What Are the Alternatives to Marriage and How to Choose One

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Love and commitment come in many forms. Traditionally, marriage has been the standard for celebrating the deep and eternal connection between two people for generations.

But what if you’re not one for tradition? 

As social attitudes evolve, more people are seeking alternatives to marriage and new ways to commit to their partner — ways that better align with their beliefs and lifestyles. 

From domestic partnerships to polyamorous relationships, the alternatives to marriage are varied and dynamic. They all represent deep love and commitment between partners, but with a twist that sets them apart from the traditional path of marriage. 

This article will open your eyes (and heart) to the various alternatives to marriage, exploring the defining features, legal recognition, and pros and cons of each option. So get ready to explore these uncharted but welcoming territories of love, commitment, and all the alternatives in between. 

Are there any alternatives to marriage? 

Marriage has been a central institution in society for centuries. But with changing attitudes, values, and lifestyles, the traditional marriage model may not hold upl. 

Over the last decade in the US, it has become more common to have cohabited with a partner than to have married.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, states,

Currently, the marriage rates in the US are the lowest they have ever been, and they continue to decline worldwide. At the same time, divorce rates in the US continue to climb.

One of the main drivers of the trend towards alternative ways to commit without marriage is a growing recognition that traditional marriages may not work for everyone. Here are some reasons why individuals may not choose to pursue traditional marriage: 

• Different life goals 

Individuals may have different ideas about what they want out of life, such as career aspirations, travel plans, or family goals. These differences can create great tension in a traditional marriage, which requires harmonious life goals. 

• Incompatibility 

Traditional marriages can be highly challenging for individuals with incompatibility in their lifestyle, personality, or life goals. However, there are alternatives to getting married that provide a more flexible framework for committed relationships, wherein “compatibility” isn’t the focal point. 

• A desire for independence 

The constraints and expectations of traditional marriage can feel stifling for some people.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, highlights,

Alternatives to marriage can provide people with more freedom and independence while still offering the security and support of a committed relationship. 

• Changing social attitudes 

As more people embrace non-traditional forms of relationships, it becomes easier for individuals to pursue alternatives to marriage. 

It’s important to note that while alternatives to marriage exist, they may not be legally recognized in all jurisdictions. Polyamorous relationships can take many forms; they may involve individuals in multiple relationships simultaneously or even a married partner.

5 possible alternatives to marriage

Are you ready to commit to your partner while breaking free from the constraints of traditional marriage? This section will explore five marriage alternatives that can offer you a fulfilling way to commit. Don’t worry; there’s an option for everyone seeking a more personalized approach to love and commitment. 

1. Domestic partnership

So, can you be married but not legally? If you’ve ever wondered, “can I get married without being married,” a domestic partnership may be for you. For individuals seeking a committed relationship who do not want to enter a traditional marriage, a domestic partnership can be a helpful alternative.

A domestic partnership is a formal, legally recognized union between two individuals who live together and share a domestic life. It offers certain legal rights and responsibilities, including inheritance rights, hospital visitation rights, and access to healthcare benefits. However, the level of legal protection is not as extensive as in traditional marriages. 

For those looking to get married without a license, this can be an answer. A domestic partnership provides a formal framework for the relationship while allowing partners to maintain their independence and freedom. 

Additionally, domestic partnerships can be a stepping stone toward marriage, allowing partners to test the waters before taking the plunge. In many ways, a domestic partnership is a less formal or “permanent” form of marriage. 

In some jurisdictions, there are specific eligibility requirements for a domestic partnership. This includes age restrictions and same-sex status. Keep in mind that domestic partnership laws and eligibility requirements can vary from jurisdiction to jurisdiction. 

Related Reading: Registering for Domestic Partnership

2. Civil unions

A civil union is a legally recognized form of union between two individuals, available to both same-sex and opposite-sex couples. 

Civil unions were created in response to the lack of legal recognition for same-sex relationships. It is often considered the first step towards establishing and legalizing same-sex marriage, and many countries that initially established same-sex civil unions have replaced it with same-sex marriages. 

Civil unions offer almost all of the same rights, responsibilities, and legal protection as marriages, save for child adoption. While they are more formal and ceremonial than a domestic partnership, civil unions are still less recognized than traditional marriages. 

Civil union laws and requirements can vary widely. Fortunately, though, many jurisdictions with civil unions will recognize foreign unions if they are equivalent to their own civil unions. 

3. Cohabitation agreements

Cohabitation agreements are legal agreements between two unmarried partners. This is an excellent option for couples living together but who want to steer clear of marriage or other legally recognized relationships. The couples may draw up their contracts to define rights and obligations regarding finances, property, children, etc. 

Cohabitation agreements can be particularly useful for couples who are buying property together or who are otherwise combining their finances. These agreements can help clarify each partner’s rights and responsibilities in the event of separation or death. 

The process of creating a cohabitation agreement entails drafting an agreement, typically with the help of a lawyer. Though you can draw up this agreement any time, it’s generally best to do it before moving in together. 

Remember that you can revise the cohabitation agreement as your circumstances change over time, like buying property or having children. 

4. Living apart together (LAT)

Living apart together (LAT) is a relationship model where two individuals are romantically involved but have chosen to live apart for various reasons. Though some couples have no choice but to live apart, the trend of actively choosing to live apart regardless of extenuating circumstances is swiftly increasing. 

One of the key benefits of LAT relationships is that they offer a level of independence and autonomy that is unavailable in traditional marriage or cohabitation arrangements. 

Partners in a LAT relationship are free to maintain their own homes and spaces, pursue their interests, and have separate social lives. At the same time, they are committed to each other and spend time together on a regular basis. 

Entering a LAT relationship has never been easier than in the digital age. Communication and technology have made it easier for individuals to maintain close relationships despite geographical distance, be it across cities, countries, or continents. 

5. Polyamorous relationships

For many people, polyamory offers a way to explore alternate forms of love and connection for people who feel capable of committing to multiple romantic partners. 

Polyamory is the practice of having multiple romantic partners with the knowledge and consent of all parties involved. Polyamorous relationships can take many forms; they may involve individuals in multiple relationships simultaneously or even a married partner.

Hence, polyamorous partners can marry each other, but they typically consider this an alternative form of marriage.  

However, keep in mind that polyamorous relationships can be complex and tricky, particularly in managing jealousy or balancing the needs and desires of multiple partners. However, with open communication and transparency between all partners, as well as the guidance of couples therapy, you may be able to make a polyamorous relationship work. 

Related Reading: Polyamorous Relationship Rules

What alternative to marriage is right for you? 

If you’re looking for alternatives to marriage, the most important thing to consider is your values, needs, and lifestyles. Different alternative marriage models will suit different individuals, and what works for one person may not be the best choice for another.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, says, 

Here are some tips to help you determine which marriage alternative is right for you: 

• Consider your relationship goals; are you looking for a life partner, or are you interested in exploring non-monogamous relationships? 
• Think about your personal values and priorities. For example, are you someone who values independence and personal space, or are you looking for a more traditional nuclear family unit? 
• Assess your compatibility with your partner, considering your goals, priorities, interests, and overall lifestyles. 
• Research and consider all legal and financial implications of your chosen marriage alternative. 

At the end of the day, remember to prioritize and voice your needs. The worst thing you can do for your relationship is to choose alternatives with which you aren’t fully comfortable. 

Watch former therapist George Bruno talk about three non-traditional alternatives to marriage in this video:

Frequently asked questions

Now that we have discussed possible and legal alternatives to marriage, you might have some questions in the same direction. Here are some frequently asked questions about alternatives to marriage. 

• What is a free marriage? 

A free marriage is any marriage that is not bound by traditional societal norms and expectations, emphasizing personal freedom and flexibility. 

Instead, it is defined and structured by the partners in a way that works best for them. In a free marriage, partners may choose to live apart, have multiple partners, engage in open relationships, and so on. 

• Why is marriage necessary in life?

Different people value marriage for different reasons. Though marriage is not truly a necessity, as many individuals choose never to marry, it can provide a sense of stability, security, and commitment in a relationship. 

Moreover, marriage provides various legal benefits, such as inheritance rights and access to healthcare and government benefits. 

Marriage or not, decision is yours!

In today’s day and age, marriage is not the only option for those seeking a committed relationship. There are many alternatives to marriage that may be more suitable for some individuals. 

From domestic partnerships and civil unions to cohabitation agreements and living apart together, there is a diverse range of relationship models from which you can choose. 

Ultimately, the right alternative to marriage is the one that works best for you and your partner. Whether you choose to pursue a traditional marriage or explore alternative options, the most important thing is to find a relationship model that brings you and your partner happiness, stability, and security.