7 Stages of Healing After Narcissistic Abuse

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Imagine you’re walking on eggshells, constantly doubting your feelings, and wondering if you are the problem. 

One moment, you’re showered with affection, and the next, you’re left confused, dismissed, or criticized. This is what narcissistic abuse can feel like—an emotional roller coaster that leaves deep, invisible scars.

Healing from narcissistic abuse is not just about moving on; it requires intentionally addressing the damage caused to your self-worth, emotional health, and sense of reality. 

The stages of healing after narcissistic abuse involve more than just time; they require self-awareness, emotional release, and the rebuilding of trust within yourself. 

Recovery is a non-linear journey, with moments of progress followed by setbacks, but every small step brings you closer to wholeness. This article outlines what narcissistic abuse looks like, its impact on the brain, and the seven essential stages for reclaiming your life.  

What does narcissistic abuse look like in a relationship?

In a toxic relationship with a narcissist, emotional manipulation is disguised as love and affection. The abuser uses tactics to control their partner, erode their confidence, and create dependency. Recognizing these behaviors is the first step toward narcissist abuse recovery. 

While healing is a long road, knowing what to look for can help in the stages of healing after narcissistic abuse and moving toward self-empowerment.  

Here are some common signs of narcissistic abuse in a relationship:

1. Gaslighting makes you doubt your reality  

Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where the abuser makes you question your perception of events, memories, or emotions. They may deny things they said or did, twist facts, or insist that you are overreacting or imagining things. This gradually erodes your trust in your own judgment.  

• Example: They say something hurtful, and when confronted, respond with, “I never said that. You’re making things up.”  

2. Love-bombing overwhelms you with affection  

At the beginning of the relationship, the abuser showers you with grand gestures of love, compliments, gifts, and attention, making you feel special. This “love-bombing” stage creates emotional dependency, making it harder to notice red flags. Once you are emotionally invested, the abuser shifts to criticism and control.  

• Example: They call you “the love of their life” after a few days, send excessive texts, or plan your entire future together very early on.  

3. Devaluation destroys your sense of self-worth  

Once the narcissist feels they have you emotionally hooked, they begin to devalue you. This includes constant criticism, put-downs, and emotional neglect. Over time, you start internalizing these negative messages, feeling inadequate and unworthy of love.  

• Example: They mock your appearance, accomplishments, or intelligence, saying things like, “You’re lucky I put up with you” or “No one else would want you.”  

4. Silent treatment isolates you emotionally  

The silent treatment is used as a form of punishment and control. The narcissist withdraws communication and affection without explanation, making you desperate for their attention and approval. This behavior fosters insecurity and reinforces their power in the relationship.  

• Example: They stop responding to texts and ignore you for days after a minor disagreement, only to reappear without any apology.  

5. Triangulation makes you feel insecure  

Triangulation is when the abuser involves a third party—such as an ex, friend, or family member—to create jealousy, rivalry, or insecurity. This tactic makes you feel that you are constantly competing for the narcissist’s approval and affection, further diminishing your self-esteem.  

• Example: They compare you to someone else by saying, “My ex used to do that better” or “Even [a friend] thinks you’re being unreasonable.”  

6. Projection shifts blame onto you  

Projection occurs when the narcissist accuses you of behaviors or intentions they are guilty of themselves. This tactic confuses you, making you feel responsible for things you didn’t do. It also distracts you from recognizing the narcissist’s toxic behavior.  

• Example: They accuse you of being selfish or unfaithful, even though they are the ones behaving that way.  

7. Hoovering pulls you back into the relationship  

After a breakup or period of no contact, the narcissist may try to “hoover” you back with promises to change, grand gestures, or emotional pleas. This cycle of break-up and reconciliation keeps you trapped in the relationship, hoping things will improve.  

• Example: They reappear after weeks of silence, saying, “I’ve realized how much I love you. Let’s start over.”  

Identifying these patterns is key to getting over a narcissist and working through the signs you’re healing from narcissistic abuse. 

What happens to your brain after narcissistic abuse?

If you’re going through the stages of healing after narcissistic abuse, it’s important to know that the abuse you’ve endured has a negative impact on your brain. Recovering from narcissistic abuse requires you to understand that being a victim of this abuse can alter the way that your brain functions. 

They also show changes in areas of the brain called the amygdala and the anterior cingulate cortex, both of which are involved in processing emotions.

After relationship violence, women also show increased activity in areas of the brain linked to fear and negative emotions. What all of this means is that you may feel constantly tense and on edge when you are recovering from narcissistic abuse. 

Your brain is constantly on high alert, looking out for signs of danger. You are also likely to find that you suffer from extreme mood swings, and you have difficulty controlling your emotions, especially when something upsetting happens. All of this is a part of narcissistic abuse recovery.

How long does it take to recover from narcissistic abuse?

When learning about the stages of healing after narcissistic abuse, many people wonder how long getting over a narcissist takes.

It is impossible to give an exact answer to this question, because each person’s journey will differ, based upon their unique experiences, including the length of the relationship, the level of support they have, and the types of abuse they endured during the relationship with a narcissist.

Life after a narcissistic relationship will involve a period of healing, which will vary in length. That being said, you can expect to spend a significant amount of time processing your emotions and moving forward toward the life you deserve. 

While narcissist recovery steps after the relationship will involve several stages, not everyone will proceed through the stages in a linear fashion. You may find that you make forward progress, only to take a few steps backward when you’re triggered by a memory of the relationship or faced with a stressful time. 

What are the common effects of narcissistic abuse?

Narcissistic abuse has far-reaching consequences, leaving emotional and psychological scars that affect victims’ sense of self, relationships, and overall well-being. These effects can continue for months or years, influencing how survivors perceive themselves and interact with the world. 

Understanding these impacts is an essential step toward the stages of healing after narcissistic abuse, as it helps survivors validate their experiences and seek appropriate support. Below are some of the most common effects of narcissistic abuse:  

• Low self-esteem: Constant criticism and devaluation from the abuser make victims feel inadequate and unworthy.  
• Trust issues: Manipulation and betrayal leave survivors struggling to trust others, even in safe and healthy relationships.  
• Emotional dysregulation: Frequent mood swings, anxiety, and depression impair the ability to manage emotions effectively.  
• Isolation: Many victims feel compelled to withdraw from family and friends due to shame, fear, or exhaustion.  
• Post-Traumatic Stress Symptoms (PTSD): Flashbacks, nightmares, and emotional triggers cause survivors to relive the abuse.  
• Chronic self-doubt: Gaslighting makes victims question their own thoughts, memories, and perceptions, leading to indecision.  
• Codependency: Victims often develop a need for external validation, becoming overly dependent on others for approval and self-worth.  
• Hypervigilance: Survivors remain on high alert, constantly scanning for signs of danger or manipulation in future interactions.  
• Health issues: Prolonged stress from the abuse can manifest physically, leading to headaches, fatigue, and digestive problems.  
• Difficulty setting boundaries: Victims often struggle to establish and maintain healthy boundaries in future relationships.  
• Emotional numbness: Some survivors disconnect from their feelings to cope, making it hard to experience joy or intimacy.  

These effects may continue to influence survivors long into their journey of recovery. 

For example, building a new relationship after narcissistic abuse can feel overwhelming due to lingering trust issues and emotional wounds. 

However, every step forward, no matter how small, is part of the stages of healing after narcissistic abuse. With time, self-compassion, and the right support, survivors can regain confidence, set healthy boundaries, and rebuild fulfilling relationships after narcissistic abuse.

7 stages of healing & recovery after narcissistic abuse 

As you begin to experience narcissistic abuse and then recognize what has happened to you, you will enter the process of recovering. Below are the 7 stages of healing after narcissistic abuse. 

1. Denial 

The first stage of narcissist abuse recovery actually happens during the relationship. As the butterflies and intensity of the initial stages of the relationship fade away, you will begin to notice that your narcissistic partner has changed. 

They are no longer as loving and affectionate as they were in the beginning. They may begin to ignore you, lash out in anger, or insult you. Perhaps they begin to tell you that your friends are no good for you, or that you’d never be anywhere with them.

Initially, you will be in denial that there is a problem. You convince yourself that they are simply having a bad day, and they will return to being the loving partner they once were. 

2. Guilt

Here, you begin to see the narcissist for who they really are. You recognize that you are in a relationship with someone who is abusive and manipulative, and you begin to feel guilty for falling for them.

You blame yourself for not seeing the warning signs and for being gullible enough to fall for their charm in the beginning of the relationship. Your self-esteem is so low at this point, that you can’t even bring yourself to take the first step toward leaving. 

3. Bargaining 

Here, you find yourself stuck in a relationship with the narcissist. You aren’t yet ready to end things, so you convince yourself that if you try harder, they’ll change. 

You may shower them with attention, walk on eggshells to avoid upsetting them or put all your time and energy into becoming the perfect partner because you’re convinced that if you fix some flaw within yourself, the narcissist will return to being the charming person you fell in love with. 

4. Depression/Grief

At this point, you recognize the narcissistic relationship for what it truly was: one-sided and exploitative. You come to realize that the narcissist never loved you, and they duped you into becoming their supportive, loving partner without giving you anything in return. 

Along with this realization comes a deep sadness, as you recognize that the relationship is not savable. You fell in love with someone who isn’t capable of loving you, and you now understand that you can’t save the relationship; instead, you must end it. 

To learn how depression affects the brain, watch this video:

5. The turning point

During this stage, you stop fixating on the narcissist and fix the relationship. You are no longer overcome with sadness or so paralyzed by fear that you remain in the relationship.

You take steps to leave the narcissist, which usually involves cutting off all contact and starting over anew. You may find during this stage that you are so focused on healing that you end all relationships that are no longer serving you so that you can begin to focus on your own wellbeing. 

6. Working through the pain

As you come to the next stage, you have ended the relationship and cut off contact with the narcissist. Here, you are finally free to heal and process your emotions, now that you have moved on to life after a narcissistic relationship. 

Free from the narcissist’s grip, you can engage in some self-reflection. Think about what led you to form a relationship with the narcissist. Were there any early red flags that you missed? 

Keep in mind that the narcissistic abuse was never your fault, but recognizing any warning signs that you missed can prevent you from landing in a similar situation in the future. 

Be sure to be kind to yourself during this stage. You are likely to find that occasional feelings of sadness emerge, and you may even miss the narcissist at times. 

You will also experience some challenges with processing emotions, and you may still find yourself reacting poorly to upsetting situations because your brain is still on high alert from the abuse. 

7. Hope for the future

At this final stage, things start to look a little better. 

You’ve had time to process your emotions, and you’re ready to look toward the future with a positive mindset. You may even be ready to enter a relationship after narcissistic abuse, as you are healed enough to avoid such an abusive relationship in the future. 

At this stage, you are able to accept the role you played in attracting a narcissist. Did you fail to set boundaries? Do you have unhealed childhood trauma that leads you toward abusive people? 

Whatever the case, you now recognize your own faults, while still understanding that the narcissist is accountable for their own behavior. 

As you’re proceeding through the stages of healing after narcissistic abuse, it’s important to give yourself time and space to recover. You’ve been a victim of significant mistreatment within your relationship, and you may even be showing signs of PTSD. 

If you’re trying to figure out how to heal from narcissistic abuse, recognize that you’re going to need to make some changes. This means you must learn to set boundaries, which involves becoming comfortable standing up for your own needs and letting go of the habit of taking responsibility for other people’s happiness.  

It is also important to take time for self-care. Ensure that you’re getting plenty of sleep, taking time to connect with people who support you, engaging in hobbies you enjoy, and treating your body properly with regular exercise and healthy nutrition. 

As you care for your own needs, you will find that you’re in a better position to do the work of healing from narcissistic abuse. 

Conclusion

If you’re wondering how to heal from narcissistic abuse, know that the first step is to take action—whether by seeking support, setting boundaries, or practicing self-care. 

The stages of healing after narcissistic abuse may feel overwhelming, but each phase brings you closer to rediscovering yourself and building emotional resilience. 

Healing isn’t linear, and setbacks are normal, but staying committed to your recovery will lead to lasting transformation. 

Recovering from narcissistic abuse requires time, patience, and self-compassion. Surround yourself with people who uplift you, engage in activities that bring joy, and don’t hesitate to ask for professional help when needed. Every small step forward is progress, and with each stage, you’ll reclaim your confidence, self-worth, and peace. 

Trust that healing is possible—you have the strength to rebuild your life and thrive again. You are more than your trauma. Keep going.