How to Overcome Apathy in Relationships: 15 Effective Tips

Listen to this article

Most marriages and romantic relationships experience different phases of peace, happiness, conflicts, and other lows and highs. A lesser-known phase is apathy.

Apathy in a relationship is quite common. This phase may occur once or a few times throughout a romantic relationship or marriage.

It usually happens when both people in the relationship feel settled into a regular and comfortable routine. Learning how to deal with apathy in a relationship can ensure that your relationship does not suffer because of this.

Are you wondering whether you’re experiencing this phase of apathy in your romantic relationship?

Read on to learn everything related to understanding apathy!

What is apathy in a relationship?

To learn how to overcome apathy in a relationship, it’s crucial to understand what apathy even means clearly. One feels apathy when they’ve lost interest in things or activities that one once enjoyed as well as the enthusiasm and concern they used to have.

It is a state where you feel no motivation. When you’re going through a phase characterized by a strong lack of interest, concern, emotion, or feeling, it is apathy.

According to Dr. Kimberly VanBuren, a marriage and family therapist:

Apathy thrives in the silence of unspoken desires and the complacency of unaddressed needs, casting shadows over love until indifference replaces passion and connection.

When it comes to marriages or romantic relationships, phases of apathy are characterized by the absence of interest in the significant other. If your relationship is going through a phase of apathy, you may feel a lack of concern for your partner.

It happens when you feel indifferent toward your beloved, and emotions such as excitement, motivation, passion, or concern for your partner are suppressed.

3 common types of apathy in relationships

Apathy in relationships can take many forms, each with its own impact on how partners connect. Sometimes, it’s a slow fade, while other times, it can feel like a sudden shift.

When apathy in marriage starts creeping in, it’s helpful to recognize the different types that can emerge so you can address them early on.

1. Emotional apathy

Emotional apathy happens when someone stops feeling emotionally invested in their partner. It’s not that they don’t care, but the depth of their feelings seems to dull.

Have you ever felt like you’re just going through the motions?

It’s not easy…The conversations feel more surface-level, and genuine emotional connection starts to fade. This can make small moments of joy or excitement harder to find in your relationship, leaving both partners feeling distant and unsure.

2. Physical apathy

Physical apathy shows up when physical touch and affection become less frequent. Hugs, kisses, and cuddles slowly disappear, and intimate moments may start to feel more like a chore. This lack of physical closeness often mirrors emotional distance.

Without that physical spark, it’s hard to keep the connection strong, especially in marriage, where intimacy plays such a big role. You might notice both partners stop seeking out physical comfort, leaving a gap that makes them feel even more disconnected.

3. Mental apathy

Mental apathy is when one or both partners stop putting effort into maintaining the relationship. They may avoid important discussions, neglect problem-solving, or fail to consider their partner’s needs.

Sound familiar?

Without engaging mentally, the relationship can feel stagnant. Over time, this leads to bigger issues—unresolved conflicts pile up, and the energy to tackle them disappears. It’s as if the relationship is just coasting along without intention or direction.

What is the difference between apathy and depression?

Understanding the difference between apathy and depression is important, especially in relationships.

Is apathy a sign of depression?

While both can leave someone feeling unmotivated or disengaged, they stem from different sources and have distinct characteristics.

Knowing the signs can help in addressing these feelings effectively—after all, recognizing what’s happening is the first step toward healing! Here’s a quick comparison to shed light on these two states:

What causes apathy in relationships?

It is pretty common for people to feel apathetic in a relationship. People can go through phases of feeling apathetic on their own and in their romantic relationships or marriages.

Finding the answer to “Why do I feel apathy?” is a pivotal part of learning how to deal with apathy in a relationship.

Here are 5 common causes of apathy:

1. Experiencing major life events

If you or your significant other are experiencing a major life event, especially some sort of crisis, such as dealing with sudden unemployment, an unexpected financial crisis, the loss of someone close to you, and so on, it may cause apathy.

If you’re experiencing something major and negative, it can lead you to feel useless, worthless, incompetent, and pessimistic about your abilities and life outcomes.

2. Feeling overwhelmed or worn down in life

If you’re experiencing an event or situation that is taxing on you, either mentally, physically, or both, you may feel overwhelmed, defeated, or worn down.

Don’t confuse this with feelings of boredom. That’s different. When you’re experiencing events that are making you feel overwhelmed, you may then feel a strong sense of detachment, even from your relationship.

3. Going through issues related to mental health

Mental health issues are a major cause of apathy. Apathy can be one of the symptoms of a psychiatric, psychological, or neurological disorder such as Alzheimer’s, depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, stroke, Parkinson’s, or frontotemporal dementia.

This is why it’s crucial to identify apathy and seek professional help to deal with it, significantly if it impacts the different aspects of your life, such as your work life, productivity, and relationships.

4. Negative thoughts and negative feelings about yourself

Progressing from feeling pessimistic about life outcomes, incompetent, worthless, and unhappy to a place of detachment and apathy may be another cause.

When someone constantly harbors negative thoughts, it can create a heavy emotional weight. This negativity might stem from past experiences or critical self-talk that reinforces feelings of inadequacy.

5. Feeling stuck or stagnant in your life

If different aspects of your life feel mundane to you, feeling apathetic in a relationship and your life is a common consequence.

This means that if your romantic relationship has fallen into a very predictable or mundane routine or your work life seems pretty boring and routine, you may feel detached from it.

8 common signs of apathy in a relationship

To figure out how to deal with apathy in relationships, let’s take a deeper dive into what it means to feel apathetic and detached from everything and everyone, including your significant other. 

As already mentioned, apathy is a strong feeling of detachment. It may be apathy when you lack motivation or interest in your interpersonal relationships and/or other activities that interested you previously, your ambitions, or your goals in life.

Apathy is not just an emotion or feeling. It is also an attitude characterized by unconcern, indifference, listlessness, dispassion, and detachment. It’s sort of like living passively. By definition, empathy and apathy are opposite feelings and attitudes.

Learning how to overcome apathy in relationships also involves understanding the symptoms of apathy. These symptoms have been listed as follows:

• Lack of communication

A clear apathy symptom in a relationship is when partners stop talking to each other altogether. They don’t wish to share their feelings, as the other person’s opinion or well-being has no meaning to them. They might be apathetic towards it.

• Lack of initiative

You’re in a mindset where you always expect the other people in your life, such as your close friends, family members, or other loved ones (including your partner), to initiate activities or plan activities.

• Lack of intimacy

If you have stopped taking any initiative to make and execute plans with your partner, you might be in an apathetic relationship. 

Taking the initiative conveys that you want to invest in the relationship and work to keep your bond strong. If you stop doing this, that could be because of relationship apathy. 

• Lack of excitement

Do you get excited when you see your partner and think about your future together?

No?

Then, you could be experiencing apathy in a relationship.

Your partner’s company and presence should positively move you due to your regard for them. But, if this isn’t the case, then things might be a cause for concern.

• Indifference towards partner’s need

Apathy in relationships can become apparent when you don’t care about your partner’s needs and how your actions might affect them. The indifference usually marks a rupture in the relationship that you must note. 

• Withdrawal from shared activities

When you or your partner notice that you no longer want to participate in activities you once enjoyed together, it’s a sign of apathy. This withdrawal can lead to isolation, as shared experiences often strengthen bonds.

If the joy of spending time together fades, addressing this shift is essential.

• Avoiding conflict resolution

Apathy often leads to an avoidance of conflicts or issues that need addressing. Instead of discussing problems, one or both partners might ignore them entirely.

This avoidance can build up unresolved issues, further deepening the sense of detachment and contributing to a lack of emotional investment.

• Reduced emotional expression

If you or your partner no longer express emotions—whether joy, frustration, or sadness—this may indicate apathy.

Emotional expression is vital in a relationship; it can create a sense of emotional distance when it diminishes. This reduction in sharing feelings often leaves partners feeling disconnected and unengaged.

Can apathy cause significant relationship problems if not dealt with?

Apathy can absolutely cause significant relationship problems if it’s not dealt with! When someone starts feeling apathetic about the relationship, it often creates an emotional distance that can be hard to bridge.

Over time, small issues are ignored, meaningful conversations fade, and both partners may start to feel isolated. You might find yourself thinking, “My husband or wife is apathetic toward me,” which can lead to frustration and hurt.

This emotional disconnect weakens the bond between partners, making it harder to resolve conflicts and share in each other’s lives. If left unaddressed, apathy can slowly erode the foundation of the relationship, creating even bigger challenges.

15 ways to deal with apathy and overcome it

Dealing with apathy requires a proactive and thoughtful approach, whether in your personal life or your relationship. Apathy can make everything feel dull and unimportant, but there are effective ways to overcome it.

Below are 15 strategies to help you understand how to stop being apathetic and start rekindling your energy and connection—whether you’re figuring out how to deal with apathy in a relationship or looking for ways to combat it yourself.

1. Engage in physical activity

Physical activity is one of the most effective ways to break through feelings of apathy.

• Why it works: Exercise boosts dopamine and endorphins, which improve mood and increase energy levels. Physical movement also reduces stress, which often contributes to apathy.
• How to implement it: Start with something manageable—a brisk 20-minute walk in the park, joining a yoga class, or trying a fun dance workout at home. Making it enjoyable will encourage consistency.
• Example: Someone who felt emotionally distant from their partner decided to incorporate daily walks into their routine. This not only improved their mood but gave them time to reconnect with their partner afterward.

2. Set small, achievable goals

When you’re feeling apathetic, setting large goals can feel overwhelming. Start small.

• Why it works: Small goals provide a sense of accomplishment, which boosts motivation and self-esteem. They also help break the cycle of inertia by creating momentum.
• How to implement it: Write down one task you can achieve today—like decluttering a small space, completing a chapter of a book, or calling a friend. Once you complete one small task, it’s easier to tackle others.
• Example: Setting the goal of cleaning just one part of their home each day helped someone struggling with apathy to feel more in control of their surroundings, which ultimately improved their mood.

3. Prioritize self-care

Self-care might feel like a luxury when dealing with apathy, but it’s essential.

• Why it works: Taking time for self-care recharges your mental and emotional batteries, reducing stress and promoting a more positive outlook. It reminds you that your well-being is important.
• How to implement it: Schedule time for activities that soothe and nourish you—whether it’s 10 minutes of meditation, a relaxing bath, or reading a book you love.
• Example: A person struggling with an overwhelming schedule realized that setting aside 15 minutes for self-care daily helped them feel more centered and less detached from their partner.

4. Open up communication

Apathy often comes from a lack of communication, especially in relationships.

• Why it works: Communication helps break emotional barriers and reconnect partners. It promotes understanding and ensures that both individuals feel heard and valued.
• How to implement it: Schedule regular check-ins where you can talk openly about your feelings without interruptions or distractions. Use “I feel” statements to express your emotions without placing blame.
• Example: A couple that had grown distant started having honest weekly conversations. This allowed them to address unspoken concerns and rebuild emotional closeness over time.

5. Break routines and try something new

Routines can be comforting, but they can also become monotonous.

• Why it works: Trying new activities stimulates your brain, bringing excitement and enthusiasm back into your life. Breaking monotony encourages creativity and helps combat feelings of boredom or detachment.
• How to implement it: Choose one new activity to try, such as signing up for a new class, visiting a different restaurant, or even taking a day trip to a nearby town.
• Example: After weeks of feeling disengaged, a couple tried cooking a new recipe together. The novelty sparked laughter and gave them a chance to bond in a fresh, enjoyable way.

6. Reflect on personal values and goals

Taking time to reflect on your core values can help you realign with your purpose.

• Why it works: When you feel disconnected from your values, life can feel aimless. Reflecting on what matters most to you helps you refocus and regain a sense of direction.
• How to implement it: Spend time journaling or meditating on your core values. Consider how your current actions align with those values and identify any areas where change is needed.
• Example: Someone feeling lost in their relationship took time to journal about what they valued in love and life. This reflection helped them understand the changes needed to reconnect with their partner.

7. Rebuild emotional connection with your partner

Reigniting emotional intimacy can help address apathy in a relationship.

• Why it works: Emotional intimacy breeds trust, closeness, and understanding, which are vital to overcoming apathy in marriage or long-term relationships.
• How to implement it: Start with small gestures of affection—compliments, thoughtful notes, or simply holding hands. Plan meaningful time together, such as a date night or shared activity.
• Example: Someone who realized they were emotionally distant began leaving little notes for their partner, which helped them rekindle the emotional closeness that had been missing.

8. Practice gratitude

Focusing on the positive aspects of your life can help you understand how to combat apathy.

• Why it works: Gratitude shifts your focus from what’s lacking to what you already have, enabling positive feelings and reducing detachment. It helps build appreciation for the people and experiences in your life.
• How to implement it: Each day, write down three things you’re grateful for, no matter how small. This could include simple things like a sunny day, a kind gesture, or a good conversation.
• Example: Starting a daily gratitude practice helped someone feeling apathetic about their relationship appreciate the small acts of kindness their partner showed every day.

9. Seek professional help if needed

Sometimes, apathy is linked to deeper emotional or psychological issues that need expert support.

• Why it works: A therapist can help you explore the root causes of apathy and offer guidance on how to move forward, especially if it’s affecting your relationships or overall well-being.
• How to implement it: Reach out to a therapist or counselor, whether individually or with your partner. Look for professionals who specialize in relationships or apathy-related concerns.
• Example: After feeling overwhelmed with apathy, someone sought therapy to address underlying emotional issues, which led to significant improvement in their personal and relationship satisfaction.

10. Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness can help you reconnect with the present moment and break the cycle of detachment.

• Why it works: Mindfulness encourages presence, reducing distractions and promoting a greater appreciation for the moment. It helps combat feelings of numbness or disconnection.
• How to implement it: Start by practicing mindful breathing for 5-10 minutes a day. Pay attention to your surroundings and sensations during everyday activities, like eating or walking.
• Example: Someone who felt disconnected from their daily life started practicing mindfulness during their morning routine, which helped them feel more grounded and engaged.

11. Engage in activities you used to enjoy

Reintroducing past hobbies can reignite your passion and energy.

• Why it works: Revisiting activities that once brought joy can rekindle excitement and motivation. It helps break the cycle of detachment by reminding you of what used to inspire you.
• How to implement it: Think about hobbies or interests you once loved—reading, painting, playing an instrument, or hiking—and gradually reintroduce them into your routine.
• Example: Someone who had lost touch with their creative side began painting again, which helped them rediscover a sense of fulfillment and reduce feelings of apathy.

12. Volunteer or help others

Helping others can create a sense of purpose and lift your spirits.

• Why it works: Volunteering boosts well-being by providing a sense of purpose and connection. It reminds you that your actions matter and that you can make a difference in others’ lives.
• How to implement it: Look for a cause that resonates with you—whether it’s helping at a local shelter, tutoring kids, or organizing community events.
• Example: Someone struggling with apathy found purpose by volunteering at a community food bank, which helped them feel more connected and energized.

13. Address underlying issues in the relationship

Unresolved conflict or dissatisfaction can contribute to apathy in relationships.

• Why it works: Tackling underlying issues head-on helps restore connection and trust, reducing feelings of detachment. Openly addressing problems allows for healing and growth.
• How to implement it: Have a heart-to-heart discussion with your partner about any unresolved issues or frustrations. If needed, seek professional help to guide these conversations.
• Example: After identifying unspoken frustrations, a couple began working through their differences, which helped them reconnect emotionally and reduce apathy.

14. Limit screen time and social media

Too much screen time can contribute to disconnection and isolation.

• Why it works: Constant exposure to screens can detach you from real-life experiences and interactions, leading to feelings of apathy. Limiting screen time helps you stay present and engaged in your surroundings.
• How to implement it: Set daily limits on screen time, especially during meals or quality time with loved ones. Use the time to focus on face-to-face interactions or personal activities.
• Example: Someone noticed that reducing their nightly social media use helped them feel more connected with their partner and less distracted by outside influences.

Watch this video where Ayren Nelson explains how apathy works as a relationship killer:

15. Reconnect with your partner through shared goals

Working towards shared goals helps promote teamwork and purpose in relationships.

• Why it works: Having common goals creates a sense of purpose and togetherness, which can help reignite passion and reduce feelings of apathy. Whether it’s planning a trip, starting a project together, or working on a personal goal, shared efforts strengthen your bond.
• How to implement it: Sit down with your partner and discuss what goals you’d like to achieve as a team. It could be something as small as cooking a new recipe together every week or working towards a bigger dream, like saving for a house or learning a new skill.
• Example: A couple who felt disconnected decided to start planning small weekend getaways together. This shared activity gave them something exciting to look forward to and helped rekindle their sense of partnership.

In a nutshell

Overcoming apathy can be tough, but it’s absolutely possible with patience and small, intentional steps! Whether you’re struggling with your own sense of detachment or wondering how to deal with apathy in a relationship, remember that apathy doesn’t have to last forever.

As licensed professional counselor Dr. Kimberly VanBuren says:

Relationships require regular active engagement. Although life can get in the way sometimes, it’s your responsibility to prevent it from creating seeds of apathy, thus allowing your relationship to continue to flourish.

By trying out new activities, opening up communication, or even just taking a small step toward shared goals, you can begin to feel reconnected. It’s about starting small… taking things one day at a time.

Over time, these little efforts build up, helping you rediscover motivation, joy, and closeness that may have felt distant. You’re not alone in this!