What Is Self-Worth in a Relationship? 10 Ways to Improve It

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There will always be someone who can’t see your worth. However, it is necessary to ensure that this person isn’t your partner or significant other.

Everyone wants to be in a happy and satisfying relationship. Many people may go to different lengths to achieve this goal. However, to make the most out of your love life, you must know your self-worth in the relationship.

If you have been looking for how to boost your self-esteem and find your value in the relationship, this article will equip you with all you need to know by explaining what is self-worth and how it impacts relationships. 

What is self-worth?

What does self-worth mean?” You may be asking.

Many people have the tendency of mistaking self-worth for pride. For some reason, they have this idea that anyone with a healthy sense of self-worth is unapproachable and haughty.

Anyway, this article will help you clear that air.

Your self-worth is the overall opinion you have of yourself. It encapsulates all you believe to be your strengths, weaknesses, limitations, and personal leverage systems. Your self-worth has a direct role in how you relate with people and interact with the world around you.

A study carried out and documented in 2017 reveals that approximately 85% of American adults deal with issues stemming from a sense of low self-worth, and this affects the quality of their lives in more ways than one.

As Mayo Clinic discusses, people with low self-worth think very little of themselves. As a result, they tend to play down their opinions and emotions. This, by extension, has a direct effect on their relationships as they may be unable to communicate effectively with their partners.

It is vital to note, however, that self-worth and pride are completely different. While a sense of self-worth helps you become comfortable in your skin and prioritize yourself, pride makes you feel as though you are more important than the next person.

With these in view, it becomes vital that we establish a place for self-worth in a healthy relationship. 

5 benefits of having self-worth in relationships

Now that we understand what is self-worth, we can look at why self-worth examples are considered essential in any relationship. Certain prominent aspects reveal that a healthy sense of self-worth is vital in every relationship. 

Here’s how knowing your self-worth in a relationship helps the relationship get better:

1. Good lovers

Why self-worth is important becomes evident when we see that people with a healthy sense of self-esteem are better lovers than those whose sense of self-esteem is low. 

When you know your worth in a relationship, you’re easy to approach, more secure in yourself, and less likely to be prickly. This enhances communication and makes a stronger relationship.

2. Enhances intimacy

Having a healthy sense of self-worth in a relationship enhances intimacy. This is a spin-off of the 1st point. When you’re easy to approach and more emotionally balanced, your partner finds it easier to connect with you emotionally and physically.

3. Better relationship understanding

Why is self-worth important?

When you know your self-worth in a relationship, you understand that you deserve a loving and caring partner. You’re able to practice gratitude and effective self-care once you understand what is self-worth in a relationship. 

4. Equal partnership

When you have healthy self-worth in a relationship you are better equipped to handle a relationship that embodies equality in all aspects. You will be less likely to allow someone else to have more power in a relationship and follow their lead on everything (despite your own hesitation).

5. Personal space protected

If you possess self-worth in a relationship, you will not feel insecure about your partner needing some personal space, away from you. You will likely also allow yourself the chance to take some time away from the relationship, without feeling insecure, jealous or threatened. 

10 ways to improve your self-worth in a relationship

Check out how to know your worth in a relationship and make your bond stronger with your partner:

1. Remind yourself that you’re a human being as well

Being in love with another person has a way of making you shift your attention from yourself to them. You begin to prioritize their feelings and emotions, sometimes at your expense.

However, to know your worth in a relationship and hang on to it for a long time, you must consciously remind yourself that you are every inch human, just like your partner.

Remind yourself that you are deserving of all the love and attention they can give, even as you return the favor as well. If your relationship will work, there has to be mutual love and respect. 

2. Eliminate low self-esteem

According to Licensed Professional Counselor, Relationship Coach and Marriage Mentor Christiana Njoku,

The constant feeling of low self-esteem is the beginning of loss of confidence in yourself. The moment you discover that feeling, do away with it.

If you have always dealt with low self-esteem in your life, it would be difficult (if not impossible) to know your self-worth in a relationship. This is because you will always be waiting on your partner to feel validated, and you will be at their mercy – emotionally and psychologically.

However, to realize your self-worth, you must make it a point of duty to confront those feelings of low self-esteem and get them out the door as quickly as possible. You’ll make a much better lover when you are confident in yourself. 

3. Personal development is key

On your journey to finding your self-worth in a relationship, personal development will play a major part. This is because the more you grow yourself mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and in every possible way, the more confident you’ll become.

When you are confident in yourself and you know the value you bring to the relationship, the rate at which you seek external validation drops significantly.

Also, this will help you feel less threatened by your partner, especially if they are high-performing individuals. 

4. Stop overthinking things 

One factor that greatly affects your sense of self-worth in a relationship is the tendency to overthink things, as discussed in relationship counseling usually. 

If you’re a critical lover (always looking for the underlying meanings of things that were supposed to be white or black), this tendency may drive you to become a cynical, hurt person who has to deal with low self-worth in the relationship.

Here’s one thing to hang on to. Your partner isn’t always out to make your life difficult. Sometimes, just breathe…

5. Set boundaries and stick to them

This should be an extension of your personal values (and your partner has to be aware of them all so that they can adjust where possible, and you can compromise when it is absolutely necessary).

What sets your blood on fire (for all the wrong reasons)? You may want to itemize them and set clear boundaries in the relationship.

In addition, converse with your partner about how you would love to be spoken to and related to in the relationship. It is up to you to let them know how you want to be treated and to uphold those decisions once you have made them. 

6. Hobbies will help

Inasmuch as you love and cherish your partner, your life shouldn’t be centered around them completely. You don’t want to be that dutiful partner who waits on them to make all their wishes come through, and you also don’t want to relinquish your power of making yourself happy to them.

Hobbies will help you learn how to feel worthy in a relationship. Do you love to paint? By all means, go for it. Are you an artistic writer, or do you love to get handy when you are less busy?

Getting totally immersed in your hobbies and doing things you actually like will help you build a healthy sense of self-worth, especially if those things bring physical/tangible results when you’re done with them (like the beautiful painting on a canvas or a carefully whittled piece of wood). 

7. Practice gratitude

Still wondering, “How to have self-worth in a relationship?”

This is one of the easiest ways of revealing and focusing on the things that are going well in your life. To effectively practice being grateful, you may want to learn how to effectively journal your thoughts/emotions/experiences.

When you are grateful, more of your attention goes toward the things you love about yourself and your relationship. This reduces the chances that you would be cynical and touchy. It makes you an overall better lover as you will begin to appreciate your partner for who they truly are.

Watch this video to learn how to be more grateful for all your blessings:

8. Figure out your career

Your career and job satisfaction has a direct bearing on your sense of self-respect in relationships.

Being successful at something (even if it is your career) boosts your self-esteem/confidence as an individual.

This, in turn, affects your relationships because a healthy sense of self-esteem makes you a better lover. If you feel as though nothing is working for you, you may feel threatened by your partner, especially if they’re super successful in their careers.

So, figuring out your career will help you to a large extent.

9. Remind your partner of how you express love

Before now, we’ve rattled off a few things you must do by yourself to know your self-worth in a relationship. However, your partner also has a role to play in helping you maintain this healthy image of yourself in your mind.

Everyone has a way of expressing and receiving love that they prefer, be it through words, actions or touch. Knowing this can skyrocket your self-worth, even if you don’t want to admit this.

There’s this feeling of companionship and inclusion that comes from knowing that your partner loves you and they’ve got your back every time. Having them communicate this in your primary love language is therapeutic and sometimes can even be counted as a blessing.

To make this work, communication is key. You have to talk to your partner and bring them up to speed with what’s going on in your life. Let them know the things you feel, and let them help you dispel those fears.

To realize your self-worth in a relationship, you need a partner who constantly makes you feel loved and as though you are worth something remarkable.

10. Talk to a professional

This is if all the steps above don’t help you see remarkable progress. If you’ve gone through all nine steps and you still haven’t effectively known your self-worth in a relationship, you may need to talk to a professional.

Professionals will help you sort through your past experiences, and they will ensure that you get to the root cause of your low self-worth. Although the process may be painful, the end will justify the pain you may experience.

In addition, a professional is a person you can trust with your deepest secrets.

So, how to develop your self-worth?

If finding your self-worth in a relationship has been impossible for you (because of something that has happened to you in the past, one you haven’t told anyone about), a professional can help you sort through your past, and you are sure that they wouldn’t go singing about you in the marketplace. 

How can low self-esteem and self-worth affect relationships?

Low self-esteem and self-worth can make you settle for much less than you deserve. It can also make you extremely insecure and jealous in a relationship, which can lead to a lot of negativity in the relationship. 

Christiana Njoku further adds,

Low self-esteem and self-worth in a relationship is double jeopardy and if not dealt with, can have a negative impact on your relationship. 

Final thoughts

It is important to know your worth in a relationship. However, realizing your self-worth in a relationship can be a journey, one you must be patient about.

Follow the steps we’ve discussed in the earlier section. Remember to keep your partner in the loop, and all things should work out well. In addition, knowing how to make yourself valuable in a relationship is also necessary if you want to increase that feeling of self-worth.

Perception is key, and it is up to you to help your partner perceive you the right way.