

• Fear of intimacy
• Lack of trust
• Anxious people pleaser
• Avoid close relationships
• Clingy and insecure
• Jealousy and possessiveness
• Anger

3. Relationship OCD

Also known as relationship substantiation, Relationship OCD is a type of disorder that consumes an individual with doubts about their relationship.

Even Though every one of us at some point in time might have had doubts about our romantic relationships, a person suffering from relationship OCD exhibits excessive, obsessive characteristics, such as:

• Preoccupation with every small detail about their relationship.
• Constant fear of not being loved.
• Constant fear of not being enough for their partner.
• Constantly comparing their relationship with others.

How to treat obsessive love disorder: 7 practical tips

On the off chance that you are suffering from obsessive love disorder, know that you can be helped to manage this condition. 

There are numerous approaches to manage obsessive love disorder. For starters, you must withdraw yourself from your obsessive fixations. Here are some more helpful ways to get the help you need

1. Understand your feelings

Those looking for obsessive love disorder treatment should start by acknowledging their emotions. It’s like recognizing the weather—you need to know what you’re dealing with before deciding how to dress. Understanding your feelings is the first step in managing them.

2. Establish boundaries

Think of boundaries like personal space. Just as you wouldn’t invade someone’s personal bubble, set limits in your relationships. This helps create a healthy balance between closeness and independence.

3. Focus on yourself

Consider self-love as a daily vitamin. Make time for activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Remember, it’s okay to prioritize your well-being. Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary.

4. Distract yourself

Think of distractions as your favorite TV show during a rainy day. Engage in activities that capture your attention and shift your focus away from obsessive thoughts. Sometimes, a mental diversion is all you need.

5. Seek support

Imagine dealing with a heavy backpack—asking for help is like sharing the load. Reach out to friends, family, or a mental health professional. Having a support system can make the journey much lighter.

6. Set realistic expectations

Consider expectations like a roadmap. While it’s great to have goals, make sure they’re realistic. Appreciate the journey rather than fixating on the destination. Life’s twists and turns can often lead to unexpected, beautiful places.

Do you have unrealistic relationship expectations? Watch this insightful video by holistic psychologist Dr. Nicole LePera:

7. Embrace change

Change is like the seasons—it’s inevitable. Be open to it. Allow yourself to grow and adapt. Sometimes, the most beautiful flowers bloom in unexpected seasons. Embracing change can lead to personal growth and a more balanced perspective on love.

FAQs 

Let’s dive into some common questions about obsessive love, unraveling the complexities in a way that’s easy to understand and relatable.

• Is obsessive love disorder real?

Yes, it’s a real psychological condition where intense and intrusive thoughts and feelings about someone impact your daily life.

• Is obsessive love dangerous?

Unchecked, it can lead to unhealthy behaviors and affect mental well-being. Recognizing the signs and seeking support is crucial to manage it safely.

• What is it called when someone is obsessed with you?

It’s commonly referred to as obsessive love when someone becomes fixated on you. Setting boundaries and seeking assistance can be important in such situations.

• Why do I become obsessed with people?

Becoming obsessed with people can stem from various factors, such as a need for validation, fear of abandonment, or past experiences. Understanding these roots is key to managing and redirecting those feelings.

Breaking the obsession

Obsessive love disorder might be an indication of a genuine mental health condition, and in the event that it goes untreated, it can lead to other serious mental health issues. 

Treating such psychological disorders is possible especially for the individual who is able to seek adequate help and support.