23 Signs of a Selfish Husband and How to Deal It

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Relationships are beautiful and fulfilling when both partners are willing to invest their time, effort, and love equally. However, sometimes, we find ourselves facing challenges in our partnerships, one of which may revolve around the topic of selfishness. 

It is crucial to approach this topic with empathy and understanding, recognizing that no relationship is entirely without flaws. Selfishness in a spouse can manifest in varying degrees and forms, and it is essential to discern between occasional selfish acts and a pervasive pattern of behavior that may harm the relationship.

In discussing these signs, it is important not to label or stigmatize individuals but rather to shed light on the underlying causes and explore effective ways to address them. Our intention with this article is not to pass judgment but rather to create awareness and provide guidance to those seeking to improve their relationships.

We fully acknowledge that every relationship is unique, and what works for one situation may not be applicable to another. Therefore, the strategies offered here should be adapted to fit individual circumstances. 

Remember, addressing selfishness requires both partners to make an effort to understand one another’s perspectives and find compromise. In the following sections, we will outline some common signs of a selfish husband, discuss their potential root causes, and explore practical strategies that can help couples address these issues head-on. 

Is being selfish normal?

The short answer depends on the degree and length of time your partner is displaying signs of a selfish husband.  

If it is short-term, for example, he has a deadline to meet at work, it is normal that he focuses on that. Perhaps he is working late into the evening and on weekends and not being able to contribute to the household chores. 

But there is a difference between this type of selfish behavior, which has an endpoint, and general selfishness, which seems to be an inbred part of a person’s character.  

“My husband is inconsiderate,” says Kathy, age 27. “He never does a load of laundry, barely helps with the kids, and expects sex on demand. Why is my husband so selfish and inconsiderate?”

What could be behind your husband’s selfish behavior?

There are multiple reasons driving a person to be selfish. Some are based on childhood experiences, and others are formed due to the dynamic in a relationship.

• An only child 

Only children may grow up to be self-centered adults. They never had to share any of their toys or parents’ love and attention. They got used to being viewed as incredibly special, talented, and precious.  

As an only child becomes an adult, they may continue to display self-centered characteristics. These characteristics can be modified, often by a loving wife, who insists the selfish husband become more outwardly focused.

• Cultural climate

It is common in some cultures to view men as being exempt from all chores considered “women’s work.” Take Italian culture, for example, where mammas dote on their sons, never asking them to lift a finger in the house, yet teach their daughters how to cook, clean, and be “good wives.”  

If you are dealing with a selfish husband, it may not be his direct fault if he was raised in a male-dominated culture.

• Past relationship experience

Some men become self-centered because they felt taken advantage of in a previous relationship. By shutting down all generosity towards their partner, they feel they are protecting themselves from this bad past experience.

Why is it important to identify the signs of a selfish partner?

Identifying the characteristics of a selfish husband is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship and personal well-being. Selfish behavior erodes trust, empathy, and emotional intimacy, leading to resentment and unhappiness. 

Recognizing these signs allows for open communication and setting boundaries, fostering a balanced partnership. It helps prevent emotional manipulation and ensures mutual respect. 

Addressing selfish tendencies early can facilitate productive conversations, promoting understanding and compromise. 

Ultimately, awareness empowers individuals to make informed decisions about their relationships, fostering environments where both partners’ needs are considered and fostering a more loving, supportive, and fulfilling marriage.

23 telling signs of a selfish husband

The signs of a self-centered husband, as outlined, illustrate a pattern of self-centered behavior and neglect in a marriage. From a lack of gratitude and emotional support to an inability to compromise and a focus solely on personal needs, these indicators reveal a challenging dynamic within the relationship.

1. Doesn’t express gratitude

Don’t expect the selfish husband to express gratitude for something you have done or put effort into. He might fail to acknowledge them.

He thinks it is normal that you do these things. It’s part of your job being a wife. If you remind him to say thank you for these things, he just looks perplexed because he has been taking things for granted all this while.

2. Prioritizes himself 

Self-absorption is but one of the many selfish husband signs.  

He never thinks about your well-being or comfort. Their world revolves around one person: themselves. He will not ask you about your likes and dislikes in terms of decisions, big or small. He decides your future plans based on what works best for him.

3. Hardly with you when you need him

Your husband comes home angry at something that happened at work. Of course, you are there for him. Listening to him releases his emotions and calms him down.  

But should you need him to be there for you when you just have to let it all out, his eyes glaze over in boredom, or he just tunes you out? He has no interest in being there for you as a sounding board and would certainly not think to comfort you when you are under stress.

4. He doesn’t accept his mistakes

Admitting he might be wrong would be too much for his ego. Considering he is so self-centered, he cannot see from any other perspective but his own. This means he is always right and will not consider your opinion, even if it is backed up with fact.  

He highly overestimates his sense of self and underestimates your intelligence. This is why his default position is, “I’m right, and you are wrong.”  

5. Takes all the decisions by himself

Your selfish husband has said yes to plans, neglecting to ask you if you had plans already in place.  

He would not think of consulting you because his communication skills, as far as you are concerned, are so poor. He thinks that whatever he decides, you will follow without question.

6. The focus is always on him

Whether it’s about life decisions or dealing with a stressful situation, he often forgets you, and the focus is on him.

For such a husband, you don’t hold a priority. This, however, can be gradually fixed by putting your foot down whenever you feel you are sidetracked. Marriage is a relationship between equals, and if you don’t feel you share the same space, you must put forth your concerns.

7. Doesn’t know your interests and passions

Long gone are the days that he pretended he was interested in your interests. Not only does he never take an interest, but he doesn’t even ask about them. This is just one symptom of the selfish husband’s level of self-absorption.  

He has no idea of what makes you smile and brings you happiness. He just assumes it is him and him alone.

8. Shows a complete lack of understanding

“For my birthday, my husband gave me a salad spinner,” complained Mary, 30. “A salad spinner for a landmark birthday! What I really wanted, had he asked, was a nice bracelet, earrings, anything to mark this occasion. My husband is self-centered!”  

The selfish husband is so out of touch with what might bring you delight that he just picks up things with little thought, which he might find at his convenience, not considering if it is something you might want. 

He hardly makes an effort to know you, and this results in having an inconsiderate approach towards you. 

9. Expects you to know him well

If you feel he often fulfills his needs by getting this or that for himself but isn’t really considerate about your needs, that’s a sign of selfishness on his part. For instance, you will spend a lot of time thoughtfully picking things for him and end up finding something he likes.

But your effort is something he naturally expects from you but doesn’t do the same for you.

10. Never owns his mistakes

 Apologies are a sign of weakness, according to the selfish husband.

He will never apologize because he never thinks he is in the wrong. Even if something is clearly his fault, he will find a way to blame you for it or look for ways to push it on someone else. His ego always stands in the way.

11. Doesn’t share the load

Does your husband go from the dinner table to the couch without bothering to clear his plate? Is the laundry basket overflowing, and all he can say is, “Hey, why don’t I have any clean workout clothes?” Remind him that being his maid is not part of your job description. Then, educate him.  

But most of the time, husbands might not purposely ignore the chores but simply not be aware of them. So, it is essential to bring things to your husband’s notice and then gradually begin involving him in the process.

12. Makes the least effort for you

He isn’t mindful of expressing love in any way. He promises things but fails to fulfill them. These are the signs you are dealing with a husband who is selfish.

 You feel sad as you see other husbands bringing home flowers for their wives or taking time to select a surprise gift “just because.”

13. Critical of you

Another of the many selfish husband signs is being overly critical. He has no problem criticizing what you wear, what you do, your friends, your family. He does this to prop up his low self-esteem and make himself feel “big.”

This is usually a sign of being self-protective.

14. Compromise is not part of his vocabulary

If you and your husband have differing viewpoints, don’t expect him to meet you in the middle. There won’t be any compromise, and it will be his way or no way. The selfish husband does not understand the concept of compromise because his way is the only valid way.

Moreover, he will not even consider thinking about compromising but expect you to do the same because that’s how things have been all along.

15. Hardly compliments

For such a husband, you are always sidelined. He won’t notice things about you, and as a result, he fails to appreciate you for little things on an ordinary day.

So, don’t expect him to notice. All he sees is himself and has likely not learned to balance the priorities and give you priority in the relationship.

16. The only display of affection he shows is when he wants sex

The selfish husband’s kisses are just a prelude to sex. Kisses, hugs, and touching you are just his way of signaling that he wants physical intimacy. How you long for just some lovely cuddling or a massage that puts you right to sleep, without every physical interaction, meaning he wants to make love.

17. Sex is for his pleasure only

Once he is done, the game is over, even if you are left unsatisfied. It is usually his means to gaining satisfaction, and he would not care about your needs. 

He never worries that he might be a lousy lover. If you do not climax, that is your problem, according to the selfish husband.

18. Disregards your opinions

Even if you are an expert on the subject, he knows more than you do. 

He will often disregard your opinions on the matter. In the mind of the selfish husband, you know nothing, and he knows everything. The issue is that he has always seen you with such low regard that even a piece of good advice or a suggestion from you does not have value. He is likely to do that even in front of other people.

19. Stopped courting you years ago

The romance has died, and he hardly makes an effort to bring it back.

While your friends are still enjoying date nights with their husbands, your selfish husband doesn’t understand why a romantic evening would be vital to you. “I’m here, aren’t I?” he responds when you ask if he still loves you.

20. Doesn’t do relationship check-ins

The inconsiderate husband doesn’t ever ask you, “How are we doing?” because he is so self-absorbed.  

He doesn’t even realize his selfishness has relationship consequences. If you attempt a relationship check-in with the selfish husband, he looks at you as if you are crazy. “What are we even talking about?” is his attitude.

21. Lack of emotional support

A selfish husband often fails to provide emotional support when you need it most. He may not empathize with your feelings, dismiss your concerns, or downplay your emotions, leaving you feeling unheard and unsupported during challenging times.

22. Financial selfishness

Financial selfishness is another sign to watch out for. If your husband prioritizes his own spending and financial goals over the family’s financial well-being and consistently makes unilateral decisions about money without considering your input, it’s a sign of selfishness.

Watch this video to learn more about the right way for couples to talk about money:

23. Isolation from friends and family

A selfish husband may deliberately isolate you from your friends and family, attempting to control your social connections and maintain dominance in the relationship. This isolating behavior can further reinforce his self-centeredness and limit your support system.

It’s important to note that these signs are not exclusive to husbands; they can apply to partners in any type of relationship. Recognizing these signs is crucial for addressing relationship issues and seeking solutions or support when needed.

How to deal with a selfish husband: 4 tips

What to do when your husband is selfish? Are you seeing some of your husband’s characteristics in the above list? Don’t be dismayed! There are some ways to change his behavior.

1. Discuss with him

Pick a time when you know he will be rested and in a good mood.  

Bring up your feelings, using ‘I’ statements rather than releasing a barrage of complaints (which will only alienate him). “I feel unsupported in household chores, and I’d like you to help me clear the table after dinner each night.”  

Be specific in your needs, as the selfish husband will not be able to guess what these are.

2. Notice when he isn’t being selfish

Did he take out the garbage? Tell him how much you appreciate that. Positive reinforcement is a good way to keep this going.

Considering he is less likely to offer a helping hand, make sure you appreciate him every time he does to bring it to his notice. Besides, appreciation always encourages people, no matter what.

3. Speak up

At times, it is important to put your foot down rather than suffer or bear the pain on your own. This is important when you are trying to deal with a selfish man in a relationship. 

Remember that your selfish husband may be unaware of the extent of his selfishness. It is important you use your voice to let him know, from a place of respect and love, how his actions are affecting you.

4. Stay positive and shift focus to yourself

Sometimes, we focus on all the things our partners do that annoy us to avoid looking at ourselves.  

One way to reduce the impact your husband’s selfishness has on you is to pull back and invest in your own self, independent of your husband. Choosing to make yourself happy is one of the most important life lessons you can learn.

Commonly asked questions

Here are the answers to some pressing questions that can help you understand selfish behavior in marriage: 

• What are the causes of a selfish husband?

Selfishness in husbands can stem from various factors, such as upbringing, past relationships, or personal insecurities. In some cases, it may be learned behavior. Additionally, stress, work pressures, or a lack of effective communication within the marriage can exacerbate self-centered tendencies.

• How can I deal with a selfish husband?

Dealing with a selfish husband involves open communication, setting boundaries, and seeking couples therapy. Address the issue calmly, express your feelings, and work together to find compromises. Establish clear expectations, practice self-care, and encourage empathy to foster positive change in the relationship.

• Is it possible to change a selfish husband?

Yes, change is possible, but it requires commitment from both partners. Self-awareness, willingness to improve, and couples counseling can help a selfish husband transform his behavior. However, change may take time, and success depends on the individual’s dedication to personal growth.

• What are the long-term effects of being married to a selfish husband?

Being married to a selfish husband can lead to emotional and psychological distress, lowered self-esteem, and a strained relationship. Over time, it may result in feelings of resentment and unhappiness, affecting the overall quality of life and mental health of both partners.

• Should I divorce my selfish husband?

The decision to divorce a selfish husband is a deeply personal one. It should be considered after all efforts to address the issues have been exhausted. Seek guidance from a therapist or counselor to make an informed choice, as divorce is a significant life-changing decision that should be made after careful deliberation.

Takeaway

Dealing with a selfish husband is a challenging and complex journey that requires patience, empathy, and effective communication. By identifying the signs of selfishness and addressing them in a compassionate and assertive manner, couples can create a foundation for positive change. 

Strategies such as setting boundaries, seeking professional help, prioritizing self-care, and strengthening communication can all contribute to a healthier and more balanced relationship when dealing with a selfish husband. 

While setbacks may occur, perseverance and a shared commitment to growth can lead to a deeper and more meaningful connection. Ultimately, healthy relationships require effort from both partners, but the rewards of a thriving partnership are priceless.