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Tamara Ridge
About
No matter what your situation is, know this: every relationship develops to a place where the things you need most from your partner are the most difficult for him or her to give you. At the same time, what your partner needs most from you is the hardest for you to give. This is normal relationship development and it happens because every human being unconsciously seeks a partner who matches unresolved emotional patterns from the past; including a difficult childhood history and/or past unhappy relationships. We seek someone who is similarly wounded because we are looking for a safe, loving relationship where we will be able to be loved in a way that heals those old wounds. At first, this “match” feels good. Like a soul connection. Simpatico! The deeply connected feeling comes from a visceral awareness that our match understands us. Our wounds are similar. Our life stories bring an easy empathy. But over time, those wounds that initially attracted us act in the background of our lives until we find ourselves wondering why we chose this person in the first place!
No matter how consciously you try to “choose” a healthy partner and create a relationship that is “different” from what you grew up with or different from unhappy past relationships, your relationships will inevitably bring you right back to the unresolved issues and hurts that you may have personally wished to leave behind. The truth is, what you bring to relationship and the patterns you helped develop in each of your previous relationships will remain the same – no matter who you are in relationship with. You will always be you in relationship. This is why your relationship presents you with the unique opportunity to heal yourself while it offers your partner the same opportunity. With the right guidance and cooperation, you and your partner can experience deep, lasting healing that leads to greater life satisfaction for each of you individually as well as for you together, as a couple.
No matter how consciously you try to “choose” a healthy partner and create a relationship that is “different” from what you grew up with or different from unhappy past relationships, your relationships will inevitably bring you right back to the unresolved issues and hurts that you may have personally wished to leave behind. The truth is, what you bring to relationship and the patterns you helped develop in each of your previous relationships will remain the same – no matter who you are in relationship with. You will always be you in relationship. This is why your relationship presents you with the unique opportunity to heal yourself while it offers your partner the same opportunity. With the right guidance and cooperation, you and your partner can experience deep, lasting healing that leads to greater life satisfaction for each of you individually as well as for you together, as a couple.
You need a sensitive guide who has the ability to help you understand how each of your past experiences have led you to where you are today as a couple. Even more importantly, you need someone who will help you identify how your past experiences intrude into your current interactions with your partner. It is common for couples to get into a stalemate because their past experiences match each other in a lock-and-key pattern that keeps each partner believing that the other partner is the cause of his or her discomfort. The truth is that the cause is usually a combination of perception, underlying “favorite” assumptions and undetected influences of past experiences. When these things become clear through the help of your therapist, you will each be able to make more informed, conscious decisions and loving actions within your relationship.
You need a guide who holds the optimism of someone who has walked this developmental path personally and who has supported many couples to successfully overcome the difficulties of a relationship haunted by past hurts. You need a guide who doesn’t get discouraged by what seem to be setbacks in the therapeutic process, but continually points you toward a satisfying, healthy, conscious relationship. The truth is, getting to where you are today was not a linear process. There were ups and downs. And there will be ups and downs in the process of recovering your relationship. Your therapist will help you remember that by reviewing your progress; pointing out change that may not be obvious but are clear signs of growth.
You need a guide who can help you navigate the delicate balance between what your past introduces into your relationship and what your partner brings. Sometimes, it can be very difficult to tell whether you are responding to something from your past or whether your partner is being uncooperative or difficult. At The Center for Healthy Relationships, we are experts at helping you understand how to tell the difference and how to talk about those differences together, leading to deeper intimacy and healing.
You need a clear understanding of how your needs may not have been met in the past and a crystal clear view of the unsuccessful strategies you have used to try to get those needs met. Then, you need a guide who will teach you the steps to getting what you need, while honoring your partner’s needs. Many of us learned that “either” you get your needs met “or” I get mine met. You need a guide who is ready to teach you a “both” you “and” I approach. So both of you understand how to get happy and stay happy in relationship.
You need an experienced, compassionate guide who stands ready to show you how to create safety in your relationship. The truth is that part of the reason you are where you are in your relationship right now is that it is natural to want to “protect” yourself when you begin to believe that your partner isn’t looking to take care of your unmet needs. It is very common for both partners to arrived “protected” to couples’ therapy. The first step to deep connection is identifying and establishing what makes you both feel safe in relationship. Your guide will take the process as slow as necessary – with you setting the pace based on increasing feelings of safety within your relationship.
You need to understand how stress creates and maintains conflict. You need effective tools for talking about and managing stress together. Couples often have a vague idea of how stress affects them, but your therapist will teach you how to assess your stress levels and effectively personalize a plan to protect your relationship in order to “stress proof” your relationship.
I am here to help you work together to overcome this developmental crisis in your relationship and help you experience a corrective emotional experience with your partner. During couples therapy, I am looking for those opportunities to help you restore your emotional connection and sense of empathy for each other. This is less dependent on communication skills and more dependent on the way you listen to each other. I stand ready to help you understand this process and make my tools your tools.
Tamara Ridge is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Moreno Valley
Licensing & Certifications:
- Licensed
- License State: California
- License Number: MRC37840, received 2001
- N/A
Specialities:
Types of Therapy:
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
- Psychodynamic Therapy
- Behavioral Therapy
Services Provided Via:
- Internet meeting
Works With:
- Individual
- Couples
Working With Marriages for:
- 19 Year(s) 10 Month(s)
Free Phone Consultations?
- Yes
Hourly Fees Range:
- $150 - $200
Accepts Insurance?
- Yes
Language(s) Spoken:
- English
