Top 10 Causes of Relationship Communication Problems

Listen to this article

Relationships are a beautiful part of life. We’re talking about long walks on the beach, movie night, laughing till your sides ache at your favorite joke.

But of course, relationships involve hard work too! The best relationships are those where both parties are willing to put in the work and show their commitment to moving forward. And one of the top blocks to moving forward- Relationship communication problems.

Relationship communication problems can leave you both feeling frazzled and frustrated. Sometimes it seems like they don’t get you. Or maybe you’re wondering why you can’t tackle that one thorny issue without it descending into a fight.

Communication problems are rarely unsolvable. Sometimes a few simple tweaks are all it takes to get your relationship back on track again. How to fix communication in a relationship? Check out our top ten causes of marriage communication problems, and know in-depth about ways to improve relationship and communication:

1. Too much screen time

Phones are great. And we love Netflix. But too much screen time can cause a lack of communication in marriage or communication problems in marriage. It’s hard to be present with your partner if you’re scrolling Facebook or clicking the browse button on your favorite streaming service. Unplug once in a while and give them your full attention. 

2. Casual jealousy

One of the relationship problems is jealousy. Casual jealousy is what happens when you wonder who every text is from, or get jealous because you saw them laughing with someone. Assuming the worst damages, both trust and communication in relationships.       

3. Harsh words

How to improve communication in marriage?

Start with avoiding accusing your partner.

It’s hard to listen to someone who is insulting you. Harsh words make it difficult to hear the real meaning behind the message. After all, most people go on the defensive if they feel accused. Try to speak more gently to solve relationship communication problems and other relationship issues.

4. Unrealistic expectations

Our partners can’t always know what we feel or what we want. And sometimes they just can’t put as much focus into the relationship as we like – life gets in the way from time to time. If you’re struggling with communication issues in a relationship or marriage, reality check your expectations.

5. Hiding feelings

Being honest about your feelings is the heart of good communication. It’s challenging to get a resolution or move forward with an issue if one of you isn’t being honest. Make a pact to be truthful with each other and deal with feelings together rather than sweeping them under the rug.

6. Making them responsible for us

No one else is responsible for our thoughts and feelings. If you’re making your partner responsible for keeping you happy, your communication will become clouded by frustration and the weight of all those expectations. Own your feelings so you can handle them with grace and openness. 

Solve many relationship communication problems by practicing good self-care and take steps to meet your own emotional needs so you can communicate with your partner from a place of strength.

7. Not knowing their love language

Everyone has their love language. Know your partner’s love language well and it will work wonders for your relationship communication. Maybe they respond well to praise or like to talk things out. Perhaps they enjoy receiving small gifts or reminders that you were thinking of them. Some people react best to practical help, such as help with chores. When you learn to understand their language, you can communicate better with them.

8. Keeping score

Keeping score, whether it is of the money spent, chores are done, or a list of past wrongs is toxic to any relationship. It’s hard to communicate well if you feel like your transgressions are going on a cosmic tally sheet. If you want your communications to be honest, loving, and helpful, drop the score keeping and only focus on the matter.

Remember, your partner isn’t your competitor, and you’re not in it to win it. Whatever happened in the past, let it go so you can focus on the present and solve your relationship communication problems.

9. Poor listening skills

Poor listening skills are the top cause of marriage communication problems. If one of you doesn’t feel heard of validated or doesn’t understand what the other is trying to get across, frustration and misunderstandings are sure to follow. Instead of waiting for your turn to speak, why not try active listening?

Listen carefully to what your partner says, then reflect it to them in your own words, without judgment or accusation. You’ll learn more about what they mean, and they’ll feel heard – invite them to do the same for you, too.

10. Lack of empathy

Sometimes lack of communication in relationships comes down to not having enough empathy for the other person. It’s so easy to get caught up in what we feel and need and worry about that we forget to take into account what our partner is feeling. It’s not a character flaw – it’s just part of being human. However, if you can learn to put yourself in their shoes and imagine what they are thinking, feeling, and going through, your communications will improve dramatically.

According to Grady Shumway, a licensed mental health counselor:

When dealing with a lack of communication, practice empathy by actively listening to your partner’s perspective without judgment or interruption. Validate their feelings and experiences, even if you disagree, to show that you understand and respect their point of view.

Additionally, strive to communicate your own feelings and needs calmly and assertively, encouraging an open and honest dialogue that promotes understanding and connection.

Good communication is a lifelong skill that takes practice. Start by trying out communication tips today for a smoother, happier relationship.

In her Tedx Talk, Luwandi Lofstrom discusses communication patterns, human parts chart for communication and steps, and rules of non blaming communication. Take a look:

These are the top ten causes that lead to marriage communication problems between couples, which, if not addressed in time, can cause a significant rift in the relationship.

As Grady Shumway explains:

It’s crucial for couples to prioritize open and honest communication, actively listen to each other’s concerns, and seek professional help if needed to manage these challenges and strengthen their bond. Addressing communication issues early can prevent larger conflicts from arising later on.