17 Tips to Heal an Emotionally Drained Relationship

Romantic relationships are usually full of disagreements, issues, and conflicts, but an emotionally drained relationship can be the most difficult to deal with.

Often, some people get to a stage in their relationship that makes them say, “My relationship is draining me.” You may also hear some wives say, “My spouse is emotionally draining me.” When a romantic relationship gets to this stage, the partners aren’t getting along as expected.

The beginning of a typical romantic relationship is often full of blissful events and lovely memories. However, many reasons can make a seemingly perfect relationship toxic and unhealthy. As time goes on, such a relationship becomes an emotionally drained relationship.

Of course, no one ever goes into a relationship envisioning that it will turn into an emotionally exhausting relationship. Nonetheless, when you don’t feel the spark again, and your relationship continues to affect your mental health, it’s time to seek solutions.

At first, you may feel like leaving once you become emotionally exhausted in a relationship, but seeking a solution is the first step. Knowing how to fix an emotionally draining relationship should be your next option. After all, you must have invested considerable time and energy. 

While it won’t be a walk in a park fixing an emotionally exhausting relationship, it is not impossible. So, what does emotionally draining mean? Keep reading to learn more.

What does it mean to be in an emotionally draining relationship?

Before you know how to fix an emotionally draining relationship, you must first understand what does emotionally drained mean. 

According to Psychologist Mert Şeker

“Emotional draining” describes a state where an individual expends significant mental and emotional energy, often due to prolonged stress, anxiety, or negative emotional experiences. This leads to fatigue and unhappiness as they deplete the resources required to cope. Overcoming this necessitates support, self-care, and cultivating positive emotional experiences.

Typically, a healthy relationship is full of happy moments and occasional disagreements. Just because a relationship seems perfect doesn’t mean there are no conflicts. The best of relationships comes with issues once in a while. However, the couples usually find ways to solve the issues. 

If you ever feel stressed or fearful anytime you think about your partner or the relationship, then you are in an emotionally draining marriage or emotionally draining relationship. 

An emotionally drained relationship makes you feel you are doing many things wrong. You constantly feel you lack support despite having a partner. When people talk about great things happening in their relationship, you find it challenging to relate. Why? That’s because you have no similar experience. 

Similarly, when you are in an emotional burnout relationship, you either feel insecure or have an insecure partner. An insecure partner drains a relationship, which directly affects you as the partner. 

Feeling emotionally exhausted in a relationship means you are frustrated. There is no chance for constant or healthy communication in such a relationship. Therefore, it isn’t easy to give your partner your best.

The first instinct of anyone in an emotionally draining marriage or relationship is to leave. Nevertheless, feeling drained in a relationship doesn’t always mean you need to break up with your romantic partner. Instead, you should seek how to stop being emotionally draining or how to fix an emotionally draining relationship.

11 signs of an emotionally draining partner in a relationship

There are situations where you may feel you are in an exhausting relationship, but not sure. It might help to know the common traits of an emotionally draining person before you declare your relationship as an emotionally drained one. 

Psychologist Şeker says

Emotional fluctuations occur in people who experience emotional draining. This may mean that emotional reactions such as sudden anger, getting upset quickly, and getting angry become evident.

The following are the common traits of an emotionally draining person:

1. No chance for healthy communication

When there is a relationship problem, partners should communicate and solve it. But an emotionally draining person sees no need for “small talk.” They would instead move on as if nothing happened than talk about the issue.

2. Doesn’t take responsibility

One of the signs of an emotionally draining person is irresponsibility. Usually, when you complain about a specific behavior you don’t like in your partner, they are supposed to listen and change ultimately. 

For an emotionally draining person, it’s the opposite. They are aware of their flaws and the effects on their partner, but they usually choose to ignore them. Instead of accepting their faults, they shift the blame on you, making you feel guilty for their actions.

3. Excessive insecurity

Another common trait of an emotionally draining person is insecurity. An insecure person has often dealt with many negative situations that make them question their partner and the relationship. 

Insecure partners drain relationships with their doubts and uncertainties. For instance, an insecure person drains a relationship with attitudes such as constant arguments and lack of trust. Also, they may have trouble having meaningful conversations and taking constructive feedback.

4. Belittles you

If you have an emotionally draining partner, you will constantly feel belittled. The truth is such a person takes joy in using hurtful remarks and statements to make you feel discouraged. Consequently, this affects your self-esteem and ability to pursue your dreams or interests.

5. Make you crave your me-time

If you are emotionally exhausted in a relationship, you will always look forward to being alone rather than being with your partner. That’s because a relationship with an emotionally draining person is full of arguments, fights, and the exchange of words. 

You will naturally look forward to being alone when you think about the exhausting nature of your relationship. Me-time is important in all relationships, but it becomes necessary for emotionally exhausting relationships.

6. Won’t meet your needs

In an emotionally drained relationship, you need to understand that your needs aren’t important. This is one of the key signs of an emotionally draining relationship. 

An emotionally draining person will make you feel like your needs are enormous. They will also make you think you have the right to request anything, whether emotional, financial, or psychological.

7. Won’t support you

Partners are supposed to motivate and encourage each other in their endeavors. However, dating an emotionally draining person is more complicated than you think. They see no need to support you, and even when you ask, they make you feel you are asking too much.

8. Frequent mood swings

Emotionally draining people can abruptly shift from being happy to angry or sad without apparent reason. 

For instance, your friend might be cheerful one moment and suddenly become irritable and snappy the next, leaving you unsure of how to respond. This unpredictability can create an unstable and tense environment, making interactions with them emotionally draining and challenging to navigate.

9. Unjustified drama

Emotionally draining individuals often blow minor issues out of proportion, creating unnecessary turmoil. 

For instance, imagine a coworker who turns a small disagreement over office supplies into a heated argument involving multiple colleagues. They might spread rumors, involve others emotionally, and exaggerate the situation, causing stress and anxiety among the team members. 

An emotionally draining partner’s constant need for drama not only drains your emotional energy but also disrupts harmony and focus in the workplace, making interactions tense and draining for everyone involved.

10. Always the victim

Some emotionally draining partners habitually portray themselves as unfairly treated in various situations. They often seek sympathy and attention by framing themselves as helpless victims. 

For example, imagine a coworker who constantly blames others for their mistakes, never taking accountability. They might frequently share stories of how they’ve been wronged, subtly manipulating others into feeling sorry for them. 

Constantly playing the ‘victim card’ can be emotionally draining for those around them, as it creates a cycle of negativity and reinforces their need for constant validation and support.

11. Constant negativity

Constant negativity refers to a person’s consistent focus on the pessimistic aspects of situations. For instance, if a colleague only complains about work, highlighting challenges without acknowledging achievements, it can bring down team morale. 

Similarly, if a friend constantly dwells on potential problems when making plans, it can dampen the excitement. This persistent negative outlook can affect your own perspective, leading to emotional exhaustion as you’re consistently exposed to their pessimism.

17 tips on how to repair an emotionally draining relationship

Once you know the common traits of an emotionally draining person, you need to know how to fix an emotionally draining relationship. While it is difficult to think of solutions right away, fixing it can be enlightening.

1. Evaluate the problem

The first step to fixing an emotionally draining relationship is to acknowledge the problems in your relationship. Don’t expect the problems to go away on their own without solving them. If you do, the issues will resurface in the future, probably more complicated than they were. 

Therefore, if you feel you are in an emotional burnout relationship, start by identifying any issue, no matter how little.

2. Communicate

You might have heard that communication is important in any relationship. It is even more essential when you feel drained in a relationship or an emotionally draining marriage. Even if your emotionally draining partner disregards your need to communicate, you have to force them to listen. 

That is the only way you can make your feelings known. Look for a time when your partner will be calm and talk to them. If you can set up a meeting, try texting them or using social media channels. 

3. Know what you want

It’s hard to know how to fix an emotio

nally draining relationship if you don’t know what you want in your marriage or relationship. Often, you hear some partner say, my husband is emotionally draining me, or I am in an emotionally drained relationship, yet they aren’t doing anything to solve the problem. 

The truth is they don’t know what they want out of the relationship. Before fixing your relationship, you must highlight what you want out of the relationship as a partner. That way, it’s easy to communicate with your partner.

According to Psychologist Şeker

When solving problems related to your relationship, you should politely express your expectations to your partner and ask them about their expectations from you. This will make your work easier while solving the problems and will also contribute to constructive communication.

4. Focus on yourself 

Being in an emotionally drained relationship is one thing; constantly thinking about it is another issue. The constant thoughts you experience in an emotional burnout relationship can leave you feeling exhausted. 

Instead of worrying too much about your partner, which is unhealthy, shift the attention to yourself. Love yourself more and do what you love the most. Focus on your happiness and the people that care about you.

5. Love yourself more

Similar to focusing on yourself in a draining relationship is loving yourself more. It is easy to forget who you are in an exhausting relationship. 

Remember the time you were happy and cheerful? What made you happy then? Imagine what you will do for someone you love, then do more of that for yourself.

6. Take care of yourself

An emotionally drained relationship can make you feel sick or look haggard with time. It does affect not only your mental health but also your physical well-being. Therefore, take care of your body and eat good food. 

While a healthy body and soul do not relate directly to fixing your exhausting relationship, it is a way of rejuvenating yourself when you are feeling exhausted.

7. Ask more questions

Every conversation with an emotionally draining person comes with fear, uncertainties, and sadness. Nonetheless, changing your relationship means bracing up to whatever will happen. Prepare yourself by asking important questions instead of winning the argument. 

For example, if your partner suddenly yells, you should ask why they react that way. Also, you may ask why they feel your input is less important in conversations. These questions will take them back and make them think.

8. Listen to your partner

Why should you listen to your partner when they don’t listen to you? Well, it might help you see their perspective better. Remember, we are on a quest to fix your emotionally draining relationship. 

Therefore, you need to consider other options. Listen to your partner and consider whether you might be at fault or none of you is at fault after all.

Psychologist Şeker adds

9. Talk to your loved ones

Speaking with your friends or family members may not be easy, but it might help you deal with an emotionally draining partner. Ensure the individuals you confide in are loyal to you and offer you the necessary support without judgment.

10. Identify what you can do

Usually, individuals dealing with an exhausting relationship often pay more attention to what their partner isn’t doing. Remember, the relationship is about the two of you. So, instead of complaining about your partner every time, focus on what you can do to fix the relationship. 

Try your best to create a healthy relationship even if your partner isn’t responding well. Eventually, if it doesn’t work out, you will know you will try your best.

11. Believe in your ability

Knowing how to fix an emotionally drained relationship can be exhausting. Sometimes, you will want to give up. However, one thing that can help you is to believe you can make it work. 

Yes! There is nothing wrong with fixing your relationship if it’s important to you. So, don’t feel guilty for trying. Instead, be strong enough to see the bright side.

12. Consider a change of environment together

In an emotionally draining marriage, the partners usually live together in the same house. If you feel emotionally exhausted, you should suggest leaving your present location together. For example, try a weekend getaway together or a short trip to another country.

13. Spend some time apart

Whether you are in an emotionally draining marriage or an emotionally drained relationship, you need to take a break. Understand that you are not breaking up with your partner. You only want to understand and rediscover yourself more. 

Being in an emotionally drained relationship can make you feel lost, but leaving the negative environment might offer you new perspectives.

14. Remember the good memories

Another feasible way to learn how to stop being emotionally draining in your relationship is to relive memories. 

Your present situation might condition you to hate your partner, yourself, or the relationship. However, if you reminisce and see how you and your partner started, you might see more ways to create a loving relationship like before.

15. Check with an expert

If you have tried all means to fix your exhausting relationship, and nothing seems to work, you need to seek an expert’s opinion. 

For instance, a person experiencing an emotionally draining marriage should see a marriage counselor. A marriage counselor or therapist has been trained to solve relationship-related problems.

16. Celebrate progress

Celebrating minor victories with your partner involves recognizing and appreciating the positive changes you make in your relationship. 

For example, if you and your partner used to argue frequently but have now reduced the frequency of arguments, take a moment to acknowledge this achievement. You might say, “I’m proud of us for handling disagreements better. It shows our commitment to improving our relationship.” 

An acknowledgment of progress boosts motivation and reminds both of you that your efforts are making a difference, reinforcing your resolve to continue working on the relationship. It helps make things better if you are emotionally drained from your relationship. 

17. Maintain realistic expectations

Setting the right expectations emphasizes the importance of understanding that significant improvements won’t happen overnight when you have an emotionally draining partner. 

For instance, if you’re working on rebuilding trust in a friendship after a betrayal, expecting immediate trust restoration is unrealistic. Instead, acknowledge that rebuilding trust is a gradual process involving consistent honesty, open communication, and demonstrating reliability over time. 

By setting achievable milestones, like sharing more openly or showing genuine remorse, you’ll create a foundation for lasting change without placing undue pressure on quick fixes.

Watch this video to learn more about the power of expectations:

Commonly asked questions

Here are the answers to some pressing questions that can help provide you with further clarity on draining relationships or having a partner that is draining:

• Is it possible to revive an emotionally drained relationship?

Reviving an emotionally drained relationship is possible but requires effort from both partners. Open communication, mutual understanding, and a willingness to address underlying issues are crucial. Rebuilding trust, spending quality time together, and seeking professional guidance can help reignite the emotional connection.

• How can open communication help in an emotionally drained relationship?

Open communication is vital in healing an emotionally drained relationship. It allows partners to express their feelings, concerns and needs honestly. 

Sharing emotions fosters understanding, reduces misunderstandings, and paves the way for finding solutions. It rebuilds trust, strengthens the emotional bond, and creates a healthier environment for resolving conflicts.

• What role does self-care play in improving an emotionally drained relationship?

Self-care is essential for improving an emotionally drained relationship. When individuals prioritize their well-being, they become emotionally healthier, reducing strain on the relationship. Engaging in activities that bring joy, seeking support from friends or therapists, and managing stress positively impact how partners interact, fostering a more positive and nurturing dynamic.

• Can a relationship mentally drain you?

Yes, a relationship can mentally drain you. Constant conflicts, unmet needs, and emotional distress can lead to mental exhaustion. Toxic relationships and a lack of communication and support can cause anxiety, depression, and stress. It’s crucial to recognize these signs and address them for the sake of both partners’ mental well-being.

• Is crying emotionally draining?

Crying can be emotionally draining but also cathartic. It’s a natural way of releasing pent-up emotions and stress. While it might temporarily exhaust you, it often provides emotional relief, allowing you to process feelings and regain emotional balance. 

Crying can be a healthy way to cope with overwhelming emotions, leading to a sense of emotional lightness afterward.

In a nutshell

A typical relationship is full of ups and downs. Nonetheless, if you ever feel stressed, frustrated, or unhappy when you think about your partner, you might be in an emotionally drained relationship. Once you notice the common traits of an emotionally draining person, it is time to seek solutions. 

Instead of brooding over the issues, you should be concerned about fixing an emotionally draining relationship. 

Suppose nothing changes after trying to fix an emotionally draining relationship; then you should seek the opinion of a marriage counselor or therapist. Also, you may read some relationship books or courses curated by relationship experts.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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