Why Am I Attracted to Emotionally Unavailable Man- 5 Reasons

Think of a scenario…

It’s been a few days since that attractive guy came into your life, complimented you profusely, and took you on amazing dates. Suddenly he ghosts you, or you later realize you couldn’t get close to each other.

Despite your suspicions that something isn’t quite right, you can’t help but be perplexed because you were aware of how well you two got along.

Now you ask yourself, why am I attracted to emotionally unavailable men?

Besides, you could be concerned about the situation and think you have done something wrong, causing him to withdraw or become emotionally unavailable suddenly. It turns out that it’s possible to make the same mistakes that could repeatedly attract you to unavailable men.

Suppose you find yourself attracted to an emotionally unavailable man repeatedly. In that case, you don’t need to be reminded of how frustrating and lonely it is to be unable to connect with the person you care about.

It’s time you acknowledged your attraction to emotionally distant guys and spent some time exploring why you keep repeating the error.

There is a good probability you were seeing someone who was emotionally cold and unreachable. Still, because of your great attraction to unavailable men, you disregard the warning signs and give it a shot.

However, rather than judging yourself for something you may have done wrong to drive them away, analyze the guys you choose to date to avoid the same mistake.

Suppose you are stuck in the same dating pattern whereby things begin to get serious, and suddenly you are being ghosted. Then it’s time to address the issue’s root—your unconscious attraction to emotionally unavailable guys.

You may be confused about the answers to questions like: 

• Why are men emotionally unavailable?
• Why do I attract emotionally unavailable partners?
• What causes someone to be emotionally unavailable?

An end has come to your endless quest.

In this article, I will explain the knots and dots behind your attraction to emotionally unavailable men.

Let’s proceed!

What does being emotionally unavailable mean?

Being emotionally unavailable refers to having trouble building strong relationships, learning to be vulnerable emotionally, engaging fully with potential partners, and interacting on a deeper, more intimate level. 

Emotional unavailability could manifest as someone who is extremely vague or distant, avoids uncomfortable conversations about feelings or the relationship, or ends a relationship at the first sign of emotional connection.

Further, they often remain distant from their relationships and loved ones, rarely disclosing their actual emotional experiences.

Additionally, it’s crucial to understand that being emotionally unavailable does not always indicate that a person does not want to be in a relationship. And it’s not a problem of not being able to love.

Also, emotionally unavailable people frequently find it difficult to express their wants, regrets, objectives, and desires. 

They occasionally struggle to hold space for others when they speak about themselves while posing as “private” or “under the form of protection,” making them hard to spot.

However, there are numerous explanations for why this might have occurred.

Signs of emotional unavailability.

Being emotionally unavailable may take on a variety of different forms depending on the situation. Here are a few indicators of your man being emotionally unavailable.

● Abstinence from commitment

Being emotionally unavailable makes it challenging for your man to commit. Talking about the issue to him can frequently cause fear and anxiety.

They might say they don’t want to define the relationship and prefer casual relationships with you. Nevertheless, emotionally unavailable men avoid making arrangements for the immediate future.

Additionally, please show them your affection or act as a confidant toward them. Over time, they might become more comfortable with commitment and connection. 

● They frequently get defensive

Rather than revealing his genuine emotions, an emotionally unavailable man is more likely to react defensively when confronted. They might emphasize your fault to avoid having to deal with their true emotions.

Also, they find it difficult to trust others, which may cause them to become emotionally detached.

● They don’t discuss your feelings

People who are emotionally unavailable frequently refrain from feeling anything at all because they believe that connection, closeness, and emotional vulnerability will result in being harmed.

While this doesn’t necessarily imply that they don’t care about your feelings, they may lack the emotional maturity necessary to recognize and respect your needs.

Because they feel uncomfortable expressing their feelings, an emotionally unavailable man may also find it difficult to relate to the emotional needs of others.

Why do men feel emotionally unavailable?

It’s crucial to note that emotionally unavailable men rarely recognize the harm their actions are causing. You cannot comprehend the level of suffering your partner will experience from this void if you have never had a deep emotional connection with somebody.

The man and others around him may experience anguish from his incapacity or unwillingness to be emotionally present for others. There can be numerous reasons for this lack of emotional reciprocity.

Because society frequently encourages males to be emotionally indifferent, many men find it challenging to be emotionally open. Socialization teaches men to be powerful, although emotional outpouring contradicts this idea.

As a result of this indoctrination, men suffer because they find it harder to relate to others, especially in romantic relationships.

As Dr. Jennifer Jacobsen, a university professor and PhD in Psychology, explains,

Male gender norms teach men to be powerful and strong, and they may have grown up being taught that it was weak to express emotions.

Also, men are significantly affected by trauma, particularly when young, which might result in emotional challenges. Traumatic incidents put men’s capacity to adjust and learn from suffering to the test. Further, he may shut down as a defense after experiencing a chaotic upbringing in which he saw his caretakers express emotions violently or uncontrollably.

Men who struggle with emotional vulnerability typically back out when things grow serious or when long-term commitment is discussed since they fear deep connection. This leaves you wondering why things didn’t work out this time. The goal is to recognize the warning signs and keep them far away rather than letting someone emotionally unavailable deceive you into dating them.

It will be hard to attract the right partner if you don’t understand the factors that keep attracting unsuitable companions. Here are a few explanations for why this trend might be happening to you.

5 reasons why you are attracted to an emotionally unavailable man

Check out these reasons for attraction to emotionally unavailable men:

1. You believe you can fix him and turn him into a lovable spouse

It is possible to have an instinctive desire to mend someone who seems broken. Nevertheless, do emotionally unavailable men improve over time?

The impulse to assist someone or to heal them is a private emotion that may make you feel closer to that person. You feel like you’re the only one who can get through the barriers they’ve put up around themselves, which draws you closer. 

Remember, though, that you can’t make someone better overnight, and you definitely can’t make them available or prepared for a commitment.

Besides, being emotionally unavailable cannot be changed by anyone other than the individual. You cannot force your emotionally unavailable spouse to be more receptive; change only occurs when he is ready to work toward generating it.

Nevertheless, you can try the following method:

• Explore the root issues to give you insights on how to deal with his emotional unavailability.
• Bring up questionable actions, such as failing to make arrangements or being emotionally private.
• Kindly draw attention to how those actions affect your connection.
• You can suggest visiting a therapist.
• Be supportive and encouraging.

However, expecting progress overnight is unrealistic. Pushing him to be truly vulnerable before he is ready might occasionally result in misery or, at the very least, discomfort.

2. You misinterpret his interest in you as a desire for a romantic connection

What makes you think his attraction shows that he is genuinely interested in dating you?

You can tell when a man is attracted to you. But it is quite hard to tell if his intention is truly genuine. Being attracted to you doesn’t always imply wanting a relationship with you.

Even while he may take you out on a few dates, that doesn’t necessarily indicate that he intends to commit to you long-term. It could mean that all he wants to do is form a casual relationship with you.

A lot of the time, we are oblivious that the partners we are fixated on serve to validate our innermost anxieties. The science of adult attachment studies has shown that certain partners are drawn to us based on how we feel about love.

3. Some part of you might be emotionally unavailable

The primary reason we draw or are drawn to emotionally unavailable relationships is that a portion of ourselves is also emotionally unresponsive. The truth is that a fully emotionally engaged spouse will leave a relationship with an emotionally incompetent partner.

It’s a bitter truth to swallow! Think about being attracted to emotionally unavailable men because you are also unavailable in some way.

Although you may want a committed relationship mentally, you may be fearful of being hurt, losing your self-sense in the relationship, or even getting attached.

As a result, being with someone emotionally unavailable may feel safer because you understand on some level that you are not required to give your all to the other person.

Furthermore, it’s likely that you don’t enjoy being open to criticism or that you lack a true capacity for empathy. In such a situation, it makes sense that you would be attracted to someone with similar qualities.

When someone doesn’t try to push you outside of your comfort zone by discussing feelings or limits, it feels that being with them is easy.

Additionally, because you don’t have to, it can feel safer to be with someone unable to commit and connect.

4. Your romantic role models were emotionally unavailable

According to research, we frequently find ourselves drawn to partners who remind us of our parents or who share traits with them.

As a child, you might have had a parent who was cold and emotionally unavailable to your needs. It’s really simple to become caught up in the same habits that our parents practiced.

Also, it’s possible that your parents were physically present but emotionally estranged from one another or were not balanced; perhaps one seemed to be far more involved in the union than the other.

As an adult, this can lead you to repeat the same pattern you witnessed as a child,

says Dr. Jacobsen.

5. You love the chase

Chasing someone brings excitement and thrills. Initially, nothing seems uninteresting or monotonous. 

If you enjoy the pursuit, you can find yourself drawn to emotionally unavailable guys. You’ll always be kept on your toes, trying to get him to want to commit to you.

Related Reading: 20 Clear Signs She Wants You to Chase Her

Know about the reasons men love the chase here:

How to handle someone emotionally unavailable

Being emotionally unavailable shouldn’t be forever. Though it’s a big issue, some causes can be more difficult to deal with than others.

You can’t force a man who is emotionally unavailable to be more available if he’s not intentional about it because change only occurs when he is ready to make it happen.

But you might try the following methods:

• Note the signs and possible causes of their emotional unavailability

Different sorts of emotional unavailability exist. Therefore it’s critical to understand what motivates your partner’s or a potential partner’s behavior.

• Discuss it with them

Call their attention to it and talk it over. 

• Don’t over push them

Give them enough time to think and readjust themselves.

• Focus on yourself: Analyze the effect on you

Being in a relationship with someone emotionally unavailable may be quite tiring and draining, especially if you consider how emotionally comfortable and available you are. 

When you realize that the effort you’ve put into a relationship outweighs your partner’s contributions, it can be incredibly painful and frequently results in feelings of rejection and unimportance.

Know more about being attracted to emotionally unavailable men

Check out these further queries on the topic:

• Does an emotionally unavailable man get jealous?

Jealousy is rooted in many factors like fear, immaturity, and insecurity. An emotionally unavailable man tends to get more deeply jealous because he suppresses and bottles his emotion.

• Does an emotionally unavailable man have feelings?

Yes, but he’s unable to show it. An emotionally unavailable man pockets his emotions and doesn’t show his vulnerability but internalizes his thoughts.

• How does an emotionally unavailable man show love?

• He gives you access to his secrets
• He is himself around you
• He’s willing to change
• He strives to be consistent
• He always shows concern for your feelings

• Why do I like emotionally unavailable guys?

Should I say; why am I attracted to an emotionally unavailable man?

Undoubtedly, you know the answer to this question.

It’s impossible to change a man who is not willing to change. If your spouse is emotionally unavailable, he will have to come to these realizations on his own schedule. Before he can feel emotionally connected to you, he must first connect with his emotions.

Takeaway

In conclusion, relationships act as a reflection of our internal processes. We typically must confront our prior hurts to break deeply rooted tendencies like this. We must first acknowledge our past hurts before letting them go to move past them.

To be happy in a relationship, you must understand your attachment style and the kind of individuals you find appealing. If you’re repeatedly attracted to emotionally available men, you may have some of your own healing to do.

It is important to avoid repeating the same pattern, in which you fall for an emotionally unavailable man, only to be hurt again. Once you recognize your patterns, you can take steps to correct them. In some cases, counseling may be needed.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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