Why Do Relationships Fail? 30 Common Reasons & Ways to Fix

Relationships can be amazing, can’t they?

That feeling of connection, of sharing your life with someone who truly gets you… it’s magical. But sometimes, despite our best intentions, things just don’t work out.

It’s tough when a relationship ends, leaving us with a whirlwind of emotions: sadness, anger, confusion, and even a sense of failure. We’re left with so many questions swirling in our minds.

Was it something we did?

Did we miss the red flags waving right in front of us?

Or maybe, just maybe, we simply weren’t meant to be, and that’s okay too.

It’s easy to feel lost and heartbroken when a relationship falls apart, but taking the time to understand “Why do relationships fail?” can be incredibly empowering.

It can help us heal, grow, and even approach future relationships with a renewed sense of hope and understanding.

After all, every ending is also a new beginning, isn’t it?

Perhaps a chance to learn, to evolve, and to discover what we truly need and deserve in a partner… and in ourselves.

Is it normal for relationships to go through “rough patches”?

Life can be unpredictable, and we all face challenges—whether they come from external stressors, communication breakdowns, or simply the ebb and flow of our emotions.

During these times, it’s easy to wonder, “Why is my relationship failing?” But remember, every couple experiences ups and downs; it’s part of the journey.

These moments can feel heavy, but they also offer valuable opportunities for growth and deeper connection.

5 early warning signs that a relationship is failing

It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship, but it’s important to be aware of the potential red flags that could signal trouble ahead.

Recognizing these early warning signs can help you address issues before they escalate, potentially saving your relationship or allowing you to move on with grace and clarity.

1. Communication breakdown

Healthy communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship.

But what happens when you and your partner start talking less, or worse, avoiding those important conversations altogether?

Maybe you’re holding back your feelings, afraid of conflict, or perhaps you feel like you’re not being heard. A lack of open and honest communication can create distance and resentment, leaving both partners feeling isolated and misunderstood.

It’s like a slow leak in a tire; if left unaddressed, it can eventually lead to a complete blowout. Pay attention to how you and your partner communicate.

Are you truly listening to each other?

Are you able to express your needs and concerns without fear of judgment?

2. Constant bickering and negativity

Every couple disagrees from time to time—it’s perfectly normal! But if you find yourselves constantly bickering, nitpicking, or engaging in negative communication patterns, it’s time to take a step back.

Perhaps every conversation turns into an argument, or maybe there’s a pervasive sense of criticism and negativity hanging in the air. This constant tension can create a toxic environment, eroding the joy and connection you once shared.

Ask yourself: Are disagreements resolved constructively, or do they fester and grow?

Is there a sense of mutual respect, even when you don’t see eye to eye?

3. Loss of interest and affection

Remember those early days when you couldn’t keep your hands off each other?

Physical intimacy is an important part of many romantic relationships, but it’s not just about sex. It’s about those small gestures of affection: a spontaneous hug, a loving touch, a lingering kiss.

If you notice a significant decrease in physical intimacy or a general lack of interest in spending quality time together, it could be a sign that something deeper is amiss.

Have you and your partner grown distant?

Do you feel less connected, both physically and emotionally?

4. Avoiding each other’s company

When you’re in a healthy relationship, you genuinely enjoy spending time with your partner, right?

You look forward to those shared experiences, whether it’s a cozy night in or an exciting adventure out. But it’s a worrying sign if you or your partner start actively avoiding each other’s company, preferring to spend time alone or with other people.

Perhaps you’re making excuses to avoid going home, or maybe you’re constantly scrolling through your phone instead of engaging in conversation. This growing distance can create a sense of loneliness and isolation within the relationship, making it difficult to reconnect.

5. Loss of trust and betrayal

Trust is the foundation of any strong relationship. It’s about feeling safe, respected, and valued by your partner. But once trust is broken, it can be incredibly difficult to rebuild.

Whether it’s a major betrayal like infidelity or a series of smaller breaches of trust, these wounds can leave deep scars.

Do you constantly question your partner’s motives or feel anxious about their actions?

Has there been a significant shift in the level of honesty and openness in your relationship?

If so, it’s crucial to address these issues head-on before they further damage your connection.

What is the difference between a failing and a thriving relationship?

Understanding the difference between a failing and a thriving relationship can be illuminating! It’s all about recognizing the signs that indicate the health of your connection with your partner.

While every relationship has its ups and downs, some patterns can suggest deeper issues. On the other hand, thriving relationships often have a strong foundation built on mutual respect, understanding, and love.

So, let’s explore the key differences between these two types of relationships.

Aspect	Failing Relationship	Thriving Relationship
Communication	Frequent misunderstandings; negative tone; avoidance of topics.	Open, honest discussions; active listening; constructive feedback.
Emotional Connection	Feeling distant or disconnected; lack of intimacy.	Deep emotional bond; sharing feelings and vulnerabilities.
Conflict Resolution	Escalating arguments; avoidance of issues; blaming each other.	Healthy discussions; problem-solving together; mutual respect.
Trust	Constant doubt; questioning loyalty; broken promises.	Strong foundation of trust; honesty; reliability in actions.
Shared Goals	Diverging visions for the future; unmet expectations.	Common values and aspirations; working toward mutual goals.

30 common reasons why relationships fail

Do you keep asking yourself, “Why do my relationships keep failing?”

Clarity about “Why do relationships fail?” or the causes of relationship failure makes it easier.

There are a lot of reasons why relationships fail, and to help you, we have covered 30 possible reasons for relationship failure or why people break up, along with possible solutions for what to do when your relationship is failing:

1. Lack of time

In the list of what makes relationships fail, lack of time is an inevitable concern.

The majority of couples don’t give their relationship time. Everything in life is all about time management. If you are thinking, what are the top reasons for relationship breakdown?

Lack of time and effort rank at the top.

You cannot have a successful relationship without giving it your effort and time.

Maggie Martinez, LCSW, says

You won’t be able to strengthen your relationship if you give up after a couple of months. Take your time, and you will get closer.

If you are in a new relationship, what do you do next?

Do you sit down and watch the relationship or work for it?

Tip: Your relationship requires time. Show me a successful relationship, and I will show you the amount of time given to it by the two parties. 

The dearth of time is one of the most critical reasons why relationships fail.

2. Trust is nowhere to be found

Trust matters a lot in every healthy relationship. The lack of it brings disharmony to a relationship. The lack of trust in the relationship is like a car without gas.

You can sit in it, but you won’t be able to go long enough. It is another major reason why long-distance relationships fail woefully.

Tip: Learn how to trust your partner. Stop being too suspicious all the time. You can also try trust-building exercises to make your relationship healthy.

You must trust your partner irrespective of their physical proximity or lack of it. Do not stifle your partner with unnecessary, self-serving restrictions, and learn to trust them unless you have corroborative evidence of instances of cheating.

Maggie Martinez adds,

Be sure not to try and let trust issues from past relationships bleed into your current relationship, especially if there is no evidence of cheating.

3. Improper definition of the union

Every relationship needs to be defined before starting it.

The importance of defining a relationship is that it will help the two parties to know what the union is all about.

Some don’t define their relationship at the initial stage, which usually results in a “breakup.”

Your partner may expect the relationship to end in marriage, not knowing that your motives are different from their own. This is why relationships fail.

Tip: Define your relationship before starting it. Make your partner realize what the relationship is all about, whether it will end up in marriage or not.

4. The relationship is based on material things

Most people fall in love because of their partner’s appearance, achievements, or whatever.

You don’t start a relationship because you feel your partner has what you need. You fall in love because you love them.

That is why you need to know the difference between love and infatuation.

Tip: It is necessary to check whether you are really in love or just lusting after the person you claim to love because this could answer the question, “Why do most relationships fail?” Build love and understanding for a stable and satisfying relationship.

5. There is little or no commitment

How committed you are in your relationship will determine its success.

If you don’t show seriousness in your relationship, it will definitely fail.

How committed are you to your partner and your relationship?

Do you show any concern in your relationship at all? 

If not, it will definitely fail. Lack of commitment is why relationships fail.

Tip: Commitment is an important pillar of the relationship. So, stay committed to your partner and avoid infidelity if you wish to see a future with them.

6. You focus only on your past

Most people are tied down by their past relationships. You keep thinking about it. The fact is that the more you keep remembering your past, the more you are going back. You have experienced a breakup before, ‘fine,’ but you can still move on.

Tip: Don’t allow your past relationship to destroy your present one. Don’t let your past be the reason why relationships fail.

7. Life issues

Each of us has our baggage to carry. Sometimes, this baggage can be too much for one person to handle, such as a family problem or an issue with a past relationship.

A person who still keeps in touch with an ex can ignite distrust, suspicion, and jealousy in the current flame and strain the relationship.

Tip: Inform the ex that everything is in the past and you are serious with the person you’re with.

Children from a previous relationship can also affect the current relationship and be the reason why relationships fail. Make sure you know how to handle this.

8. Dull daily duties

The excitement in a relationship could subside if everything becomes routine. When couples tend to do the same thing over and over again, there is a chance they stop growing as partners.

Maggie Martinez further states,

Couples may start to feel like good friends rather than romantic partners. This is definitely normal and worth talking to a professional about.

Tip: Either one of you could come up with something fun to do or go on a vacation to spice up the relationship. Talk about some enjoyable things that you can do together to break your routine.

9. Unfaithfulness

It’s hard enough to be in a relationship and maintain it, but what makes it even more difficult is infidelity.

Unfaithfulness is the ultimate destroyer and one of the most prominent reasons why relationships fail.

It’s not easy when a person is being cheated. It can cause such emotional turmoil that the betrayed person chooses to walk away from the relationship. It can become useless to be in a relationship when trust has been broken.

Tip: Commitment makes all the difference when one is in love. Commitment is what makes one person continuously choose their person despite any difference or adversity. Try to be empathetic and stop the affair to keep the sanctity of your relationship intact.

10. Habits and behaviors

Loving someone has to be unconditional. This means that you need to accept them for who they are, flaws and all.

However, there are just some mannerisms or habits that can be quite annoying to the point where someone might walk away from the relationship because of them.

Simple things like not putting the toilet seat back down, leaving dirty clothes on the floor, or not putting the cap back on the toothpaste can trigger a person to end the relationship.

Other things that can also end a relationship are fighting in public, nagging, physical abuse, degrading your partner, unreasonable jealousy, and lying.

Tip: Adults should be capable of knowing what is wrong and what is not. If we want the relationship to work out, each of us needs to do some self-reflection and change for the better.

We might have to change some of our flaws to make our partners happy. If you truly love your partner, a small change should not be difficult.

11. Lack of communication

Regular communication is vital for couples and is one way of connecting. Poor communication will cause couples to drift apart eventually.

A person often assumes what their partner is thinking, and unfortunately, this is where arguments and misunderstandings begin.

Tip: Open up to your significant other and always let one another know how you feel. If there is something they do that you don’t like, let that person know so he will be aware.

Join activities that would improve communication in your relationship.

12. Not being supportive

Some couples go through issues with their ambitions, goals, or careers. It is normal for each person to have their own goal and ambition, and it can be tough when it causes conflict in the relationship.

There will be times when a person’s career gets in the way of spending more time with their partner. It is best to support each other’s interests to avoid strain in the relationship.

Tip: A relationship will have better chances of working out when you have one another’s back. Think of it this way – it is for both of your future, and in the end, you’ll both benefit from it.

So, make sure you don’t spend too much time at work. Always set time aside for your partner.

13. Money problems

Marital conflicts about money are considered to be one of the most pervasive, problematic, and recurrent reasons to break up even after couples make several attempts at resolving them.

Financial issues can cause a relationship’s downfall. Couples who have money problems can cause stress; therefore, the individuals involved can be irrational, irritable, and hostile. These behaviors can slowly cause a breakup.

Tip: From the get-go, be honest about your financial status; let your partner know about your spending habits. Make a strict budget before the schedule of both your paydays.

Create a spreadsheet with all your expenditures and set aside money for savings in case there are “rainy days.”

Know and understand the difference between wants and needs and focus on the latter. This way, you can easily overcome financial concerns.

14. Conflicts with boyfriend or girlfriend’s family and friends

You and your partner have your own set of friends. Unfortunately, there are instances where you don’t like their friends, or they don’t like your friends.

This can sometimes cause stress in the relationship, even more so if you or your partner doesn’t get along with family members. It can get uncomfortable when there are family gatherings or holiday dinners.

Tip: To create a long-lasting relationship, do your part in getting along with their family and friends. Disagreements are inevitable. Overcome communication barriers and develop an approach to navigate the conflict.

15. Not having enough intimacy and sex

Couples can often be too busy with their careers, becoming too tired to be intimate with their partners. This is not good for relationships.

Connecting by getting intimate physically and emotionally can help you both relax and fight stress.

When a couple has been together for too long, they tend to have less sex. But they can prevent this from happening. Intimate connection through sex is fundamental in a romantic relationship. When a couple is not having enough sex, something should be done to save the relationship.

Tip: They can visit an intimacy mentor who can help them find the fire they had when they were in the early stages of the relationship.

The intimacy coach can help them connect and give advice on how they can maintain an active sex life despite being together for years.

You don’t necessarily have to have sex every day; studies say at least once a week is fine. If there are children involved, it can get pretty hectic, so make sure the frequency and timing are discussed and planned.

16. Lack of compatibility

Lack of compatibility is another factor why some relationships fail.

Some couples are not compatible with each other. Even if they are trying to work things out, they end up failing. One of the main issues in failing or failed relationships is a lack of compatibility between couples.

Compatibility is one of the most essential needs when entering into new relationships. When couples are not compatible with each other, they tend to drift away from the relationship easily.

Tip: Work on having reasonable expectations from your partner. You must also identify the problem areas of the relationship that need to be addressed.

17. Lack of respect

When you get married, you always have to think of the best of your spouse. They are your best friend, after all, and it is them who you will be facing the rest of your life with.

When you think the best of them, you are showing that respect and mutual respect are part of the foundation of a healthy marriage.

Tip: You won’t always get along, but that’s okay. The goal of a healthy argument is to find balance and compromise. You both must also work on appreciating your differences.

18. Not open to change

It does feel scary when you think about it that way. But it’s true that after a while, your spouse will be different than the person you met 5, 10, or 15 years ago, but that’s because they are humans, and they are evolving and continually changing just as much as you are.

Tip: Embrace changes in the relationship by knowing that change does not necessarily mean trouble. The key is to have an open mindset and be willing to adapt to change.

19. Taking your partner for granted

Taking your partner for granted means that there is a lack of appreciation in the relationship. When you don’t seek their advice or try to cut the conversation short, it can signal disinterest or indifference, making them feel undervalued and ignored.

Over time, this can create emotional distance and strain the connection between you two.

Tip: Find new ways always to remind them that they mean so much to you. Always remind your spouse just how charming or endearing they are through words of affirmation, especially during the most crucial times in your relationship.

Fuel your sex lives by trying out new things either in bed or in activities that you could enjoy together.

However, do not also be afraid to spend time apart. Having activities that you can enjoy independently brings new things to converse about.

20. Lack of understanding

Lack of understanding will be the cause of various relationship problems in the relationship. This will eventually be one of the causes of relationship failure. If your relationship is all about fights and intolerance, it is a common sign of a lack of understanding.

Tip: This can be achieved by open communication, including healthy arguments. A perfect relationship isn’t one without fights; it’s a relationship where two people find a place of common ground, a place of compromise.

21. Being too conceited

Some people have a tendency to put themselves first. They look at relationships as opportunities and wonder what the other person can do for them instead of what they can do for the other person. That’s mostly why relationships fail.

Tip: You need to start putting the other person and their needs and wants before your own.

Look back and think about the last time you took your partner out or bought them a gift out of the blue. Start doing these small things in your next relationship and see where it takes you.

Hopefully, after this recalibration, you won’t find yourself griping, “My relationship is failing.”

22. Focusing on the party too much

Some couples have a lot of fun together.

This can work for a little bit of time, but it won’t work for the long run. There may not be much substance behind the relationship once the hangover wears off.

Tip: You need to remember to focus on spending time together while sober. If you want a mature relationship, you need to grow up yourself. Change your focus.

Don’t let frivolity in life become one of the reasons why relationships fail. It’s also important to get the help you need if you do see yourself spiraling into an unhealthy lifestyle.

23. Personal insecurity

Some people suffer from insecurity, which can cause them to get jealous too quickly, be absurd, or invade another person’s privacy.

Tip: Learn to be secure in yourself and your relationship. Do this by working on your own self-esteem in your own time, as well as practicing self-control. When you do notice yourself feeling insecure, find ways to distract yourself and focus on your own life.

Don’t let crazy-making become a key reason for- Why do relationships end?

24. Lack of chemistry

One thing that sets a relationship apart from a great friendship is the chemistry that comes with it. A relationship should be hot and heavy.

Some relationships fizzle out with time, and this is normal.

Tip: However, some chemistry has to remain. Keep things hot by working on your physical appearance. Work out, diet, and wear nice clothes. You should also be willing to have fun in the bedroom.

Try new outfits and toys. Of course, be careful not to let out all of your secrets right away. You need to save some mystery down the line in the relationship.

If your relationships haven’t been especially successful, you have to look at what might be causing them to fail.

25. Not being there for your partner

There are times when your partner needs you or your emotional support. If your partner is lonely despite being in a relationship, this is a sign of a relationship failure.

When you get married, you are committed to choosing your spouse always. Not just on their good days but also on their bad days

Tip: Stay with your spouse through thick and thin. Ask them how their day went each day. Understand their emotional troubles and offer them help before they ask for it.

26. Unrealistic expectations

Expectations are bound to arise in a relationship. Expectations set goals for the relationship and help the couple identify areas where they need to work together.

However, at times, over-expectations can cause relationships to fail and keep the couple dissatisfied with each other.

Tip: Avoid the tendency to try to change them. Do not impose your desires on them. They are already doing the best they can.

27. Comparison with others

When you compare your relationship with other people, this is a bad sign. Every relationship is unique and customized according to the individuals involved.

Besides, not everyone showcases their problems on social media.

Tip: Stop being overwhelmed by pictures of happy couples. Every relationship has problems, and couples usually know how to deal with them.

Grass might look greener on the other side, but once you water the ones on your side, they’ll be as green, too.

28. Not expressing emotions

When the couple stops expressing their feelings in the relationship, they are likely to feel disconnected from each other. The couple’s meta-emotions should be aligned with each other; otherwise, this is a serious sign of bad relationship health.

Tip: Use as many ‘I’ statements as possible in the relationship, keeping them short and sweet. Keep on practicing, and do not judge your spouse.

29. Living in the past

If you are still not out of your past relationship, this can be detrimental to your current one. Living in the past means you are still emotionally invested in your former spouse, which would mean disrespecting your present spouse.

Tip: To let go of the past, you must stop stalking your ex to start with. Further, avoid being friends with your ex, as it will not let you move on.

30. Keeping secrets

When partners keep secrets from each other or begin to lie, this is a sign of downfall. If either of you is keeping secrets or calling the other person out when confronted, the relationship is taking an unhealthy turn.

Tip: Be honest with each other. Sit down and address the problem face-to-face without escalating the issue.

7 ways to fix a failing relationship

Relationships can be tough, and sometimes, it feels like everything is falling apart. But the good news is that you can rebuild and restore the connection you once had with time, effort, and commitment.

Whether it’s communication, trust, or intimacy issues, there are ways to mend what’s broken. Here are 7 ways to fix a failing relationship and get things back on track.

1. Open and honest communication

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship! Set aside time to talk openly about your feelings and concerns without judgment.

It’s crucial that both partners listen actively and express themselves clearly. Misunderstandings can cause hurt, so check in with each other often. Reassess how you communicate and ensure you’re being both honest and empathetic.

2. Rekindle emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy is about feeling safe and vulnerable with your partner. If you feel distant, focus on reconnecting emotionally. Share your fears, dreams, and even your day-to-day experiences.

Building emotional closeness can make you feel more connected. This takes time, but it’s worth the effort to restore your bond.

3. Rebuild trust

Trust is the foundation of any relationship, and once broken, it takes time to rebuild. Start by being transparent and consistent in your actions.

If trust has been damaged, address it openly and take responsibility where necessary. Reassure your partner through your words and actions, showing that you’re committed to earning back their trust.

4. Prioritize quality time together

Spending quality time together helps reignite the connection! Life can get busy, but setting aside time just for each other can make a significant difference.

Whether it’s a simple dinner at home, a walk in the park, or even just watching a movie, it’s important to make your relationship a priority again.

5. Address unresolved issues

Ignoring problems doesn’t make them disappear. It’s essential to address any lingering issues openly. Have those tough conversations, even if they’re uncomfortable so that they don’t keep surfacing.

Working through these challenges together will help you both move forward without carrying past baggage into the future.

6. Show appreciation and gratitude

One of the simplest ways to improve a relationship is to show appreciation! Acknowledge the little things your partner does and express gratitude regularly.

Feeling appreciated can strengthen the emotional bond between you. When both partners feel valued, it helps to reduce resentment and build a positive atmosphere.

Watch this video where Tye Dutcher shares the power of gratitude in a relationship:

7. Be patient and compassionate

Fixing a failing relationship won’t happen overnight. It requires patience, understanding, and compassion from both partners. Be kind to each other during the process, and give the relationship the time it needs to heal.

There will be ups and downs, but with genuine effort, things can improve over time.

A relationship failure can be a love lesson

Relationships are complex, and sometimes, they can feel overwhelming. But even in the hardest moments, it’s important to remember that every relationship goes through challenges; it’s how we respond to them that matters.

Whether you’re managing rough patches or simply reflecting on where things stand, the key is to stay committed, open, and willing to grow. No relationship is perfect, but with understanding and effort, there’s always room for improvement.

Take things one step at a time, listen to each other, and cherish the connection you’ve built… because every love story deserves a chance to thrive!