How to Handle Having a Crush on Someone Who Is in a Relationship

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The heart has a way of leading us into uncharted territory, igniting feelings and emotions we may not always expect or desire. One such territory is finding ourselves developing a crush on someone who is already in a committed relationship. 

It is a situation that can be fraught with inner conflict, ethical considerations, and emotional turmoil for all parties involved. 

In this article, we seek to provide guidance and support on how to navigate this complex terrain with empathy, respect, and self-awareness. Acknowledging and accepting our feelings of attraction towards someone in a relationship is the first step towards understanding and addressing the situation. 

We recognize that these emotions can be intense, confusing, and sometimes even guilt-inducing. It is crucial to approach this topic with compassion, recognizing that the heart’s desires can be unpredictable and difficult to control.

Having a crush on someone who is in a relationship can be tough. So, in this article, we will explore strategies that can help manage these emotions in a healthy and respectful manner. 

Our goal is not to encourage or justify pursuing a relationship with someone who is already committed but to empower individuals to analyze their own feelings, work through their emotions, and find a path towards personal growth and a more fulfilling life.

How does it feel when you like someone who is in a relationship?

It’s not a crime to like someone in a relationship with another person. 

There are some ways you will feel if you like a girl who has a boyfriend or a boy who has a girlfriend, and it is normal. Here are some key emotions you may experience:

• Regular thoughts

When you find yourself attracted to someone who is already in a relationship, it can be a tumultuous and conflicting experience. Emotions in such situations often blend curiosity, attraction, guilt, and frustration.

• Jealousy

As perceived by many people, jealousy is not a bad emotion. Instead, it is natural. It is normal for you to feel jealous if you have a crush on someone in a relationship. You will crave their attention, love, and care, but they only remain as fantasies.

• Euphoria

You feel giddy anytime you see or think of your crush. 

You can spend the whole day thinking about them, and this is enough to activate the release of dopamine, a brain chemical associated with pleasure.

Is it bad to like someone who has a partner?

Liking someone who has a girlfriend or boyfriend is not inherently bad, as emotions and attractions are largely beyond our control. However, it’s essential to recognize the complexity of such situations and navigate them with integrity and empathy. 

What matters most is how you handle these feelings and the actions you take. It becomes problematic when you act on your feelings in a way that disrespects the boundaries of the person in the existing relationship or jeopardizes that relationship’s well-being. 

Engaging in romantic or flirtatious behavior with someone who is committed to another person can lead to emotional pain, betrayal, and moral dilemmas.

It’s important to exercise self-awareness and ethical judgment when dealing with a crush that may be deemed appropriate by some. Respect the existing relationship and the autonomy of the person you’re attracted to. 

Licensed Mental Health Counselor Kristen K. Scarlett sheds some light on the situation when she states,

Developing a crush for someone is a completely normal (and generally harmless) part of life and it can even spice up your relationship if you’re in one. Just remember that it’s your actions that can be damaging, so first acknowledge your feelings then refocus your thoughts, to avoid your emotions from taking over.

If the feelings persist and cause distress, it may be a sign to reevaluate your involvement in their life and seek ways to protect the well-being of all parties involved.

If you are wondering what to do if your crush has a girlfriend or boyfriend, you can tell them your intentions without forcing it on them. If there is a place for you in their lives, you will be informed. Or, you might choose to keep your feelings to yourself to avoid creating a problem. 

15 tips if you are crushing on someone in a relationship

Most times, we don’t choose who we fall in love with. If you are having a crush on someone who is in a relationship, it is more painful because you feel you could have them for yourself. 

Are you thinking of how to stop having a crush on someone? Perhaps you are wondering what to do if your crush has a partner. 

Here are some pieces of advice to help you tread this complicated path:

1. Know exactly how you got to this stage

You need to brood about how you got to this stage. Ask yourself what you identified in the person that stirred up those feelings. You have to be sure of what inspired those feelings so that you can salvage your emotional health.

It’s also vital to know if it is worth having feelings or better to stop crushing on someone.

2. Be sure about your personal goals

Before your crush came into the picture, have you penned down your relationship goals? It is normal to have a crush, but do they fit into your personal goals? If you feel they don’t, there is no need to keep crushing on them.

You have to put yourself first and ensure you are okay before considering anyone. Hence, be clear about your goals in life before deciding if your crush is worth it.

3. Be realistic

The normal thing to do when you have a crush on someone is to study them a bit. They might have some behaviors you are not comfortable with. But because you have a crush on them, you overlook them. 

At this point, you have to be sure that you can cope with them if you become partners.

Everyone has red flags; therefore, you need to pick your preferred poison.

4. Remember karma

Ask yourself this question, “What would I do if my crush is dating someone?” 

The answer determines if you will keep thinking your crush would probably accept your demands. You have to remember that karma is real, and you will not be comfortable with it if your partner likes someone else.

It would be a good idea to abort the mission since you know what goes around comes around.

5. Learn to settle for the best

You need to be selfish with yourself sometimes. One thing that should keep you going is you deserve the best and nothing less. The truth is you cannot be happy sharing your crush with someone else. 

Settling for the best means having someone you love for yourself. If you keep on hoping your crush will leave their partner and settle for you, it might never happen. It is best to move on and find someone who is single.

6. Don’t nurse your feelings for a long time

Not everyone ends up with their crush, especially if they are taken by someone else. This results in a series of painful emotional moments because you have nursed those feelings for a long time. To avoid this, get over the person and move on with your life.

Once you are sure that you can’t end up with your crush, forget about them as a romantic partner or just remain friends with them.

7. Discuss with them

If you are crushing on someone in a relationship, you can discuss it with them. Your crush might appreciate your sincerity and decide to remain good friends with you. If they don’t take it the right way, don’t beat yourself over it. Move on!

8. Do not obsess over your crush

Having a crush is harmless, but it becomes unhealthy when you are obsessed with them. Don’t let the pain of being unable to have them be your focus in life. It is normal to like them, but you will be on the losing end if you are obsessed with them.

To avoid being obsessed, focus on other activities that make you happy and create pleasant memories for yourself.

9. Don’t stalk them

Some people make the mistake of stalking their crush online and in reality. This is very wrong because you are not respecting their privacy. If your crush realizes you are stalking them, they could develop ill feelings towards you, which worsens the case.

It is fine to be friends with them on social media, but don’t be all over their posts. If you can’t handle it, then unfollow them so that you will see less of their social media presence. The same applies in reality; try not to be around them all the time.

10. Know that a crush is a temporary feeling

A crush should not last for a long time. So, assure yourself that you will soon get over it. No matter how it hurts, know that your feelings cannot last forever.

11. Seek emotional support

Are you wondering what to do when your crush is dating someone else? 

Talking to a trusted friend or a therapist is a crucial step. Sharing your feelings with someone who can listen without judgment can provide emotional relief. They can offer advice, a different perspective, or simply a compassionate ear. This support can help you process your emotions, making it easier to move on.

12. Focus on self-improvement

Channel your energy into personal growth and self-care. Engaging in activities that enrich your life and well-being can help boost your self-esteem and confidence. By pursuing your passions and goals, you redirect your attention away from your unattainable crush, promoting your own personal development.

13. Limit contact

If possible, reduce interactions with your crush. Creating some emotional distance is essential for gaining perspective and control over your feelings. This doesn’t necessarily mean completely cutting ties but being mindful of how much you engage with them. This will allow you to focus on your own well-being.

14. Explore new connections

Opening yourself up to meeting new people can be incredibly healing. New connections provide opportunities for fresh experiences and relationships. Engaging with individuals who are available and share your interests can help you shift your attention away from your unrequited crush and potentially lead to a more fulfilling relationship.

15. Practice patience

Understand that healing takes time. Feelings of infatuation often subside gradually. Be patient with yourself and trust that, with time, your emotions will naturally evolve. 

While it may hurt now, these feelings are temporary. Focus on other aspects of your life, nurture your well-being, and trust that you’ll find happiness outside of this unattainable crush.

When is the right time to give up on your crush?

Unrequited love can be so painful, especially if your crush is in a relationship and you cannot give them a good reason to leave. Perhaps it’s time for you to let go, but you don’t know how to do so.

Here are three signs that tell you when to give up on a crush:

• They don’t know you exist

If your crush is barely unaware of your existence, you have been deceiving yourself. 

No matter how hard you try to seek their attention, it would be futile. This is a solid sign that they don’t know your presence exists and you’ve only been fantasizing. It would be hard to accept, but you have to move on.

• They give you no attention

If you and your crush know each other and they don’t pay attention to you, it is time to give up. Your crush is most likely creating time for their partner and other important people in their lives. It is likely they don’t even know that you crave their attention.

Since you have no right to demand their full attention, forget about them.

• They don’t appreciate you

You might have done some things for your crush in the past, but they didn’t return the favor. 

If this happens more than once and they don’t show much appreciation, you need to stop those favors and forget about them. 

Watch this video to learn how to show your partner more appreciation: 

Commonly asked questions

Here are the answers to some pressing questions that can guide you if you are having a crush on someone who is in a relationship:

• Why am I crushing on someone who is in a relationship?

It’s common to develop feelings for someone in a relationship because emotions are often beyond our control. Attraction can be triggered by various factors like shared interests, personality compatibility, or simply spending time together. 

Understanding the root of your feelings can help you manage them better and make informed decisions about how to proceed.

• Is it normal to have a crush on someone in a relationship?

Yes, it’s entirely normal to have a crush on someone in a relationship. Attraction is a natural human emotion, and it can occur regardless of someone’s relationship status. 

What matters most is how you handle these feelings, ensuring that you respect the boundaries of the person you’re attracted to and their existing relationship.

• Is it okay to have a crush on someone who has a girlfriend?

Having a crush on someone with a girlfriend is okay as long as you don’t act on it in a way that disrespects their relationship. Feelings are not always within our control, but our actions are. It’s crucial to maintain respect for their commitment and boundaries and prioritize ethical behavior.

• Is it wrong to date someone who is in a relationship?

Dating someone who is already in a relationship is generally considered ethically wrong, as it can lead to emotional pain, betrayal, and complications for all parties involved. It’s essential to respect their commitment to their partner and avoid pursuing romantic involvement that could harm the existing relationship.

• Should I date a man in a relationship?

Dating a man in a relationship is typically not advisable, as it can lead to ethical dilemmas, emotional turmoil, and damage to the existing relationship. 

It’s crucial to prioritize honesty, integrity, and respect for all parties involved. If you are considering this, it’s important to weigh the potential consequences and make a decision that aligns with your values and principles.

Final thoughts

The emotionally charged territory of having a crush on someone who is in a relationship is undeniably challenging. It is important to approach this situation with empathy and understanding, recognizing the complexity of human emotions and the ethical considerations at play.

Throughout this article, we have explored various strategies to help handle these emotions in a responsible and respectful manner. 

It is crucial to remember that acting on these feelings and pursuing a relationship with someone who is already committed is not advisable. Instead, we encourage individuals to focus on personal growth, self-reflection, and finding fulfillment beyond this crush.

Respecting the boundaries of the person in the relationship is vital, as is recognizing the potential consequences and hurt that can arise from pursuing an unavailable partner. Engaging in open and clear communication with oneself and, if appropriate, the person in the relationship can provide clarity and potentially alleviate some of the internal conflicts.

Ultimately, each individual’s journey is unique and will require introspection and self-compassion. By approaching this experience with empathy, respect, and self-awareness, we can work towards personal growth and emotional well-being while also maintaining the integrity of the relationships involved.