25 Signs of a Toxic Marriage and How to Cope With It

A marriage is meant to be a place of love, support, and trust, but sometimes things take a different turn. 

Arguments that never seem to end, feeling drained instead of uplifted, or sensing a constant emotional distance… sound familiar?

These are just a few signs of a toxic marriage that can leave you questioning the state of your relationship. It’s tough when what once felt like home now feels uncertain, and the weight of it can be overwhelming.

However, understanding what’s happening and finding ways to cope can help you take the next steps toward healing and growth, no matter the outcome.

What is a toxic marriage?

Imagine coming home after a long day, hoping to relax, but instead, you’re met with tension, silence, or harsh words. You try to communicate, but it feels like you’re talking to a wall… or worse, every conversation turns into a fight.

This is what a toxic marriage can look like—constant negativity, emotional exhaustion, and a sense of being stuck in a cycle of pain.

Toxic marriage signs can be as subtle as manipulation, control, and even a lack of respect or affection. It’s not about the occasional argument; it’s about a pattern that makes you feel drained, unheard, or unloved.

25 signs of a toxic marriage 

Living in a toxic marriage may remove all happiness from your life, deteriorate your mental health and well-being, and push you into a constant feeling of self-doubt and shame.

If you already feel these things or notice any of the warning signs of a toxic relationship listed below, it’s time to take certain steps to protect your well-being.

1. Lack of communication

Talking to one another is considered a great way to remove misunderstandings and develop a bond between two people. Lack of communication or limited communication is one of the clearest toxic marriage signs to look for.

Similarly, couples usually opt for talking it out when having issues in their married life. If there are times when neither of you wishes to speak to each other, this is a clear indication that something is not correct.

Moreover, despite being in the same room, both of you are busy doing your own thing rather than spending quality time with each other displays a lack of connection.

Similarly, physical affection is said to be what distinguishes marriage from friendship. If your relationship lacks physical intimacy, a big red flag is waiting to be noticed.

2. Jealousy

If your partner is constantly texting you and wants to know where you go and who you hang out with, this shows their insecurity and need to control you. It’s not common knowledge for the sake of it.

A jealous spouse requires constant updates and limits you, taking away your freedom.

3. Stalking your phone

Your partner may even monitor what you do on your phone or computer and feel jealous of seeing you talk to others, particularly the opposite sex.

Having no trust in a relationship is a clear sign that your marriage is falling apart, and there may be nothing worth left to hold on to.

4. Threats and blame games

Wondering, “Am I in a toxic relationship?” 

When a relationship is toxic, you may find your partner often threatening you to manipulate you by hurting themselves and blaming you as the reason for their pain.

How much a person blames their partner depends on their perception, and it also decides how much they let it affect their marriage.

5. Fights and arguments

Couples tend to learn more about each other over the years and develop a better understanding that helps them minimize marital conflicts and enhances love and support between them.

Even after all these years, if spouses are constantly fighting, possibly over the same reasons, there might be a big chance they have lost the love they once held.

6. Feeling like you are walking on eggshells

Suppose you are living in a toxic marriage. In that case, you will eventually find yourself to be always in a constant state of anxiety and afraid to do anything that you feel may offend or disappoint your partner.

This is entirely due to the fear of being criticized or yelled at. If you feel like “walking on eggshells,” which means always being careful about trivial matters, this is a massive sign that you are unhappy in this marriage.

Such feelings of anxiety ultimately lead you to think about how to leave a toxic marriage, and you should act on it as soon as possible rather than suffer in silence.

7. You’re depressed

If you think that you are constantly drained of positive energy and feel sad all the time, you are probably experiencing a toxic relationship. 

Depression is the biggest sign of a toxic marriage. If your relationship keeps you dull, you should start doing something about it.

8. You constantly feel exhausted

You are always tired and not up for anything. It seems as if someone sucked the joy out of your life. You feel disconnected from everything because you have no energy left in you. 

If all this sounds familiar, it’s time to analyze and think about how to deal with your toxic relationship. 

9. You overcompensate by talking about how great your relationship is 

You constantly need to assure yourself that your relationship is fine. You find yourself constantly talking about how amazing your relationship is when the reality is far from it. 

It’s one of the major signs of a toxic marriage.

10. Your friends see and say things you don’t 

If people around you have warned you or told you about being abused, you choose to ignore them. You don’t want to admit that in front of them or yourself because you know it is true in your heart.

However, lying to yourself might be detrimental to your mental health in the long run.

11. You hide your social life

You maintain a separate social life as you fear that people might know things aren’t great. 

You also avoid talking about your partner with friends and loved ones. If they do, you become offensive and refuse to share the details. 

12. You have thoughts of cheating 

You are constantly worried that your partner may or may not cheat on you. Sometimes, when you believe that you will be cheated on, you think of cheating back.

It’s toxic behavior and one of the significant signs of a toxic marriage. 

13. You are always defending

You have the burden of constantly defending everything in your life. You are not sure how anything out of your life looks on the outside, and it has pushed you towards toxic behavior. 

Your defending has become a self-survival means which is one of the warning signs of a toxic marriage.

14. You don’t depend on your partner for emotional support

You try to find emotional support in everyone other than your partner. It is not a sign of a healthy marriage when you do not seek emotional support from your partner.

15. Your spouse is distant when you’re trying to communicate

Not paying attention to your partner shows disrespect in a relationship. When you try to communicate with your partner, they always seem busy or uninterested. 

When you try to confront them, they use the cliched toxic things partners say, such as – you are reading too much into it, you’re overthinking, I am exhausted from work pressure, etc. This is one of the signs your marriage is toxic.

16. You become the scapegoat 

Your partner always blames you for everything that goes wrong in your relationship. Even for their faults, they blame you and make you feel guilty about it.

How do you know your marriage is toxic? See if your partner always uses you as a scapegoat.

17. Your partner is lying about finances

Hiding money from your partner is like putting a nail in the coffin. If your partner is hiding money or going on a spending spree, you should know something is wrong in your relationship.

Managing finances together is an essential part of a healthy marriage.

18. You spend more time with your children than with your partner

You are not interested in alone time with your partner, and you like to spend most of your free time with your children, friends, or family members as it makes you happier. 

It is one of the apparent signs of a toxic relationship when you want to avoid as much interaction with your partner.

19. You’re feeling a lack of control

Your partner controls everything that happens around you and in your life, and you have been feeling suffocated. While some control can be normal in a relationship, it can become toxic really quickly if it stays constant.

You should consider rethinking your relationship, indicating that your partner is a marriage bully. 

20. You don’t discuss decisions before making them

Both or one of you has started imagining your life as an individual rather than a couple. You don’t think of the other person before making a major decision.

This type of approach can destroy a relationship, and you should think if you have been living with a toxic wife or husband in marriage. 

21. Minor fights become big fights

Your relationship has become so toxic that every communication turns into an argument, and every small argument becomes a major fight.

If you can’t have a conversation without turning it into a fight, you should reconsider your marriage and make certain decisions.

22. There is stonewalling and silent treatment

Stonewalling and the silent treatment can be incredibly painful in a marriage.

This behavior occurs when one partner completely shuts down emotionally, refusing to communicate or engage in any form of conversation. It often leaves the other spouse feeling isolated, unheard, and invisible.

23. Constant criticism

In a healthy marriage, feedback should feel supportive, not like an attack. Constant criticism about your behavior, appearance, or decisions can gradually erode your self-esteem.

When feedback consistently feels like judgment, it creates a toxic environment, leaving you feeling inadequate and unloved. This form of negativity is a strong sign that the marriage is becoming harmful.

24. Public humiliation

When a spouse consistently makes jokes at your expense or belittles you in front of others, it can damage your self-worth and trust in the relationship.

Public humiliation is never acceptable and often indicates a lack of respect and care. If this happens frequently, it’s a clear sign that your marriage may be toxic.

25. Lack of empathy

A partner who dismisses or ignores your feelings shows a lack of empathy, which can make you feel emotionally neglected. In a healthy relationship, both people care about each other’s emotions.

When empathy disappears, so does the sense of being valued and understood, leaving you feeling isolated within the marriage.

What are the causes of a toxic marriage?

Toxic marriages can result from various factors, but 5 main causes often contribute to their toxicity:

• Communication issues: Poor communication, including frequent arguments, misunderstandings, or a lack of effective listening, can lead to frustration and resentment.
• Unresolved conflicts: Failing to address and resolve issues over time can create a buildup of unresolved conflicts, resulting in ongoing tension and toxicity.
• Lack of boundaries: When boundaries are not respected, it can lead to feelings of invasion, discomfort, or even emotional or physical abuse.
• Control and power struggles: Unequal power dynamics and attempts to control one another can foster a toxic environment, eroding trust and emotional safety.
• Negative emotional patterns: Consistent negativity, such as criticism, blame, or emotional manipulation, can corrode the emotional connection between spouses, making the relationship toxic.

How to deal with toxic marriage: 15 tips

Living in a toxic marriage can feel overwhelming and exhausting, but it’s important to know there are steps you can take to protect your emotional well-being.

Understanding how to deal with a toxic husband or wife and recognizing the toxic wife or husband signs is key to making decisions that promote healing. Let’s explore 15 ways to manage these challenges.

1. Acknowledge the problem

The first step in dealing with a toxic marriage is admitting there is an issue. Denial can make things worse over time, so recognizing the toxic husband or wife signs is crucial. 

Once you acknowledge the situation, you can begin to explore solutions rather than remaining stuck in a harmful cycle.

Don’t forget:

• Admitting there’s a problem is the first step toward healing.
• Facing the truth can feel hard, but it opens the door to change.

2. Set emotional boundaries

Creating boundaries protects your mental health when you’re dealing with a toxic relationship. Clearly express what is and isn’t acceptable behavior from your partner. 

These boundaries can help reduce the impact of negativity in your marriage and give you the space to focus on your well-being without constantly feeling overwhelmed.

Don’t forget:

• Boundaries are not about control; they’re about self-protection.
• Stick to your boundaries even if it feels difficult at first.

3. Communicate openly and assertively

Communication is key in any relationship, but it’s even more essential when things are toxic. Be open about how you feel, but avoid being aggressive.

Assertiveness helps you stand your ground without escalating conflicts. This is an important tool when learning how to deal with a toxic wife or husband.

Don’t forget:

• Assertive communication can help set the tone for healthier interactions.
• Avoid aggression, but don’t shy away from expressing your feelings.

4. Seek individual counseling

Sometimes, talking to a professional can give you the clarity and emotional support you need to handle the toxicity in your marriage.

A counselor can help you process your emotions and guide you on what to do when your marriage is toxic. It’s also a safe space to discuss your feelings without judgment.

Don’t forget:

• Therapy is not a sign of weakness; it’s a path to understanding and healing.
• Individual counseling can help you see your situation more clearly.

5. Suggest couples therapy

If both of you are willing, couples therapy can be a productive way to address the root causes of toxic behavior.

A therapist can facilitate constructive conversations and offer tools to improve communication. This step can provide clarity on whether your marriage is salvageable or not.

Don’t forget:

• Couples therapy only works if both partners are open to it.
• Therapy can help identify patterns you both might not see on your own.

6. Avoid blaming yourself

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the toxicity in your marriage is your fault, but that’s rarely the case.

Toxic relationships often develop from a combination of factors, including your partner’s behavior. Don’t take full responsibility for something that involves both of you.

Don’t forget:

• You are not solely responsible for the toxicity in the marriage.
• Blaming yourself can prevent you from seeing the bigger picture.

7. Learn to say no

One way to protect yourself in a toxic marriage is by learning to say no to things that make you uncomfortable.

Whether it’s emotional manipulation or constant demands, saying no sets a clear boundary that helps protect your well-being. This is particularly important if your partner doesn’t respect your needs.

Don’t forget:

• Saying no is a form of self-respect and boundary-setting.
• It’s okay to prioritize your comfort and emotional health.

8. Take care of your mental and physical health

Living in a toxic marriage can take a toll on both your mental and physical health. Make self-care a priority by exercising, eating well, and engaging in activities that make you happy.

These small steps can help you feel more resilient when dealing with the challenges of a toxic relationship.

Don’t forget:

• Prioritizing self-care can boost your emotional strength.
• Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary for your well-being.

9. Limit interactions during heated moments

When emotions run high, stepping away from the situation can prevent things from escalating.

If your partner is angry or unreasonable, try to disengage until both of you are calm. This helps to avoid saying things in the heat of the moment that you may regret later.

Don’t forget:

• Walking away during a heated moment can prevent hurtful words.
• Cooling off gives both of you space to think more clearly.

10. Focus on solutions, not just problems

It’s easy to get caught up in the negative aspects of your marriage, but focusing solely on the issues can be draining.

Try to think of practical solutions that might improve your situation, even if they’re small. This proactive approach can provide a sense of control over what feels like a chaotic situation.

Don’t forget:

• Looking for solutions gives you a sense of empowerment.
• Small changes can lead to bigger improvements over time.

11. Surround yourself with support

You don’t have to face the struggles of a toxic marriage alone. Lean on trusted friends or family members for emotional support.

Sharing your experiences with people who care about you can provide comfort and clarity as you navigate how to deal with a toxic husband or wife.

Don’t forget:

• Support from loved ones can help you gain perspective.
• You deserve to feel supported, even if your marriage is struggling.

12. Assess whether change is possible

Ask yourself if your partner is willing to work on improving the relationship. If they’re not open to change, it may be time to reassess your situation.

Knowing whether your partner is willing to put in the effort can help guide your decisions about what to do when your marriage is toxic.

Don’t forget:

• Change is only possible if both partners are committed to it.
• Don’t settle for empty promises; actions speak louder than words.

13. Don’t let fear dictate your choices

Fear of the unknown can make it hard to leave a toxic relationship, but staying in an unhealthy situation can have long-term consequences for your well-being.

If you find yourself afraid to take steps toward change, remind yourself that prioritizing your happiness and mental health is essential.

Don’t forget:

• Fear can keep you stuck, but your well-being matters most.
• It’s okay to be scared, but don’t let it stop you from making positive changes.

14. Educate yourself on toxic behaviors

Understanding toxic husband or wife signs can help you clearly see what is happening in your marriage. 

Gaslighting, manipulation, and constant criticism are just a few examples of these behaviors. The more you know, the better equipped you’ll be to handle the situation.

Don’t forget:

• Knowledge is power when it comes to recognizing toxic behaviors.
• The more you understand, the clearer your next steps will become.

15. Consider separation if necessary

If you’ve tried multiple solutions and nothing seems to improve, separation might be a necessary step. 

This doesn’t have to be permanent, but it can give both of you space to reflect and consider what’s best for your future. Taking time apart can provide clarity when living in a toxic marriage feels unbearable.

Don’t forget:

• Separation can provide the emotional space you need to think clearly.
• Time apart doesn’t have to mean the end; it can be a step toward healing.

Do you know the difference between healthy and unhealthy love? Watch this speech by Katie Hood, former CEO of the One Love Foundation:

Can a toxic marriage be saved?

If you know how to survive a toxic marriage and patiently try to fix it, things can work out. Being able to voice your perspective and being all ears to your partner’s opinion is a great way to resolve issues.

However, if neither of you wishes to talk things out, you lack healthy communication, leading your relationship to shambles.

There are many polite ways to let your partner know if you are not pleased with something or the way they did something instead of bashing and insulting them.

It is not okay if your spouse humiliates and insults you by making mean jokes and judging negatively, showing that they no longer respect you.

Similarly, a partner who refuses to acknowledge your strengths and belittles your accomplishments is not worth staying with. These are signs of a toxic marriage, and it is useless trying to salvage it.

Commonly asked questions

Managing a toxic marriage can be challenging and raises many questions about its impact and potential solutions. Let’s explore some common concerns and provide straightforward answers.

• Can a toxic marriage impact your mental and physical health?

Yes, a toxic marriage can have a significant impact on your mental and physical well-being. Constant stress, anxiety, and emotional turmoil can lead to mental health issues like depression.

Physical health can suffer due to chronic stress, affecting sleep and the immune system and even increasing the risk of certain diseases.

• Is therapy effective for addressing issues in a toxic marriage?

Yes, therapy can be highly effective in addressing issues in a toxic marriage.

A trained therapist can help both partners improve communication, manage conflicts, and develop healthier relationship patterns, offering valuable tools for healing and growth.

• Is it possible to change a toxic marriage into a healthy one?

Yes, it’s possible to transform a toxic marriage into a healthy one with commitment and effort from both partners.

This often involves therapy, open communication, setting boundaries, and a willingness to change harmful behaviors.

• Is it better to leave a toxic marriage?

Whether to leave a toxic marriage depends on individual circumstances. If safety and well-being are at risk, leaving might be the best option.

However, many choose to work on their relationship with therapy and support, especially when there’s hope for positive change.

• Should I stay in a toxic marriage?

Staying in a toxic marriage is a personal decision. It’s essential to consider factors like safety, emotional well-being, and whether both partners are willing to work on the relationship.

Seeking professional guidance can help you make an informed choice based on your specific situation.

Breaking the chain of toxicity

Nobody deserves to stay bound in a toxic marriage, but both fixing and leaving a toxic marriage is going to take a lot of effort. When you think of how to get out of a toxic marriage, it can bring a cluster of negative thoughts to your mind.

The thought of breaking a relationship you have invested in is scary due to the fear of being alone. Also, the premise of an unknown future makes understanding when to leave a marriage a challenging task.

However, none of us deserve to “settle for it” and need to leave such a marriage as soon as possible because nothing is greater than one’s emotional health and happiness.