What Makes Relationships Last?

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‘Going to the Chapel and We’re Gonna get Married’ is a popular song that has been recorded by many artists including the Beach Boys.

Some of the lines say, ‘And we’ll never be lonely anymore.’ Because ‘we are going to the chapel to get married’.  It goes on to say ‘I’ll Be His and He’ll Be Mine…until the end of time.  The chorus says,’ Gee, I really love you and we’re gonna get married’.

The implication in the song is that if you are lonely – then get married

As well, he will be yours until the end of time and all because of love. So I wonder why are there are so many divorces? 50% of first marriages is what I last heard. Couples tell me that they have never been as lonely as they are in their marriage.  How sad is this!

This ditty, is what we all like to hear.  It gives us a good feeling. True enough, marriage can be for life and it should be because of love but, in reality as we would expect, there is a whole lot of real life missing in this song.

Relationships need to have elements of maturity to last. Both people in the marriage must be happy and love themselves, and then they can give and add to the other person’s happiness and love fully. We cannot make someone else happy, nor can you make them love you.

Love is the foundation of marriage

A place that comes with the commitment to always be with that person.  It is where you go to remember the good times and the place where you go to draw strength when things aren’t so good. However, there is a whole lot more to marriage than love. Love just simply is not enough. Each person must be allowed to grow independently and then they must work hard together to grow in the relationship.  

It is always good if we like the other person and they like you!  Along with this comes respect, trust and someone we can tell anything to. Listening skills need to be fully developed as communication is often what couples tell me is their main problem. Listening and truly hearing from the other person will help you to allow you to change, grow, make decisions, and make mistakes without feeling judged or criticized.  We can then express feelings and emotions freely.

We need to be able to ask for advice and be given good advice. We need to work together to figure out what to do next in difficult situations.

Each of us will accept the other person as they are. One can only change oneself.

I have read studies that say that finances, children and sex are the three top reasons for divorce.  We must be prepared.  Two healthy mature individuals with great communication skills can handle whatever comes their way and together they ‘take the bull by the horns’ and love each other anyway.  This is what makes a relationship last.