Love Bombing Vs Infatuation: 20 Crucial Differences

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Love Bombing vs Infatuation: 20 Crucial Differences

You are probably familiar with the concept of infatuation, but are you familiar with love bombing? If you are unsure about the difference between the two, you might have looked up “love bombing vs. infatuation.” Luckily, those who want to learn their differences have come to the right place.

What is love bombing?

Love bombing vs. infatuation – which one are you experiencing? Before we go into the differences between these two, it will be prudent first to answer, “What is love bombing?”

Love bombing is an emotional manipulation method that involves giving a person an overwhelming amount of unnecessary romantic gestures, compliments, and promises. This technique is considered a red flag and can precede worse abuse.

It is easy to feel confused between infatuation vs. love since they can manifest similarly. Is love bombing always bad? The answer to this question is yes. Love bombing abuse aims to overwhelm and guilt another person into submission.

According to Dr. Jennifer Jacobsen, PhD in Psychology:

Love bombing often occurs at the beginning of a relationship with someone who is narcissistic or otherwise abusive. She further adds that love bombing is a way to get someone hooked on the relationship, so they will be surprised when the person becomes abusive.

Define infatuation

On the other hand, you will also need to understand infatuation to figure out love bombing vs. infatuation. People tend to use them interchangeably, so it is crucial to understand their differences.

This is an older term that you are probably more familiar with. Infatuation is an intense romantic admiration or passion for someone that tends to be short-lived. Is infatuation bad? Not necessarily, although it should not be confused with love. After all, infatuation is rooted in lust and physical attraction.

What are signs it’s love and not infatuation? Infatuation can eventually develop into love driven by commitment, respect, and trust. Love will come with realistic expectations and should be built around a future together. It is a long-term commitment with an eye on a life together.

Related Reading: How to Get Over Infatuation: 15 Psychological Tricks

Love bombing vs. infatuation: 20 crucial differences

Have you ever wondered, “Is he love bombing me or genuine in his interest in me?” If so, you have come to the right place. We are here to show you signs that will help you determine if it is love bombing or genuine affection and infatuation.

1. Motivation

The motivations for love bombing and infatuation are different. Love bombing, a fairly common tactic among abusers, is all about control and power. 

On the other hand, infatuation is not necessarily manipulation.

As Dr. Jacobsen explains:

Love bombing is a manipulative tactic that abusers use at the beginning of a relationship to make victims feel as if they are special.

Once an abuser is convinced the person who has been the victim of a love bombing is head over heels, the abuser will begin to show their true colors, knowing that the victim is under their control.

You can say that its goal is to become romantically involved with the object of affection.

Related Reading: Lacking Motivation? Check Out These Fitness Tips for a Stellar Marriage

2. Toxicity

Without a doubt, they are both intense. This might be why some people are confused about love bombing vs. infatuation. When infatuated, some people can start to act crazy to win their beloved’s attention.

However, this behavior is usually just the result of uncontrollable passion.

Dr. Jacobsen also adds:

If someone is love-bombing you, and you don’t respond as positively as they had hoped, they may become furious or even try to punish you.

Love bombing, consciously or subconsciously, aims to gain control of the relationship from the get-go.

Related Reading: What Is a Toxic Relationship and Major Types of Toxic Partners

3. Time

The beginning is important in the creation of a healthy relationship. Love bombing is often quick and intense and does not allow for much space and time early on. Infatuated people avoid rushing into a relationship and take the time to get to know each other.

How long does love bombing last? There is no definite answer, as it will depend on how much the victim can take. It is important to put yourself first to avoid falling prey to this type of abuse.

4. Boundaries

Love bombing does not offer any privacy. It includes bombarding mushy texts and calls all day from the get-go. The attention will feel flattering, but it can get overwhelming eventually.

It is not always easy to tell if a sweet gesture is love bombing vs. infatuation. While the latter involves being crazy in love, there is more awareness of coming off too strong at the beginning.

Related Reading: 6 Types of Boundaries in Relationships & How to Maintain Them

5. Dependence

A love-bombing victim will feel dependent on their partner regardless of how long they have been together. The attention was given to make them feel indispensable. If you are learning more about love bombing vs. infatuation, the latter involves having a life outside the relationship.

Related Reading: How to Balance Dependence and Independence in a Relationship

6. Guilt

The love-bombed person tends to feel guilty even without doing anything wrong. This stems from the attention, which pressures them to reply quickly or spend all their time with the love bomber. 

This feeling is not present when it is infatuation, which is exciting and fun without too much involvement. 

Related Reading: Guilt Tripping in Relationships: Signs, Causes, and How to Deal With It

7. Empathy

When it comes to love bombing vs. infatuation, the former involves an initial show of empathy and concern to get close to the victim. However, the love bomber might make the conversation all about them. 

Meanwhile, an infatuated person will make a real effort to ease the pain or stress of their partner.

Related Reading: How to Build Empathy in Relationships?

8. Behavior

Love bombing usually becomes more and more intense as the relationship goes on. The toxicity will increase with time. Infatuation, meanwhile, tends to lose intensity after some time and can develop into real love once you get to know the other person. 

Related Reading: 10 Different Behaviors That Ruin a Relationship

9. Neediness

When dealing with love bombing vs. infatuation, overwhelming neediness is a sign of the former. The person behind this will be demanding both your time and attention.

This should not be the case with infatuation, which will still leave you space to breathe. An infatuated person will want to spend time with their beloved, but it should be bearable in comparison. 

Related Reading: How to Stop Being Needy in a Relationship

10. Consistency

You might find yourself confused when you are being love-bombed. After giving you a ton of attention and compliments at first, they might suddenly change their demeanor towards you! 

On the topic of love bombing vs. infatuation, the latter will cause a person to be more consistent and clearer in their intentions.

Related Reading: Consistency in Relationships: What It Means, and Why It’s Important

11. Drama

A love bomber will inappropriately talk about sad things from their past to make you sympathize with them. It is important to discuss past traumas, but there is a time and place to have these conversations. There should be enough trust between the two of you before opening up. 

An infatuated person will wait for the right time to bring up these things. While disputes are inevitable, they should not arise for no reason. These conflicts should be resolved in a healthy and restorative manner. This is important in telling love bombing vs. infatuation apart.

Related Reading: Types of Drama You’re Too Old to Deal With in a Relationship 

12. Accountability

When sharing stories, a love bomber will always paint themselves to be the victim to gain your sympathy. This is another way to take advantage of your kindness and gain control. 

It might guilt you into staying in the relationship, which is already a strong difference between love bombing vs. infatuation. 

When infatuated, a person will put their best foot forward. Their goal will be to show that they are strong and independent. Their past should explain their actions but never justify bad things. 

13. Gaslighting

The act of gaslighting is common among love bombers as well. They will try to influence you to think something but later dismiss it as irrational. It can even escalate to the point where they try to paint you as crazy. 

An infatuated person will value your opinions and always consider them. They will act like this out of genuine concern and care. Make sure to remember this when you are distinguishing between love bombing vs. infatuation. 

Watch this video to learn some signs of gaslighting.

Related Reading: How to Deal With Gaslighting in Relationships in 15 Ways

14. Control

The love bomber will always want to control their partner. This can be done subtly, although it can manifest in more obvious ways. They might restrict you from seeing friends and doing certain things. 

Infatuated people will instead be genuine in their support for and trust in you. In terms of love bombing vs. infatuation, the latter has no interest in control.

Related Reading: 14 Tips on How to Control Your Emotions in a Relationship

15. Energy

How does your relationship make you feel? This is also important when it comes to determining whether it is love bombing vs. real love. Love bombing will tire you out due to the feelings of guilt, pressure, and worry that comes with it. Infatuation, meanwhile, is less stressful.

Related Reading: New Relationship Energy and How to Make It Last

16. Narcissism

A love bomber will always put their interests first. The relationship is secondary to their personal needs. They only use their partner and the relationship to feed their ego. 

An infatuated person will try to balance your needs and theirs since they genuinely care about you. When it comes to love bombing vs. infatuation, you should check if their actions are genuine.

Related Reading: How to Stop Being a Narcissist: 20 Key Steps

17. Equality

A relationship between two people should ideally be equal. A love bomber, however, will likely have better financial security and use this to their advantage by showering their beloved with gifts. However, this can make the other person ultimately feel indebted to them. 

It is common for infatuated people to give gifts, but it should not make the other person feel uncomfortable. Likewise, the gifts should not be over-the-top and personalized to the needs and preferences of the recipient. This is an easy way to see if it is love bombing vs. infatuation. 

Related Reading: Equality in Relationships

18. Growth

A relationship should change for the better as time passes. Lovers will eventually discover how to handle setbacks together. This is the case for infatuation when things work well enough to develop into a proper partnership. 

On the other hand, the opposite is true when you are being love-bombed. Instead of growing together, acts of love and care will be weaponized against you. In love bombing vs. infatuation, the former wants the other person to be indebted and stay in the relationship despite their unhappiness. 

Related Reading: 10 Opportunities for Relationship Growth

19. Actions

It is common for love bombers to make a lot of promises and say sweet things to their partner. Love bombers want to win their partner’s trust, so they might resort to this tactic. However, they might not follow through on these things after accomplishing their goal.

On the other hand, an infatuated person will be cautious of what they say. After all, people will not be pleased if they promise something they cannot do in the future. It is important to consider this when debating if it is love bombing vs. infatuation. 

20. Idealization

When you are being love bombed, the other person will put you on a pedestal. They will act as if you are the best thing ever to them. While it can be good for the ego, it will be challenging to have a healthy relationship. 

Infatuation may start with rose-tinted glasses, but this will pass. Once it has, you start to know a person deeper and more personally. This should then serve as the basis of whether or not you and the other person should commit to a relationship with each other.

Infatuation vs. love bombing

It is easy to see why some people feel confused between the two. They both involve intense feelings and sweet gestures, but they are two very different things. The most telling difference is the motive behind them.

An infatuated person is swept up by their emotions. Keep in mind that this is not always a bad thing. Their goal is to become romantically involved with the object of their affection, whether this is short-term or long-term.

On the other hand, love bombing is enacted to gain control of the other person, even if it does not seem that way. It is abuse disguised as love. These selfish abusers only want to prop up their egos.

Takeaway

With all the love bombing examples we listed, it should now be easier to tell it apart from infatuation. However, infatuation passes and can transition into a healthy relationship. Love bombing is a form of abuse that appears similar to love. It is ultimately about control, narcissism, and power.

If you feel that you are being subjected to this, seek the advice of a trusted loved one or a professional immediately.