55+ Best Funny Marriage Advice: Finding Humor in Commitment

Are you seeking the best wedding advice funny enough to share with the newlyweds? Well, you are just in the right place! 

Funny marriage advice quotes, tips, and funny advice for the groom or the bride on her wedding day are guaranteed to get your wedding guests giggling and help the wedding couple ease some pressure off them amidst all the wedding rigmarole. 

Marriage advice tends to be serious. Spending and building a life with someone should be taken seriously, but there is a lighthearted and very humorous side to marriage, like all things in life. 

It will bring light-heartedness and zest to the moment, whether it is best funny marriage advice for newlyweds, sayings about marriage, relationship quotes, or funny marriage jokes.

Best funny marriage advice for newlyweds

Looking for the best advice for newlyweds funny enough to bring smiles to their faces? Marriage is a journey filled with joy, love, and laughter. As newlyweds, it’s essential to embrace the humor that comes with being husband and wife. 

Sometimes, all you need is a good laugh to navigate the ups and downs of married life. 

Whether it’s cracking a joke, sharing funny anecdotes, or simply finding the humor in everyday situations, remember that laughter can strengthen your bond and make your journey together even more memorable. This is great and best marriage advice; funny enough yet meaningful.

So, embrace the funny moments, cherish the laughter, and let your marriage be a joyful ride! Copy Add to Editor

Funny marriage advice for newlyweds

The newlywed stage is one of the best. Newlyweds haven’t had time to grow tired of each other. They still bother to look good for one another, and their quirks are still “cute.” All kidding aside, here is some helpful and best funny marriage advice for newlyweds:

1. Start a bean jar

Maybe you’ve heard of this funny advice for newly married couples. For the first year when you are married, put a bean in the jar every time you have sex. 

Then, starting the day of your first anniversary, take a bean out of the jar every time you have sex. See how long it takes to get rid of the beans.

2. Only fight naked

When you argue, you have to start taking your clothes off. You’ll either end up laughing or doing something else, but at least you’ll forget why you were fighting in the first place. We bet this is one of the best advice for newlyweds; funny, isn’t it?

3. Cut a little slack

Benjamin Franklin had said it long back: “Keep your eyes wide open before marriage and half-shut afterward.” Now that’s not just funny advice to newlyweds, but truly whip-smart!

4. Make them dinner. Simple

At least have a few take-out places on the speed dial. There will be days they may call you frantic and not able to make dinner. Be ready to play, pick up, or start up the BBQ. 

It is critical advice for newlyweds, funny or not; this will come to your rescue in desperate times. You will thank us later!

5. Keep track of her cycles

But not where she will ever see! When you know the PMS is about to hit, do something extra sweet for her, buy her some chocolate, and suggest you both watch a chick flick.

You might wonder how this advice for married couples qualifies as ‘funny.’ Trust us; you’ll earn some points by going the extra mile.

6. If you see their socks on the floor

You have two choices: look the other way or pick them up. There is no third option. Yes, you’ll feel like nagging, but don’t. Not worth it!

Your spouse has been dropping their socks for years, and even being married to you won’t change that. Better yet, place a mini hamper right where they drop their socks. Problem solved!

7. Buy your tube

To keep the marriage secure, each person should buy a tube of toothpaste. This is one of the best funny marriage advice for newlyweds, but very effective.

But, this way, you won’t have to ever fight about the “right” way to squish the paste out, who lost the lid, or whatever. Seriously, get your own tube!

8. Birthday presents

Don’t buy your partner appliances, even if they ask for them. Save those for just a random day of the week. You can also get those things as gifts you know they crave but may never, ever use (hint: power tools). 

It is another vital piece of marriage advice, funny or not, that can be instrumental in keeping the spark in your marriage alive.

9. Small annoyances

While this does not qualify as one of the funny marriage tips for newlyweds, it is the most obvious one. What annoys your spouse the most? Stop doing those things so they’ll be quiet.

10. Say something funny every day

Another best funny marriage advice for newlyweds! Guys, tell your wife something funny every day. Ladies, laugh at jokes. Similarly, guys love a woman who can keep it hilarious while making a conversation. 

These funny marriage quotes for newlyweds will surely add spunk to the relationship and bring the couple closer to each other.

11. Plan a “No electronics” night

Declare one night a week as a “No Electronics” night. Turn off your phones, tablets, and laptops, and spend quality time together without any digital distractions. Use this time to connect, share stories, or even play board games. 

It’s funny marriage advice that aims to bring back the lost art of face-to-face conversation in the age of technology.

Funny advice for bride-to-be

Funny marriage advice for the bride or funny words of wisdom for newlyweds is always a huge help. The funny wedding sayings below are sure to give you a good laugh:

12. Beauty and his eyesight will fade with time

Beauty fades, and so will his eyesight. There’s no sense in worrying. Women want to look good for their spouses. Ideally, you want to look the same as you did on your wedding day. Thanks to his fading eyesight, you will! Whew. What a relief.

13. It’s a two-way road

Marriage is all about ‘give and take.’ You give him something to eat, and you take some time yourself.

14. Put the seat up sometimes

Put the toilet seat up every once in a while. He may think you consider his needs, but throwing some confusion into his normal pattern may reverse the bad habit.

15. Food can make him stay quiet

Make him something to eat. That will keep him quiet for a while. Keep your man comfortable and well-fed. Remember, a happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries.

16. Dress up for him 

When you dress up, dress up for yourself, but dress up for your husband, too. Put on lipstick and some pleasant fragrance. 

17. Use reverse psychology 

“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.”- Ann Bancroft. You can always use reverse psychology to get things done. 

18. Notice how he eats

Finally, before you marry him, listen to him chew. If you can stand that noise for the rest of your life, go ahead with the wedding.

19. Time works differently after marriage

If your husband says he’ll be home in an hour when you call him to find out for how long he will stay out with his friends, don’t be alarmed if he isn’t home even after three hours. 

20. Be ready to handle a grownup child

Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who cannot be handled by his parents anymore. 

This advice tells us in a funny way that men tend to be childish at times, but they are also worthy of our respect, so be careful not to treat them as children – and they won’t behave like ones.

21. Don’t expect him to remember everything

Being married is like having a best friend who doesn’t remember anything you say.” – Women talk a lot more than men. Men often cannot remember everything or sometimes consider it irrelevant.

22. Learn the art of selective hearing

In marriage, you’ll discover the incredible skill of selective hearing. It’s when you magically tune out the sound of your husband leaving his socks on the floor for the umpteenth time or forgetting to take out the trash. 

It’s not that you don’t hear it; you just choose not to acknowledge it.

Humorous marriage advice for grooms

All men appreciate a little humor, and when it comes to wedding humor, the lighterhearted, the better. A few pieces of funny marriage advice for men include:

23. Include her in your work

When you have a project, get your wife to do it for you. She does not have time to complain about you not spending time with her, and better yet, she feels included. It’s a win-win! 

Of course, you shouldn’t pass your work on to your wife, but the thing to take away from this is inclusion.

24. You should probably lie about the time

Never lie about anything, but always lie about time. You want a 45-minute to an hour safety window if the two of you are going out. It will avoid making her feel rushed, ensure your wife looks amazing, and give you time to relax.

25. Believe in her

Talk to her and share your thoughts. Be best friends. She wants to hear your heart. But remember, the two best phrases to include in your vocabulary are “I understand” and “You’re right.” 

She needs you to cheer her on. Let her know you believe she can take on the world. Say yes far more often than you say no. 

26. Talk about or to another woman to be heard

“If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman: she will be all ears.”- Sigmund Freud. You need to ensure that you are only doing it to get her attention, or else it will backfire, and the joke will be on you. 

27. Consider marriage as a win-win process

“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates.

The quote above clearly states that you will get all the good things out of a marriage, and as funny as it sounds, it stands out to be true in most cases. 

28. Let her cry

We are not suggesting that you leave her high and dry in emotions, but let her cry sometimes. She needs to, and it helps. 

29. Express love without sex

It’s a hard one. It’s not funny, but it will be hilariously awkward if you won’t express your love other than having sex. Find ways to say “I love you” that don’t involve sex.

30. You are allowed only one marriage

“Every man wants a beautiful, understanding, economical wife and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.” – This advice suggests we cannot expect one woman to have it all. But men should learn to love their wives and realize how unique and wonderful they are.

31. If she says what, change your sentence

“When a woman says “What?”, it’s not because she didn’t hear you; she’s giving you a chance to change what you said.” 

Again, women seem to need to prove that they’re right a bit more than men do, or so it appears from a man’s perspective. And the quickest path, but not necessarily the right one, is to surrender. Yet, a better idea is assertive and respectful communication of differences.

32. The wife is always right

“Two things are necessary to keep a wife happy. First, let her think she has her way. And second, let her have it.” 

Women tend to get fixated on a thing if they believe they’re right, and this advice reveals to men that the easy path out is to yield.

33. Take notes on the shopping list

When your wife sends you to the grocery store, take detailed notes. Assume nothing. If the list says “milk,” confirm the type, size, and brand. This precautionary measure will save you from the infamous “you got the wrong one” scenario.

Funny advice for married couples

These pieces of funny wedding advice will make you both giggle and give you some wisdom to tread the path of marriage more carefully.

34. Don’t go to bed angry. Stay up and fight all night!

It’s funny wedding advice for couples who just got married, yet it has a meaningful side. A couple should not sleep right after a fight. It’s better to fight the anger and conflicts away rather than let them pile up in your heart by not communicating.

It is an incredible piece of advice as it sounds absurd yet holds so much significance if looked upon deeply. It will help put things in an honest perspective when the first post-marriage argument pops up. 

Most disagreements between couples are usually about something trivial, which should immediately be either fought away or laughed away! Sure, some fights need more than a day to settle, but at least try and see if it can’t be resolved in one night before calling it a day.

35. Don’t try to change your partner 

Marriage is an ‘As Is’ deal. Do not try to change your spouse. That’s as good as it gets.

36. Never forget these three words, “Let’s go out!”

Whether it is your spouse’s birthday, an achievement celebration, or maybe just another day, a date night is always an excellent idea. 

A few people consider it a thing of the past and call it “old school,” but one thing must be kept in mind: “Couples who date together stay together!”

37. Leave the toilet seat down

When not married, couples seldom have the experience of living with each other. When they get married, they almost always have a gross conversation over who left the toilet dirty. 

It’s going to be disgusting, but believe it or not, it is normal. Sometimes, it’s going to be him who forgot to flush before leaving, and at other times, it’s going to be her who forgot to drain it in a hurry to cook food!

38. Women, do not make a fuss if he doesn’t cry

He just finds it hard to show that emotion. Women want their men to cry for them (like in movies). Few men do! But if he doesn’t, don’t think of it as something abnormal. 

So here’s the funny wedding advice for the couple that believes in each other’s love even if the other doesn’t show it: treat them as good as the movie star you have been crushing on lately!

39. Don’t feel disgusted if he burps because he will

He will do that a lot! So be prepared for a lot of burping as soon as you get married. And for guys, don’t find it weird if she is obsessed with nail paints and skincare products. That’s just how women are!

40. Feed each other a lot

It may seem stupid and even childish, but “food” can make up for anything. If you two fight over something, just feed each other and offer some food, chocolates, nachos, or mac with cheese! 

Moreover, the more you eat, the less you’ll be able to talk. It might sound like just another funny wedding advice for the couple, but just do it and see the magic!

41. Challenge your spouse

We believe this is the funniest wedding advice for the couple, which will come in handy a lot of times! If you want something done by your spouse, challenge them by saying that the particular task is beyond their skills. 

It is one way of triggering an individual’s ego, and even though not wholeheartedly, they will get the task done. And that is what you wanted in the first place. Isn’t it?

42. Have each other’s back

“Spouse: someone who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you’d stayed single.” This is a funny way of indicating that marriage is hard work, especially when it comes to resolving disagreements. But, the benefits most often outweigh the problems.

43. Living together is a challenge; you must find an outcome

“All marriages are happy. Living together afterward causes all the trouble.” – Raymond Hull. Hull suggests that adhering too rigidly to the rules of the marriage institution might cause many issues that can be avoided with some flexibility.

44. Develop a secret language

Create a secret language or code that only the two of you understand. It could be a goofy gesture, a specific word, or a funny facial expression. 

The secret language will not only add an element of playfulness to your relationship but will also serve as a silent means of communication in public gatherings.

Funny words of wisdom for newlyweds

Are you looking for the best piece of marriage advice that is funny enough but has wisdom in it at the same time? Well, you are just in the right place!

45. Take a marriage test

You haven’t been through enough as a couple unless you’ve had to take care of each other being sick or going on a long, hot, dirty road trip.

Or, as Will Ferrell says, make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they are.” So, try taking this marriage test as a part of some crucial piece of marital advice for newlyweds. Fingers crossed!

46. The dishwasher rule 

Whoever is doing the dishes proclaims that their way of loading the dishwasher is the right way. Want your way to be the right way? Start loading! Isn’t this advice for newly married couples funny? Well, your spouse will tell you better!

47. Find out their favorite flavor

Then, buy chapstick in that flavor. Wear it every day. This advice to newlyweds is funny, but moreover, it is playful.

48. Get a king-sized bed

The tussle over the blanket is an old one. So, funny or not, another piece of advice for newly married couples is to get a very large blanket. Or, if your spouse is a blanket hog, get another blanket.

49. Love may be blind, but marriage is not

“Love is blind. But marriage restores its sight.” – Although this advice was meant to be a bit gloomy, it also has its other side, which is the fact that in marriage, we get to know another person so closely that we understand their flaws and, ideally, come to love them.

50. Never check each other’s mail

Just don’t. Of course, because it’s a federal offense, you can always hold it up to the light. You might say that this isn’t the best funny marriage advice for newlyweds. Well, we agree, too, but we couldn’t resist mentioning it.

51. How to make a honey-do list

Write out the list of things you want your husband to do, then rip it up. Then, hire a professional. Undoubtedly, this is one of the best funny marriage advice for newlyweds and has left you rolling with laughter!

52. Have secret lives

Well, not actually “secret.” Just have lives away from each other. Have that guy’s night, and have that girl’s night. Have a slight separation regularly and develop yourself on your own—maybe take a class or go on a trip apart.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder or something like that. Again, this isn’t funny marriage advice for newlyweds, but an indispensable one. Don’t do away with this advice at any cost.

53. Be super flirty

Don’t let the flirtiness die after marriage. When your spouse is un-showered and sitting around in sweats, tell them how hot they are and ask them out on a date. This advice to newlyweds, funny or not, will bring a coy smile to your spouse’s face.

These funny marriage tips must have left you feeling exuberated. Don’t just laugh these away; use this list of funny marriage advice for newlyweds to spice up your relationship. 

54. Pack up and stash away your romance novels

These hilarious words of advice for married couples concern the bride. Now that you are (finally) married, it’s time to pack up your romance novels and enter the world of smelly socks, different degrees of gross behavior, and untidiness.

Watch this video by TEDx Talks where Dr. Andrea & Jonathan Taylor-Cummings share four habits of all successful relationships:

55. Embrace the “Pizza compromise”

Marriage is all about finding a middle ground. When it comes to ordering pizza, compromise on the toppings. Half your favorite, half theirs, and 100% delicious unity.

56. Dance in the Living Room

Keep the romance alive by having spontaneous dance parties in your living room. Whether it’s to your favorite song or just the sound of the microwave beeping, dancing together creates moments you’ll cherish forever.

FAQs

Humor can be an essential aspect of a healthy and happy marriage. However, it’s not always easy to navigate humor in a relationship. Here are some answers to common questions about using humor in marriage:

• How do I know if my spouse appreciates my sense of humor?

Pay attention to their response to determine if your spouse appreciates your sense of humor. They likely appreciate it if they laugh, smile, or show enjoyment. Communication is key, so ask directly if you’re unsure.

• What if my spouse doesn’t find my jokes funny?

Not every joke will land, and it’s perfectly normal. Remember that humor is subjective. If your spouse doesn’t find your jokes funny, try to find common ground by understanding their sense of humor and adapting accordingly.

• How can I use humor to resolve conflict in my marriage?

Humor can diffuse tension and promote understanding in conflict resolution. Use lighthearted jokes to lighten the mood, but be mindful to avoid sarcasm or hurtful remarks. It’s also important to address serious issues, so use humor as an icebreaker before delving into deeper discussions.

• How much humor is too much in a marriage?

It’s subjective, and every couple has their own boundaries. Too much humor may complicate important matters or avoid serious conversations altogether. Assess the impact of humor on your relationship and ensure it doesn’t overshadow the necessary seriousness in a marriage.

• How can I find a balance between humor and seriousness in my marriage?

The key is finding a balance that works for both partners. Understand your spouse’s preferences and the appropriateness of timing and context. Gauge their reaction and adjust accordingly. Open and honest communication is vital to establishing the right balance of humor and seriousness in a marriage.

In a nutshell

The above-mentioned funny marriage advice should’ve taught you something: the secret to a happy marriage isn’t in material things. 

Couples who have the best of everything are not the most successful. Instead, it’s the couples who try to make the best of everything and work to be content with what they have, with having each other being the most important thing!