15 Signs You Are Pretending to Be Happy in Your Relationship

Why do people pretend to be happy in relationships?

When you’re not happy in a relationship, pretending may seem like the polite thing to do to prevent your spouse from getting hurt.

The problem is, pretending to be happy in a relationship can take its toll on your emotional and physical health. It also prevents you and your current spouse from moving forward into a satisfying life either with or without each other.

Sometimes the unknown is worse than sticking it out with someone you aren’t indeed in love with.

But, how do you know when you’re not happy in relationships? Keep reading to find out.

Related Reading: When You are Not Happy In Your Marriage

15 signs you are pretending to be happy in your relationship

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Sex and intimacy coach Dionne Eleanor says,

Despite outward appearances of happiness, you may feel a sense of emotional distance or disconnect from your partner. This lack of genuine connection can indicate your dissatisfaction with the relationship.

Here are the most obvious signs you are faking happiness with your partner when you are not happy in relationships.

1. Communication is avoided

One of the biggest signs someone is pretending to be happy is avoiding communicating with their partner.

If you have been avoiding communicating with your spouse, it may be because you know what’s coming:

• A very difficult conversation, or
• A breakup.

Related Reading: Effects of Lack of Communication in Marriage

2. You avoid being alone with your thoughts

Do you find yourself avoiding silence?

Being alone with your thoughts can be scary, especially if you know a big change is coming to your life.

Suppose you constantly find yourself on the phone, listening to podcasts, or watching videos. In that case, it could be that you’re avoiding addressing or even acknowledging the ‘reasons I pretend to be happy.’

3. Your social media speaks volumes

Why pretend to be happy when you’re not? Sometimes it all comes down to social perceptions.

Social media is a big deal to many people, so take a good look at yours and use it as a chart of your relationship.

Do you make flowery posts about your spouse to give off the impression that you’re madly in love?

Or do you rarely post about your spouse?

Either way, this could be a sign that you are dissatisfied with your love life.

Related Reading: Ways Social Media Ruins Relationships

4. You purposely avoid making plans

One of the key signs someone is pretending to be happy in their relationship is acting like their spouse is their favorite person and then never actually spending time with them.

If you find yourself consistently making plans that don’t include your partner, you will do well to ask yourself why.

5. Your heart feels heavy

Do you feel excited or surrounded by love when you are with your partner or do you find yourself longing to be somewhere else?

Pretending to be happy in a relationship can take its toll on your emotional heart.

If your heart feels heavy when you’re around your sweetheart, it could be a sign that you are pretending to be something you’re not when you’re together, and your heart has finally had enough.

6. You’ve lost your confidence

If you are not happy in a relationship with your partner, it can set your mind wandering.

Faking being happy in your current relationship may have you daydreaming of another life with someone else. This is dangerous because dwelling on these fantasies can lead you to cheat and hurt a host of people.

7. You’re nicer to your spouse in front of your friends

Why do people pretend to be happy when they are not?

Sometimes it’s because they’re afraid of how their life might look to their friends, or maybe their family loves their current partner, and they don’t want to disappoint them.

If you have little interest in your spouse but know exactly how to put on a ‘perfect couple‘ act in front of other people, take it as a huge sign you’re pretending to be happy in a relationship.

8. Are you covering their toxic traits?

Does your partner have toxic traits?

Do they belittle you, gaslight, or pull an attitude when they’re around other people?

If you are not happy in relationships for toxic reasons, you may find yourself excusing your spouse’s behavior to friends and family. Not only is this sad, but it can also be dangerous to your emotional and physical health.

9. Physical intimacy is avoided

When was the last time you and your spouse were truly intimate?

If the desire of you getting intimate with your spouse no longer exists and you don’t feel attracted towards them, you might avoid any physical contact altogether.

Avoiding physical intimacy with your partner may be a sign that you’re no longer interested in maintaining a deep connection.

10. You don’t expand on your feelings

Do you feel like staying silent is more comfortable than having a deep or important conversation with your spouse?

Be honest with yourself and acknowledge how you feel deep down.

Staying in a state of unhappiness can contribute to depression and anxiety in other areas of your life, such as work and relationships with friends.

If you can come up with even one “Reason I pretend to be happy,” then take it as a huge sign that your relationship is no longer healthy.

Related Reading: How to Share Your Feelings With Your Spouse

11. You can’t let go of the past

One sign that you’re pretending to be happy in a relationship is if you are secretly holding onto resentment.

If your partner has cheated or betrayed you in some way in the past and you can’t let it go, you are probably pretending to be happy when you’re not.

Related Reading: How to Forgive Your Spouse for Past Mistakes

12. Date night stresses you out

Research published by the Journal of Marriage and the Family found that couples often experience greater happiness when they are spending time together.

But if the idea of spending time talking to your partner over a romantic dinner sounds more like a nightmare than a fairy-tale date night, it could be a sign that your relationship needs some work.

13. You know deep down you aren’t in love

Pretending to be happy in a relationship may be easy on the outside, but your heart and your head know the truth.

If you are not happy in relationships, you will feel a distinct lack of love for your partner.

You may love them as a person or a friend, but deep, romantic love will be missing from your repertoire.

Related Reading: Signs of Falling out of Love

14. You feel lonely but never show it

Some people stay in relationships because they don’t want to face the loneliness that single life brings, but sometimes loneliness is the key to other relationship issues.

If you feel the ache of loneliness, even when you are with your spouse, take it as a ‘not happy in relationship’ sign.

15. Are you happy with who you are

Did you feel confident about who you were before you got into your current relationship?

If you find yourself feeling lost or not knowing what you want out of life, you can likely see that you are not happy in relationships you’ve been having.

Also Try: Am I Happy In My Relationship Quiz

How to stop pretending to be happy in your relationship: 4 ways

Maybe you already knew you were unhappy in your relationship, or maybe you just realize it now after learning some of the signs listed above.

Either way, faking happiness in a relationship is like pretending to be something you’re not. This can be emotionally draining and can make you feel trapped in a stagnant relationship.

Take charge of your emotional health – and your love life! – by learning how to stop faking being happy in your relationship.

Here are four simple tips to bring real happiness and clarity into your life.

1. Be honest with yourself

The longer you put off addressing that you are not happy in relationships, the longer your life will feel like it’s on hold.

Do some personal digging, meditate on what you want from life, or write down how you feel.

Only by being honest with yourself will you be able to start walking toward the path of happiness.

2. Surround yourself with a support system

Ready to come clean about what’s really going on in your relationship?

If so, you may find it helpful to speak to trusted friends and family about how you’re feeling.

Why?

Psychiatry MMC Journal reports that social support promotes psychological health.

The oxytocin released when surrounded by people you love and trust gives you a level of stress-related resilience.

This resilience is exactly what you will need when you’re ready to stop wearing a mask in your relationship!

3. Communicate with your partner

It will be difficult to tell your partner how you’ve been feeling.

Keep in mind, while it’s important, to be honest with your spouse, you don’t have to be brutally honest.

Instead of coming right out and saying: “I’ve only been pretending to be happy in a relationship with you.”

Try something like: “I’ve realized lately that I haven’t been feeling like myself in our relationship. There is a disconnect between us that is starting to concern me/that I would really like to work on.”

This will open the door to talking about what’s really been contributing to your faking happiness.

Related Reading: How to Communicate With Your Spouse When Things Are Tough

4. Recognize what’s best for you

When you are not happy in a relationship, it can affect other areas of your life.

By continuing with faking happiness, not only will you feel miserable with your partner, but you’ll also feel unfulfilled by other areas of your life that used to bring you joy.

Search within yourself and recognize what you really need to find happiness.

At best, you and your partner can work out your problems, and you will no longer fake being happy in a relationship.

At worst, you and your spouse break up, and you’re able to find personal peace and happiness elsewhere in your life.

Remember, the hardest decisions to make are often the ones that bring the greatest results!

Related Reading: How to Talk to Your Husband About Being Unhappy

Conclusion

Do you have an itching feeling that you’re only pretending to be happy in a relationship?

Signs you’re pretending to be something you’re not with your spouse include avoiding communication, intimacy, and feeling like a phony; it’s time to take a stand.

If you’re faking being happy in a relationship, you rob yourself of a satisfying life.

Dionne Eleanor adds,

Pretending to be happy is a disservice to yourself and your partner. Embrace vulnerability, honesty, and open communication, and create a relationship where true happiness can thrive.

Stop faking happiness today by admitting to yourself how you truly feel, surrounding yourself with a support system to lean on, communicating with your current partner, and doing what is best for you.

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When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

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Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

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