What Kills Long-Distance Relationships? 10 Key Things

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If you’re in a long-distance relationship or plan to be in one, some advantages and disadvantages come with it. Like any romantic relationship, long-distance ones may work or not. There’s no secret to this. It’s up to the couples how they’re going to survive together when they’re apart.

So, what kills long-distance relationships? If you want to strengthen your bond with your long-distance partner and become stronger in overcoming the challenges of being far away, it’s ideal that you prepare yourself by learning what makes or breaks long-distance relationships.

Here are some of the most common long distance relationship problems that couples go through and what you need to know about being in one. 

What is a long distance relationship?

A long distance relationship is a type of romantic partnership where the couples are far from each other. Specifically, as stated by the European Journal of Population, couples who have to travel at least an hour to see each other are already considered long distance couples. 

The most common setting where couples are deemed in a long distance relationship is when they’re also geographically separated. Still, there’s no strict meaning to what a long distance relationship is as people have their definition of it. 

However, the commonality among these claims is that couples should be far from each other and have to travel quite a distance just to be together.  

What kills a long distance relationship?

We often hear people saying, “long distance relationship is killing me,” which is understandable since being in one is challenging. However, long distance relationships will kill you only when you give up and stop putting effort into it. 

In general, any relationship only thrives when we cater to it. When there’s no teamwork between the couples, then it’s bound to fail.

Grady Shumway, LMHC, says

A lack of communication and effort from both partners can be the biggest threat to a long-distance relationship. Maintaining trust, staying connected, and continuously investing time and energy to keep the relationship strong is crucial. Without mutual commitment, the distance can easily create an emotional disconnect.

What causes long distance relationships to fail?

There are multiple causes for long distance relationships to fail. Why are long distance relationships hard? Well, it’s normal for relationships to have hard times, but it’s much harder when couples don’t work together. 

When couples don’t plan for their future, then it’s bound to crumble. Being in a long distance relationship is just one of the many challenges partners face. If they don’t communicate and continue strengthening their bond, then it’s harder for them to maintain a connection. 

When tested by distance, the lack of faith in the relationship is one of the reasons why these kinds of couples don’t thrive. That’s why couples should make an extra effort and learn as many long distance relationship tips as possible.  

10 things that kill long-distance relationships

What kills long-distance relationships? Here are some of the most common reasons why it fails:

1. Insecurities

We all have insecurities, but we must express these insecurities healthily and productively. If we have insecurities about being long-distance, don’t let them fester passive-aggressively. 

If you can’t communicate this calmly and reasonably, it’s easy for the relationship to turn sour in no time. That’s why you must let your partner know about your worries and seek assurance healthily. 

You can ask them respectfully and give your trust in return when there’s no reason to become paranoid over something. Trust is a crucial element in any relationship, especially long distance ones.  

Related Reading: 16 Signs of Insecurity in Relationships

2. Different expectations

Another factor that makes long distance relationships hard is when the couples have different expectations. One of the signs your long distance relationship is ending is when you have different expectations in the relationship. 

It’s alright for couples to have different stances on things, but it’s not helpful if no common expectations are set among them anymore. This makes people drift apart and make it harder for them to build rapport, thus ultimately killing the relationship altogether.

3. Infidelity

Infidelity is an instant deal breaker. This is one of the many long distance relationships struggles couples are wary of. Couples in a long distance relationship find this harder since they’re tested. 

There are a lot of temptations around, and when you’re away from your partner, it’s possible to slip and fall when you’re not careful. That’s why it’s important to be honest with oneself. 

If the relationship is no longer serving you, it’s best to just end it than be caught cheating and hurting your partner. 

Grady Shumway further adds,

Infidelity can quickly end a long-distance relationship, as trust is already under strain due to the separation. Being honest with yourself and your partner is essential; if the relationship no longer works for you, it’s better to have an open conversation rather than cause deeper hurt through betrayal. 

Related Reading: 15 Most Common Causes of Infidelity in Relationships

4. Boredom

When you’re away from each other, it’s common for couples to drift apart and find joy in other matters except their relationship. When you’re far from each other, you will find other sources of joy, and when you start forgetting about your partner, things become rocky. 

Instead, continue enjoying your hobbies when bored, but don’t leave out your partner. Reignite what was once fun for both of you to retain the fire of your relationship despite the distance.  

5. Lack of effort and attention

When you start saying, “my long distance relationship is killing me” to your friends, you know that your partner is not giving effort and attention to you anymore, or vice versa. 

If this is the case, we must acknowledge that it’s normal for couples to feel this way at times, especially when you’ve been together for a long time and if a distance stops you from hanging out with each other. However, if you want to strengthen your bond, there’s always a way to do this. 

Be creative in reaching out and making your partners feel the effort and attention they deserve.

6. Unhappiness

Unhappiness is a state that affects a long distance relationship. For some reason, if you’re feeling sad, it’s best to focus on yourself and work on the root cause of the sadness you’re feeling. 

However, it’s also okay to reach out to your partner for support, but if they are also one of the reasons why you’re sad, then a long distance relationship with them is challenging to maintain. 

If there’s unhappiness in the relationship for certain reasons, let your partner know about it and see if you can work on it together. Letting it fester without intervention will be the death of a long distance relationship.

Related Reading: 20 Useful Tips to Repair an Unhappy Relationship

7. No common ground

When you’re in a long distance relationship, it’s natural for two people to fall out of love when they don’t try to maintain it. Those who don’t face the consequence of having any common ground in the relationship suffer. 

One of the many long distance relationships issues these couples experience is when they can’t relate to each other anymore. So, this can make or break the relationship. If you’re two different people already, you can get to know each other again or call it quits.  

8. No consistent communication

Relationships should have consistent communication, especially long distance ones. Communication keeps you connected and helps make the relationship last. However, without it, the relationship would crumble. Inconsistent communication is what kills long-distance relationships when left unnoticed. 

The relationship becomes shaky when couples start talking to other people apart from themselves. No matter the distance, leave a message or do a quick call to assure your partner and keep the relationship from crumbling.

Grady Shumway shares,

Consistent communication is the backbone of any long-distance relationship. Without it, the bond weakens and can eventually fall apart. Prioritizing regular check-ins, even brief ones, can help maintain connection and prevent misunderstandings from growing.

9. Being too idealistic

Being too idealistic is not a good idea when you’re in a long distance relationship. At times, it’s hard to keep up with idealistic notions and requirements set in the relationship because, in reality, being in a long distance relationship isn’t always butterflies and rainbows. 

Having a realistic approach is better instead. This way, you won’t get disappointed when your partner doesn’t always make grand romantic gestures just to prove you something. Being too enamored with the idea of love is not a healthy perspective when you want to be realistic in a long distance relationship.

Related Reading: How to Understand Idealization in Relationship: Role & Reasons

10. Dishonesty

Lastly, we have dishonesty on the list. Telling a lie or two is inevitable when you are apart, especially when they’re white lies. 

However, what kills long-distance relationships is making a habit out of this, which is unhealthy for your long-distance relationship. Not only are you being dishonest, but you’re also tarnishing your morals. 

If couples start finding themselves dishonest, then it’s time for them to sit down and talk about what they’re feeling genuinely. This is the only way to save the relationship when they start being honest with themselves, even if that means breaking up.

5 ways to know when to call it quits in a long-distance relationship

Fighting for your long distance relationship is commendable, but sometimes, we should know when to let go when it’s not serving us anymore. What kills long-distance relationships? Here are some indicators when you know it’s time to call it quits:

1. When you can’t communicate anymore

Once you stop communicating, there’s no point in fighting for it since you can’t productively discuss and compromise anymore.

Related Reading: 15 Ways to Communicate With a Man That Won’t Communicate

2. When the relationship starts to become one-sided

If you feel like you’re the only one who keeps on chasing, then it’s time to let go. It’s best to use your energy on someone who gives the same attention back.

3. When you don’t make an effort anymore

The relationship falters even more when there’s no effort anymore. If you and your partner can’t find any reason to make an effort for each other, it’s best to just call it off.

4. When you’re not satisfied with what you have anymore

If something is missing in the relationship, and you are not satisfied anymore despite trying to compromise and make an effort, then that’s a sign that you have to let go of the relationship already.

Related Reading: Why I Am Unhappy and Never Satisfied in a Relationship?

5. When you’re starting to become different people

Lastly, when you and your partner are not on the same page anymore, even if you tried to connect, this is when you know that you’re becoming two different people.

Watch this video to learn more about the signs of an incompatible relationship:

Some commonly asked questions

Here are some commonly asked questions about long distance relationships that help you in making your relationship long-lasting:

• How long can a long-distance relationship last without seeing each other?

A long-distance relationship can last without seeing each other for a long time, depending on the couple involved. 

Some can last without seeing each other for a weekday and would need to meet over the weekend. Some can last without seeing a month due to factors like working in a different place or going to separate universities. 

Other times, couples can last without seeing each other for a year or two if they’re working overseas. It depends on how the couples do when it comes to surviving a long distance relationship.

• Is not wanting to have a long-distance relationship selfish?

It’s not selfish to not want a long-distance relationship. Knowing your dating preference is a good sign since you know what you want, so you won’t waste a person’s time because you know what works for you. 

If your relationship becomes long-distance because of certain inevitable factors, feeling apprehensive about what’s to come is not selfish. That’s why it’s ideal that you discuss this thoroughly with your partner and see if this is something you can compromise with or not.

• Do long-distance relationships cause love to fade away?

In some cases, being in a long-distance relationship can cause love to fade away. Proximity plays a significant role in maintaining a relationship and keeping it strong. However, when you’re constantly far from each other, the bond you build together is compromised. 

Love can fade but it also doesn’t mean it can’t last. It will when there’s extra effort put into the long-distance relationship.

Final thoughts

Being in a long-distance relationship is inevitable for some. That’s why it’s common for long distance couples to fight over this. So, how to fix long distance relationships then? The best way to fix it is to identify first the issues that you go through and understand what long distance relationships are. 

What kills long-distance relationships? Each couple has its own obstacles when it comes to handling long distance relationships. So, make an effort to make it work. 

There are several ways to do this, including relationship counseling, consistent communication, faith, dedication, and trust.