Why Do Guys Stop Putting in Effort: 31 Possible Reasons

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He has proved to be the perfect prince charming you’ve ever seen. He is romantic and treats you right all the time. Suddenly, he started misbehaving, making you wonder if he ever loved you. So, why do guys stop putting in effort in their relationships?

When a guy doesn’t make an effort, who is at fault? The truth is, it might not be something you did or did not do. Dating a guy who makes no effort can be daunting, but racking your brain for answers might be exhausting. 

Thankfully, this article shows why a man might stop putting effort into your relationship.

What does no effort look like in a relationship?

To understand what it feels like when dating a guy who makes no effort, you must understand what effort means in a typical relationship. 

Effort into a relationship means commitment. When you put effort into a relationship, you are ready to become committed, selfless, expressive, caring, and understanding. You must be trustworthy and trust your partner in return. 

Putting effort into a relationship means paying attention and listening to your partner, sending romantic love messages, helping your partner, problem-solving together, going on random dates, and planning vacations together. 

All these gestures reassure you of the love you and your spouse have for each other. It doesn’t mean breaking the bank but being committed every day.

Effort in courtship is about making intentional decisions to love your partner and show them through your actions and words. The small things do matter when you make an effort in your relationship. It’s these actions and words that make up a healthy relationship in the long haul.

When a guy doesn’t make an effort, he does quite the opposite of everything mentioned in the above paragraphs. 

He might tell you he loves you, but you will find it hard to understand his “love” for you. As such, some women say, “he says he loves me but makes no effort.”

Dating a guy who makes no effort is frustrating. You can’t tell their plan for you or the relationship. It’s heartbreaking when you are already in love. Some women are lucky to receive good gestures and the best care from their partners. 

When your boyfriend stops making an effort, it indicates something is wrong. So, it’s normal to ask, “Why do guys stop putting in effort?” or “Why do guys stop trying?” Therefore, it’s up to you to figure it out as soon as possible before jumping to conclusions.

31 potential reasons why guys stop putting effort into their relationship

When a guy doesn’t make an effort, there can be a reason behind it. You can confront him, stay silent, or watch things unfold. Either way, it’s imperative to know why. The following might help you pinpoint the reasons for someone’s lack of effort in a relationship.

1. He’s busy lately

It’s easy to assume the worst when your boyfriend stops making an effort. After all, this is someone who calls you frequently, brings you food, and asks about you daily. If you notice a sudden change, you might as well check his schedule. 

Could he be busy with work or family issues? Has he been preoccupied with many tasks lately? You must ask these vital questions to know why a man might stop putting effort into your relationship.

2. You pissed him off

Why do guys stop putting in the effort? You should check yourself when a guy has been acting right all along and suddenly changes. It’s possible that something you did or did not turn him off. Knowing exactly which of your actions turned him off might be difficult.

But you can start from when he started changing. Did he change after you returned from a date or an argument? Could it be something you said or did? Whatever the case, if he finds it offensive, he might stop putting in an effort.

3. He met another person

When your boyfriend stops making an effort, another person might be in the picture. Whether it’s his ex or someone new, you will see a change in your boyfriend’s energy toward the relationship. 

He will no longer see the need to call you during the day or send those random romantic texts. All his attention will be on this newly found love and attraction.

4. He got nervous

A lack of effort in a relationship can happen when someone gets too nervous or stressed. Things might be going faster than they imagine in the relationship. He wooed you a few months ago. You have gone on multiple dates, had lengthy conversations, and discussed the future.

With such developments, some people might feel trapped and realize their life is about to change overnight. Nobody likes to feel that way. Therefore, the best response is to take some steps back and reduce their effort in the relationship.

5. He’s yet to make up his mind

When a guy doesn’t make an effort, he may have his eyes elsewhere. This sometimes happens in a new relationship when a guy has other girls but decides to settle with one reluctantly. In that case, he won’t put energy into making the relationship work because he’s distracted.

6. You are too dependent on him

A guy might stop putting effort into your relationship because you rely too much on him. Even though he takes care of you and attends to your needs, appearing too dependent might overwhelm him and turn him off. 

7. He’s losing interest

One might wonder why anyone will suddenly lose interest after being in a relationship. A man might be putting less effort into the relationship because he’s losing interest.

It has nothing to do with you. Everyone has a mind of their own, and once your man’s heart is turned off, there is little you can do.

8. He is emotionally insecure

A romantic relationship is meant to make us safe and secure with one another. It also guarantees emotional fulfillment that you will otherwise not get within yourself. Unfortunately, some individuals battle with their emotions. 

Expressing your deepest fears, letting someone into your life, and giving love are huge baggage for some people. These people fear vulnerability and feel inadequate to love or be loved. If your partner feels this way, he won’t put effort into the relationship.

9. He doesn’t want commitment

Sometimes, a person enjoys a relationship’s benefits but doesn’t want to go beyond that level. They appreciate the dates, outings, vacations, and romance. He may not want commitment if he puts less effort into the relationship. 

They don’t want to settle down or like anything that will tie them down to one person. That’s why having conversations at the beginning of the relationship is vital. That way, you can tell if your potential partner’s values align with yours.

10. He’s lazy

Why do guys stop putting in the effort? He might stop because he’s lazy. This might sound strange, especially if he has put considerable effort into the relationship in the past. 

One reason is that he is naturally not someone to put in the right energy to make a relationship work. Luckily, he has friends who advised him otherwise to impress you. Now that you are dating, he sees no reason to continue putting on the charade.

11. You take advantage of him

If he’s putting less effort into the relationship, you are probably not returning with the same energy. Many guys don’t want you to go to hell and back to make them happy. They only want someone who shows commitment as much as themselves. 

Cooking for him during one of your visits won’t be a bad idea if he sends you flowers. Also, supporting him in his affairs can boost his energy to do more for you. However, he might not find the relationship worthy if you act otherwise.

12. He is unhappy

Happy people make a happy and healthy relationship. If your partner isn’t pleased, making the relationship work will be the least of his problems. All he wants at that moment is to give up on the relationship and focus on the issue costing him his happiness.

There are many reasons why your partner might be unhappy. For instance, he might be dealing with a career-related, family, or personal problem. He might also feel you guys aren’t compatible. Whatever the reason is, dating an unhappy guy is frustrating.

13. He notices you are different people

Why do guys stop trying in a relationship? He is putting less effort into the relationship because he realizes you aren’t compatible. Maybe he realizes you have different values on specific issues, such as religion, marriage, children, traditions, and cultures. You can go on multiple dates yet miss these things.

For example, if your partner wants children, but you don’t, it can be enough reason to stop putting effort into the relationship. He might see no future in the relationship, so why waste his energy?

14. He doesn’t see the future with you

Many things might have gone wrong for a guy to reach this level. He may no longer see the future with you even if he has promised you marriage. Guys put less effort into a relationship when they feel differently about you.

He may still like you as a person, but when it comes to the long term, you don’t just fit into it. It could be a commitment issue or because there is someone new. Whatever the case may be, he might stop working on the relationship.

15. The chase thrills him

He says he loves me but makes no effort. You may have seen situations where guys ask women out to prove their manliness to their friends. If someone professes their love to you but shows no action, the chase might be more important than dating you. 

In this situation, the chase of asking you out and taking you on dates excites them more than the actual date. Weird right? Yes! But some men will put more effort into getting a “yes” than being in a relationship.

16. The spark is dying

Regardless of what the media tells us about relationships and marriages, it’s not always a bed of roses. Of course, the beginning is full of excitement and happiness. You have finally found your better half, which makes you happy.

Unfortunately, it won’t go on like that. You will offend and hurt each other. This “low energy” will make your partner put less effort into the relationship. The excitement will disappear, and that’s when you see the relationship as work. It’s essential to keep the spark alive in a relationship.

17. You fight a lot

A constant argument is another common reason for the lack of effort in a relationship. Arguments are part of a healthy relationship involving two individuals from different backgrounds. But there is a limit to everything. Finding common ground will help you understand each other better. 

If you guys have more than three arguments in a week, it’s enough to turn a guy off. Remember, most guys aren’t as expressive as women. Many arguments might be overwhelming for them to handle. 

18. You are above his league

We have all admired people – celebrities, business moguls, and entertainers, who seem to be above our level. There is nothing terrible in this.

Sometimes, a guy can lose interest in you because he feels you are too good for him. This sounds like a case of low self-esteem, but it’s a valid reason.

For example, independent women might unconsciously give a guy the impression that they don’t need him that much. This makes a guy start questioning his role in the relationship since it’s natural for men to display their hero instinct.

19. He wants to be sure

When your boyfriend stops making an effort, he might want to reassess his needs and expectations in the relationship. So, he feels it’s necessary to slow down and understand what he wants. Often, unpleasant past relationships can trigger this feeling.

20. He needs some space

Every healthy relationship needs space to continue thriving. You have been seeing each other often, going on regular dates, and doing things together. Giving each other space helps you retain your individuality.

Also, it allows you to return to your emotions and appreciate the things that are personal to you. Perhaps your guy is putting less effort into the relationship because he realizes the critical role of space in your partnership.

21. You don’t respect him enough

Have you ever wondered why a man might stop putting effort into your relationship? Sometimes, it’s because you don’t respect him. 

Men appreciate women who accept them for their personalities. We all have our flaws, but rubbing it on your man’s face can damage him emotionally. As such, he won’t see the need to make the relationship work anymore.

22. You don’t appreciate him

No two relationships are the same because they involve different people. You should appreciate him often; acknowledge it if your boyfriend tries to satisfy and make you happy. Otherwise, he might pull away. Appreciation holds quite a significance in relationships.

23. He feels misunderstood

Lack of understanding is one of the reasons couples break up. If your man doesn’t feel his authentic self around you, he will pull away from you. This happens when a woman pressures her partner to act a certain way. It might work for a while, but it won’t last.

24. You belittle him

Why do guys stop putting in effort? They stop putting in effort because you make them feel inferior. Men value respect a lot, even if they are not at a certain level in life. 

Making your boyfriend feel inferior by making senile remarks both publicly and privately will make him lose interest in the relationship. You might also be making him feel this way without realizing it. That’s why communication is at the core of every successful relationship.

25. He’s not getting enough attention

Suppose you are always busy or focused on things aside from the relationship; your boyfriend won’t put much effort into it. It means you don’t value the relationship as much as he does. Therefore, putting in less effort will assure him peace of mind.

26. He is insecure

Insecurity manifests in different forms, including wealth, status, appearance, communication, etc. Your partner probably feels you are more capable in these areas than he is. When a man feels this way, his ego is brutalized. Therefore, the best way for him is to pull away.

27. He is still struggling with past relationships

Past relationship baggage can make someone lose focus. It might be an ugly breakup, or it wasn’t mutual. As long as your boyfriend thinks about his ex or past relationship, it will affect his ability to make his current relationship work.

28. He is taking his time

Another common reason a guy might stop putting in effort is he wants to take it slow. He is satisfied with you and your behavior. Considering his past relationships, he doesn’t want to mess this up. This might make you feel, “He says he loves me but makes no effort.”

29. He doesn’t want to hurt you

When your boyfriend stops making an effort, it certainly hurts. However, it might be a blessing in disguise. He probably reassesses his needs and realizes he is not suitable for you. Putting in less effort is his way out here.

30. He doesn’t know what he wants

The reason why a man might stop putting effort into your relationship is that he is uncertain. This has nothing to do with you and a lot with him. 

He doesn’t know if he wants a serious or casual relationship. He doesn’t have any plan whatsoever. Your beauty may have attracted him, but he has no idea what to do afterward.

31. He’s facing personal challenges

Life can throw unexpected challenges at anyone, and sometimes, a guy may stop putting effort into a relationship because he’s dealing with personal difficulties. 

It could be health issues, financial stress, or other personal challenges that are taking a toll on his emotional energy and ability to invest in the relationship. Understanding and supporting him during tough times can significantly affect the relationship’s progress.

5 things to do when he is not putting in the effort

If you believe in the relationship, it’s best to know how to get him to put in more effort. Below, we have shared some practical tips that might help you in situations where your partner is not putting in effort in the relationship:

1. Have a conversation with him

How to tell him he’s not putting in an effort? Talk to him. Making assumptions can be confusing when your boyfriend stops making an effort. 

Instead, sit him down and let him know how you feel. Make him feel comfortable enough to tell you the truth about his actions and be open-minded. 

2. Calm down

You might feel betrayed and flare up if a guy tells you he’s still in love with his ex. However, it’s best to stay calm.

Get him to talk about why they broke up; you might understand where he’s coming from. Importantly, ask him why he asked you out in the first place. In all of these, ensure you keep your emotions in check.

3. Understand his point of view

From your discussion, you might get to know that it isn’t entirely your man’s fault for pulling away from the relationship. If a man feels insecure because of his actions, understanding him instead of thinking he has low self-esteem might help you find a solution.

4. Take responsibility

If your attitude makes him lose interest in the relationship, don’t make excuses for them. Acknowledge it and apologize genuinely. Taking responsibility in relationships is essential as it can make or break a relationship, and you may want to ensure it remains healthy and fulfilling. 

5. Give him some space

If you are unsure of your boyfriend’s stance in the relationship, it’s best to give him space. Don’t bombard him with calls or text messages. 

When a man’s mind is off, there is little you can do to draw him back. This step is crucial if you have tried everything to learn how to get him to put in more effort.

Watch Esther Perel, a Belgian-American psychotherapist, as she explains the importance of giving your partner space in the relationship:

FAQs

When it comes to why guys stop putting effort into a relationship, there can be many questions you may need answers to. Below are some commonly asked questions regarding this topic.

• Why do some men lose interest after the honeymoon phase?

It’s natural for the honeymoon phase to end. When it does, the relationship settles into a new routine. Some men may lose interest due to boredom or a desire for something new. Communication and trying new things can help reignite the spark.

• Can external stressors like work affect a guy’s effort in a relationship?

Yes, external stressors like work can affect a guy’s effort in a relationship. It’s essential to communicate and offer support during times of stress. Encourage your partner to take time for self-care and relaxation.

• How can I communicate with my partner about his decreased effort without causing conflict?

Approach the conversation with a calm and non-accusatory tone. Use “I” statements instead of “you” and express your feelings clearly yet empathetically. Listen actively to your partner’s response and work together to find a solution.

• Are there specific signs to look for that indicate a guy is losing interest?

Yes, some signs include decreased communication, scheduling conflicts, lack of physical affection, and disinterest in shared activities. However, it’s essential to communicate openly with your partner before jumping to conclusions.

• What if my partner’s lack of effort is a recurring issue despite discussions?

Consider seeking outside help, such as a couples therapist. It may also be necessary to discuss whether the relationship meets both partners’ needs and whether it’s worth continuing. Communication and honesty are key.

Takeaway

Now that you know why a man might stop putting effort into your relationship and what you can do, it’s time to take some steps. Do you continue with the relationship, hoping he changes or gives up? It depends on you and your partner’s willingness.

Whichever one you choose, understand that you must value yourself. When a man is down in a relationship, you can do little or nothing to change him. But you can change yourself. 

Moreover, it’s crucial to balance finding fulfillment in all themes of life, not just the romantic part. Finally, if all else fails, don’t hesitate to speak to a relationship counselor or therapist to help you make informed decisions.