11 Signs of Emotional Immaturity in Relationships & Ways to Deal

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It is difficult to make things work with an emotionally immature partner. The excessive difficulty, taking out their anger/frustrations on the people around them, and constantly making it difficult for you to connect with them on a deep level could be signs of emotional immaturity in relationships.

The bad thing about this is that when dealing with an emotionally immature person, you will have to walk on eggshells around them. They are easily triggered, even by small things, and they seem aloof. Connecting with them is complex, and often, their mood swings can be dramatic.

Research has shown a direct link between emotional satisfaction in relationships and the emotional maturity of the couple. If even one of the partners displays signs of emotional immaturity, it can ruin the possibility of a healthy future for their relationship.

If you are in a relationship with a partner like this, don’t worry because you will find this article quite helpful. Let us look at some crucial signs of emotional immaturity in relationships, its causes, and how to develop emotional maturity.

What is emotional immaturity in relationships?

According to the American Psychological Association’s Dictionary, emotional immaturity leads to expressing emotions without restraint or disproportionately to the situation. 

Simply put, an adult who is unable to control their emotions in a manner appropriate for their age falls under the category of emotionally immature definition.

Signs of emotional immaturity in a relationship can become visible in several ways, including being prickly to one’s partner, putting up walls, inexplicable mood swings, and the tendency to be out of touch with reality.

What causes emotional immaturity?

In your quest to figure out how to overcome emotional immaturity in your relationship, understand what could be the reason for the emotional dearth in your partner. And how it expresses itself can be instrumental in helping you identify the best course of action.

Wondering, “Why am I emotionally immature?” Or do you have doubts about whether your partner is emotionally immature?

Here are a few factors that could cause emotional immaturity in relationships:

• Lack of supportive parents

Suppose a person grew up under parents who weren’t as supportive as they should have been (maybe emotionally/physically unavailable or abusive). In that case, the person might grow up to become emotionally immature. 

Parenting plays an impactful role in how a child develops and how they interact with the world, even as adults.

If you’ve discovered your partner to be emotionally immature, you may want to take some time to visit their past. What kind of parents did they have? What are the formative memories from their childhood? Answering these questions can provide some context.

Clinical Psychologist Lindsay C. Gibson, in her book ‘Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents,’ talks about the generational impact that emotionally immature parents can have on a child’s mindset and personality. She observes that the emotional lack in parents can result in the child also showing signs of emotional immaturity even as an adult.

• Trauma

Someone who has had to endure trauma early on might remain emotionally immature, even as an adult. The scars of their trauma might limit their emotional capacity even as adults. The emotional wounds from their childhood might be the reasons for their immaturity.

The research documented by the National Center for Biotechnology Information revealed that adolescents who have experienced traumatizing experiences are more likely to have difficulties managing their emotions in adulthood, including severe PTSD. All these are likely to manifest in a relationship as being emotionally immature.

11 signs that your partner may be emotionally immature

Emotional immaturity in relationships is usually not apparent at first glance. It takes spending time with another person to notice any signs of emotional immaturity in a partner. To tell whether someone is emotionally mature or not, you would have to interact with them for some time.

Just in case you’ve been wondering, here are a few signs of emotional immaturity in your partner:

1. Emotional detachment 

When you constantly feel emotionally estranged from your partner (especially when you find them constantly putting up mental walls between you), they could be displaying emotional immaturity.

Under these conditions, they struggle to talk about their feelings, and achieving emotional intimacy is difficult. This becomes one of the troubling signs of emotional immaturity in relationships. 

2. Compromise is difficult

If you find yourself doing all the ‘bending over backward’ in the relationship, you may want to put a foot on the brakes and think things through.

One sign of emotional immaturity in relationships is that they may find it challenging to be accommodating.

3. Playing down meaningful conversations 

If your partner is known for trying to weasel their way out of emotional conversations, it could signify that they are dealing with emotional immaturity. Please note what they do and tell them about these when you have critical conversations with them.

Expressing your feelings to your partner and having conversations about the future of your relationship are essential aspects of all adult relationships. Constantly trying to steer the conversation in other less-relevant directions could be a sign of emotional immaturity. 

4. Getting defensive easily

If things were perfect, you should be able to bring up specific conversations around your partner (even if they aren’t the best of topics), critically examine issues, and work out solutions to complex challenges without feeling attacked. However, emotionally immature partners always get defensive if they feel cornered.

An emotionally immature husband or wife will lash out at the slightest opportunity and may try to make you feel bad for bringing up their issues. It is an important sign of emotional immaturity when a person feels targeted over minor things.

5. Not communicating their love

There’s every possibility that an emotionally immature partner may not even know your primary love language, even if you have constantly tried to communicate your love and admiration for them using theirs.

When your partner is emotionally immature, they may not see the need to be thoughtful or do the lovely little things for you. On the other hand, they have high expectations that you should do every one of these things for them. 

6. Bearing grudges

Everyone makes mistakes. However, has your partner ever gotten angry at you for something completely insignificant? Has that grudge stretched for the longest time with no effort from them to let it go?

Another sign of emotional immaturity in relationships is that the immature partner usually holds onto tiny grudges for the longest time. Coupled with the fact that they are mostly emotionally estranged from their partner, they may find it difficult to come clean with their partner.

7. Making decisions alone

It’s one thing when your partner decides to have oats for breakfast instead of bacon, and eggs. However, it could be a red flag when they start making major decisions (like relocating to another state) without consulting you.

Relationships are all about communication, compromise, and understanding. When your partner takes away your right to make significant decisions as an adult, you may want to pay double attention.   

8. Shifting blame easily 

Notice how difficult it is for your partner to take responsibility for their actions. Even when they make a mistake and what they have done is obvious, accepting responsibility is like an arduous task for them. An emotionally immature partner would blame you for their mistakes if given the opportunity.

Taking responsibility for your actions and words is the marker of a mature individual. It makes it easier to address and move past any hurdles in your relationship.

9. Low self-esteem 

Depending on your partner’s personality, low self-esteem may be a bit difficult to spot.

Emotionally immature people can easily mask their traits under a veil of cynicism/irritability/ego. However, with a careful look at what they show, you may find an insecure person.

10. Making you feel alone

Your feelings of loneliness could be because you have to put up with so much in the relationship; mood swings, emotional detachment, manipulation, etc.

One sign of emotional immaturity by your partner is that even when you are with them, it is almost impossible to bond and have a good time.

11. Need for constant validation

An emotionally immature person may have an excessive need for external validation and approval. 

They might rely heavily on their partner for reassurance, seeking constant validation of their worth, decisions, and actions. This dependency can create an unhealthy dynamic where the partner feels burdened and drained by the constant need for validation.

How to deal with emotional immaturity in relationships: 7 ways

Developing emotional maturity is a necessary part of healthy relationships.

According to the APA Dictionary of Psychology, emotional maturity is a high and appropriate emotional control and expression level. In simple terms, a person is emotionally mature when they can control their feelings and the way they react, no matter the circumstances.

Emotional maturity in relationships is an important element, especially if your partner displays signs of emotional immaturity at first. As a result, it is necessary that you cut them some slack and give them a suitable environment to heal.

Here are a few steps to deal with emotional immaturity:

1. Identify the challenge and seek help 

It is almost entirely up to your partner to take this first step. However, with the right/encouraging environment (created by you) and the constant reminder that you’re with them in whatever they’re going through, they may be able to identify that there’s a challenge that needs fixing.

Part of their help can be to visit a psychologist who could help them get the emotional immaturity treatment they need.

2. Practice self-care 

Your partner’s immaturity might affect both you and your partner. If your partner is the one who’s dealing with emotional immaturity, encourage them to practice self-care. Self-care will help them deal with anxiety and manage their stress levels (especially if they’ve been dealing with PTSD and stressors from their past).

You, on the other hand, could also use some self-care. Practicing taking care of yourself as individuals and as a couple will go a long way to eliminate these signs of emotional immaturity that threaten to tear your relationship apart.

3. Set boundaries

Clearly define your personal boundaries and communicate them to your partner. Encourage them to do the same. 

Boundaries help establish healthy expectations, promote respect, and prevent emotional manipulation or overreliance on one another. Reinforce the importance of honoring boundaries to foster a healthier and more balanced relationship dynamic.

4. Spending time together

Spend quality time together regularly, doing what both parties love. Spending time with your partner can help you build emotional intimacy and give them a way to get a hold of their emotions once again. Focus your attention on restoring emotional intimacy in your relationship.

5. Model emotional maturity

Lead by example and exhibit emotional maturity in your own behavior. Show empathy, practice active listening, take responsibility for your actions, and communicate your needs and boundaries clearly. Your partner may learn from your example and begin to emulate healthier emotional responses.

Watch this video to learn some behaviors that destroy relationships:

6. Seek professional help

In some cases, emotional immaturity may require professional intervention. If the emotional immaturity significantly impacts the relationship and persists despite efforts to address it, consider couples therapy or individual counseling for both partners. 

A trained therapist can provide guidance, facilitate productive discussions, and help develop strategies for growth and emotional maturity.

7. Stepping back 

Please understand that stepping back is just you looking out for yourself. If you have tried everything and even gotten your partner to see a professional (and things aren’t working out), you may want to consider the idea that the relationship may have to end.

Keeping a hold on your mental and physical health is essential. Hence, packing your bags and walking away isn’t a crime.

Some commonly asked questions

Here are the answers to some pressing questions regarding emotional immaturity in relationships that can help clear any doubts that you may have:

• Can emotional immaturity lead to codependency or unhealthy relationship dynamics?

Yes, emotional immaturity can lead to codependency or unhealthy relationship dynamics. Emotional immaturity often involves a lack of self-awareness, poor emotional regulation, and difficulty setting boundaries. These traits can contribute to codependent behaviors, such as excessive reliance on a partner for validation and an inability to function independently. 

Unhealthy relationship dynamics, characterized by enabling, resentment, and a lack of healthy communication, can also result from emotional immaturity. Recognizing and addressing emotional immaturity is crucial to establishing and maintaining healthier relationship dynamics.

• Is emotional immaturity a mental illness?

No, emotional immaturity is not a mental illness. It is a psychological trait characterized by an individual’s inability to handle and regulate emotions in a mature and healthy way. 

Emotional immaturity can be influenced by various factors such as upbringing, life experiences, and personal development. While emotional immaturity can impact relationships and overall well-being, it is not classified as a mental illness in the traditional sense.

• How to communicate with someone who is emotionally immature?

When communicating with someone who is emotionally immature, it’s important to remain calm and patient. Be clear and concise in your communication, using “I” statements to express your feelings and needs. 

Avoid engaging in arguments or power struggles, and instead, focus on active listening and validating their emotions. Set clear boundaries and encourage self-reflection. If needed, suggest professional help or therapy. 

Remember, communication with an emotionally immature person may require extra patience and understanding, but maintaining respectful and assertive communication can promote healthier interactions.

Final thoughts

Dealing with an emotionally immature partner is hard work, and as time passes, it starts looking impossible. Here we have looked at the signs of emotional immaturity, its causes, and how to overcome them.

Observe whether your partner is displaying the signs of emotional immaturity mentioned here. If yes, try your best to resolve them with help from trained psychologists. But if you notice no change, try to reassess your relationship status.

Remember that emotional maturity, regardless of what may have happened in the past, is possible. And relationships flourish when maturity is at their core.