Why Do I Attract Broken Guys? 10 Reasons Why Damaged Men Are Into You

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Have you ever pondered on why do I attract broken people? This may be a cause for concern in your life, but there may be reasons that this is happening to you. Keep reading this article for reasons why you are dating damaged men and what you can do to change this.

LMHC Grady Shumway points out,

It may be valuable to explore patterns of attracting “broken” individuals, which could stem from personal experiences or beliefs that unconsciously draw you towards those who need help or validation. 

Why do I attract broken people: 10 reasons you end up with them

When you are trying to determine why I attract broken guys, you may find that there are more reasons than you think. Here’s a look at some of the most common ones.

To learn more about healthy relationships, check out this video:

1. You know many broken people

There may be plenty of broken people in your social circle, and you haven’t seen many that aren’t. This could lead you to believe that most people are broken and that everyone you meet is a potentially emotionally damaged man. 

Consider who you are around most of the time and think about if you would like to meet new people or expand your horizons. 

This could cause you to wonder why I attract broken people when you really might want to spend your time considering where to find people that aren’t broken to hang out with. You can talk to trusted friends and family members for advice on this. 

Related Reading: 15 Signs of an Emotionally Broken Man

2. You don’t want to be without a relationship

Another reason that may answer the question of why do I attract broken people is that you may crave having a relationship. 

If you are someone that doesn’t like being without a boyfriend, this may mean that you are getting into relationships just because you are fearful of being alone. Relationships can be an important part of your life, but this doesn’t mean you have to be in one all the time.

3. You think it’s all you deserve

You may think all you deserve are men that are broken when you are contemplating the reason concerning why do I attract emotionally unavailable guys. 

This could be because of how you were treated growing up or of previous relationships that you have been in. Research shows that if you might have been mistreated as a child, this might continue as an adult.

4. You don’t notice they are damaged

In some instances, you may not be aware that you are dating men that are damaged. You may think they have a few tolerable issues, or you can learn to live with them. While this may be possible, it isn’t always the case. 

Think about if you are getting as much as you are giving in your relationship. If you are not, you should take time to figure out why this is the case. 

Are you worried about how your partner will act if you talk to them about their behavior or how you want them to stop doing something? If so, you may not be in a compatible duo.

In healthy relationships, you should be able to speak your mind without fear.

5. You don’t know what you are looking for

Have you been thinking, why am I attracted to men with issues? The answer is that you may not know precisely what you want in a partner. It could be necessary to take some time to determine what you want out of a relationship and out of a mate. 

This can help you know when you have found what you are looking for. You owe it to yourself to try to achieve happiness and love if these are things you are interested in finding.

Grady Shumway further notes,

Being unsure about what you’re looking for is a common experience, especially when it comes to relationships. Take the time to explore your own values, interests, and goals to gain clarity about what matters most to you. Allow yourself the freedom to experiment, learn from different experiences, and reassess your preferences along the way. Remember that it’s okay to be uncertain and that self-discovery is a journey rather than a destination.

6. You haven’t set boundaries

If you don’t set boundaries in your relationships, this could be the reason that answers why do I attract damaged guys. It would help if you had boundaries in every partnership so that you won’t be caught off guard. 

For instance, if you don’t want your guy to do certain things and he does them anyway, it is okay to tell him that that’s not okay.

7. You think you can change them

There might be times when you date someone, and you think you will be able to change them. While this is an optimistic approach, it may significantly lead to you getting hurt if they don’t change and end up hurting you. 

Instead of thinking, why do I attract broken people, you may want to focus on how to stop attracting them. A relationship should be about give and take and not involve you always helping your partner. They should be able to help you out as well.

8. You have self-esteem issues

It can be challenging to improve your self-esteem, especially if you are in a relationship where you aren’t valued or getting what you need out of it. 

If you feel that you have issues with self-esteem and it is the cause of why I am attracted to broken guys, you need to take some time to determine what you want to do to change your self-esteem. 

Grady Shumway notes,

Self-esteem issues can significantly impact one’s mental well-being and relationships. It’s crucial to address these issues with self-compassion and seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist. Practice self-care, challenge negative self-talk, and focus on building a positive self-image through affirmations, setting achievable goals, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

Remember that self-esteem takes time to cultivate, but with patience and dedication, you can develop a healthier sense of self-worth.

You can seek therapy or start dating people who will appreciate you.

Related Reading: Is Low Self-Esteem Preventing You From Finding Love?

9. You don’t know how to say no

When dating someone, it may be hard to say no to them, even if they aren’t an ideal match for you. 

You may have difficulty when it comes to hurting someone’s feelings, or you don’t want to turn down a potential date because you don’t know when you will get another one. A 2022 study suggests that it may be more challenging to be positive when faced with too many choices than fewer choices.

10. You are used to this type of relationship

Are you used to having relationships with guys that would be considered broken? If so, this may be because you are used to this relationship. You may think that you are also broken or that nothing is better for you. 

You are likely thinking, why do I attract broke guys? And think the answer is that you are also messed up. This may not be the truth, however.

Related Reading: 25 Types of Relationships That You Might Encounter

3 Reasons you should stop falling for broken people

Now that you may be aware of why do I attract broken people, it is time to understand why you should do what you can to stop this behavior. You owe it to yourself to find a mate that will be able to give you the things that you need.

1. You can’t make someone change

When you are trying to change someone, this may not be possible. This is especially the case if they don’t want to change. Perhaps you want your partner to stop drinking so much or stay out late. 

If they don’t see anything wrong with these things, they will be unlikely to change how they behave. In other words, they want to do what they want and don’t care what your feelings on the matter are. This is not something that can sustain a relationship.

2. You shouldn’t try to change people

The other side of this is that you shouldn’t try to change people. Imagine how you would feel if someone tried to change everything about you; this would likely be offensive. 

You might think, why do I attract broken people and then think that it is okay because you can change the things that you don’t like about them. In reality, when you find a partner that you are compatible with, there will likely be a few things that you don’t like about them or want to change.

3. You may be setting yourself up

Something else you should be aware of is that you may set yourself up for failure and heartbreak when you keep dating broken men. You may put time and effort into helping them, and they ultimately leave or hurt you. 

Your time may be better spent figuring out what you want out of a relationship and taking steps to find someone willing to provide you with those things.

Takeaway

While anyone may date a broken guy from time to time, if this is something that happens to you repeatedly or causes you to think, why do I attract broken people? You may want to stop and think about what needs to change.

Consider determining your hopes and expectations for relationships and the future, and ensure that you are get this out of your current partnership. When you aren’t, it may be necessary to determine why not or work with a therapist to find out more expert advice. 

Consider these reasons related to why do I attract broken people to see if they fit your life. There may be things you don’t know about yourself that you want to change instead of trying to change others. Think about reading more articles on why I attract broken people, so you can see if the reasons ring true.