How to Get Over Hurt Feelings in a Relationship: 13 Ways

Are you and your partner having a rough time in your relationship? Do you feel broken that your romantic partner has betrayed your trust? 

Hurt in a relationship is a regular occurrence. It can be excruciating when someone hurts you beyond repair. But the truth is individuals are bound to hurt each other in a romantic or ordinary relationship. 

Importantly, it is best to learn how to get over hurt feelings. Also, knowing how to move forward in a relationship after being hurt will help you focus on essential things in your life and become a better person. 

Knowing how to deal with hurt feelings in a relationship can also save you from emotional trauma. Learn in this relationship guide how to get over hurt feelings in a relationship.

What are hurt feelings in a relationship?

Hurt feelings in a relationship are emotional responses caused by perceived or actual actions, words, or behaviors that have negatively impacted one’s well-being or sense of security. 

According to Psychologist Mert Şeker

Feelings hurt in a relationship often stem from factors like lack of trust, respect, love, or value. Injury may also occur as a result of lack of emotional support, understanding and communication. These situations damage people’s self-esteem and shake the basic foundations of the relationship.

Healing hurt feelings takes time, understanding, open communication, and mutual effort.

They can arise from misunderstandings, conflicts, or breaches of trust, and require open communication and empathy to address and heal.

Many couples that hurt each other do so not because they are selfish or wicked. They do so because they don’t realize it. We all come from different backgrounds, and adapting to another person’s lifestyle can be difficult. Therefore, individuals don’t always see their actions leaving their partner broken.

For example, you’ve been working all day and are tired. You request that your partner at home prepares a meal before you return, but they don’t. 

When you ask them why, they say they slept off. Of course, you are well in your right to get angry, but your partner says they slept off, which is an uncontrollable action. Then, you both end up in a big fight. 

However, wallowing in pain and regret won’t solve the problem. Getting angry will only mess you up emotionally. And in the silence you created during the argument, resentment builds up. 

What are some common causes of hurt feelings in a relationship?

Hurt feelings can arise in relationships due to various reasons. Let’s explore some common causes that can lead to emotional pain, fostering understanding and promoting healthier connections.

• Lack of effective communication or misunderstandings can result in hurt feelings. Assumptions, unclear expectations, or misinterpreted intentions can all contribute to emotional distress.
• Lingering unresolved conflicts can create resentment and hurt. Ignoring or brushing aside issues instead of addressing them can deepen emotional wounds over time.
• When personal boundaries are ignored or violated, it can cause significant emotional harm. Respect for each other’s boundaries is crucial for maintaining a healthy and trusting relationship.
• Infidelity, broken promises, or secrets can shatter trust, leading to profound hurt. Rebuilding trust requires sincere remorse, transparency, and consistent effort to repair the damage caused.
• Feeling neglected or unsupported emotionally can result in hurt feelings. Partners need to provide each other with empathy, validation, and a safe space to express emotions, fostering a sense of security and connection.

How to get over hurt feelings in a relationship: 13 ways

Being hurt in a relationship by your partner affects you a lot. Regardless of what caused the hurt in a relationship, you must understand that pain is part of life. You will get better with time. 

But before you do, there are positive steps you can take on how to deal with the hurt. These tips will also show you how to trust someone again after they hurt you. Here they are:

1. Allow yourself to grieve

How to get over hurt feelings in a relationship? Feel every bit of pain that comes from the issue. There is no point repressing your emotions when someone hurts you beyond repair – it is! Someone whom you trusted just broke your heart. 

As an emotional person, you are allowed to cry and express how you feel. When you pretend you are fine, you will likely cope with the hurt through unhealthy habits. These include transferring aggression, lashing out at your friends, and smoking and drinking alcohol excessively.

2. Express your feelings clearly

How to move forward in a relationship after being hurt? Express your feelings in a healthy way. Now that you know how you feel. Don’t just camp in your house for days thinking and swimming in self-pity or transferring aggression either. 

Instead, get to the bottom of the hurt in a relationship. Even though it sounds silly, you should speak to yourself about your feelings. 

If you can’t do that, get a journal and write everything down without mincing words or holding anything back. Write or say everything you feel until there is nothing more to say. 

3. Accept your hurt

How to get over hurt feelings? Acknowledge your pain and label your emotions. When someone hurts you beyond repair, you feel disappointed. It can be painful that you can’t stand the person anymore and shut out the world. 

When you grieve over ‘my partner hurt my feelings’, remind yourself that feeling hurt by partner at that moment is completely acceptable.

Nevertheless, recognizing the hurt can help you heal faster. Start by asking yourself, “Why do I feel the way I do?” Is it because of the fight with John or what he said during the argument? Keep asking these questions until you know where your ill feelings come from. 

For example, if it’s the words that hurt you and not the actual fight, you will know how to get over the hurt from the fight. In this scenario, you can talk to your partner and tell them that the words they said hurt you.

4. Talk to the other person in the relationship

Feeling hurt in a relationship? One of the best ways to get over being hurt in a relationship is to let someone know they hurt you. Indeed, this might be difficult for some people. 

But it can help you heal faster than you think. Besides, it is a way of building healthy communication in a relationship.

Start a conversation in a low and calm tone. Tell them how you feel and how they crossed your boundary and hurt you. Ensure you don’t yell or lash out at them. When you are finished, allow them to talk and listen actively. Understand their point of view without judging. 

Remember, others might not even realize they hurt us. However, creating a safe place for communication will help you understand each other better.

5. Make positive emotional changes

How not to get hurt in a relationship? Manage your emotions. Indeed, you can’t change the way you feel after being hurt in a relationship. However, there are ways to move things around to soothe you. Otherwise, they can take over your life and make you lose control. 

One of the ways to make changes about your feelings is to take positive action. Taking steps to fix an issue ensures you don’t dwell on your pain. 

For example, if your partner blames you for not helping out with some house chores even though you are always busy, try to do at least one house chore. 

Similarly, distract yourself from your emotions by staying busy. Read some books, visit a friend or go to the gym. You will hardly think about your problems when you are busy. 

Also, you can try engaging in some exercises, including yoga, running, and swimming. These activities will make you light-headed and focus on what’s essential in your life.

This video teaches how to master and control your emotions. Have a look:

Psychologist Mert Şeker says

In order to make positive emotional changes, it is important first to develop awareness. Understanding yourself and your emotional state helps determine which areas you need to make changes in. Learning to identify negative thoughts and replacing them with positive ones is also effective in maintaining emotional balance. By evaluating yourself with understanding rather than critically, you can develop supportive self-talk.

Healthy living habits are one of the cornerstones of emotional well-being. Exercising regularly, having a healthy diet, and getting enough sleep increase your energy levels and contribute to positive emotional changes. It is also important to learn and practice stress management techniques for a better emotional state.

6. Don’t dwell on the past

How to trust someone again after they hurt you? Don’t focus on the relationship hurt of the past. You have felt the pain without repressing your emotions. You know precisely what you feel and why you feel that way. 

Now, quit feeling sad about it. Don’t let this event define you and your subsequent actions. You must find closure and move on. That means thinking positively, so you are not focusing on the issue.

One way to avoid dwelling on the past event after being hurt in a relationship is to learn from the problem. Highlight the lessons from the issue and create a feasible plan to deal with hurt and avoid similar situations in the future.

7. Focus on the crucial things in your life

What to do when you are hurt by someone you love? Look around at the broader picture.

Sometimes, being hurt in a relationship can make you blind to the good things in your life. Irrespective of what transpired between you and your partner, understand that you are not broken. Appreciate the good things and people in your life.

Start by listing the activities that make you happy. Make a conscious effort to reconnect with these activities. Focusing on these events can change the awful ways you feel about yourself. Importantly, be grateful for these things. Move closer to people that love you and improve your relationship with them.

Furthermore, try to make someone in your family or friends happy. Seeing others happy because of our actions can lift our spirits. Appreciate the little things such as a good meal or the ability to wake up and see a remarkable turn of events in your life.

8. Take responsibility

What to do when your partner hurts your feelings? How to get over hurt feelings in a relationship? Acknowledge your role in the event. When we dwell too much on how we are hurt, it might prevent us from seeing our role in events. 

Think about the problem to know where you stand. Could you have spoken or reacted differently? Taking responsibility for your actions helps you know your weaknesses and shows you how to improve.  

9. Take care of yourself

How to move forward in a relationship after being hurt? Focus on self-care. Research shows that a self-care routine helps reduce or prevent depression, anxiety, stress, and anger. It also helps to increase happiness and improve your energy. 

Taking care of yourself can come in different forms, including financially, emotionally, physically, etc. For example, you can decide to take yourself out, get some new clothes, and eat good food. These events help to increase your self-worth and make you feel good about yourself.

10. Talk to someone

How to get over hurt feelings in a relationship? You may need to speak to another person. After all that is said, you might still find it challenging to move forward when someone hurts you beyond repair. That’s where you need the help of an outsider with a unique perspective. 

Your family members and closest friends might come in handy when you’re dealing with hurt feelings. You will be fine if you trust their judgment and opinion. On the other hand, these people might not be capable enough to see through the hurt you feel. 

Hence, a therapist or relationship counselor might provide great insight into your issue. They can also help you develop healthy ways to come up with your problems and how to move forward in the relationship.

11. Cultivate gratitude

Focus on expressing appreciation for the positive aspects of your relationship. Regularly acknowledge and verbalize gratitude for your partner’s efforts and qualities, fostering a positive and grateful mindset that can help heal hurt feelings.

12. Seek professional help if needed

If the hurt feelings persist or seem insurmountable, consider seeking guidance from a qualified therapist or counselor. They can provide valuable insights, tools, and support to navigate the healing process and rebuild the relationship’s emotional well-being. Professional help offers an objective perspective and specialized techniques for effective resolution.

Psychologist Şeker states

Experienced professionals can offer an objective perspective, helping you deal with emotional difficulties more effectively. In a safe environment, you can reveal your problems, get learning opportunities, and equip yourself with strategies for faster emotional development. With expert guidance, support, and solution orientation, you can achieve your goals more firmly.

13. Practice active listening

Engage in active listening by giving your partner your full attention when they express their feelings. Avoid interrupting or formulating responses in your mind. Show empathy through verbal and non-verbal cues, such as nodding or summarizing their points. 

This fosters a safe space for open communication, validates their emotions, and helps them feel heard and understood. Remember, active listening is a crucial component of effective communication and resolving hurt feelings in a relationship.

Additional questions

Rebuilding trust and recovering from hurt feelings are common challenges in relationships. Let’s explore some questions to shed more light on effective ways to rebuild trust, cope with post-breakup pain, and heal from hurt inflicted by someone you love.

• How can couples rebuild trust after hurt feelings?

Rebuilding trust requires open communication, consistency, and accountability. Both partners should be willing to address the underlying issues, express remorse, and make concrete changes to rebuild trust over time. Patience, understanding, and professional guidance can also support the healing process.

• Who hurts more after a breakup?

The intensity of pain experienced after a breakup varies from person to person. Both individuals can feel significant emotional distress as they mourn the loss of the relationship and adapt to life changes. It’s essential to acknowledge and validate each other’s emotions during this challenging time.

• How do you recover from being hurt by someone you love?

Recovering from hurt caused by someone you love involves self-care, seeking support from loved ones, and practicing self-compassion. Allow yourself to grieve, focus on personal growth, set boundaries, and engage in healing activities that promote emotional well-being. Time, self-reflection, and forgiveness are key elements in the healing process.

Toward a healthier relationship and a healthier self

Overcoming hurt feelings is a vital step towards healing and development while in a relationship. By fostering honest communication, cultivating empathy, and taking care of yourself, you can establish a strong and resilient connection. 

Remember, healing takes time and effort, but with determination and commitment, you can navigate the path toward emotional restoration and create a brighter future together.