10 Step Checklist to Consider Before Giving Second Chance in Relationships

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Sometimes, the decision to cut someone off or get out of an unhealthy relationship can be very difficult, and we may find ourselves considering a second chance in a relationship.

Deciding whether to give second chances in a relationship after a major disagreement, infidelity, or other types of betrayal can be difficult and emotional. While giving second chances in relationships can lead to stronger, healthier relationships, certain factors must be considered before making that decision.

Furthermore, you must properly process your emotions so you do not become trapped in the cycle of breaking up and getting back together with someone you know isn’t good for you. 

Surprisingly, trauma bonding is one of the most common reasons why people stay back in toxic relationships, even when they know they should walk out. 

Hence, this post will equip you with a compiled checklist to consider before giving second chances in relationships. By the time you’re done studying this, you will also discover some new things to know about giving people chances in relationships.

Why should you give a second chance to your relationship?

Deciding whether or not to give a second chance relationship can be a difficult decision. Giving a second chance can lead to a stronger, healthier relationship if both parties are willing to work on the issues that caused the breakup in the first place. 

A second chance can also be perfect if both parties are committed to making things work and not repeating the mistakes that tore them apart before. It can also provide an opportunity for development and better communication.

However, before you make the final decision, here’s why Should You Give a Second Chance to Your Relationship.

10 step checklist to consider before giving second chances in relationships

As we have already pointed out so far, it is not enough to decide that you’d give a second chance in a relationship, you must be intentional about guarding your emotions and mental health, or else you may give another chance to someone who isn’t worth it. 

Consider these 10 points before deciding whether you want to do a second chances relationship. 

1. Can you forgive?

There’s no rule that says you must forgive someone who has wronged you (especially if you’re not a person of faith). If you want to get into a second chance relationship, you must be willing to let go of the past and the hurt you may be feeling. 

Forgiving someone before giving someone a second chance in a relationship is necessary. On the upside, forgiveness is linked with many physical and mental health benefits, and you don’t want to miss out on a chance to eliminate toxic energies in your body. 

There’s no need to get back with someone who’s hurt you in the past, especially if you know you’ve not yet been able to let go of the pain they caused you. You’ll only be reminded of the negative experiences whenever you see them, and this will cause friction between the two of you.

Once you’ve forgiven them, let go of the negative feelings and hatred you’ve been harboring. This then serves as the foundation for rebuilding a caring and nurturing relationship free of resentment and unresolved feelings.

Before you try to figure out when to give someone a second chance, you must decide whether you can forgive and forget their transgressions. There’s no need to try to move on with them if you can’t let go of the pain they caused you. 

Dr. Jacobsen, PhD in Psychology, says,

The relationship likely won’t work if you’re holding on to old resentments.

Related Reading: 20 Reasons to Forgive but Not Forget in Relationships

Suggested video: How to forgive someone who wronged you. 

2. Know if they’re worth a second chance

Before attempting to give a second chance in a relationship, define if the person you’re reconsidering is even worth it. The truth is, not everyone is worth the headache. The first way to identify a partner that is worth the hassle is to evaluate what they did when they discovered that they hurt you. 

Did they take responsibility for their actions, or did they try to rationalize things and make flimsy excuses for themselves? Have they tried to make up for their wrongs, or are they still doing those things that hurt you in the first place? 

If you believe they’re worth the hassle, have at it.

3. Is this really what you want?

It’s easy to get lost in memories of what you shared or get carried away by their attempts to win your heart and attention back. However, one of the first questions you must ask yourself as you decide to give your relationship second chances is, “Is this what I truly want?” 

Make no mistakes about it. It is possible to tow a line that someone else wants for you while believing wholeheartedly that it is the best decision for yourself. Hence, you must take some time to introspect and ask yourself deep-seated questions. 

Don’t get back with someone because you believe it is moral or because you think people have seen you together for a long time and expect a particular behavior from you. If your heart isn’t at peace, take a walk. 

Related Reading: How To Know What You Want in a Relationship?

4. Check your partner’s actions

Consider their actions to determine whether you should give your partner another chance. Words are nice, but they can be meaningless at times.

Why should you trust your partner if they say they’ll change, but there are no actions to back up their claims? Giving someone another chance is fine if you believe they’ve proven their worth. 

5. Are you both committed to making things work?

Giving your partner a second chance implies hoping that whatever happened before does not happen again. Sadly, old patterns and behaviors do not simply disappear.

You must both actively work to change the dynamic. If you’re both committed to making things work and the idea of relationship counseling doesn’t make your partner want to throw up, consider giving it another go.

6. A toxic relationship? Steer clear!

Toxic relationships will always remain toxic. Though your toxic partner may paint you a rosy picture of the future and tell you everything you want to hear, it’s not always that simple. It’s best to leave a relationship that is causing harm to your mental or physical health in any way.

Dr. Jacobsen states,

The only way for a toxic relationship pattern to change is for both partners to accept their role in the dynamic and make a commitment to healing psychological and attachment issues that have created the dynamic. This often involves one or both parties seeking counseling to help them overcome the personal problems that are contributing to unhealthy behaviors in intimate relationships.

7. Know if things will work out

Before you say yes to that “asking for a second chance in a relationship” offer, make sure the source of your problems can be effectively addressed.

For example, if the physical distance was the reason for your initial breakup, you’ll need to make a commitment to seeing each other more often. Or, maybe one of you can move closer to the other. Similarly, if recurring fights were the main issue, you should ensure you have a game plan to prevent a recurrence.

8. Did you learn your lessons?

Why will we give second chances to someone without confirming if they learned their lesson the first time? How can you be sure they won’t do it again if they weren’t paying attention in the first place?  

It’s acceptable to give a second chance if your partner has learned from whatever they did to you and now knows how to make things right.

If you have the impression that they are unaware of the consequences of their actions, then nothing has been learned, and sadly, nothing will change.

Related Reading: 18 Relationship Lessons From Happy and Loving Couples

9. Respect

Before giving a second chance in a relationship, find out if the respect level you have for yourselves has increased or dropped. Kudos if it has increased; you might be ready for second chances. However, run if it dropped. That might just be a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

Mutual respect is unquestionably one of those things that must surround and support a love story for it to survive.

10. Re-building a relationship is not easy

One of the most important things you need to keep in mind is that rebuilding trust after it has been broken isn’t a walk in the park. You must be patient and willing to give the relationship the space it needs to thrive.

It takes time to make sure that you do not repeat previous mistakes. It also takes time to make lasting changes in habits and behavior. So, are you willing to put in the needed work?

Related Reading: 5 Steps to Rebuilding a Relationship  

FAQs

Here are some frequently asked questions about the subject of giving and/or getting second chances in romantic relationships.

• What is the definition of a second chance in a relationship?

In a relationship, a second chance refers to giving someone another chance to make things work after a previous disagreement or breakup.

• Is it worth giving someone a second chance?

Whether or not you give someone a second chance in a relationship is determined by a variety of factors. Start by assessing the cause of the initial fallout, then determine if the person has shown genuine remorse and a willingness to make amends.

It is up to you to decide whether it is worth it.  

• What are the things to consider before giving a second chance?

There are several factors to consider before giving people second chances in a relationship. First, assess the situation that led to the initial fallout and determine if the person has taken responsibility for their actions. 

Look for genuine remorse and recognition of the harm done.

Consider whether the person has attempted to make amends and if they are willing to work on rebuilding trust. 

Finally, consider whether the relationship or situation is salvageable and if a second chance aligns with your values and boundaries.

• How do you tell if someone truly wants a second chance in a relationship?

Someone who truly desires a second chance in a relationship will accept responsibility for their actions, express genuine remorse, and make an effort to make amends. They will also be willing to work on restoring trust and will respect the boundaries of the other person.

Summary

Giving someone a second chance in a relationship is a difficult decision that must be carefully considered. Assessing the situation, assessing the person’s willingness to change, and establishing clear expectations/boundaries are all important steps in re-establishing trust and making the relationship work.

However, remember that a second chance isn’t always appropriate, and it ultimately depends on individual circumstances. Finally, when making such a decision, trust your instincts and prioritize your well-being.

If the need arises, consider getting the help of mental health and relationship experts as you take this crucial decision.