If you had a persistent pain in your belly, how bad would it have to get for you to see a doctor? How long would you wait?
When it comes to relationship problems, research shows that most couples don't get help until they've been living in pain for six years. By then, they're so steeped in their hurt, anger, defeat that it's hard to imagine life any differently. It's like waiting to see the oncologist until you're already in stage 4 cancer. Plenty of people do that, too, but I don't recommend it.
It's one thing to have a broken leg, but who wants to talk to a stranger about your broken heart? Who wants to fight it out in front of that stranger, letting all your dirty underwear hang out?
Hardly anyone until they're desperate. This is what I've learned in more than 30 years supporting clients, individually as well as partners in a couple or members of a family. That's why I like to get acquainted first.
(1) We start with a private 1-1 consultation between me and each of you. Neither of you has to worry that someone's feelings could get hurt or an argument might happen, etc. In this conversation, you'll get a sense about how I work and whether I might be the right therapist for you at this time in your life.
(2) If you both leave this conversation hopeful or curious, the next thing I like to do is get us together at a special workshop. In this meeting, I'll offer a serious and sometimes humorous exploration about relationships basics that hardly any of us learn. You'll get a chance to consider what applies to you and your relationship and what does not. You'll be able to weigh in as little or as much as you want. That's right, no coming into a stranger's room and duking it out with each other, underwear and all.
(3) It may be that this will be enough and you'll move on. If you want more, however, I'll propose a time-limited program that's specific for your needs. By this time, you'll know that you're no longer in the hands of a stranger, and when we get into the nitty gritty, you'll also know that I don't choose sides, I help you recognize the ways in which you've been taking sides, practice making adjustments and learning more satisfying ways to move forward. I'll help you choose what's best for you and your relationship.
