How to Cope with the Death of a Child?

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It is considered as the biggest joy to any married couple to have their own children.

Having a baby can change so many things and can even make you the happiest couple but as they say, life happens. As a parent, we will do everything in our power to love, protect and give our children the best future that they can have because of the love that we have for them.

So, what happens to you and your marriage when you lose a child?

The death of a child can be considered as the most painful experience that a parent or any person can experience. Just thinking about it can already give you a glimpse of the pain that a parent will have if they lose their child.

Death of a child – how it affects the marriage?

The death of a child can change everything. The once happy home full of laughter now looks empty, the old photos of you and your child will now only bring memories and deep pain.

Coping up with losing your child isn’t just hard, it’s almost impossible for some parents and this can even lead to divorce.

Let’s face the hardest reality of why do most married couples divorce after the death of a child?

The blame-game

When a couple is faced with terrible pain, acceptance is not the first thing that they would do but rather the blame game.

There can be many reasons why parents can lose their child but with every reason there would always be blame. It’s hard to accept that you have lost the most precious person that you love and finding answers why this happened is hard.

Even if you know to yourself that it may have been unavoidable, there will still be chances that you’ll blame one another.

This is the start of the “If you”, “It was your”, and “I told you” phrases that will eventually lead to making your spouse feel guilty of what had happened. This may either make the other person hurt more or make him or her retaliate into digging past mistakes to throw back.

This is the start of aggression, miscommunication, finding ways to divert the pain and eventually to divorce.

Pain and memories

Some couples who choose to divorce after the death of a child are also mostly those who don’t have other children.

The child that has given this couple happiness is now gone and so does the one thing that would seem to be the best bond that any couple would have. When everything in your home is a painful reminder of your child, when you can no longer smile without thinking of your baby and everything becomes unbearable, then couples ultimately decide to divorce as a way to cope up with the pain.

Even if they still love each other, everything will change and some just want to get away from everything.

Coping mechanism

Different people have different ways of coping up with losing a child.

No parent will grieve the same.

Others can accept and move on wherein there are still others who can just opt to diverting pain into vices like drinking and some, even, draw near to faith to understand that there’s a bigger reason why things happen.

Can you still stay married even after losing a child?

“Can you still save your marriage even after losing a child?” The answer to this is yes. In fact, this should allow the couple to seek comfort from one another because no one can understand the situation better than the both of them.

The hardest part of this is when no one wants to open up, then it becomes unbearable and this can lead to further damage.

No matter how you cope, there are still many ways on how you can surpass the challenge and the pain of losing a child.

How to deal with losing a child to save your marriage?

After losing a child, you just don’t know where to start. All you feel is emptiness and pain and you just want to vent and know who to blame for what happened.

In time, you’ll find not just yourself but your marriage lost. How do you get back on track? Here’s where to start – 

1. Acceptance

Yes, this is the hardest part of it – to accept the reality.

Our minds and our hearts will find it so hard to just accept the reality that our baby, our child, our happiness is now gone.

You know what can make this easier?

You have to talk to the one person who feels the same – your spouse. You can no longer undo what has happened but you can try to be strong for the sake of your sanity and marriage.

This isn’t what your child wants to see. Deal with your grieve because that’s normal but don’t let it ruin your marriage and your family.   

2. Counseling

When everything seems so hard, ask for help.

You can ask your family, your friends, and even get counseling for what had happened. It helps to be able to vent out and to say what you really feel. 

3. Focus on your other children

If you have other children, stay strong for them. They are also grieving and setting an example will create an impact on them.

Don’t go through it alone – you still have a family. 

4. Treasure the memories

Sometimes, the memories are so painful but these are also the most precious memories that you can have. Try to see the happiness that these memories, photos, and the other little stuffs of your children can give you.

It can even make it easier to move on. 

5. Stay strong together

Look at your spouse and hold his or her hand. Be each other’s shoulder to cry on. Remember, don’t blame but instead understand that no one wants this to happen and blaming can only scar a person.

Be together and work hard to accept what has happened.

Hold on to the loving memories, even if, they are painful

No one can ever imagine the pain that a death of a child can bring. No one can ever be ready for this either but when it happens you just have to be strong and hold on to your loved ones and the memories that you and your precious child have shared.