How to Spot a Narcissist

Tracy Crudup

Tracy Crudup, Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor

Expertise: Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor

Tracy is a clinical therapist in private practice and has been a university professor of microbiology and pathophysiology for 18 years. Her specialities include relationships,... Read more

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, Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor , Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor

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Updated: 26 May, 2023

Table of Contents

Know your worth and listen to your emotions; if something feels off, honor it and seek partners who respect you, building safety together.
Set clear boundaries and practice honest, gentle communication to deepen trust and create a space where both partners feel seen and valued.
Invite mutual care by prioritizing empathy, shared moments, and accountability, so your relationship grows closer and you both feel truly understood.

Knowing who to let through the door is strictly a lesson learned by trial and error. When it comes to dating, finding the right mate to live happily-ever-after with is the flavored drink we all want a sip of.

We have the notion in our heads, especially after seeing Cinderella a zillion times, that Prince Charming is actually charming, adores us completely and will forever be devoted to us.

There are very few fairy tales that offer a part two.

No one really wants to hear what happened after the carriage turned back into a pumpkin and the fairy godmother disappeared.

That’s because it’s now replaced by wet towels on the castle floor, no servants in sight and where did those in-laws come from?

Another factor not to be overlooked is that there are no cute mice to have conversations with, so you start to doubt your sanity.

Did that argument really go the way he said it went?

Did I really unjustly accuse him and hurt his feelings?

Maybe I overreacted?

Maybe he was just joking in front of his friends…After all, he did tell me he liked my dress.

Does this sound like you?

Maybe this sounds like you a thousand times over.

Long before the ring was slipped onto your finger, your resistance was already down and your tolerance level was already high, courtesy of charm and adoration.

You were already entangled with a narcissist.

That’s how you became wrapped up in your current life; commonly known as his life.

He was sweet, devoted, charming and a snake encircling your neck. The poisonous flavored drink that you sipped a little at a time eventually was utterly toxic.

You felt you needed to record, maybe even video record, every conversation with your mate just to prove to yourself that you were not losing your mind.

How can everything be your fault?

Narcissists are the master of manipulation. They will have you believing that you evoke their bad behavior and that you should be grateful they forgive you each time you overreact.

Knowing the signs of narcissism can prevent a world of misery and unhappiness, wrinkles and eye cream.

No one wants to be blindsided, lose their identity, doubt their own sanity or have their character questioned so eloquently that they didn’t even notice they were just sliced and diced until they noticed their heart was in pieces, spread in a neat pile on the floor.

Awareness is the key during the dating process

Narcissists are the master of manipulation

Signs you are entangled with a narcissist:

Your partner is arrogant with little or no empathy.
Your partner exhibits controlling behavior.
80% of what your partner says is a lie and the other 20% is a little white lie.
Your partner has an undying need to feel superior at all times.
Your partner blames everyone else and never admits their faults. Will never answer a direct question.
Your partner is a bully and uses verbal abuse readily.
Your partner does not recognize boundaries and doesn’t adhere to any.
Your partner plays with your emotions. Charm, Seduce. Be Cruel. Repeat.
Your partner never validates your feelings. They discard them easily and without thought.
Your partner never gives anything willingly without thought. The thought is how they can manipulate you into being in debt to them.
Your partner has a horror story about their ex. The crazy one.
Your partner provokes you then blame you for your reaction.

Narcissists cause immense emotional damage

Narcissists like very few people and no one more than the reflection in the mirror. They will never appreciate you because they are so busy expecting you to be grateful for the honor of visiting their life. They will rob you emotionally, physically, mentally and financially and mock you with a smile that you feel so broken.

Awareness is vital as you wander through life seeking a partner

Knowing your value and expecting it to be validated should be a golden rule in the dating world.

We have emotional radar built in, our own GPS. Great Partner Surveillance.

It is in the limbic system of the brain. It allows us to be emotional creatures and the frontal lobe of the brain allows us to have emotional responses and utilize critical thinking skills.

These two areas can be better than an investigative service. You know yourself better than anyone. If it doesn’t feel right, your brain will let you know, that’s the emotional part. You must be open to listening to it without falling into the “he will change trap.” That’s the critical thinking part at work.

Do not ignore it!

Narcissists do not change.

So if the relationship leaves you upset, leaves you doubting, evokes emotions such as confused, exhausted, depressed, discontented, belittled, disillusioned or stressed, then it’s time to find another castle. Preferably one with mice that cook and clean.

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Tracy Crudup Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor

Tracy is a clinical therapist in private practice and has been a university professor of microbiology and pathophysiology for 18 years. Her specialities include relationships, family systems, and life transitions such as preparing for marriage, divorcing, blended families and treating patients with... Read more a dual diagnosis. A special area of treatment includes individuals suffering from mood disorders and chronic health conditions, including infertility. She has extensive experience and research working with women suffering from unexplained infertility, endometriosis and other reproductive associated illnesses. She is a facilitator and certified trainer for Prepare/Enrich Assessments, member of the American Counseling Association, American School Counselors Association, The TN. Licensed Professional Counseling Association and The American Society of Reproductive Medicine. She is an award-winning author of four novels and currently resides in Tennessee. Read less

(Tracy Crudup is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Germantown)