17 Signs of Feeling Lonely in a Relationship & Ways to Deal

Loneliness can be a heavy feeling, especially when it shows up in a relationship. You might be sharing your life with someone, yet still feel disconnected… unheard… or even invisible at times.

It’s confusing, isn’t it?

You care deeply about your partner, but something feels off. Maybe the conversations have become fewer, or the time spent together doesn’t feel as meaningful anymore.

Sometimes, the distance between two people grows quietly without either person realizing it. It’s not always about physical space—emotional distance can leave an even bigger gap.

If you are feeling lonely in a relationship, you’re not alone.

What does feeling lonely in a relationship mean?

“Why do I feel lonely in my relationship? I have a partner, but why do I feel alone?”

All of us can feel lonely once in a while, whether we are in a relationship or not. However, one must not confuse being alone with being lonely in a relationship.

Feeling lonely has little to do with whether you have a partner or not. Some people may not feel lonely even when they are not in a romantic relationship, while others may feel lonely even when they are in a long-term relationship.

Coach Silvana Mici highlights,

As a psychologist, I must emphasize that the main reason for feeling lonely often comes from within rather than being entirely caused by others.

So, what does it mean to feel lonely in a relationship?

You don’t feel lonely in a relationship just because your partner isn’t physically around all the time. You feel lonely when you don’t feel heard, valued, or emotionally connected to them.

A person can start feeling lonely when their partner is physically present but is mentally absent. One can start feeling lonely in a relationship when they feel that their presence or absence has little effect on their partner. 

If two people cannot speak to each other about their feelings, fears, and thoughts, they may feel lonely in a relationship. All these feelings of loneliness are valid, and there are so many examples of loneliness in a relationship, depending on the cause of these feelings. 

9 possible causes of loneliness in relationships

Feeling alone in a relationship can be caused by many factors. It’s complicated, and it’s painful. You first have to identify why you are feeling alone in a relationship.

Is your partner the root cause, or is their lack of support that’s leaving you feeling neglected?

Here are the 9 potential causes of feeling lonely in relationships. 

1. Codependency

Codependency happens when one partner is too needy, and the other allows themselves to be abused to fulfill their obligations. It’s okay to support and take care of your partner. However, when it becomes excessive, you will lose your individuality in the process.

For example, you may find yourself always saying “yes” to things you don’t want, or sacrificing your own needs just to keep the peace.

2. Narcissistic/Controlling partner

It’s when one partner uses blackmail, abuse, lies, and even violence to control their partner. One of the top causes of loneliness in marriage is realizing that they married a narcissist. 

There is no true happiness in this type of relationship because no matter what you do or how hard you try, a narcissist won’t love anyone.

For example, they may constantly criticize you, isolate you from friends, or make you feel like nothing you do is ever enough.

3. The negative partner

One partner is pessimistic about everything and resorts to substance abuse as an escape mechanism. They blame the world, their spouse, and everyone else, including the mailman, for their predicament.

Even if you love this person and try your best to help your partner, this can lead to being alone in a relationship.

Your partner is present but is too occupied with their negative thoughts, needs, substance abuse, and so much more. In the end, this can lead to codependency or just the feeling of being alone in your battle.

For example, you might notice that every conversation turns into complaining or that they shut you out when you try to stay positive.

4. Trapped in a loveless relationship

Do you sometimes feel like you are becoming like a robot?

Going through the same dull routine day after day, year after year?

Even if you sleep in the same bed, there’s no meaningful conversation or intimate sex with your partner.

Your relationship may have started exciting. Unfortunately, now, you find that each day has become dull and uninteresting. You don’t share anything in common, and you always get on each other’s nerves. No one initiates open communication, and you don’t even have the same goals in life.

For example, you may sit at dinner together but spend the entire evening in silence or on your phones.

Coach Silvana is quick to point out,

Communication is very important. In a relationship, open communication is the bridge to understanding. Share your feelings of loneliness with your partner, promoting a deeper connection.

Express your feelings of loneliness to your partner in a non-blaming way. Create a safe space for both partners to share their emotions, concerns, and needs.

Anyone would start feeling lonely in a relationship in this case.

5. Loving a cheater 

You think everything is perfect. You have a beautiful house with a white picket fence. You can pay the bills with some leftovers for Doritos and pedicures, but find out that your partner is always out with someone else.

Anyone would start feeling alone in the relationship when their partner is cheating on them. 

What if it wasn’t just a one-time fling?

There can be instances where their partners would cheat over and over again. This act of infidelity brings immeasurable loneliness to their partner. 

It’s easy to imagine being married but lonely if you are in one of those relationships mentioned above. Most people don’t know how to deal with loneliness in such a situation.

For example, you may feel betrayed when they lie about working late but are actually with someone else.

6. Long-distance relationship

A spouse may start feeling lonely in marriage when they are apart for a long time. Long-distance relationships are one of the most common reasons why this happens.

The reality is that being away from your partner can cause psychological effects of living alone.

For example, missing simple everyday things like sharing meals, hugs, or just sitting on the couch together can make the distance feel even bigger.

7. Health problems or issues

Life is full of surprises, and unfortunately, some of these involve health challenges that can bring feelings of loneliness in marriage. This may happen if your spouse is dealing with a chronic illness or recovering from a serious condition.

The extra stress and adjustments in daily life can sometimes make you feel a little more distant from each other.

For example, one partner may take on more responsibilities at home while the other is focused on healing, creating an emotional imbalance.

8. Lack of emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy is the foundation of a strong relationship. When partners stop sharing their innermost thoughts, fears, or feelings, a gap starts to form.

Over time, the lack of emotional connection can make one or both partners feel isolated and misunderstood, even if they’re physically together. This emotional distance can leave one feeling deeply alone in the relationship.

For example, you may talk daily about chores and schedules but never about dreams, worries, or what really matters to you.

9. Unresolved conflict

When conflicts remain unresolved, they can fester and create emotional distance between partners. Whether it’s ongoing disagreements about finances, parenting, or lifestyle choices, not addressing these issues can lead to feelings of frustration and loneliness.

Constant tension and unresolved problems can make it hard to feel close to your partner, leaving you emotionally isolated.

For example, arguments about money or family that never get resolved can turn into walls between you over time.

Is it normal to feel lonely in a relationship at times?

It’s perfectly normal if you’re feeling lonely in a relationship from time to time. Even in the most loving partnerships, there are moments when you may feel disconnected… perhaps life gets busy, or you’re both going through different personal struggles.

It’s okay! Relationships aren’t always full of constant closeness. Sometimes, you need to experience these quiet moments to realize what’s missing. What’s important is that you and your partner acknowledge these feelings and take steps to reconnect.

Loneliness doesn’t mean something is wrong with the relationship; it’s simply a reminder that relationships require attention and effort to thrive.

17 signs of loneliness in a relationship that you need to know

Loneliness in a relationship can be subtle, creeping in even when you’re physically together.

Recognizing the signs can help you understand what’s missing and address the emotional distance between you and your partner. Here are 17 signs to watch for if you’re feeling disconnected.

1. You don’t long for each other anymore

Do you still remember when your partner went out for a couple of hours, and you already wanted to call them?

When you see each other, it’s like you haven’t seen each other in months!  It sounds too cheesy, but when you’re in love, that’s how it is.

Now, that feeling has faded away. You don’t feel that intense excitement and desire to kiss each other. It makes you feel alone and lonely.

Here’s what it might look like:

• You don’t feel excited when they walk through the door anymore.
• Hugs and kisses feel more like routine gestures than genuine affection.
• Days go by without missing them or noticing their absence.

2. You don’t see each other often

What is loneliness in a relationship? 

It’s when you’re married or living together, yet you seem alone in your home. You don’t see each other that often. You’re too busy, or one of you would go home very late, and the other leaves early.

Here’s what it might look like:

• You rarely share meals or evenings together.
• Weekends are spent catching up on chores instead of connecting.
• Your schedules feel completely mismatched, like you live parallel lives.

3. You no longer have deep conversations

One of the signs of loneliness in a relationship is when you can’t even talk to your partner.  Before, you could talk for hours, and you could talk about anything under the sun. Those were the days when you understood everything about each other. 

Now, you can’t even remember the last time you sat down and talked. There’s always a reason not to talk, leaving you feeling sad and lonely.

Here’s what it might look like:

• Conversations are limited to chores, bills, or surface-level updates.
• You feel nervous or hesitant to share what’s really on your mind.
• Important talks are always postponed and never happen.

4. Both of you would rather commit to other plans 

When the two of you are busy, you start to live different lives. When you don’t make an effort to bond like before, chances are, you’ll feel lonely. Soon, you might notice that you would choose to commit to other plans, like going out with friends rather than staying home.

Here’s what it might look like:

• You’d rather work late or go out than spend time together.
• Plans with friends take priority over couple time.
• The idea of being alone together feels dull instead of exciting.

5. You feel the coldness in your relationship

Have you ever felt that you try to become close to your partner, but this person doesn’t reciprocate? 

You may spend the weekend together, but you feel something different. You’re unsure what it is, but the warmth has gone away from your relationship.

Here’s what it might look like:

• Your partner avoids cuddling, holding hands, or showing affection.
• Silence fills the room even when you’re together.
• Attempts at closeness are brushed off or ignored.

6. You don’t feel that your partner wants you

This feeling is common for couples experiencing abuse or codependency. 

You start feeling that your partner doesn’t want you, but only needs you. 

There’s a huge difference between feeling loved and being in a relationship because it’s convenient for the other person.

Here’s what it might look like:

• They ask for favors but don’t offer affection or appreciation.
• You feel more like a roommate or caretaker than a partner.
• You sense obligation but not genuine desire.

7. You don’t make love anymore

Making love and having sex are not the same. Unfortunately, one of the signs of loneliness in a relationship is when you have sex, but you don’t make love.

It’s an empty feeling. You’re just doing it to satisfy carnal desires, but the intimacy and connection are no longer there.

Here’s what it might look like:

• Physical intimacy feels mechanical or one-sided.
• There’s little eye contact or emotional closeness in bed.
• Sex happens less often, or not at all.

8. You start having different interests

After a few years, you may find yourself and your partner starting to drift apart and spending time on your new interests. It’s common for people who are incompatible with each other. You may find yourself wondering how you can stop feeling alone in your relationship.

Here’s what it might look like:

• They get deeply involved in hobbies you don’t share.
• You feel left out when they talk about their passions.
• Weekend plans always involve separate activities.

9. Both of you are more focused on your screen

You’re having dinner, but you’re both busy looking at your phone. 

You’re together every weekend, but you’re busy watching different shows. Soon, it’s Monday again, and you’re off with your busy schedule. There is no time for bonding, communication, and intimacy.

Here’s what it might look like:

• Meals are eaten side by side in silence, phones in hand.
• Even relaxing time is spent scrolling separately.
• Shared moments get replaced with digital distractions.

10. You don’t ask about each other

You want to know how to overcome loneliness in a relationship, but how can you do that when you can’t check on your partner anymore?

You try to ask your partner about their day, but you only get a one-word answer, or maybe no answer at all. It’s like you’re together physically, but that’s it. 

In abusive or codependent relationships, you may start feeling that no one cares about you at all. You’re drained and empty, fulfilling your partner’s desires but not your own.

Here’s what it might look like:

• You no longer feel curious about each other’s daily lives.
• “How was your day?” gets brushed off or skipped entirely.
• Emotional check-ins have disappeared from the routine.

11. Your needs and wants are no longer met

Every couple in a healthy relationship will do their best to meet each other’s needs and wants without sacrificing their own.

When there’s loneliness in a relationship, one or both may no longer meet each other’s wants and needs. We’re talking about food, shelter, safety, intimacy, love, and so much more.

Here’s what it might look like:

• Your love language is ignored or dismissed.
• You feel guilty asking for even small things.
• Practical or emotional needs go unmet for long periods.

12. There’s infidelity and betrayal

When you’re dealing with betrayal and infidelity, who wouldn’t feel alone and lonely? 

How can you deal with the fact that your partner is cheating and betraying you? 

How can you deal with loneliness when you’re the only one trying?

Here’s what it might look like:

• They become secretive with their phone or messages.
• You sense emotional distance but don’t know why.
• Trust feels broken, even if they deny wrongdoing.

13. You may develop isolation 

Another sign of loneliness in a relationship is when you’ve lost hope and start choosing isolation.

You start losing interest in your daily activities and socialization. You start distancing yourself from your family and friends. People dealing with abuse, codependency, and toxic relationships can often succumb to loneliness.

Here’s what it might look like:

• You stop reaching out to friends or family.
• Social invitations no longer excite you.
• You prefer staying in, even when you feel lonely.

14. You notice changes in your eating patterns and health

People who have been too strong can still feel lonely. The signs of loneliness in a relationship can manifest in eating disorders. 

Some people binge eat, and some lose their appetites. Both of these can cause health problems that can also affect daily activities.

Here’s what it might look like:

• Overeating for comfort when you feel ignored.
• Skipping meals because of sadness or stress.
• Health issues show up due to inconsistent habits.

15. You notice changes in your hygiene

Being alone in a relationship can take its toll. Some signs can be shown by not being interested in everything, even themselves. They no longer wish to look good and feel good.

Some people refuse to clean themselves or even look at themselves in the mirror. They would lose the spark and the light that makes them happy.

Here’s what it might look like:

• You stop caring about your appearance.
• Daily grooming feels like a burden.
• You avoid mirrors because you don’t like what you see.

16. You feel misunderstood or unheard

Even when you try to express your thoughts and emotions, your partner may not seem to listen or understand genuinely. Conversations that once flowed effortlessly now feel strained or surface-level, leaving you feeling disconnected.

You might find yourself holding back, unsure whether sharing is worth the effort. This lack of communication can deepen the loneliness, as you no longer feel emotionally supported or understood in your relationship.

Here’s what it might look like:

• You repeat yourself often but feel ignored.
• Conversations feel like talking to a wall.
• Your emotions are dismissed as “overreacting.”

17. You no longer feel supported

Support is a crucial part of any relationship, whether emotional or practical. When loneliness sets in, you might notice that your partner is no longer your source of encouragement or help.

Instead, you may feel that you’re dealing with challenges on your own without the comfort of your partner’s backing. This lack of support can amplify feelings of isolation, making the relationship feel increasingly distant.

Here’s what it might look like:

• They don’t show up for important events in your life.
• You face challenges alone without their comfort.
• Encouragement and motivation are replaced by indifference.

17 ways to cope with loneliness in a relationship

Once you have identified why you have an overwhelming feeling of loneliness, even inside a relationship or marriage, you can either fix it or walk away. There are situations where it’s not advisable to fix things, for example, when you are subjected to physical abuse daily.

If this is the case, please don’t think you can still save the relationship. Walk away or seek help. The effects of loneliness for each person can be different, but there is still hope. 

You can change your situation by addressing the cause. Then, start working on how you can manage loneliness. Take charge and do what you can to stop feeling lonely in a relationship. You can try these coping techniques to learn how to communicate feeling lonely in a relationship.

1. Don’t stop dating your partner

You don’t have to break up. Instead, try to date each other again. You have to try to make time for each other. It may be hard at first, but it’s not impossible. 

The key here is time. You have to have the perfect timing to start doing this again. Both of you also have to make time for each other and, of course, enjoy your time together. 

• Remember: Don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t go perfectly. Small steps count — even a short coffee date, a shared walk, or cooking dinner together can reignite connection. Be consistent, not perfect.

2. Confide all your problems

It’s understandable to feel that it’s hard to start a conversation, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop. Don’t talk about your problems right away, or start the conversation with crying and resentment.

This is one common reason why other couples find “talking” uninteresting. Talk about something that will make both of you smile. Or bring up a topic that can help you unwind. 

• Remember: Start your conversation with a positive and lighter note. Ease into deeper topics once the mood feels safe. You can begin with gratitude, a funny story, or a kind compliment.

3. Practice self-care

When you’re in a relationship and feeling lonely, this is the time when you need to take extra care of yourself. 

Self-care is essential, especially when you’re feeling down and lonely.

Start by exercising, eating healthy home-cooked meals, sleeping 8 hours a day, and doing something that will make you happy. 

• Remember: While your partner can make you happy, you should also learn to be happy on your own. Create a daily self-care ritual, like journaling or stretching. When you nurture yourself, you’ll show up stronger in your relationship.

4. Do chores together

Your partner may do chores, and you might do the same. 

Why not try joining your partner so you can have time together? 

If he’s painting the garage, join him and strike up a conversation. You might start enjoying the things that you’re both doing.

• Remember: Keep everything light. Have fun. Play music, share jokes, or turn chores into teamwork games. It’s less about the task and more about the shared moment.

5. Go on family day trips

Another way to overcome loneliness in a relationship is to try to go out. It would be better to plan a family day trip with your family. Scheduling this might be challenging, but you can make it happen.

• Remember: If your partner doesn’t want to join, still enjoy the reunion or family event. Bring photos back to share or invite them gently next time. Don’t stop living joyfully because they declined once.

6. Talk about your day

You go home, and you notice that you’re both busy with your phone,  Then this is the first habit you need to break.

Initiate a conversation with your partner. Ask about your partner’s day, and then, when it’s your turn, share details about how your day went.

This can be the start of a good conversation.

• Remember: The energy you are showing is contagious. So be bubbly and start being happy. Ask open-ended questions like, “What was the best part of your day?” and listen without distractions.

7. Listen to your partner

When you start opening up with each other, even if you are excited about the fact that you are connecting again, please listen to your partner.

It’s easy to get disappointed if your partner is not paying attention, so don’t make your partner feel this way.

• Remember: If you’re interested and listening, your communication will improve. Put your phone away, maintain eye contact, and repeat back what they’ve said to show you understand.

8. Discuss your future

One cause of loneliness in a person’s relationship is when they feel uncertain about their future. Don’t assume that your partner doesn’t care. 

Maybe your spouse doesn’t know what you need.

There’s a chance that this person doesn’t have a clue about what you want. Feel free to open up and talk about your future. You might be surprised by your partner’s reaction.

• Remember: Your partner can’t read your mind. Your partner wouldn’t know if you’re already expecting something. So talk about it when you need to. Use “I” statements like, “I’d love to plan for…” to avoid sounding demanding.

9. Keep your promises

Even if you feel that you’ve drifted apart, don’t forget about your vows and promises. Not unless you are being abused, whether emotionally or physically, don’t give up that easily. 

Relationships are all about commitment, and when the time comes that you’re facing challenges and you feel lonely, this is the time when you need to try harder. 

• Remember: A little more effort won’t hurt. Follow through on even the smallest commitments, like calling at a certain time. Reliability builds trust and reassures your partner of your dedication.

10. Reminisce about your past

Once you’ve started talking with each other again, you can reminisce about your past.

Sometimes, we forget how deeply in love we are. With these memories, you’ll see that you’ve drifted apart, which can help you realize that both of you should work together.

• Remember: Bring out that old album, print some old photos, and share stories. You could also recreate a first date or watch an old movie you loved — nostalgia has a powerful bonding effect.

11. Try couples therapy

If you feel that you can’t deal with loneliness, it’s time to seek professional help. There may be underlying triggers or issues that need to be addressed so you can work things out again. 

• Remember: You don’t have to be afraid. Your professional therapist can help you work on your relationship without judging you. Prepare by writing down your concerns and goals so sessions are focused and productive.

12. Adopt a pet

Are you tired of all the signs of loneliness in a relationship?

Adopt a pet. You can get a dog, a cat, or a rabbit. Pets can give you so much love and can help you with what you are going through. 

• Remember: Try going to shelters and rescue pets. These animals need your love, and they are willing to give you unconditional love. Caring for a pet together can also create teamwork and daily shared responsibility.

13. Reach out to your friends and family

You don’t have to feel alone.  Sometimes, instead of choosing to distance yourself from the people who love you, it’s better to allow them in. Their presence can lessen the hurt and the loneliness. 

• Remember: Allow the people you trust into your life. They would help you get through your challenges. Schedule regular calls or visits — having support outside your relationship is vital for balance.

14. Develop a new hobby

Instead of focusing on the things that make you sad, try out a new hobby.  Keep yourself busy.

Don’t ever allow loneliness to devour you whole. You are better than that. There can be many ways to keep yourself busy, and getting a new hobby would be fun.

Remember: Our ultimate goal is to reconnect with your partner, but your happiness shouldn’t depend on your partner alone. Try hobbies that excite you personally, like painting or hiking — independence builds confidence.

Related Reading: https://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/couple-hobbies-and-interests/ 

15. Try meditation or yoga

If you feel alone and lonely, make time for yourself. Try yoga and meditate. It can help you relax and be mindful. 

By doing yoga and meditating, you can get in touch with yourself, take care of yourself, and practice self-compassion.

• Remember: Focus on yourself first. Even 10 minutes of meditation daily can help reset your mood. Explore guided videos or join a class to stay consistent and supported.

16. Create new experiences together

Sometimes, the routine of daily life can contribute to feelings of loneliness. Break the monotony by planning new activities or experiences together, such as trying a new hobby, traveling to a new place, or even taking a cooking class.

Shared experiences can help reignite the connection and bring you closer.

• Remember: It’s not about what you do, but the quality time spent together. Plan something simple, like cooking a new recipe or visiting a new café. Fresh experiences create shared memories to look back on.

Watch this TEDx Talk where Katie Hood talks about the difference between healthy and unhealthy love:

17. Set realistic expectations

Unrealistic expectations in a relationship can sometimes lead to disappointment and loneliness. Reflect on what you truly need from your partner and communicate openly about what is realistic for both of you.

By setting clear, manageable expectations, you can reduce feelings of frustration and isolation.

• Remember: Being honest with yourself and your partner can make a huge difference. Ask yourself what truly matters most, and clearly communicate it. Accept imperfections while focusing on steady progress together.

The choice to reconnect

Loneliness in love can sneak up quietly, leaving you wondering, “What happened to us?”

The truth is, every couple goes through phases of disconnection, and that doesn’t mean all is lost. Recognizing the signs is the first step, but what matters is how you choose to respond.

Coach Mici concludes by stating,

Addressing loneliness in a relationship requires a commitment to open communication, shared experiences, and, if needed, seeking professional help.

By encouraging a deeper emotional connection and understanding each other’s needs, couples can work together to overcome feelings of loneliness and build a stronger, more satisfying relationship.

Will you reach out, open up, and try again?

Or will you gently admit it’s time to walk away?

Whatever the answer, remember that you’re not alone in feeling lonely in a relationship; with patience, honesty, and care, healing is possible.