9 Tips for Coping With Marriage Problems After Retirement

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In the British Sitcom’ Keeping Up Appearances’, when Richard was offered early retirement, he was baffled by the fact that now he will be spending most of his time with his lovely wife Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced as Bouquet).

Most people think life after retirement is full of excitement and fun. They can spend a lot of time with their spouse and plan a lot of things that they never got a chance to do. However, things can be otherwise.

While life after retirement can bring new joy in your life, one can also experience marriage problems after retirement. Be it decision-making or helping out around the house, there are a number of things to consider.

How does retirement affect marriage? 

Unhappy marriage in retirement is a common phenomenon. According to a study, when retirement transitions occur and result in an increased influence of one partner over the other in a relationship, it can negatively impact the satisfaction of married retirees.

Retirement can affect marriage in many ways. Couples may experience changes in their daily routines and may need to adjust to spending more time together. Retirement can also lead to financial stress and health issues that can put a strain on the relationship. 

However, retirement can also provide opportunities for couples to travel and pursue new hobbies together.

9 tips for marriage problems after retirement

Adjusting to retirement or surviving retirement as a married couple can be made easy by following some simple steps.

Here are some tips and tricks on common marriage problems after retirement and how to survive retirement with your spouse.

1. Help out often

Be there for your spouse whenever they face marriage problems after retirement.

While you were busy working in the office, your partner was at home. The responsibilities were equally divided, and life was going on smoothly.

However, post-retirement, you will find yourself doing nothing. You would want to spend a lot of time with your spouse, but they’re still involved in the daily routine like before.

This might give you the notion that your partner has got no time for you.

The solution to this problem would be to take up certain responsibilities from your partner and help them out.

This way, you would not only be able to finish a lot of things faster than usual but will also get some time with your partner.

To be able to spend time with them doesn’t mean they should stop everything and sit with you. By helping them out in the usual and regular things, you can still spend time with them.

2. Plan in advance

Advance planning always helps in dealing with marriage problems after retirement.

Living with a retired husband can get tough as they are active and working, and suddenly, after retirement, they may turn lethargic and lazy.

They will either sleep around and would do little to no work or would try to find flaws in their daily routine. Hence, you must keep them active.

There will be a lot of things that they can still take up, like some activity or pursue a hobby.

When you plan out a day for them and give them a to-do list, they will be active.

Besides, you can plan out a lot of things with them, so enjoy and spend some quality time.

You should also look for ways to help you plan for your future as a retired couple.

3. Take care of health

One of the common marriage problems after retirement is negligence toward one’s health.

You’ve been keeping a tab on their health for all these years, and if your spouse retired, they would still wish for the same.

However, you would, in fact, want them to take care of their own health.

Health must be your topmost priority, as retirement also means that you’re aging. An aging body needs attention.

When after retirement you start neglecting your activeness and just sit in one place watching TV and doing nothing, you will be prone to a lot of health issues.

Regular checkup is a must, and you shouldn’t ignore this at all.

4. Create a personal space

How to survive retirement? Well, create your personal space.

Suddenly having your spouse with your 24*7 can be an overwhelming experience. You may feel intrusive at certain places and during certain activities. Likewise, your spouse may feel the same. This, eventually, might lead to friction to arguments to fights.

The only way to avoid it from happening is to create a personal space and inform this to your partner as well.

Subtly share the boundaries of your personal space, and don’t let them intervene there. It might not be an easy task, but you surely need it to avoid any unnecessary friction or fights.

5. Pay more attention

Most of the marriage problems after retirement happen because neither of you doesn’t pay attention to what your spouse is saying.

Over the years, you’ve decided on your territory. Your husband is good at certain things, and you’re an expert in others. Now, when there is an ample amount of time, you eventually will start finding flaws in one another.

Most of the arguments happen as both of you turn ignorant and refuse to hear out your partner.

To ensure that there is no rift post-retirement, you must spend some time listening to your partner. Hear them out and what they’ve to say. This will keep them happy, and things will be as usual as before.

6. Be kind to each other

How to get marriage back on track post retirement issues? Just be compassionate.

If you both are working and when your husband retires before you, the equation will change.

He would complain about you not spending enough time with him, whereas you would be struggling to find a way to be with your husband as much as you can. These adjustments surely will put you on edge.

The solution to such marriage problems after retirement is to be kind to each other.

You both should respect each other and must appreciate the efforts made.

It’s not possible for either of you to meet each and every expectation you’ve got from each other. The least you can do is to be kind to each other.

7. Find new interests

Retirement and marriage problems can be easy to navigate when you find fun things to do together. Find new hobbies and interests that you can enjoy together. This will help you stay connected and engaged with each other. It can also help you discover new things about each other.

8. Spend time together

Make time for each other. Schedule regular date nights or activities that you can do together. This will help you stay connected and maintain intimacy in your relationship.

9. Take care of each other

How to reconnect after growing apart during retirement? Help out your spouse as much as you can.

Marriage and retirement can go hand in hand if you take care of yourself and your partner physically and mentally. Exercise regularly, eat a healthy diet, and get enough sleep to maintain your physical health. Practice mindfulness or meditation to reduce stress and improve your mental health.

If you feel there has been more severe damage to your relationship during your retired years, consider going for counseling or a ‘save my marriage course’.

Additional questions

Retirement can be a major life change that can affect your relationship with your partner. Here are some common questions and answers about how to maintain a happy marriage after retirement.

• What are the symptoms of retired husband syndrome?

Sometimes, when retired husband micromanages things a lot, it can lead to problems.

Retired Husband Syndrome (RHS) is a psychosomatic stress-related illness often seen in women whose husbands have just retired. The symptoms include depression, skin rash, asthma, ulcers, and high blood pressure. It can result in sleeplessness and even depression as some women struggle to adapt.

For the opposite case, there is what we call a ‘retired wife syndrome’. 

• Does the divorce rate increase after retirement?

It is likely. The divorce rate for people over 50 has doubled since 1990, and researchers predict “gray divorces” will triple by 2030. Retirement may have something to do with this trend, as some couples are not prepared for the realities of being around their spouse more often.

• How do you deal with a retired husband?

Open communication is the best way of handling a retired husband who micromanages your life. He may not be aware of his behavior and is just trying to help. This could be further compounded if he feels anxious and insecure.

Making the later years some of the happiest of your married life

Maintaining a happy marriage after retirement requires patience, communication, and understanding. It is important to maintain your own life and interests while also sharing activities with your partner. 

Agreeing on and fairly dividing housework, getting on the same financial page, and managing expectations are also key factors in maintaining a happy marriage after retirement.

After all, you have chosen to be with this person for a lifetime. So, why give up in the phase that’s just meant for you two to be there for each other?