How to Discuss Guardianship With Your Spouse

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If you have to go away for a while, it’s worth broaching the topic of guardianship. This requires a temporary guardianship letter sample — as well as a productive and balanced conversation.

Discussing the guardianship of a child is crucial to ensure their well-being during your absence. Here, we’ll show you how to start this discussion and keep it fair.

Situations where you’ll need guardianship

There are a number of reasons why your spouse might not be able to look after the child.

Does your child have special requirements that only two-parent households could accommodate, for example?

Is your spouse’s work schedule not compatible with the child’s life?

Money might be another major factor. If you can’t look after your child for one reason or another, your spouse might struggle with childcare’s financial requirements.

For example, if you’re going into long-term treatment, you probably won’t be able to work at this time. Does your spouse have enough savings to cover every cost?

Your spouse might still want to look after their child. But this could do more harm than good. You must balance the guardianship question with what’s best for every party. This includes both your child and your spouse.

Understanding “What does guardianship of a child mean?” in these circumstances is essential to making the right decision.

4 ways to discuss guardianship with your spouse

Discussing guardianship with your spouse can be a sensitive topic, but it’s an important conversation to ensure your child’s well-being. Addressing this issue together can help you both make informed decisions that prioritize your family’s needs.

Here are 4 ways to approach this delicate discussion with care and consideration:

1. Starting the conversation

Like any difficult talk, you have to approach this sensitively. Pick a time when you’re both feeling relaxed and there are no distractions.

You may not want to rock the boat in a moment of peace. But this could be the only way to guarantee a level-headed discussion.

Start by talking about the reasons you can’t look after your child. Bring up your concerns about whether your spouse will be able to manage childcare alone.

In all likelihood, the conversation could end with you secure in their ability to care for the child. Understanding “What is guardianship?” can also help clarify your concerns and guide the discussion in the right direction.

Be upfront about your concerns. It might be difficult to bring up finances. But the alternative may be your spouse struggling to fit everything together. Always be respectful — and make sure you practice active listening throughout the conversation.

2. Possible concerns during the discussion

Unfortunately, your spouse might not agree with this. They might be sure about wanting to look after the child themselves, even if this poses a big risk. Here are just a few points you may need to navigate: 

• Your spouse may dispute that they can’t look after the child. They might even have a full plan for balancing everything alone.
• You could disagree on the potential new guardian. Your spouse might even feel offended by your choice over them.
• What is in the child’s best interests? Will they still be near friends and family? Would they need to change schools?
• Similarly, is the child old enough to join the discussion? You should consider asking them for their opinion.
• Your spouse might be unsure about the guardianship form. Make sure you use an online and legally binding template.
• Discuss how long the arrangement is likely to be. If it’s relatively short-term, the spouse might be more open to this.
• If there aren’t any suitable family members, consider a foster family. This may be even more contentious, however.

3. Negotiating the guardian

In these situations, you’ll likely have an idea of who the temporary guardian should be. But your spouse might have their own ideas. It’s always worth hearing out their concerns.

You might even be able to reach a compromise. But only if you’re open to negotiating. You may come to this conversation with a list of key attributes you’d like in a guardian.

Give your spouse a chance to add some of their own. For example, you might want someone who lives by the child’s school. Remember, you don’t have to narrow this down right away.

It’s easy for your choice to look like you’re choosing “sides.” Especially if you pick someone from your family, but you should at least consider a member of your spouse’s family. This would likely help them stay close to their child.

Watch this video where Kevin O’Flaherty, an attorney, explains how courts decide who will be appointed guardian:

4. Your spouse’s parental rights

Remind your spouse that they’re still the child’s parent. In most arrangements, they’re entitled to see their child whenever they want. They might even be able to arrange temporary joint custody that fits everyone’s schedules.

Research highlight: Research indicates that shared parenting or joint physical custody is increasingly common in Western countries. Despite challenges in empirical analysis due to selection bias and data ambiguity, literature explores its effects on family outcomes.

The guardian usually can’t make the child’s major life decisions. A parent must still consent to a child having significant or experimental surgery, for example. This could help your spouse adjust to the arrangement. They’ll see that they still get to act as a parent.

This could be the root of all their worries. They might simply want to stay a parent. It’s natural for your spouse not to want to lose their child, especially if you have to go away as well.

Final thoughts

Guardianship is always a tricky topic, especially when every side just wants what’s best for each other. Starting this conversation, however, could ensure everyone’s happiness.

Open and healthy discussions will help you and your spouse chart the path ahead with clarity and mutual understanding, paving the way for decisions that honor everyone’s well-being.