17 Signs of a Condescending Person in Relationships & How to Deal

Listen to this article

Sometimes, you can sense something is off in the way someone talks to you… but it’s hard to put a finger on what exactly feels wrong.

Maybe you’ve caught yourself wondering why their words sting, even when they say it’s a joke or “for your own good.”

It can leave you feeling small and unheard and questioning yourself, which can be draining over time.

If someone in your life always talks down to you, subtly or openly, it might be a sign that you’re dealing with a condescending person.

Whether it’s in small comments or constant corrections, a condescending person can make you feel less valued in the relationship.

Identifying these behaviors early can help you understand what’s happening and find ways to protect your sense of self.

What is condescending behavior in a relationship?

Condescending behavior is when someone talks or acts as if they are superior to others, subtly or overtly making you feel small or less important.

It can be frustrating and confusing because, on the surface, the person might seem like they’re trying to help or offer advice, but underneath, there’s a sense of disrespect.

So, what does condescending mean? It’s essentially a form of communication that implies someone believes they know better or are more capable than you.

In relationships, this can manifest in different ways. A condescending person might dismiss your opinions, correct you constantly, or make remarks that seem helpful but are laced with criticism.

For instance, a condescending example might be your partner saying, “Well, it’s cute that you tried, but let me show you how it’s really done.”

While they may try to brush it off as a joke or constructive criticism, it can make you feel insignificant and unheard… and that’s not something anyone should have to endure in a relationship.

5 possible reasons why people are condescending in relationships

Sometimes, people behave condescendingly without fully realizing the impact of their words or actions. This can result from a variety of personal feelings or learned behaviors that cause them to speak down to others.

If you’re dealing with a condescending partner, understanding the reasons behind their actions might help you address the issue with more empathy and patience.

1. Insecurity or low self-esteem

A condescending person may put others down because they feel inadequate or insecure about themselves. By making someone else feel smaller, they temporarily boost their own self-worth.

It can be a defense mechanism rooted in their fear of not being good enough. In a relationship, this can surface when they feel threatened by their partner’s abilities or successes, even if it’s not intentional.

2. Control or dominance issues

Some people use condescension as a way to assert control or dominance in a relationship. They feel they are keeping the upper hand by constantly correcting or belittling their partner.

This often stems from a need to feel in charge or superior, making it hard for them to see how damaging this behavior is. Over time, this can create a toxic dynamic in the relationship.

3. Learned behavior from past relationships

A condescending partner might have picked up this behavior from their upbringing or previous relationships.

They may unconsciously repeat these patterns if they grew up around family members who spoke down to others or were in relationships where they were constantly belittled.

It can become a habit they’re unaware of, impacting how they communicate with their partner.

4. A need to feel knowledgeable or superior

Some people take pride in being seen as the “expert” in all situations, and this can lead to condescending behavior. They may dismiss their partner’s opinions or ideas, believing their own knowledge or experience is always superior.

While they might see it as offering guidance, it often comes across as patronizing, leaving their partner feeling belittled and unappreciated.

5. Stress or frustration

Stress can bring out the worst in a person, and sometimes, it manifests as condescension. A person under pressure may become short-tempered and resort to belittling those around them.

This can happen in moments when they feel overwhelmed or frustrated with other aspects of their life, leading to them unintentionally taking it out on their partner by talking down to them.

17 signs of a condescending person in a relationship

It’s not always easy to spot condescending behavior right away, especially in close relationships where emotions can cloud your judgment. However, over time, subtle patterns might start to emerge, leaving you feeling belittled, unheard, or unappreciated.

If you’re unsure whether you’re dealing with a condescending person, recognizing certain signs can be helpful in understanding what’s really happening in your relationship.

1. They interrupt you in conversations

One of the top signs of a condescending person in a relationship is interrupting conversations. They believe their input is the only logical opinion. Their partner’s perspective may be irrelevant to them, even if they have a reasonable one backed with facts.

Interrupting a conversation is a sign of disrespect in relationships. It may indicate that your spouse is trying to control you when it becomes frequent. Also, it means your partner belittles you. A relationship can only work out if your partner respects you.

2. They think they are smarter than you

One of the top signs of condescending people is thinking they are smarter than their partner. You can easily spot this attitude when they show that they know everything and give no room for you to talk.

Also, they make no effort to hide this superior behavior, even among strangers or others.

3. They lack empathy

A condescending person cannot empathize with their partner. They don’t understand the feelings and thoughts of their partner. Sometimes, you may feel emotionally down and need a shoulder to cry on.

Sadly, if you date a condescending person, they tell you to get brave and calm down because it’s not a big deal. They may even tell you you are a weakling for being emotional about an issue.

4. They lack emotional intelligence

A condescending person can’t understand their feelings or anyone else’s. They are sometimes unaware of why they act the way they do or others’ perceptions of their behavior.

They can’t read the room because they are preoccupied with their thoughts. In most cases, they justify their offending others with illogical reasons.

5. They say you aren’t enough

Another condescending attitude you may have noticed in your partner is they always say you aren’t perfect. Indeed, no one is perfect, but our imperfections are what make us human.

If your spouse is condescending, they will remind you how important it is to act in a certain way. 

For example, condescending behavior may include telling you to dress, eat, speak, or walk in a particular manner. Nothing you do is acceptable, and you may lose yourself in pleasing them.

6. They believe they are perfect

One common problem with condescending people is that they think they are perfect and hold everyone to this benchmark. They often have a list of rules and regulations they believe people should follow.

Even state or general laws that don’t align with theirs are considered non-standard. 

To them, there is no room for mistakes. Mistakes make you weak. They opine that everyone should be intelligent, perfect, and smart. Anything less is inferior.

7. They treat domestic workers with disrespect

As the partner of a condescending person, you may think you are going through a lot. However, a condescending person treats their staff and domestic workers unpleasantly. They feel these people are certainly below them and deserve no recognition or honor. 

They may overwork their partner and inconvenience them with the excuse that they pay them. In addition, a condescending person can call their workers at odd hours, expecting undivided attention.

8. They judge their partner and others

Another common sign of a condescending person is that they are judgmental. They only need to hear a version of a story or one side before they conclude.

In some situations, they blame their partner for issues they have no control over. If your partner feels superior to you, they will paint scenarios of how they would have handled the situation better than you.

9. They belittle your achievement

Great achievements are meant to be celebrated with your loved ones. However, you should think twice if you believe your partner is condescending. They may be envious of you or threatened by your achievement.

Regardless, they will disregard your achievement or belittle it. For example, if you win the “Employee of the Month” at work, your partner may say it’s not a big deal. 

10. They are arrogant

One of the main signs of a condescending person is arrogance. They think they are superior and better than everyone.

It’s always about them over others; they don’t care. Also, they think of themselves as alone and disregard others’ feelings. Notably, they can’t please others to their detriment.

11. They show off

Another sign a condescending person can’t seem to hide is bragging. If someone feels superior, they won’t hesitate to flaunt their achievements, often in a way that feels boastful rather than celebratory.

This action helps them maintain the high standards they’ve set for others, subtly reminding you of their supposed superiority.

Not only do they highlight their successes, but they also describe in detail how much they struggled or sacrificed to reach their goals. This exaggerated storytelling magnifies their accomplishments, reinforcing their belief that they are better than others.

12. They make decisions without you

A condescending person already views you as insignificant, so it’s no surprise that they would make important decisions without consulting you.

Whether it’s choosing a new apartment or planning a vacation, they act as though your opinion doesn’t matter.

To them, your input is either irrelevant or lacking in logic, so why bother asking?

When confronted, they might justify their actions by claiming that you have nothing valuable to contribute, further diminishing your role in the relationship.

Over time, this can leave you feeling sidelined and powerless in decisions that affect both of you.

13. They give unsolicited advice

Sometimes, all you really need is someone to listen, but a condescending person will rarely offer that. Instead, they’ll force their advice upon you, assuming you can’t possibly make the right choices on your own.

Even when you haven’t asked for guidance, they swoop in with their “solutions,” which often come across as condescending and dismissive of your ability to think for yourself.

This behavior shows their belief that they know better than you, and they may even become offended if you choose not to follow their advice.

14. They have opinions on every matter

One of the more exhausting traits of a condescending person is their belief that they know something about everything. Whether the topic is complex or simple, they’re always ready to offer their opinion, even when it’s clear they lack real expertise.

This isn’t about sharing knowledge; it’s about appearing superior and knowledgeable at all times. They aim to impress others by acting like an authority on every subject, but the reality is that much of their information is surface-level at best.

Their desire to stand out often overshadows the actual value of what they’re saying.

15. They put you down

Living with a condescending person often means dealing with constant disapproval and disrespect. Instead of offering support or encouragement, they find subtle (or not-so-subtle) ways to put you down.

They know how much their approval means to you, but they withhold it intentionally to keep you feeling small. Whether through sarcastic comments or dismissive gestures, they make sure you know they disapprove of your choices, ideas, or actions.

Over time, this kind of behavior can erode your self-esteem, making it harder to stand up for yourself or feel confident in your abilities.

16. They constantly interrupt you

A condescending person often interrupts during conversations, as they believe what they have to say is more important than your thoughts.

Whether you’re sharing your opinion or simply talking about your day, they jump in before you’re finished, cutting you off. This behavior reflects their lack of respect for your ideas and an underlying belief that their voice carries more weight.

Over time, these constant interruptions can make you feel unheard and unimportant in the relationship.

17. They use patronizing language

Another sign of a condescending person is their use of patronizing or infantilizing language. They might speak to you as if you’re a child, using terms like “sweetie” or “honey” in a way that feels belittling.

Their tone might also be overly simplified, as if you’re incapable of understanding something complex. While the words themselves may seem harmless, the way they are used conveys a sense of superiority, leaving you feeling diminished.

7 ways to deal with condescending people in a relationship

Dealing with a condescending partner can be incredibly frustrating and emotionally draining. Whether the behavior is subtle or obvious, it’s important to protect your self-worth and find ways to handle these moments with care.

Learning how to deal with a condescending person takes patience and self-awareness, but it’s possible to address the issue while maintaining your dignity.

1. Stay calm and composed

When faced with condescension, it’s easy to feel upset or defensive, but staying calm is key. A measured response shows that you’re in control and won’t be easily rattled by their behavior.

By keeping your composure, you prevent escalating the situation, and it becomes harder for them to justify their actions. Remaining calm also gives you a clearer mindset to respond effectively.

2. Set boundaries firmly

It’s important to establish clear boundaries when dealing with a condescending person. Let them know what behaviors you won’t tolerate, and stand firm in your decision.

Boundaries create a sense of respect and help prevent further emotional harm. Be specific about the behaviors that are hurtful, and calmly explain that their actions need to change for the relationship to be healthy.

3. Address the behavior directly

Knowing how to confront someone condescending involves being straightforward without being aggressive. Point out their condescending remarks when they happen and explain how they make you feel.

Keep the conversation focused on their behavior rather than their character. By addressing the issue directly, you make it clear that their actions have consequences and that you’re willing to discuss a solution.

4. Use “I” statements

When confronting condescending behavior, using “I” statements can reduce defensiveness and help them better understand your perspective.

For example, say, “I feel disrespected when you speak to me that way” rather than “You’re always talking down to me.”

This approach allows you to express your feelings without sounding accusatory, which can open the door to a more productive conversation.

5. Don’t engage in arguments

A condescending person might try to provoke you into an argument, but it’s important not to fall into that trap. Engaging in a heated exchange only validates their belief that they hold power over you.

Instead, stay calm and avoid reacting emotionally. Walk away if necessary, letting them know that you’ll return to the conversation when both of you can discuss it more calmly.

Watch this TEDx Talk where Roderick Jeter talks about how to stop arguing with your partner in just minutes:

6. Focus on your self-worth

Dealing with a condescending partner can take a toll on your self-esteem, so it’s essential to remind yourself of your own worth. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family who uplift you, and engage in activities that make you feel confident.

The stronger your sense of self-worth, the less their condescending remarks will impact your emotional well-being.

7. Consider professional help

If condescending behavior becomes a recurring issue and affects your mental health, consider seeking help from a counselor or therapist. Couples therapy can also be beneficial if both partners are willing to work on the relationship.

Licensed psychologist and certified coach Silvana Mici says

A condescending person exhibits an attitude of superiority, belittling others through patronizing behavior or tone. Dealing with condescension involves setting clear boundaries, assertively expressing your feelings, and maintaining self-confidence.

Therapists advise that one of the most influential ways for improvement may be to establish open communication about the impact of their behavior and encouraging mutual respect can contribute to healthier interactions with condescending individuals.

A professional can offer guidance on how to deal with a condescending person in a way that fosters healthier communication and mutual respect.

In a nutshell

Dealing with condescension in a relationship is never easy… but it’s important to remember you have the power to protect yourself! Whether the behavior is subtle or constant, finding ways to address it calmly and directly can make a big difference.

Set boundaries, speak up when needed, and don’t be afraid to seek help if things don’t improve. Relationships should feel supportive, not belittling.

Though change may take time, focusing on your self-worth and approaching the situation with patience will help. After all, everyone deserves to feel respected, heard, and valued in their relationship—especially you!