5 Tips for Making Time for Yourself After Marriage

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When we hear young, crazy in love couples say the most romantic things like, “I want to spend my whole life with you,” “I want to share every moment of my life with you,” etc. 

We cannot resist smiling about the irony of these words when picturing the same couple a few years into marriage, juggling their work responsibilities, household chores, needs of demanding toddlers and their extracurricular activities, friends, partners, and the list goes on. 

This is not a delightful smile but sincere compassion and understanding.

When the situation above presents itself, you will learn to make time for yourself to regroup and keep your individuality and your sanity, for that matter. 

The many demands and responsibilities of our external world tend to overwhelm us. This engulfment happens so subtly over time that we often fail to realize it before it is too late. I wholeheartedly agree that certain responsibilities are inevitable and important for optimal living. 

However, when the balance between responsibilities and the psychological, social and spiritual well-being of yourself and your loved one shifts from harmonious to dreadful and disastrous, it is time for some serious adjustments.

3 signs that your life needs a balance calibration

The lack of balance in one’s life can affect one in various ways. Here are some clear signs that not making time for yourself and that is affecting your health:

1. Illnesses 

Your body is incapable of fighting common illnesses due to a weakened immune system, which might cause prolonged periods of stress, anxiety, or lack of sleep.

2. Impatience 

You tend to have less patience, especially with your loved ones, and become easily irritated and frustrated with things that never bothered you. 

As a result, you are easily angered and short-tempered, leading to an increase in misunderstanding and conflicts between you and your spouse and children.

Related Reading: 15 Ways to Have More Patience in a Relationship

3. No energy

Your energy levels are low, you fight against fatigue, and feelings of worthlessness, as your life continuously lacks meaning, purpose, joy, and happiness.

When you recognize any of these signs, you need to stop doing what you are doing and how you are doing it and start to recover the harmonious balance in your life by starting with me-time. 

During a session, it is usually at this point that clients look at me with utter confusion. You are the expert in your life, and only you can effectively change your life and relationship to achieve purpose, happiness, and meaning.

Change starts with you

To become a change catalyst and improve your and your loved ones’ well-being, you need to become aware of the hidden time possibilities, which are impossible to recognize amid a busy mindset. Therefore, you need me-time. The Oxford dictionary defines me-time as:

“Time spent relaxing on one’s own as opposed to working or doing things for others, seen as an opportunity to reduce stress or restore energy.”

5 benefits of giving time to yourself 

Me-time must be a priority for yourself and your partner due to its physical and psychological benefits. You and your partner should reach a consensus on implementing mutually valuable me-time. 

Be mindful and supportive in this process and recognize that me-time is essential and not a luxury. You both need to be able to enjoy me-time, free of guilt or anxiety. 

When you spend time on pleasurable things, you replenish your energy stores and your zest for life. 

The things you prefer to do during me-time should be constructive and provide purpose, satisfaction, and meaning. Time is precious. Spend it wisely.

Here are just 5 of the most amazing benefits of finding time for yourself.

1. You get to sleep better

If you start making time for yourself, you will help reduce stress. Try delegating tasks if you have someone that you trust.

Most of the time, you may feel uncomfortable delegating tasks, and you embrace too many responsibilities at work and home.

Once you learn how to entrust some tasks, then you will realize how much time you have on your hands. With less stress, your body relaxes, giving you a more relaxing sleep. 

Related Reading: 5 Tips to Enjoy a Night’s Sleep Without Crossing Your Partner

2. You will have your creativity back

Do you ever notice that your creativity is at its peak when you have had enough sleep and less distraction?

If your work involves creativity, you must start making time for yourself. If you have time alone, then your brain can relax and focus. That’s when your creativity comes out. 

3. Your marriage will improve 

Is it healthy to have alone time in a marriage?

The answer is a big YES. It’s nice to love and be a devoted spouse, but just a reminder you also need some time off. You begin to feel grumpy and irritated without time for yourself, which can sometimes lead to resentment.

“I’m always giving and don’t have time for myself anymore.”

This becomes unhealthy and could lead to misunderstanding and anger. To prevent this, you need to know it’s perfectly okay to prioritize yourself. 

If you’re relaxed, then your mood will positively change, thus affecting your marriage as well. 

4. You can boost your concentration

We get it. You’re good at multitasking and doing great at home, with work, and even with your kids, but wait.

Did you know that if you give time to yourself, you can improve your concentration? Not just that, you deserve me-time, so do it for yourself.

Once you see how much me-time can affect you positively, you won’t go without it. Try to discover a new hobby, turn off that laptop, and exercise.

Do these things not only to boost your concentration but to be healthier.

5. You become happier

Do you know the importance of taking time for yourself? It’s because you’re valuable, and you’re not a robot.

Even electronics need some time off, so please find time and do this for yourself.

See how it changes you and how you become happier.

Having time for yourself will cause you to release stress, take some time off, rest better, and clear your mind. It’s a domino effect and soon you will understand its importance. 

10 tips to making time for yourself after marriage 

It’s time that you take time for yourself and yourself alone. It’s not selfish to think about yourself once in a while. Even in marriage therapy, they will advise you that me-time is very important.

Constructive me-time options include:

1. Healthy hobbies

This refers to any activity that stimulates areas of your phenomenal brain and is different from the tasks you normally do.

Related Reading: How to Make Time for Your Personal Hobbies When Married

2. Take on projects

Taking on projects that spark your creativity and provide you with fun ways to think outside the box. My husband, for example, loves designing and building cupboards, resulting in a grateful and happy wife with a gorgeous, functional, personally customized kitchen.

3. Treat yourself to nature

If you are trying to learn making time for yourself, treat yourself to some Ecotherapy by spending time in nature. This includes outdoor activities like gardening, running, fishing, camping, walks in the park, etc.

4. Go ahead and use your phone

It is also okay to use me-time for screen time, like playing your favorite game, catching up on social media, watching movies or series or even making one of those hour-long phone calls. Apply a decent amount of moderation in this area, as just a little too much can negatively impact your well-being and defeat the initial purpose.

5. Meditate

It is also necessary to meditate, reflect on feelings or events and do nothing, to sit and stare at nothing, mindfully noticing the thoughts popping up in your head. At the same time, you acknowledge them yet choose not to entertain them.

Related Reading: Meditation: Fertile Ground for Wise Action in Marriage

6. Set boundaries 

There is nothing wrong with being a model team member and doing the best you can, especially when you want to get a promotion. However, give yourself time to relax by setting boundaries at work.

These boundaries are alright. It’s advised that every team member knows that healthy and realistic boundaries can help you be more productive at work.

For example:

You’ve been used to leaving the office late because you want to finish everything or check what your subordinates have done. No problem with that, but if you do this daily, can you imagine the effects?

Learn to stop when you need to leave and rest when you have to. Give yourself time to recharge and tomorrow, you’ll work even better. 

Boundaries can cause struggles too. Kati Morton, a licensed therapist, explains why we struggle with healthy boundaries and what we can do about it.

7. Each lunch alone

“This is just one hour to myself. I enjoy the peace where I can make each lunch all by myself. Is this selfish?”

Well, not unless you’re leaving small kids unattended, no. This is not selfish but is a good practice.

Once you learn how to spend time with yourself, for example, by eating lunch alone, you get some quiet time where there are no distractions, yelling, noise, just good food, fresh air, and peace.

You’ll return better, relaxed, and full, ready to work or be a mother again. 

8. Exercise 

Making time for yourself, for some people, is a waste of time. For them, time is too precious to be put on hold for hobbies, but is it really?

Giving time for yourself is a good use of time.

You owe it to your body and mind to stay healthy and have a sound mind, and one of the best me-time you can do for your body is exercise.

For example, you can start walking for 20 minutes in the morning, and then, once you feel comfortable, you can increase it to 30 minutes.

This will not only make you healthier but even happier. 

Related Reading: Five Contemporary Intimacy Exercises for Married Couples

9. Sleep until you want

Do you sometimes feel that you need more time to sleep? That’s not being lazy. That’s your body telling you that you need to rest.

Why not make time for yourself and sleep until you’re satisfied? You can do this on the weekend. If you have any, you can ask your spouse to take care of the kids and don’t set the alarm off.

Sleep without worry, hug that soft pillow and give your body the needed rest. Your body and mind will thank you later.

Remember that making time for yourself is not selfish if you feel guilty.

10. Organize a parent day-out

This is for all those who have kids and want to know how to start making time for yourself.

If you have kids and have friends who have kids, then set up a parent day out. This works by telling your spouse so that they can watch the kids while you go out with your friends.

When you do this, stop worrying. Remember when we said it’s nice if you can delegate tasks? This works here too. Trust your spouse and enjoy your me-time.

You will return much happier, relaxed and have refilled your patience. 

Related Reading: 9 Ways to Organize an Unconventional Wedding for Yourself

Takeaway

In conclusion, I leave you with a final thought. 

Nearly all of the abovementioned me-time examples can leave you with amazingly fulfilling and meaningful we-time, especially while your children are small. 

Rediscovering the world through their eyes makes you appreciate the beauty and power hidden in what we consider small and ordinary. 

Our bonfire, stargazing and firefly-hunting nights will always remain my favorite form of me-time.

Making time for yourself is beautiful, so remember that. Don’t feel guilty about it and please, make it a point to give something to yourself too.

You deserve it.