10 Tips to cope With Political Differences in Relationships

Listen to this article

Relationships work best when partners share similar goals, visions, and worldviews. One area where agreement is helpful is in politics. So, what do you do when you don’t see eye-to-eye with your partner? 

Political differences in relationships can lead to disagreements and tension, but they don’t mean a relationship has to fail. Learn how to navigate political differences below. 

10 tips to cope with political differences in your romantic relationship

Dating someone with different political views doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is destined for failure. You may not agree on everything, but you can learn to set your differences aside. 

The following tips can help you to cope with your differences for the sake of the relationship. 

1. Avoid hot-button issues

Political differences in relationships can lead to unhappiness when there is intense conflict surrounding these differences. You may have to avoid certain hot-button issues to keep your relationship happy.

For instance, it’s probably best to avoid the topic if you strongly support a new policy but your partner does not. It’s unlikely that you will change your opinion on a topic you’re passionate about, and discussion will only lead to hurt feelings.

Related Reading: 20 Tips to Deal With Unresolved Issues in a Relationship

2. Try to find common ground

It may seem impossible when you’re at opposite ends of the political spectrum, but couples with different political views may have some beliefs in common. Discuss your overall values and ideology when you both feel up to it. 

You may find areas of agreement or some issues in which one of you has a more middle-of-the-road approach. Areas of common ground can remind you that you’re perhaps not as different as you thought. 

3. Remember the core values that brought you together

Even amid political differences, you and your significant other can share other core values. For instance, you’re both set on having two children or have similar viewpoints toward work and finances.

Whatever the circumstances are, when you’re in the midst of conflict over political differences, remember that this is just one area of disagreement. Place the disagreement into the larger context of your overall relationship, and you likely have numerous commonalities that attracted you to each other in the first place. 

4. Disagree with respect

Conflict and disagreement are simply a part of life and relationships, but you can still treat your partner respectfully, despite political differences in relationships. When you’re having a conversation, and your partner makes a point that you do not necessarily agree with, resist the urge to attack them.

Take time to truly listen to what they’re saying. If you feel yourself becoming heated, pause before responding to avoid your relationship ending over politics. 

Rather than calling names, telling them they’re wrong or becoming defensive, it’s okay to say something like, “I hear you, but I’m in a different place with this issue. Here is where I am coming from…”

5. Approach your partner with curiosity

Often, when we are involved in political debate or disagreement, we approach the other person from a defensive stance. Rather than listening to their viewpoint, we attempt to defend our own.

Rather than being on the defensive, show curiosity for your partner. Ask questions about their stance and intentionally try to understand it. 

Related Reading: 15 Ways to Help Your Partner Understand How You’re Feeling

6. Listen without interruption

Another issue that can arise in couples with different political views is the tendency to talk over each other during political discussions. In this scenario, each person becomes so fixated on getting their point across that they aren’t hearing the other person.

If you must discuss political views, agree that each person will get a chance to talk without any interruptions from the other. Afterward, the listener must summarize what they heard. Next, change roles, and the other person speaks. 

This gives each person a chance to have the floor, and they’ll have the other person’s undivided attention while speaking. 

Watch this video to learn more about being a good listener:

7. Know when it’s time to take a break

Politically divided couples can sometimes become quite heated with each other during conversation. To avoid breaking up over political differences, it can be helpful to monitor your reaction to a conversation so you know when it’s time to take a break.

For example, if you notice that you’re beginning to raise your voice or growing hot with anger, it’s probably time to step away from the conversation before you end up saying something hurtful that you cannot take back. 

8. Keep an open mind

Different opinions in relationships aren’t necessarily bad; in fact, they can allow you to expand your worldview. When people with different opinions argue over politics, each person is often convinced that their viewpoint is right.

In reality, no one has all the answers, and we could all benefit from expanding our horizons. Rather than shutting out your partner’s political views, keep an open mind, and consider what you might learn from them. They’ll likely motivate you to consider a new perspective. 

Related Reading: What Are One-Sided Open Relationships? How to Make Them Work?

9. Accept that life isn’t black and white

The problem with politics in relationships is that when two people have different opinions, they tend to think the world is black and white. When you see the world this way, you can quickly develop a polarized view of politics, in which your opinion is entirely correct and your partner’s is entirely wrong. 

Instead of taking a black-and-white approach, which can place you at the opposite end of the spectrum from your partner, accept that there is a gray area in the middle. 

Agreeing that the world isn’t black and white can help you and your partner understand that you may have some views in common. 

10. Consider counseling

If you’re fighting with your spouse over politics or worried that political differences are ruining your relationship, you may benefit from working with a relationship counselor or therapist. In counseling sessions, you can learn valuable skills, such as how to talk to someone with different political views from your own.

Your relationship counselor can also serve as a mediator and help you and your partner respectfully discuss your viewpoints and differences. Counseling sessions are a safe place to explore your emotions, learn about healthy communication, and practice conflict-resolution skills. 

How to manage political differences in relationships

When political differences arise in a relationship, there are several steps you can take to manage these differences. Your particular strategy will depend upon the needs and preferences of you and your partner, as well as the intensity of your differences. 

For example, if you have only minor differences, you can work these out by agreeing to disagree or by trying to find areas of common ground. 

On the other hand, if differences are extreme, you may need to seek outside support or consider whether the relationship is one you’d like to continue.

Consider the advice below when deciding how to manage politics and relationships:

1. Come to an agreement with your partner

The first step in managing political differences in relationships is discussing with your partner to agree upon how you will address these differences. For example, you might avoid discussing politics or particular hot-button issues.

On the other hand, you might decide that each of you will commit to opening your minds to the other’s point of view. In this case, you can sit down and have a discussion during which each person has a chance to be heard. 

It can be helpful to set ground rules for the discussion, such as how you’ll demonstrate respect and what can be done if the conversation becomes too heated. 

Related Reading: Six Agreements for Healthy Relationships

2. Seek professional support

If differences between you and your partner are significant, you may have to seek professional support, such as the services of a relationship therapist. 

For some politically divided couples, differences of opinion can be so strong that there is ongoing tension, and it can be difficult to manage these differences without professional support. 

If you’ve tried several strategies to help manage political differences but still haven’t found success, it may be time to seek counseling. A professional can help you develop stronger conflict management strategies so that the divide between you is less strong. 

3. Consider whether the relationship is worth continuing

Politics ruining relationships is not unheard of because, in some cases, political differences are too significant to overcome. For example, if you identify with a certain religion or cultural group, and your significant other insists upon limiting rights for this group, the relationship will probably fail.

Differences of opinion or ideological differences can be worked through, especially if both partners respect the other and are willing to at least open their minds to their significant other’s point of view. 

On the other hand, when one partner uses political beliefs to shame or belittle the other, breaking up over political differences may be the best option.

If you’ve tried to work out political differences, but it seems your partner does not respect you or maintains views that are discriminatory to you or people you care about, cutting ties is probably the right choice. You shouldn’t remain in a relationship where you feel continuously disrespected and unheard. 

Related Reading: 10 Ways to Know Your Self-worth in a Relationship

Some commonly asked questions

The answers to the following questions provide additional insights about politics in relationships. 

• Should you talk about politics with your partner?

Whether you choose to engage in political discussion with your partner depends upon your individual beliefs and the needs of both partners in the relationship. Some partners may choose to discuss politics, and they find that this discussion enriches the relationship.

On the other hand, some partners may find that it’s best to avoid discussing political topics because of differences in opinion. If you and your partner cannot agree, it may be best to avoid political discussion or, at the very least, only discuss topics where you have some common ground. 

• Should you date someone with different values?

Having similar values can be important for relationship satisfaction. For instance, having similar views about finances, parenting, and lifestyle increases the chances that you and your partner will get along and be a good fit over the long term.

However, some couples may have healthy, successful relationships with some differences in values. 

Perhaps you’re more of a spender and your partner is financially conservative. While this is a value difference, you can learn to manage it, so long as you’re willing to be respectful to each other and find ways to compromise.

Values differences in some areas aren’t likely to destroy your relationship if you agree on other areas. For example, you may disagree on finances, but if you’re on the same page about parenting and lifestyle, you can likely work out your differences.

If you are experiencing differences in values, it can be helpful to focus on the areas where you are similar to your partner. These similarities are likely what brought you together in the first place, and they’ll allow the relationship to last if you’re willing to put in the work. 

• Can a relationship last if you have different political views? 

Politically divided couples may be more likely to experience relationship dissatisfaction because of disagreements and tension related to differences of opinion. Given this fact, those with similar political views tend to get along better.

However, different political views don’t have to lead to a breakup. If you and your partner have different opinions but are willing to work through them, learn about each other, and treat each other respectfully, you can overcome political differences. 

Sometimes, people in a relationship have some differences in political views, but they otherwise agree on major issues like religion, parenting, and lifestyle. In this case, you can use your similarities to help you overcome any differences in political ideology.

On the other hand, if political differences are extreme, or one partner uses their political views to exploit, dominate, or shame the other, the relationship likely won’t last. 

For a relationship to work, differences in opinion must be handled with respect and curiosity rather than used to attack the other person or make them feel inferior. 

Final takeaway

Relationships require work, and couples with similar values and beliefs occasionally disagree because no two people are exactly alike. Relationships flourish when people can work through their differences respectfully. 

In the case of political differences in relationships, discrepancies in opinion can be a source of conflict, or they can be an opportunity to learn about your partner and expand your worldview. When differences are discussed respectfully, a relationship can thrive, despite differing political views. 

On the other hand, if a relationship is full of tension because of political differences, and one or both partners are unwilling to hear the other or treat the other with respect, it may be best to separate. 

Political differences handled through arguments, put-downs, and refusal to hear the other person can lead to relationship breakdown.

If you’re having trouble managing political conflict, you can work with a relationship therapist to help you resolve issues. 

In therapy sessions, you can determine whether you’ll be able to compromise and work through differences or whether it’s best to go your separate ways and find someone better for both of you.