13 Things to Consider When Loving a Married Man

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You may not have planned to fall in love with a married man, but there are times when even the wisest among us are overwhelmed by their emotions.

There are studies that show women “may not always” make partner choices independently due to the phenomenon of mate copying. Some of the literature indicates that there was less mate coping when the target was someone in a committed romantic relationship versus a temporary relationship.

The study does shed light on why women like to date older married men.

Dating a married guy or loving a married man can take you over the moon, but it can be painful too. Surely you have tried to resist it, but your emotions got the best of you. We are not here to tell you to “end it” or make you feel worse about your choice.

Why am I in love with a married man? 5 possible reasons

Loving a married man can be really complex, and there are several potential reasons for it:

• Emotional connection: You may share a deep emotional connection with him that transcends his marital status. This connection can create strong feelings of affection and attraction.
• Unavailability: The unavailability of a married man can sometimes make him seem more appealing, as the challenge of pursuing someone who is off-limits can be intriguing.
• Shared interests: You might have common interests, hobbies, or values that make you feel a strong bond, making it difficult to control your emotions.
• Escapism: Being in love with a married man can serve as a form of escapism from your own life’s challenges or dissatisfaction. The fantasy of being with him can provide a temporary escape from reality.
• Timing and circumstance: Sometimes, romantic feelings can develop at inconvenient times, such as when you meet someone who is already committed. This can lead to attraction even if you hadn’t planned on it.

13 things to consider when dating a married man

We want to help you handle dating or loving a married man and protect yourself from getting hurt by potential causes. Check out these 10 things to consider when you get into a relationship with a married man.

1. You may not be his priority

Loving a married man means coming to peace with the fact that his family is his priority. He can make you feel special and irreplaceable, which you are, but you are not a priority.

When it comes down to choosing who to be there for in a crisis, he will likely choose them.

Having an affair with a married man means coming to terms with not being able to count on his support unconditionally.

2. Be careful about trusting him

Although you are in love with a married man and he says he is in love with you, be careful. Can you trust someone who is choosing to deceive someone else? Loving a married man can be problematic from a moral perspective as well.

Especially if they lied or hid from you the fact they are involved. Although he can seem remorseful, take into consideration that you might not be the first one.

Be mindful of how he speaks about his wife, as that says more about him and his character than it does about her.

3. Keep your options open

Being in love with a married man can be thrilling, and for some time, which may feel more than enough. However, dating a married man can leave you feeling ashamed, alone, and isolated.

When you need them, they might not be there. Hence, it can be wise to keep your options open and keep dating. They are, so why not you too?

This can save you from feeling utterly hurt when it ends and allow you to meet someone you can have a future with.

4. Don’t settle for vague answers

If you are in love with a married man, you need to be on the lookout for unclear or ambiguous answers.

If they promise to leave his wife, ask when and ask for proof. Words alone shouldn’t be enough.

5. If he divorces, your relationship will change too

Loving a married man is different from being in a relationship with them after the divorce.

They will be confused, ashamed, and relieved probably, but overall, they process a lot. This will affect your relationship with them; hence it won’t feel the same as it did initially.

6. He may NOT leave his wife

Getting involved with a married man can have you unconsciously increasing the odds of you being together. The truth is that his marriage has, for a long time now, been an unhappy marriage, yet he is still in it.

Yes, you might be the turning point. However, if he does not end it within a few months of getting together with you, his chances of leaving his partner decrease more and more as time goes by.

Also, ending his marriage might effectively end your relationship too. If either of you were giving him all he needed, he wouldn’t need both relationships.

This might hurt to hear, but it can help you prepare for what is to come.

7. Their marital problems are not all on his partner

Being in love with a married man doesn’t let you know him for real, cause you know how it is to be with the married him, not the single him.

Although he might put the marital problems on his partner, he has a share of the responsibility. Have that in mind when picturing the future with him.

8. Be honest with yourself

Surely, falling for a married man wasn’t in your plans. Beating yourself about it won’t help you resolve the situation.

Be honest with yourself and ask yourself some difficult questions so you can plan and protect yourself.

• What is the best scenario that could happen? How likely is that? 
• What is the worst scenario to happen? How likely is it? 
• What kind of future do you see for yourself? Is it compatible with his? 
• What will you do if, a year from now, nothing has changed?
• Are you willing to sacrifice your future to stay with him? 
• How long can you keep this up?

Preparing yourself for a relationship with a married man

At any point, your relationship with him might end. His wife might find out and give him an ultimatum.

He might get bored with the relationship, find it is too much work, or have a change of heart. He could be tired of lying and sneaking around.

Where does that leave you? Preparing for such a situation can save you from a world of hurt.

Whether you are ready to end it or not, try imagining how it would be. What would you miss the most? What wouldn’t you miss from being in love with a married man?

Write down things you crave having while still with him, such as not being able to plan for the future or having him stay overnight.

When the pain of losing him kicks in, and you start blowing your relationship with him out of proportion, this list can be your first aid kit.

9. Do not confuse love with admiration or infatuation

If you are in love with a married man, it is important to remember that this is morally wrong on a certain level and could be damaging and harmful to you.

Trying to get his attention will only make it harder for him to leave you. Learn to recognize the difference between love and infatuation. 

Love is something that grows with time and cannot be forced; it is not dependent on him or even on your relationship. Infatuation is fleeting and superficial. True love involves trust and commitment. It is about something deeper than how you feel about someone right now. 

When you are in love, you want to give this person everything you have — your time, your affection, your support. Are you ready to do that for someone who already has someone he cares about? 

Be careful of your actions when getting involved with someone who already has a spouse.

Infatuation vs Love: Watch this informative video by Life Coach Stephanie Lyn:

10. Respect his marriage and his spouse

A relationship requires trust and commitment, and if you try to replace someone else’s husband or wife, you will most likely end up hurting that person in the long run.

Try to keep in mind that if you are involved with someone who is already in a relationship, you are making a commitment to them as well. 

The success of your relationship depends on how well you and your partner can work together to respect the other person’s feelings and loyalties. 

So, before loving a married man who loves you, make sure the two of you are on the same page when it comes to your relationship.

11. There might be secrecy

Being involved with a married man often means living in a world of secrecy. This secrecy can be all-encompassing, affecting various aspects of your relationship. You may find yourselves meeting in hidden or out-of-the-way places to avoid being seen together. 

Conversations and interactions may be carefully guarded to prevent any suspicion from arising. This constant need for secrecy can be emotionally draining, making it challenging to develop a genuine and open connection. 

12. You’ll likely face social stigma

One of the most challenging aspects of dating a married man is the social stigma that often accompanies it. Society generally disapproves of extramarital affairs, and this can result in judgment and criticism from friends, family, and even acquaintances. 

You may find yourself isolated from your social circle, as people may distance themselves from you due to your relationship choices. You might be advised on how to stop loving someone who is married.

This stigma can impact your self-esteem and mental well-being as you grapple with the negative perceptions of others. 

13. Risk of heartbreak

Entering into a relationship with a married man inherently carries a significant risk of heartbreak. Since he’s already committed to someone else, there’s always a chance that he may choose to remain in his marriage or end the affair abruptly. 

This unpredictability can lead to emotional instability and turmoil. You may invest deeply in the relationship, only to find that it cannot progress as you had hoped. 

The uncertainty of whether he will ultimately choose you or his spouse can cause profound emotional distress, leaving you with a broken heart and a sense of betrayal.

How do you know if a married man loves you: 7 possible ways

There are many things that can help you know if a married man loves you. Can a married man be in love with another woman? Sometimes the simplest things can be the most telling. Here are 5 signs that a married man loves you:

• He lets you know he’s thinking about you.
• He makes an effort to spend time with you and to get to know you.
• He shares about himself and his family with you, and you do the same for him.
• He tells you about his dreams and plans for the future with you, and you do the same for him.
• He opens up to you about things that he usually keeps to himself, and he listens when you talk to him about your own feelings and concerns.
• He genuinely cares about your well-being and wants to see you happy, even if it means making sacrifices in his own life.
• He envisions a life where the two of you are together, sharing dreams and making long-term plans.

Is it okay to love a married man?

When it comes to falling in love with a married man who loves you too, there’s always some level of risk involved especially if the relationship is of a sexual nature. 

However, when it comes to relationships with married men, the potential for abuse (emotional and/or physical) is far higher when you are involved with a man who is separated from his wife than one who is still married to another woman. 

Some people might argue that it’s not fair to get involved with a married man when he’s cheating on his wife with another woman. 

And perhaps it wouldn’t be fair to the woman he’s cheating on his wife with, either. But it’s important to remember that every situation is different. In the case of the man you’re dating, there is a chance that he and his wife are discussing the possibility of divorce. 

If that’s the case, then there’s a chance that he really does love you and could be seeking a meaningful relationship with you. If he tries to end the relationship or makes you feel guilty for involving yourself in it, that’s a sure sign that he doesn’t love you.

Commonly asked questions

Relationships with married men can be complex and emotionally challenging. Here are answers to some common questions regarding such relationships.

• Can a relationship with a married man lead to a lasting commitment?

While it’s possible, it’s rare. Married individuals often face various constraints that make it difficult to commit fully to another person. Trust issues, social stigma, and the emotional complexities of extramarital affairs make lasting commitment less likely.

• Is it possible for a married man to leave his spouse for the other woman?

Yes, it’s possible, but it’s a complicated decision. Leaving a spouse involves significant emotional, legal, and social consequences. Some married individuals do leave their spouses for their other partners, but it’s essential to weigh the impact on all parties involved and consider the complexities of such a choice.

Some more words of caution

At first, loving a married man is thrilling and electrifying. Then guilt, shame, and isolation kick in. You wonder, will you ever get out of it and be the same when you do?

There are things to consider when in love with a married man.

Should you trust him, does he give you vague answers, how does he speak about his wife and your future together? Although he paints it that way, his marriage is not unhappy due to his wife alone.

Regardless of that, he most likely won’t leave her, but your relationship with him will change even if he does.

Finally, he is still married, so you should keep your options open and date other people. 

Consider these things when you are in love with a married man to prepare yourself and prevent as much hurt as possible.

No one can shield you from all the pain, but if you start getting ready sooner, you will be able to handle the relationship and the possible end of it better.