17 Things to Do When Your Husband Defends Another Woman

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What happens when your husband defends another woman? Does it mean he has broken your trust? Or could it be an indication that he’s cheating on you? 

It can be further painful when your husband doesn’t defend you publicly or privately. After all, this is someone you call your better half, and defending your spouse is usually an unwritten rule that sets up expectations.

Unfortunately, some women are compelled to say, “Why does my husband defends everyone but me,” or “My boyfriend defends his female friend.” Whether it’s your husband showing support for the other woman or your husband looking at another woman, you are not alone. 

A man who doesn’t defend his woman may put her in an uncomfortable position that raises a lot of doubts in her mind. You begin to question his feelings for you, your role in the marriage, and the purpose of your marriage. 

Should a husband defend his wife at all? Learn the answers in this relationship guide that will show you what to do when your husband defends other women, and learn to avoid making regrettable mistakes.

What does it mean when your husband defends another woman?

When your husband defends another woman, it can have different meanings or reasons. The first interpretation from a wife’s perspective might be that the husband supports the other woman because he’s having an affair with her. 

Using her experience as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Maggie Martinez highlights,

Be careful jumping to the conclusion that your husband is having an affair might push him away if this isn’t the truth.

For most women, this situation is quite confusing. It might look like you’re jealous of the other woman if you say something. If not, your husband might take this as a cue to keep standing up for other women and not realize that it’s bothering you.

Nevertheless, understand that when your husband doesn’t defend his wife, it doesn’t always mean that he wants to hurt her intentionally. Many situations of a husband looking at another woman might reveal that the action wasn’t intentional. Sometimes, these things happen.

Some men are unbiased, and they don’t mind showing it. For instance, when your husband defends another woman, it could be that he agrees with her opinion. Similarly, he might be of the opinion that defending your spouse all the time may not be right, especially if your partner’s stand isn’t correct.

Regardless, it can hurt a lot when a husband doesn’t defend his wife. And this can prompt many women to question, “Should a husband defend his wife? If he doesn’t, what should you do?”

The best response usually is to stay calm and reassess the situation. 

Why would your husband defend another woman?

If you feel, “My husband defends everyone but me,” it doesn’t always mean the marriage is unstable when a husband doesn’t defend his wife. If the other women that he defends include his mother, sisters, your mother, or your sisters, he may just agree with their opinion to please them.

Indeed, it’s difficult for most wives to accept that their husbands will support another woman. However, defending your spouse does have its limits. 

The truth can sometimes be bitter, and in a bid to make you understand, your husband might pick the side of another woman. Nevertheless, there are other reasons your husband defends another woman. These are:

• He is naturally protective

“My husband never stands up for me.”

Many men might activate a protective instinct when they perceive other people like women and children as worth defending and protecting. So, in a certain situation where a husband defends another woman, his intention might be to “save” the other woman. And hurting his wife may not be something he anticipates. 

A husband who doesn’t defend his wife may act that way because he usually supports all women.

• He disagrees with you

A husband is usually expected to protect his wife. However, if your opinion isn’t correct according to him, he may choose the side of another woman.

Honestly, it can sting if a partner defends others against his wife. 

Your husband may not realize that his actions affect you. That’s why you need to let him know what is bothering you as soon as possible.

• You offend him

When a husband doesn’t defend his wife, it could be that he is angry with his wife. His support for the other woman may indicate that he wants to hurt you back or get your attention.

• He doesn’t respect you

If your worry is, “My husband defends everyone but me,” his behavior seems worthy of reproach. The behavior shows absolute disrespect. 

It would help if people didn’t argue with their partners in public, let alone defend others against their partners in front of others. While there are moments when your opinions differ, wisdom lies in knowing when to keep quiet instead of not supporting your wife.

7 ways to stay calm when your husband supports another woman

Dealing with the emotional landscape when your husband defends another woman can be challenging. To maintain your composure and manage your reactions effectively, here are seven practical strategies:

1. Pause and breathe

Before reacting, take a moment to pause and breathe deeply. This simple act can help reduce immediate stress and prevent you from responding impulsively. Deep breathing helps center your thoughts and calm your emotions, allowing you to approach the situation more rationally. 

In moments when you notice that your husband defends another woman, this can be a crucial first step to maintain your composure.

2. Assess your feelings

Try to identify what you are really feeling. Are you hurt, jealous, or maybe feeling neglected because it seems like my husband is emotionally attached to another woman? Understanding your emotions can provide clarity and help you articulate your thoughts more constructively when you discuss the situation with your husband.

3. Seek clarification

Instead of jumping to conclusions, ask your husband calmly about his reasons for defending another woman. There might be misunderstandings or contexts you are not aware of that could explain his behavior. 

Seeking clarification directly can prevent the buildup of resentment and misunderstanding. This approach is particularly useful when you wonder why does my husband talk to other woman, as it directly addresses the issue.

4. Use “I” statements

When you talk to your husband about the situation, use “I” statements to express how you feel. This approach focuses on your feelings rather than accusing or blaming him, which can lead to more productive and less confrontational conversations. 

5. Focus on the facts

Keep the discussion factual, and avoid letting your emotions dictate the conversation. Discuss specific instances that bothered you and explain why. Focusing on the facts helps keep the dialogue constructive and solution-focused. When your husband defends another woman, it’s important to objectively analyze the actions and their implications without clouded judgment.

6. Engage in self-care

Managing such stress can be draining, so it’s important to engage in self-care. This could involve activities you enjoy, spending time with supportive friends, or simply taking time for yourself to relax and recharge. Self-care is vital to maintaining your emotional and mental health, especially during challenging times in your marriage.

7. Consider professional guidance

If the issue persists and deeply affects your relationship, it might be helpful to seek counseling. 

A marriage counselor can provide a neutral ground for discussing issues and offer strategies to improve communication and understanding between you and your husband. This step is often crucial for couples struggling to overcome emotional attachments and regain trust.

17 things to do if your husband defends another woman

It’s normal to feel betrayed when your husband doesn’t defend you. It can make you question aspects of your relationship and whether your man is truly committed to you. However, you will handle the situation like a pro if you follow the tips below:

1. Control yourself

Seeing your husband coming to another person’s rescue over you is frustrating, but you must control your anger. There is usually a reason behind people’s actions, but jumping to conclusions will escalate the issue instead of giving you a chance to understand the situation better. 

Give your husband the chance to explain himself before you accuse him of cheating or disrespecting you.

2. Pick the right time for discussion

Time is essential when your husband supports the other women.

The wrong time to make your husband know he is defending other women will be in the heat of the argument or in the presence of the other women. Rather, pick a time when you both are calm and in a stable state of mind.

3. Communicate your feelings

Now may not be the time to suppress your feelings and deal with your husband in a passive-aggressive manner. It won’t solve the issue or make you feel better. It might even lead to a more damaging conflict.

Instead, tell him how his actions make you feel as soon as possible. 

4. Don’t be confrontational

Remember, the goal is not to make your husband look weak or appear like a victim. You want to know your husband’s reasons for defending another person against you. Therefore, you must make him comfortable to get to the truth. 

For example, start the conversation casually or when you are both laughing. That may put him at ease and open to telling you the truth.

5. Take an objective look at the situation

It is crucial to take an unbiased view of the situation. Try to see things from a different perspective to understand why your husband defends other women.

• Is he justified in defending her?
• Does your husband have noble intentions when he is defending her?
• Is your interpretation of the situation correct?

Regardless of who the woman is, if defending her appears like the right thing to do, you should cut him some slack. If he only supports others occasionally, you can consider letting it go.

6. Try to understand your husband

When your husband explains himself, try to put yourself in his shoes to understand his position. But this doesn’t mean supporting him at all costs.

Instead, try to understand his motive for standing behind the other lady. Understanding is vital to a healthy and successful marriage.

7. Let him know your other concerns

When your husband defends another woman, your reaction might be justified if you have noticed other suspicious behavior from your husband. Even if your husband can justify his action, you may not be able to believe him in these situations. 

So, let him know the other things you have noticed. For example, if he has been defending others repeatedly or supporting a particular woman all the time.

8. Check how he defends other women

Sometimes, it’s not what your husband says but how he says it.

Suppose you aren’t convinced by your husband’s explanation; observe how he defends the other woman. If your husband agrees with her and gives justifiable reasons for doing so, it’s okay. However, it calls for concern if he defends others without wanting to hear your side or explain his reasons.

9. Consider your husband’s relationship with the woman

Another point worth mentioning is your husband’s relationship with the other women.

Your husband’s relationship with his mother will be different from his sisters or female co-workers. 

If your husband doesn’t defend you but supports his mother, it might be that he wants his mother to feel accepted and loved.

10. Ask him what he thinks about you

Criticisms make us better in many ways. Ask your husband to give his opinions about why he doesn’t agree with you.

Do you overreact or say things without a factual basis? Do you argue blindly or don’t see things from an objective point of view? Hearing the truth might hurt initially, but it may help you become a better person.

11. Be a good listener

You must activate your active listening when your husband talks. Try not to interrupt him when he speaks; listen to understand, but do not judge. Ask questions for clarification, and don’t make any assumptions.

12. See if it is a particular woman

If your husband defends a particular woman and claims they are friends, ensure he is right. This doesn’t mean you don’t trust your partner. However, it can be worth investigating their relationship if he defends her at every chance he gets without listening to you.

13. Check if he has feelings for her

Besides typical conversations, if your husband talks to the other woman, texts, or visits her frequently, he may have feelings for her. That may explain why he naturally comes to her rescue when you argue.

14. Check how he defends you in other instances

When your husband defends another woman, try to compare it to how he defends you. Is it the same way he defends another woman?

How your husband protects you can give you an insight into his feelings for you. Support for the other woman may mean nothing as long as he loves and cares for you.

15. Seek professional help

If your husband’s action causes you distress, it may be best to seek professional help. For example, a marriage counselor can guide how to deal with the situation. 

Counselors are highly skilled in helping spouses openly discuss marital issues. They can also show you how to improve your communication with your spouse.

16. Reflect on your own behavior and relationship dynamics

It is beneficial to assess your own actions and how they might be contributing to the current dynamics, especially if you feel that “my husband is nicer to other women” than to you. Are there patterns in your behavior or in your relationship that could be influencing his actions? 

Self-reflection can reveal insights about your interactions that may be affecting his decisions to defend another person. This isn’t about blaming yourself but understanding the situation more fully.

17. Establish boundaries and expectations

It’s important to clearly communicate your expectations and set boundaries about what you consider acceptable behavior towards other women, particularly if it seems that your husband is nicer to another woman. 

Discussing these boundaries can prevent misunderstandings and make your husband aware of your feelings. This step involves both partners agreeing on what constitutes respectful behavior to ensure that both feel secure and respected in the relationship.

To learn about what not to do when setting boundaries in a relationship, watch this video by Katie Morton: 

FAQs

Dealing with complex marital situations can be challenging. Here are concise answers to some common concerns:

• How do you deal with the other woman in your marriage?

Address the situation directly with your husband. Discuss your feelings, set clear boundaries, and express your expectations for your relationship. Consider seeking couples therapy to facilitate a constructive dialogue and work through the issue together.

• What does it mean when your husband confides in another woman?

If your husband confides in another woman, it might indicate he feels he cannot share certain emotions or issues with you, or it could be a sign of emotional intimacy with her. It’s important to communicate openly about your concerns and assess the overall emotional health of your marriage.

• Does my husband have feelings for another woman?

If your husband frequently seeks out another woman’s company, shares intimate details with her, or prioritizes her needs over yours, these could be signs of emotional attachment. Discussing your observations and feelings with him directly can help clarify the situation.

• When your husband confides in another woman?

When a husband confides in another woman, it may suggest a gap in communication between you two. It’s crucial to explore why he feels the need to seek support outside the marriage. Addressing this through honest, non-confrontational conversation can help strengthen your connection and resolve underlying issues.

Final thoughts

It can be emotionally taxing when your husband defends another woman in your presence. Your first reaction might be to flare up, but you must remain calm. Engage him in a thoughtful conversation so that you can know the real reason behind his actions. 

You should also watch out for other signals and let him know if something is bothering you. If nothing changes in your husband’s actions even after that, it might be best to talk to a professional.