10 Dos and Don’ts of Online Marriage Counseling

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Let’s face it; we are busy and breathless every day. 

Online marriage counseling is gaining ground recently, with the relentless demands of school, work, intimate relationships, and family obligations. 

Various such clamorous matters call for our immediate and undivided attention, and we find ourselves constantly running from one responsibility to another.

While we are well-equipped to handle the rigors of the daily grind, the wheels can come off if we add marital strife to our line of concerns. 

We may even need a counselor to intervene in the sudden or recurring malaise, but where do we find the time and the energy to engage in meaningful counseling? 

Given the time crunch, many have turned to online marriage counseling in recent times. Here is all you need to know about marriage counseling, including the online marriage counseling dos and don’ts.

What is marriage counseling?

To be more precise, let us try to understand, ‘what is online marriage counseling .’ Seeking marriage counseling online is nothing but couples therapy available on the internet. In the case of online marriage counseling, you resort to a certified marriage counselor or marriage therapist, or even divorce therapist over the internet.

Counseling for marriage is usually done by means of online or offline chat boxes or video and audio chats, or emails coupled with telephone conversations. 

This is unlike offline marriage counseling, where you seek the benefits of marriage counseling or the benefits of couples therapy in the physical presence of your practitioner.

Wondering what you will learn in marriage therapy? Here is a video that might give you an insight.

When do you need marriage counseling?

If you are in a relationship and unsure when to seek marriage counseling, then you don’t have to specifically browse for ‘signs you need marriage counseling .’ The moment you are receptive enough, you can opt for either the marriage counseling individual sessions or the group sessions.

The experts in psychology opine that couples therapy before marriage is equally beneficial to soliciting advice after marriage. 

Relationship counseling helps to understand and tackle several existing issues, resolve conflicts, and strengthen a relationship.

Does marriage counseling work?

Online marriage counseling doesn’t cost you peanuts, so you are not to blame if you incessantly think about ‘does couples therapy work’ and if it does, ‘how does therapy work,’ ‘what to expect in couples therapy’ and ‘ what is the success rate of marriage counseling’?

So, if you make a Google search for ‘does marriage counseling work statistics,’ you will get to know some interesting stats from the latest research findings. 

One of the latest studies claims that seven out of ten couples are extremely happy by resorting to counseling sessions from experts. 

After attending the therapy, respondents also communicated improved mental and physical health, ability to function better at work as well as improvement in other relationships.

What to expect at marriage counseling online?

If you are considering online marriage counseling but are unsure whether it will be worth your effort and money, you are not alone.

Outfits geared to deliver their services via the internet are typically profit mills and nothing more. Often asking for a credit card number before the first “conversation” with a digital provider come online entities that do not generally engage in a thorough intake procedure to learn about family history, marital history, and the like.

Asking something akin to “What seems to be the problem today?” online options are prepared to offer clients rote responses based on the keywords that are offered in response to the original query. 

Unable to engage in virtual conversations with practitioners, many clients become very frustrated in the process before the first payment draft hits the old checking account. The conventional face-to-face counseling is a far more satisfying experience.

But you don’t have to get disheartened. 

10 dos and don’ts of online marriage counseling

When it comes to online marriage counseling, there are some dos and don’ts you should know and follow. These include –

Dos of online marriage counseling

1. Commit to it

One of the most important dos of online marriage counseling is to commit to it. Commitment to the process, with an understanding that it will work, but you will have to put both time and effort into it, is essential for marriage counseling to work, especially if it is online, because detaching can be relatively easier in online sessions.

2. Take responsibility

Another one on the list of dos when it comes to marriage counseling is to take responsibility for your actions and admit that your mistakes have also brought you here. 

When things go wrong in a marriage, both partners have to shoulder the responsibility. Without admitting where you went wrong or what you could have done differently to ensure your marriage was healthier, you may not be able to move on and make it better.

Related Reading: Using Buddhist Practices to Accept Responsibility in Marriage

3. Talk to your therapist

Counseling for married couples can work when there is communication between the therapists and the clients.

Every marriage is different, and so are the people in it. After every session or two, talk to your therapist about what you think is working for you and what is not. They always welcome feedback and will be willing to help you in ways that benefit you and your marriage.

4. Keep an open mind

Counseling itself can be an intimidating experience, and add the online factor to it, and you might already find yourself out of it. However, one of the most important dos of online marriage counseling is to keep an open mind.

Understand and believe that the therapist is only trying to help you. Also, believe that your partner is willing to put in the effort to make therapy work and make your marriage healthier. Be willing to try new experiences or exercises that might help in the process.

5. Listen to your counselor

A very important point on the list of dos in online marriage counseling is following what your counselor asks you to do. They may give you exercises or tasks you should do with your partner, and you must find the time to do them if you want therapy to work.

Similarly, other things you must do when your counselor tells you to do them include being honest and transparent with them.

Related Reading: Marriage Counseling for Newlyweds- Listen to Each Other!

Don’ts of online marriage counseling

1. Expect things to change overnight

One thing you should not do when it comes to online marriage counseling is expect things to change overnight. Marriage counseling is a process that takes time and effort from both parties. It is important to know that things will improve in their own time, and you cannot rush them. Rushing them might just make them worse, in fact.

Related Reading: Managing Expectations in Your Marriage

2. Expect your partner to change

One of the things you should not expect from marriage counseling is that your partner will change. Counseling does not mean molding your partner into the person you wish them to be or into the ideal that you have in your mind.

Your partner might get better and might rectify some of their unhealthy behaviors. But they will not transform into a new person.

3. Engage in drinking or substance use

A strict do not when it comes to marriage counseling would be to engage in drinking or substance use. When a marriage or relationship hits the rocks, you might find solace in activities like these that might numb the pain temporarily.

However, this can backfire when you’re trying to improve your relationship with online marriage counseling.

4. Do not bring up divorce

When the two of you are in marriage counseling, bringing up divorce is a strict no-no. Before marriage counseling or going for it, you may have discussed if divorce was on the table.

If you bring it up during marriage counseling, it might almost seem like a threat to your partner. They may not take it well, and it is advised that you wait till marriage counseling ends to make that call.

5. Do not start dating

Even if your marriage or relationship has gone through problems, if you are in marriage counseling, it means you are giving it another shot, or at least trying. Your partner is as well. 

Therefore, dating someone new when you are in online marriage counseling is a strict no-no. It will only complicate things for you, your partner, and your potential new partners as well.

Related Reading: Are You Ready to Start Dating Again? Ask Yourself These 5 Questions

Benefits of online marriage counseling

Although the internet is flooded with money-minting firms, you can prudently choose any licensed family or marriage therapist and look for their reviews before finalizing your therapist and making the payments. 

Also, you can opt for the consultation via video conferencing in place of instant messaging or emails. This can almost give you a feel of the classic face-to-face mode of communication without leaving the comfort of your couch and pajamas! 

If you still are in two minds, ‘Is marriage counseling worth it’ the answer to this question will be certainly yes! 

1. More access

One of the benefits of online marriage counseling is more access to a wide range of therapists.

Online marriage counseling can get you access to the top certified therapists with just the click of the mouse. 

Related Reading: How to Save a Toxic Marriage: Dos and Don’ts

2. Saves you time and money

Digital consulting will not just save you time but also save the big bucks required for the conveyance and the therapist’s fees, which is usually higher for the in-person counseling sessions.

Full documentation

You can also receive complete documentation of all your therapeutic sessions. This way, you can keep a track of the specific changes happening in your relationship, even later for your perusal.

Privacy

Privacy is the biggest asset of online marriage counseling. Suppose you are uncomfortable with the thought of other people prying on the challenges you are facing in your relationship. In that case, online counseling is the best way to keep your issues confidential and private. 

3. More convenient

When your marriage already feels like work at this point, adding another stress factor to the situation, that of going to therapy by taking out the time, money, and effort, may not be the best idea.

This is where online marriage therapy comes in. 

Online therapy cuts down on drive time and stress due to traffic and just makes the process more convenient. You can come back home from work, have dinner, or freshen up, and take your session with your therapist from the comfort of your couch or bed.

Related Reading: Why Marriages of Convenience Don’t Work?

4. Makes treatment more approachable

Online marriage therapy makes treatment for mental health issues less taboo and more approachable. Seeking therapy online can also help people reduce any shame or embarrassment in seeking help for their marriage problems, making it easier for them to work on their marriage.

5. Useful for long-distance couples

Online marriage counseling can be helpful for couples who are in a long-distance marriage or partners who travel a lot because of work or other commitments. You may not stay in the same city the whole week, and therefore, scheduling sessions with a therapist offline may not be possible.

6. Provides consistency

Consistency is very important when it comes to marriage counseling. Online marriage counseling sessions can provide the consistency that offline sessions may not be able to. 

Whether it is the unavailability of the therapist themselves or one of the partners, with so many moving pieces, you might miss a session or two during offline counseling, which can be avoided with online counseling.

7. Improves communication

A benefit of online relationship therapy when it comes to your marriage is that it improves communication between the two of you. Communication is a very strong pillar of a marriage, and when it gets stronger, it helps improve the quality of your relationship.

8. Helps develop goals

Online marriage therapy can help you build and develop goals for your marriage in the near and far future. This helps to maintain a rhythm in your relationship and helps you thrive in it. Marriage counseling also gives you the skills and means to achieve these goals.

Related Reading: 10 Powerful Financial Goals for Couples to Build Their Marriage

FAQs

Here are some frequently asked questions about online marriage counseling.

• Is online marriage counseling effective?

Yes. Online marriage counseling can be just as effective as offline counseling, if not more. Online marriage counseling works on the same principles as offline marriage counseling and, in fact, provides more ease, convenience, and access than offline counseling.

• Can online marriage counseling only be done in couples?

There is an alternative to one on one online marriage counseling. Group therapy refers to online communities that provide support to others dealing with infidelity, addiction, and other marriage-specific crises. Sometimes, these online groups have moderators with backgrounds in helping professions. 

As needed, these credentialed moderators may interject helpful opinions and research gleanings into the conversation for the benefit of all. This is a win-win scenario. The benefit of a moderated group dialogue in a setting that fits the client’s schedule is an unbeatable combination. 

The takeaway

Whatever the issue you face, do not delay in getting support. Nothing beats a face-to-face conversation with a trusted therapist if you have the time and resources. However, online marriage counseling can be just as effective a method in improving and saving your marriage.