Why You Shouldn’t Let Outsiders Affect Your Marriage

Katrina McCaleb

Katrina McCaleb

I am an Author, Certified Life Coach and Founder of W.omen E.mpowered Inc (W.E.) which was founded in October 2018. My ultimate goal is to enable others with the skills needed... Read more

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Updated: 3 Feb, 2023

Table of Contents

Be selective about sharing personal information with those who can truly support your union, not spread doubt; when you talk with your partner first, you cultivate safety, trust, and closeness.
Talk to your partner, not outside voices to face issues together, because honest dialogue builds safety and belonging, transforming disagreements into growth and a deeper sense of teamwork.
Your partner's image is shaped by how you speak about them; choose kindness and guard private moments, so you both feel seen, respected, and connected even during tough times.

How often have you allowed what your family, friends or society says to interfere with the image of your union/marriage? Why must everything fit neatly into a box or be discarded? When issues arise within your home, do you talk to your partner or talk about them to those on the outside? Those outsiders are inclusive of everyone other than the one you have the problem with. How has that worked for you? Are they capable of resolving your issues? Has their advice been sound or noisy because of information you’ve provided? When telling the story, are you painting a clear picture or is it one-sided? In today’s society, social media has become a major outlet for people to express their discontent. Many will walk past their partner whom they share a bed/home with completely unconnected yet log on and connect to thousands of strangers to rid themselves of hurt/anger/frustration.I’ve often wondered if this is done for insight or attention.

Be selective about sharing personal information

Who better to address an issue with than the one who holds the power to correct it? Aside from social media, we have those close to us whether in the form of family or friends. I understand that everyone needs to vent occasionally, but we should learn to be selective in who we share our personal business with. Some may care about your union and are willing to give you great advice as to how to make things better. Whereas, others want to see you fail because they’re miserable in their own lives.

Be careful about receiving advice on your marriage

It is true that a person can only lead you to where they’ve been. If what you seek is a successful marriage, how can you be led by someone who’s never had one? Notice I said, “successful marriage”. Not one in which you’re just going through the motions with little to no regard to the result.

Marriage means being in the same team

If marriage is meant for permanence, why are we so afraid to be 100% honest with our mate? Why do we hide those ugly parts of ourselves? Why are we willing to open ourselves up to others instead of the one who makes up the other part of us? If we truly understood that “two become one”, there would be less me/my/mine and more us/we/ours. We wouldn’t speak ill of our partners to others because it would mean speaking ill of ourselves. We’d be less likely to say/do things that would inflict hurt upon them because it would be the same as hurting ourselves.

Marriage means being in the same team

Avoiding problems is not going to take you anywhere

I wonder why so many people love the idea of marriage but have no idea what marriage requires. It brings all your issues to the forefront forcing you into action. Problem is, many are in denial and feel as though if they overlook it, it’ll go away or resolve itself. I’m here to tell you that is false thinking. That’s just like failing a test expecting not to retake it. Only those things that are addressed head on will lead to growth. Be willing to have those difficult discussions with the one you vowed to honor till death do you part.

Discuss your issues with your partner instead of others

Don’t leave them feeling like they’re unworthy of your all. No one wants to find out something about their mate from others. Especially something that involves them or could damage their union. Remember, everyone pillow talks. So even the closest friend or family member is likely to share what you’ve told them in confidence to the one they share a bed with. You can prevent any unwanted tension by being upfront and honest with your man/woman. No one wants to be the topic of another’s conversation in a negative light. Imagine this: you’re out with your guy/girl, you enter a room that is filled with their friends and suddenly it gets quiet or you notice side eyes and odd looks. Immediately, you’re filled with a sense of uneasiness as thoughts begin to enter your mind about what was being discussed prior to your entrance. No one deserves that type of embarrassment.

Your opinions will shape your partner’s image

Remember, many will judge your spouse based on the picture you paint. If you’re always complaining about them or speaking negatively, others will view them that way. You will only have yourself to blame when either party wants nothing to do with the other. Personal/Private business is called that for a reason. It should remain between the two. I’ll end by saying, be mindful when airing your dirty laundry because some will see it as an invitation to clean up.

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Katrina McCaleb

I am an Author, Certified Life Coach and Founder of W.omen E.mpowered Inc (W.E.) which was founded in October 2018. My ultimate goal is to enable others with the skills needed to shift their mindset from blame to accountability, excuses to progress, hurt to healing and stagnation to growth. Through... Read more various life experiences such as teen pregnancy, single parenting, divorce, remarriage, etc... I possess vast knowledge in an array of areas. Read less

(Katrina McCaleb is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Chicago)