Understanding Lithromantic: Definition, Traits & 15 Signs

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Having a crush on someone, you hope that this person reciprocates your feelings.

When you see your crush, when this person talks to you, and when they treat you special, you get butterflies in your stomach.

These feelings are fun and exciting.

But have you ever felt like having a crush on someone, and when they give you special attention, you start feeling uncomfortable?

In most cases, your feelings for this person also fade. If you have felt this, then you might be a lithromantic.

Decoding Lithromantic: Definition and meaning

One thing that makes our generation ‘cool’ is that today, we can open up with our feelings, identity, and sexuality. We are no longer confined by terms that we know don’t fit what we are.

Our growing understanding may also open some confusion as we want to learn more about new terms, especially if we can relate to them, just like the term lithromantic.

If this term is new to you, then you’re not alone. What does lithromantic mean, and what are the lithromantic signs to watch out for?

What is lithromantic, many may ask?

The term lithromantic refers to an individual who feels romantic love towards someone but has no desire to have these feelings reciprocated.

It’s also known as aromantic and apromantic. This term also falls under the aromantic spectrum, where a person doesn’t desire to be in a relationship.

You might have signs of being aromantic, but then, you also love, get attracted, and have a crush on someone. This sets the criteria for lithromantic, where you feel romantic feelings, but it’s more in theory rather than real life.

Can Lithromantic people engage in relationships?

If you think you’re a lithromantic, the first question that you may have is, can a lithromantic be in a relationship?

The answer is yes! A lithromantic may have no interest in or will avoid romantic relationships, but it doesn’t mean they can’t be in one. Sometimes lithromantic people can accept reciprocated love.

However, there’s a difference. They view their relationship differently than most of us romantics do. This has its own set of pros and cons.

Don’t expect the relationship to be romantic, that’s for sure. You can be partners and be the best of friends. That’s surely one way lithromantics would view it.

Reasons behind being lithromantic

The lithromantic psychology may still seem confusing. After all, you develop romantic feelings, but then, when those feelings are reciprocated, you start feeling uncomfortable and will lose any interest in developing a romantic relationship.

Is this by choice? Does lithromantic meaning depend on a situation?

Let’s put it this way: a lithromantic does not want requited love.

It might sound weird, but it’s real. While some people will do anything to be loved, a person who is lithromantic doesn’t.

Contrary to some beliefs, lithromantic people don’t necessarily have past hurt or trauma with love or relationships. While this reason is possible, not all lithromantic do this because of this reason.

As Dr. Jennifer Jacobsen, PhD in Psychology, explains:

Issues that appear in adult relationships often have their roots in childhood. A person who did not have an example of healthy relationships growing up or had a poor relationship with their parents may struggle to commit to adult relationships.

One reason is that these people might find it hard to connect with someone. Instead, they are more comfortable staying in a fantasy where they are in a romantic relationship.

Dr. Jacobsen further explains:

Of course, everyone’s situation is different, but for people who have unresolved childhood wounds, lithromantic behavior may appear, because it allows them to fantasize about relationships without actually having to participate in such a relationship and putting themselves at risk of being emotionally hurt.

Related Reading: How to Deal With Unrequited Love: 8 Ways

Signs you might be lithromantic: 15 indicators

“Am I lithromantic? How do I know if I am?”

If you think you can relate to the definition of being a lithromantic, then check these 15 lithromantic signs.

1. You can’t stand hopeless romantics

Romance movies, hopeless romantic friends, and just the thought of it repulses you. Then you are definitely a lithromantic. Aside from having no desire to be in a romantic relationship, just the thought of it might gross you out.

No wonder once your romantic feelings are reciprocated, you will feel uncomfortable and uninterested.

2. You are afraid of romance and everything about it

Some lithromantic may not be repulsed at the thought of romance, but they do feel afraid. The thought of opening yourself to another person and being vulnerable is terrifying for you.

Though, not all people feel this is a lithromantic. Many people feel the same way because of childhood trauma or failed relationships.

3. You prefer platonic relationships

For a lithromantic, you prefer a platonic relationship. Sometimes a lithromantic may feel sexual attraction to someone, and this happens a lot.

It would work if you’re just in a platonic relationship, and they should not reciprocate their affection and attraction. Sounds a bit complicated? It is. Lithromantics can’t take it when their attraction and affection are reciprocated, so this setup may be hard to find.

4. You don’t crave to be in a romantic relationship

A lithromantic doesn’t feel the need to be in a relationship.

While most people crave to be in a relationship or feel incomplete when they are not in a relationship, a lithromantic would prefer and be content-loving from afar.

They prefer their affection to be a secret and wouldn’t want it to be reciprocated. It’s definitely not considered to be one of the lithromantic problems.

Related Reading: The Role of Romance in a Relationship and its Importance

5. You don’t want to be in a relationship

A person in the aromantic spectrum, such as lithromantics, will find it uncomfortable to be in any type of relationship, may it be romantic or even sexual.

While they have short-lived relationships with people, they don’t see themselves as having close friends. Being attached to another person makes lithromantics uneasy.

6. You start to lose interest when the topic of having a relationship starts

Let’s say a lithromantic has someone close to them and may be called a platonic relationship. That’s already a tremendous step.

However, if a person hints about romance, commitment, and even sexual compatibility, lithromantics can’t help but close their doors to people who seem to be pushy about feelings and commitment.

7. You choose to keep your crush/romantic feelings a secret

Usually, when we like someone, our friends know. They tease us and hopefully, this person reciprocates. This is totally the opposite of a lithromantic.

For a lithromantic, they would prefer keeping their crushes a secret, hoping this person will never know. So they can’t reciprocate.

Related Reading: 15 Signs Someone Is Hiding Their Feelings for You

8. You have felt sexual attraction first

Lithromantics may seek sexual partners rather than romantic partners. Some lithromantics prefer a no-commitment relationship because they can satisfy their desires without being open about their feelings.

While this may work for lithromantics, there’s a chance that their partners will fall hard and will want to commit. This is the end of their relationship because lithromantics choose not to cross the line from sexual to romantic.

9. You have fallen in love with people who are unavailable

Not all lithromantic will fall for unavailable people, but some do. Some lithromantics fall in love with a person who’s already married. This way, this person won’t be able to reciprocate.

While you have no intention of making the other person reciprocate their feelings, there is still a chance that you can form a sexual connection.

In these cases, it’s better not to act on your attraction.

10. You know that you are emotionally unavailable

Some people feel emotionally unavailable after a traumatic breakup, but if you see yourself being okay and happy with no romantic relationship, then you’ve passed the lithromantic test.

You’re a lithromantic, not because you’re afraid, it’s just you don’t want to be romantically involved.

For those who are experiencing trauma or depression from past relationships, therapy can help. In this video, Les Greenberg explains how relationship difficulties can be helped by understanding the core emotion through therapies. 

11. Your romantic feelings fade over time

If a lithromantic tries to enter a romantic relationship, the level of romance or intimacy that they feel will definitely fade.

Some fade out completely, and others turn into platonic, sexual, and physical attractions. Many people don’t know that they are lithromantics but notice a pattern when they enter a relationship.

12. You don’t feel comfortable with physical intimacy

This is not about sexual intimacy; rather, we’re talking about physical touches and romantic acts such as hand-holding, cuddling, hugging, and spooning.

If the thought of doing these with a partner and being all romantic doesn’t appeal to you, don’t fret! Lithromantics are just like that. 

13. You have been attracted to fictional characters

This is not applicable to all lithromantics, but some find themselves drawn to, attracted to, and even fantasize about being in a relationship with fictional characters.

Some find themselves in love with a character in a television series, anime, or even a book character. If you’re attracted to these characters, it’s obvious that they can’t reciprocate the feelings, thus keeping the lithromantics feelings within their comfort zone.

Related Reading: 30 Signs You’re Getting Too Comfortable In A Relationship

14. You can’t really pinpoint it

Why aren’t you interested in falling in love and being in a relationship? Do you have a reason? If not, then you might be a lithromantic.

You don’t know the reason, you can’t describe it, but you know you’re not interested in a romantic relationship.

15. You don’t feel lonely being single

You’re single and have been for a long time, but it doesn’t bother you. In fact, you don’t feel lonely at all. Crushing from afar seems to be the perfect setup for you.

Can you see yourself being like this? Well, you might just be a lithromantic.

Takeaway

Do you think you might be a lithromantic?

If you are, then that’s okay, and there is nothing wrong with being one. You’re not weird or cold; you’re being you. There are different sexual orientations, and knowing who you are is the best gift you could give to yourself.

Just as long as you are happy and comfortable, then embrace who you are and raise that lithromantic flag.

Dr. Jacobsen says:

If you are struggling with your views on relationships, and you’d like to move toward having a successful relationship, you might benefit from working with a counselor to uncover the underlying issues leading to lithromantic preferences.