Combating an Autopilot Marriage: 10 Ways

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When people get married to each other, the first few weeks or months are usually filled with lovey-dovey and affectionate moments. However, the true test of the marriage’s strength shows when they face different life issues.

If they remain committed to each other and the union, they can keep steering the relationship in the right direction. However, the marriage will be left unhandled if they reduce their intentionality and commitment. In this piece, you will learn the signs of marriage autopilot and how to combat it.

What does autopilot in a marriage mean?

When people ask questions like what marriage is on autopilot, it means when two couples in a marital union no longer show the necessary commitment like before. They might remain married, but they don’t put in the effort to make their marriage work intentionally. 

Also, they are less concerned about moving the marriage on the right path because they are more focused on their individual lives.

Is your marriage on autopilot or not?

If you are concerned about your marriage being on autopilot or not, you can know by asking yourself deep down if you still care about the union. Also, if you notice that you and your partner take some important things in your marriage for granted, your union might be on autopilot. It means that both of you have reduced efforts in the marriage to make it work.

When a marriage is on autopilot, it is most likely unstable. Here’s a book on Marital Instability by Joseph Verofe and other authors. 

Signs a marriage is on autopilot mode

You might already suspect that your marriage is in autopilot mode. Here are some of the signs to check out concerning marriage autopilot

1. Any of the partners feel the marriage is one-sided

When someone feels this way in a marriage, they are most likely putting their best efforts into making the union work while the other party feels less concerned. Similarly, they might feel they are taken for granted because the partner might become intentional when they need something from them.

2. Both spouses are busy creating quality time

Another way to know the signs of marriage autopilot is when both couples fail to create enough time to spend together. You will hear different excuses about being busy and not having time for each other. They will prioritize other aspects of their life and leave the marriage to suffer.

3. Physical intimacy reduces

When physical intimacy is no longer dominant in a marriage, the marriage might be on autopilot. Noting enough physical intimacy means that both parties are likely burnt out and no longer see the need to bond with each other.

4. Little or no minimal appreciation

Another way to know when a marriage is on autopilot is when both parties do not appreciate each other like before. When they do things for each other, they don’t see a reason to say thank you because they take it for granted.

10 ways to combat an autopilot marriage

When a marriage is on autopilot, it means that both partners have no intentionality. They are not bothered about the union’s health, as they focus on themselves.

Here are some ways to combat a marriage autopilot

1. Prioritize your union

If you and your partner are living on autopilot in your marriage, both of you are probably not intentional about the union. Instead, you may focus on other aspects of your life, leaving your marriage unattended.

This is when you need to go back to the drawing table and think about why you got married to your partner. Sometimes, one of the best ways to prioritize your union is to do some retrospection.

2. Switch-up your routines

You might have your marriage on autopilot because your routines are too rigid. Now is the time to change your schedule to have more time for your marriage. You can begin by creating ample time to spend with your partner.

Most married couples think their schedules will clear up one day, and they will have time for each other. But, unfortunately, it rarely happens because more things would be added to your schedules that will take your time.

Some of the things you can put in place to change your schedule is by planning hangout or date nights for you and your partner, going on a vacation, etc.

3. Keep the lines of communication happen

Another way to prevent marriage autopilot is by keeping communication lines open. It is important to ensure you don’t assume what your partner is not thinking. Instead, ask them to gain more clarity.

One of the reasons why some partners don’t pay more attention to each other is that they don’t see any reason to communicate.

When you keep communicating with your partner, you can tell how they view the present state of the marriage. This will help you set structures to make the union work again and provide healthy changes to your marriage dynamics.

4. Do things together

When you face marriage issues, your union is likely on autopilot. One of the ways to combat this when you notice the signs of marriage on autopilot mode is to start doing things together. When you begin doing different activities with your partner, it will help the two of you bond better.

You don’t have to like some of the activities; the goal is to spend more time with your partner and understand more about them. When you do this, your partner is likely to reciprocate. Doing things together as a couple helps to reduce marriage autopilot.

5. Learn to forgive quickly

Forgiving quickly is a profound way to solve marriage autopilot. When couples offend each other, they don’t forgive easily because they hold on to grudges. Some will wait for the other party to apologize before they get on good terms.

In cases where they don’t tell each other sorry, the marriage can be on autopilot as no one will be ready to talk to the other person. Therefore, they can continue their lives like they don’t care about the relationship.

It is important to forgive and talk things out with your partner for your marriage to progress and remain healthy.

6. Don’t attempt to control your partner

One of the reasons why marriage autopilot occurs is that some partners try to control their spouses. Partners need to respect each other equally and not try to enforce their will or desires.

It starts with not trying to monitor your partner’s activities when you are not physically present with them. Additionally, collaborating with them is sometimes better than forcing your decisions down their throat.

Also, give your partner enough freedom to do what they want, and they can always seek your consent when needed.

Watch this video on how not to be controlling in your relationship: 

7. Respect your partner

When you face marriage issues, like when your union is on autopilot, one of the measures to put in place is to revisit the concept of honor and respect. Remember those times when your respect for your partner was without question?

Look at what changed between then and now, and try to make the necessary corrections. Then, when you respect your partner, you will learn to accept their differences, which will help reduce conflicts in the long run.

8. Be committed to your marriage

To prevent marriage autopilot, you need to be committed to your union. If you don’t treat your marriage intentionally, you will do some things that might not be healthy for you and your spouse. 

You should be dedicated to making your marriage work despite unfavorable circumstances each day. When you and your partner infuse a high level of commitment, it becomes easier to take charge of your marriage and prevent it from failing.

9. See the best in your partner

We often see the best in our partner at the beginning of a relationship, ignoring some of their faults. However, as time goes by, we begin to find it hard to tolerate some of their excesses. 

This habit can cause marriage autopilot because you might focus on your partner’s shortcomings. Instead, you need to remember that your partner has positive sides that initially made you fall in love with them.

10. See a therapist

Talking to someone about this will go a long way in restoring an autopilot marriage on track. One of the persons that will provide good counsel is a therapist. They are great at helping you identify root issues for a problem so that you can take the necessary action to restore changes in your marriage.

To learn more about making a marriage last long and remain healthy, check out this research study by Parisa Samadi and other authors. The study is titled The Keys to a good and lasting marriage and highlights some of the important tips to make a union work. 

Takeaway

After reading the signs of marriage autopilot and how to solve this problem, you now know how to take back your marriage. Remember that you cannot save your marriage in one day, but as you consistently apply some of these tips, your union will get back on track. You can take a relationship course or see a therapist for more tips on handling an autopilot marriage.

To learn more about how to combat an autopilot marriage and make your union healthy, check out Maria Fatima’s study titled Happy Marriage. This study focuses on the factors that make a marriage healthy and happy.