10 Signs of Approval-Seeking Behavior & How to Handle It

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Imagine a partner who constantly posts relationship updates on social media, eagerly awaiting likes and comments, or one who frequently seeks reassurance about their worth. These behaviors are common examples of attention-seeking behavior in relationships. 

Individuals may not realize that their actions stem from deeper insecurities or past experiences, leading to a persistent need for validation from their partner. 

This article explores what causes approval-seeking behavior, such as low self-esteem, fear of rejection, and childhood conditioning. 

By identifying these signs, we can better understand how this behavior impacts relationships and, importantly, how to overcome it. Finding a balance between seeking connection and nurturing self-worth is essential for healthier, more fulfilling partnerships.

What is approval-seeking behavior in a relationship?

Approval-seeking behavior in a relationship is when someone constantly needs validation, reassurance, and positive feedback from their partner to feel secure and worthy. 

This can manifest in various ways, such as frequently asking for reassurance (“Do you love me?”), seeking approval for every decision, or being overly concerned with pleasing their partner. 

This behavior often stems from low self-esteem and a lack of self-validation, leading to an unhealthy dependence on external approval. 

While it’s natural to want your partner’s support, excessive approval-seeking can create an imbalance in the relationship and hinder personal growth.   

Why do you seek approval from your partner? 5 causes

We have all sought validation or approval from others at some point. For example, as a teenager, you may need the approval of your parents to do certain things. Also, your child may be seeking your approval. 

However, if, as an adult, you can’t independently decide without seeking validation in relationships, there may be some reasons behind it. Learn about them in the following paragraphs:

1. Fear of rejection

We all fear rejection from others. The fear of rejection is the irrational feeling of not being liked, accepted, or loved by others. People with this feeling are afraid of being socially secluded. 

Also, they fear being alone and struggle with a lack of confidence. They become tired of constantly worrying about what others think of them. The fear of rejection is a sign of social anxiety. A person showing the signs will struggle with low self-esteem, lack of confidence, shame, or guilt.

2. Loneliness

Another cause of attention-seeking behavior in a relationship is loneliness. If you feel unheard or unseen by your partner, you may find yourself seeking approval from others, even when you’ve never shown it.

According to Maggie Martinez, a licensed clinical social worker:

Insecurity, while normal, at high levels can cause anxiety and undue stress in the relationship.

Feeling insecure in a relationship occasionally is entirely normal. Your partner will only sometimes put their 100% effort into the relationship, and this is expected. However, if it happens a lot, you may seek praise, approval, and reassurance from others.

3. Low self-esteem

Low self-esteem is when you don’t have confidence in your self-worth and abilities or don’t believe in yourself. It is associated with anxiety and depression, and results from childhood experience, drama, abuse, upbringing, and culture.

When you can’t see yourself in the best form, you may want to bring back the lost attention by finding solace in the approval from others. In turn, the attention given by others may help reassure you that you are worthy, or it may bolster your value.

4. Childhood experience

Most of our adult behavior has been part of us since we were kids. When a child constantly receives approval from his parents or family, he becomes a self-confident adult. 

They build a strong sense of value, worthiness, and internal validation. That makes it impossible for them to consciously or unconsciously seek them outside. 

These children will be able to validate themselves without any encouragement from others. Sadly, children who receive more criticism and blame grow up with guilt, shame, fear, and anxiety. Consequently, they tried to repair the damage through the constant need for praise and approval.

As Maggie Martinez explains:

Children who grow up with adult figures who do not pay attention to them will seek praise and approval in adulthood.

5. Sense of identity

The way we constantly live changes due to civilization and technology. The internet and the advent of social media have established an urgent need to have a specific identity, even if it’s not real. It’s made us unconsciously crave the need for praise, reassurance, and approval from others. 

When some people don’t get enough of these comments or likes, they become depressed, thinking they aren’t enough.

In other words, it can be easy to lose your identity in the age where social media like TikTok and Instagram set the standard for how we live. Therefore, you may find your identity in others by seeking their validation.

10 signs of attention-seeking behavior in a relationship

There are many signs of attention-seeking behavior. However, the most common ones are highlighted below:

1. Being afraid to say no

One of the first signs of seeking approval is when you are afraid to say no. Do you always say yes to the requests of others even when you aren’t comfortable or when it’s to your detriment? 

If the answer is yes, then you may value the validation of others over your own.  Saying yes when you want to say otherwise can result in depression, frustration, hatred for others, and pent-up anger. 

2. Taking arguments personally

Another noticeable sign pointing to your approval-seeking behavior is when you get overly sensitive in arguments. Disagreements are inevitable in relationships. If someone disagrees with your point of view or something you said, and you find it insulting, you may be seeking to win their approval at all costs. 

It also shows that you think your self-value is low because someone said something contrary to your statement. Instead, you should understand that people have different perspectives, which will reflect how they behave. 

3. Constantly changing your principles

Principles are the basis for our conduct and reasoning. They guide us in behaving and relating with others. Having personal values and principles means you have your way of living – it should be unique and set you apart. 

While some events will prompt you to change your philosophy, they should be for a good cause. For example, if your principle emanates from an old tradition or something not morally acceptable, you may change it. 

However, if you have different values or principles from time to time due to your encounter with people or their way of life, you may be exhibiting a sign of seeking approval from others. 

4. Changing your point of view when disapproved

If someone disagrees with you, how do you react or respond? Do you stand firmly and defend your position or restate your opinions to fit more closely with the other person? In this scenario, you are seeking the approval of others.

There are billions of people in the world. So, everyone can’t agree with your perspective. After all, having different opinions on topics is what makes us humans. You should voice your opinion calmly, firmly, and confidently when you argue. 

Approval seekers often change their opinions based on the person in the discussion because they fear their beliefs are wrong. Therefore, they don’t want to look different or present a conflicting view.

5. Making friends with someone who isn’t on the same page as you

Another sign that shows an approval-seeking attitude is when you force yourself to be friends with someone, especially one who doesn’t respect you. This behavior may be accepted when children display it, but it is not advisable for an adult. 

Furthermore, if you are trying to be friends with someone after falling out, it’s understandable. The relationship may be important to you, and you are certain your self-worth isn’t trampled upon in the process. 

On the other hand, constantly forcing yourself on someone or buying them gifts when they have shown you they don’t want the friendship is demeaning. It’s best to know how to stop attention-seeking behavior.

6. Pretending to know something in a gathering

We’ve all been in a situation where everyone seems to know the latest news or celebrity in town. Sometimes, everyone else at an event will be familiar with a concept or idea that may seem unfamiliar to you. 

Typically, you may wonder if you are doing something right or question your knowledge about the topic. 

Also, you may fear that your lack of a particular skill causes a knowledge gap. If this happens, and you decide to fake it rather than ask for clarification on the subject, you show an approval-seeking personality.

7. You try to be unique

Whether you make an effort or not, you are already a unique person, and so is another person. There is no point in trying too hard to stand out or doing something so others can see you are different. It’s a waste of time and energy. 

The best you can do is to act right and accordingly without seeking the approval of others.

8. You feel the need to prove yourself

Another behavior that shows you live for others is your need to prove your worth or value. In life, you don’t need to announce some things. 

As you live, people observe you, noting what you stand for, your interests, and your dislikes. Whether you use your knowledge against others or overly explain yourself to prove a point, it’s unnecessary.

Maggie Martinez highlights that:

Other people usually pick up on this pattern and can quickly be turned off by this type of behavior in a friend.

9. Avoiding conflicts with everyone

Conflicts are inevitable in every relationship, whether with your friend, family, or romantic partner. They are part of the core of a healthy relationship. If you find disagreements uncomfortable, the best way is to table your perspective, find common ground and resolve it. 

Although there are events when it’s necessary to avoid disputes with some people, at other times, you may need to settle the differences as soon as possible. Avoiding conflicts will only make people step on your toes and take advantage of you. In turn, you will feel more frustrated and depressed.

10. You do things for recognition

Most people like the attention they receive when they do something. If you do something constantly, you want others to see it and praise you. This is a sign of needing constant validation in a relationship. It reeks of low self-esteem. In truth, most people don’t care and want to be entertained.

How to overcome approval-seeking behavior: 6 ways

One of the questions many people ask about this subject matter is how to stop seeking approval. The path to overcoming approval-seeking behavior is a complex one. It involves a conscious effort and intention to win. The following tips can help you eliminate attention-seeking behavior from your life:

1. Know that attention-seeking behavior won’t help 

First, you must understand that seeking approval from others won’t help you. It is not the solution to your fear of “I am not enough.” Or “I need more.” Instead, it will drain you of the energy you need to divert to essential activities in your life.

• Try doing this: Write down three areas in your life where you feel drained by seeking approval, and commit to redirecting that energy towards personal goals for one week.

2. Accept that no one is perfect

When you admire others or do things to get their approval, it’s often because you believe they’re perfect. Unfortunately, no one is perfect in life. We are all full of flaws and weaknesses. 

Instead of striving for perfection to make others like you, you should strive to be better within yourself. You only owe yourself so much. What you need are self-acceptance and self-admiration.

• Try doing this: Make a list of your strengths and accomplishments; refer to it daily to reinforce self-acceptance rather than comparing yourself to others.

3. Get to the root of the attention-seeking behavior

Another tip on how to stop seeking approval from others is to go to the source of the issue. Often attention-seeking behavior starts from a young age. Your experience with your parents, caregivers, and other children your age may affect your self-image and adult life, leading to seeking approval and validation. 

Suppose you have a dismissive parent or one who heavily criticizes you. Perhaps, you had difficulty making friends and became fearful of being rejected in the process. 

Also, if your parents were perfectionists and had high expectations of you, in these instances, you would want to please others, regardless of your ill feelings.

• Try doing this: Reflect on your childhood experiences for 10 minutes each day this week, and journal about how they may influence your current behaviors.

Learn more about criticisms during childhood in this video:

4. Believe in yourself

The road to rediscovery in attention-seeking behavior is to believe in your worthiness. Take pride in your principles, thoughts, feelings, and emotions. They make you stand out from others. Affirm that no one can be you, and embrace the notion.

• Try doing this: Create daily affirmations that celebrate your uniqueness and repeat them each morning to reinforce your self-worth.

5. Confront issues

Running away from issues won’t make them go away. Instead, you should build a tolerance for conflict and argument. Express your opinions clearly and appropriately, even if the other person disagrees. 

Doing this shows you have respect for yourself and others. The fact that the person didn’t accept your perspective doesn’t make you wrong, and vice versa. 

• Try doing this: Practice expressing your opinion on a small matter with a friend or family member this week, focusing on being clear and respectful in your communication.

6. Learn to accept criticism and rejection

You can’t be perfect; not everyone will accept or like your personality. 

In such cases, their disapproval and criticism can help you become a better person. See it as a learning experience rather than resent them.  

• Try doing this: After receiving feedback, take a moment to write down one constructive takeaway and one thing you did well, shifting your perspective from negativity to growth.

5 examples of attention-seeking behavior

Attention-seeking behavior in relationships often stems from insecurities and a desire for validation. While it’s natural to seek affirmation from a partner, certain behaviors can signal a deeper need for attention. 

Here are five examples of attention-seeking behavior that can disrupt emotional harmony and lead to unhealthy dynamics within a relationship.

1. Posting about every relationship milestone on social media

In the age of social media, many individuals feel compelled to share their lives online, often to garner likes and comments as a form of validation. When someone constantly posts about every little milestone—such as anniversaries, romantic dinners, or gifts—they may be seeking external approval rather than cherishing these moments privately with their partner.

• Impact: This behavior can create an unhealthy reliance on social media for validation and may distract from authentic relationship interactions. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy in the partner if they perceive their love isn’t being acknowledged or celebrated as publicly as it should be.

2. Calling or texting your partner excessively

Constantly reaching out to a partner throughout the day, especially when it is unnecessary, is another form of attention-seeking behavior. This might involve sending multiple texts asking for reassurance, “Do you still love me?” or “Are you thinking about me?”

• Impact: Such behaviors can place immense pressure on the partner to constantly affirm their feelings, leading to feelings of frustration or suffocation. It can also divert attention from both individuals focusing on their personal lives or work commitments, creating an imbalance in the relationship.

3. Turning minor disagreements into full-blown arguments

Some individuals might escalate minor disagreements into major conflicts to capture their partner’s attention. This can manifest as overreacting to a small issue, making personal attacks, or dragging out the conversation for an extended period.

• Impact: This tactic may create a cycle of drama where the partner feels obligated to engage, which can lead to emotional exhaustion. It can also create resentment, as the partner may feel manipulated into constantly addressing issues that could have been resolved calmly.

4. Pretending to be helpless in situations

This behavior involves deliberately acting helpless or incapable of handling everyday tasks to elicit care and attention from the partner. For example, someone might exaggerate their struggles with a chore or a decision, expecting their partner to step in and take control.

• Impact: While it may garner immediate attention and sympathy, this behavior can foster dependency, making it difficult for the partner to see the person as capable or independent. Over time, it can diminish the partner’s respect and lead to frustration if they feel they are constantly managing the other’s responsibilities.

5. Bringing up past grievances unnecessarily

Continuously revisiting past issues, even when they have been resolved, is a tactic some people use to re-engage their partner emotionally. For example, someone might often mention a previous argument or hurtful comment during unrelated discussions, effectively rehashing old wounds to draw attention.

• Impact: This behavior can prevent healing and growth in the relationship, as it keeps the focus on past negativity instead of fostering positive, forward-thinking dialogue. It may lead the partner to feel guilty or defensive, further entrenching an unhealthy communication pattern that overshadows the present.

Takeaway

If you or your partner struggles with attention-seeking behavior, take proactive steps towards fostering a healthier relationship. A wife or husband needs constant validation to feel secure, but relying solely on external affirmation can create emotional strain. 

Recognizing the signs of approval-seeking behavior is essential for personal growth and mutual understanding. 

It’s crucial to engage in open communication, set emotional boundaries, and cultivate self-worth. By prioritizing these changes, both partners can break free from unhealthy cycles and build a more resilient connection. 

Remember, a fulfilling relationship is built on mutual respect and understanding rather than constant validation. Embrace the journey of self-discovery and support each other in becoming the best versions of yourselves.